An incredible gift was given to me by fate or good friends. I just had the opportunity to play a wonderfully prepared Hamburg Steinway in a marvelous acousic environment in one of the larger churches in Cleveland, Ohio. I'll get to the organ later.
A close friend of a dear friend, someone in my circle, is the janitor of a church. She brought me there, stayed for a few moments, and left. I was alone with pure silence and music, swimming together for what came to be three hours of pure bliss. I have never been so amazed by the power of music. Everything was ok with me and the mistakes. Mistakes turned into new vistas about to be explored and left behind. Mozart and Bach and Cage and Bryan Carney just hangin' out speaking plaintively. I wept like a baby.
After, since I had left my phone in the sanctuary, seven friends and I came back to the church for an impromptu concert. I wasn't nervous or hesitant. I played for another hour and stopped when it seemed appropriate. Although I don't take the words of supportive friends and twist them into licenses and false esteem, I was truly amazed by how much the music touched their hearts. My oldest male companion was in tears. Maybe this was their first exposure to Bach and Brahms. I think it truly was. We need an agent to make the symbols of dead masters into vibrant forms and the vernacular.
The best part is I played two of JS Bach's six little preludes, a few inventions and a full-stop C minor prelude from WTC 1 on a 2500 pipe organ, operated by my truly astounded ***... ...At midnight, nonetheless.
Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that something so simple as levers and sound could give my life such definition and perspective. Not three years ago.
Maybe I am giving myself the license to really admit that I have some talent, am not a ne'er-do-well loser, or something to be belittled. I sure hope so. Maybe I won't be famous or make a living from this thing called music, but I can try to make it something I don't have to keep hidden from others' ears for fear of their dismissal. None of that matters.
This may seem like a silly Livejournal heart-on-his-sleve feel-good-fest. It would have been. I coulnd't decide. Sorry.
Thanks for listening. Effort pays off, when I least expect it. I hope it isn't hidden forever, for you.
nil volentibus arduum
Do it for Fux' sake.