I'm looking at this again. I do not see this as a goal in useful form. What do you do in particular to "be able to play the pieces you like"? How specifically do you work toward that? In what way can taking lessons help? What does this entail? A goal is something you work toward by doing that.

You can turn this around: Are you currently able to play the pieces you like? Why not? What do you need to be able to do so? From here you might start being able to find actual useful goals.

"Enjoy playing". In what manner is this a goal? How do you reach a goal of enjoying playing?

Whether it is this teacher or another one: you have identified three things - performing in recitals, reading music, counting out loud. Does your teacher have a purpose for these recitals? This is the only one that I might possibly eschew if you have on wish to ever perform in front of anyone.

Reading music: If you felt you were able to pick up this skill, might this actually be worth your while? Do you want to learn this on your own? Is it the manner in which you are being made to learn it that is the problem, or this skill by itself (not interested)?

Counting while playing: In all honesty, how is your timing? If you are not counting, do you believe that you have good timing and rhythm? If not, are you satisfied with that?

What do you need in order to be able to enjoy playing music? What do you need in order to play the kind of music that you enjoy? In what way can lessons help you acquire what you need?

Thanks for all of your help and opinions again, including the digital piano solution. Well…I do have both digital and acoustic piano at home, so I guess it’s not an issue here. lol

Also, I would like to clarify on some things. We pick pieces from RCM materials that I like or pieces that teacher would want me to practise on some of the techniques. I didn’t go through the exams. I am not working toward the certification. We just decided together that we were going to use RCM materials for my lessons 1.5 years ago.

Yes, I can play the pieces I learned and I enjoy playing them. Sometimes I just repeatedly play them at home and enjoy and relax myself by playing them repeatedly. I play all of them by memory though. I want to continue to learn more pieces I like and continue to enjoy playing. I am not sure if it's a clear enough goal in a useful form.

Taking lessons will help me in learning new pieces, will it not? I suppose I can probably learn a new piece by myself. However, I still wish to have a professional to tell me to do this and that to make the piece sound beautiful. Actually, I enjoy working on dynamics with my teacher a lot. I think she does too. She is a very talented musician. She has taught me a lot in dynamics. Once I had everything memorized, the lessons were just like breeze. Both of us were content. I think it's because I can catch this part quickly.


She told me 1.5 years ago when I first started taking lessons from her. All her students must attend recitals. If I didn’t want to be part of it, then find another teacher. Therefore, I had attended recitals three times already. Regardless how panic and how stressed out I was, I still prepared and attended each one of them. I was just not too happy about I was blamed on not doing a good job on this recent one. I for sure screwed up my piece again this time. There’s no doubt about it. I felt bad that I didn’t do a good job. I wanted to do a good job too. I didn’t screw it up on purpose. I just couldn’t help myself to get anxious. My mind just went completely blank and forgot about whatever she said that I should pay attention to. Apparently, there’s a disagreement on it as well. I am 30, a full-grown adult, should be able to control myself better than a 5-year-old.

I play piano to entertain myself, not anybody else. My goal is not to become a performer to play music in front of strangers. I played my pieces well when I was home even if in front of lots of other people. That’s good enough for me.


I totally agree that sight-reading and timing and rhythm are very important. I didn’t mean that I don’t want to learn them. However, I wish I could learn them at a slower pace according to my current level and ability. Obviously, my teacher and I can’t agree with each other on “my current level and ability.” My teacher wants me to push myself to play any new piece both hands with both notes and rhythm correct, with dynamics and count out loud. (I can start at a very slow tempo.) She thinks I can and I need to push myself through, but I think I can’t. I prefer to get familiar with the notes first and then work on rhythm by using a rhythm timer, not counting out loud. For some reason, speaking out loud while I am playing is just screwing my mind. I found it’s extremely difficult for me to do. I think I do need somebody to guide me and show me the best effective way to improve sight-reading and rhythm. (however, at the pace or the way I don't feel so struggled and frustrated.)

I honestly don't think she has any bad intention when being harsh on me. Yeah, sometimes I do feel shamed or humiliated. That's why I finally asked myself, do I really need it?

There are indeed lots of great comments here. Sorry I was't able to reply to each single one of them. Your opinions are appreciated very much.

I haven't made the final decision yet. I am still deciding if I should try again to ask her to be more laid back on me. I don't mind taking baby steps. I don't care if I only learn one piece a year. I am not taking any piano exam or joining any competition anyway. (Not that I am only going to make just enough effort to learn only one piece a year. I'll of course do what I can.) However, I don't think she will take it. I feel she is the kind of teacher who wants her students to do things her way. She often fires her students.

:)