Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Adult Beginners Forum Feeling lost, inadequate and down.

"As is" is all we have at the present moment and we have to put a lot of effort to having gotten to this musical place we are in at the moment.

We created it and we earned it.

If we aspire for more, the path continues.

If we are happy for the moment, good, because we deserve being happy in our music.

Talk to yourself about your deeper values and what brings you joy - if music is any part of your joy, it is up to you to be on the path continuing the journey. We don't always know what the next step is, but we can be attentive to opportunity.

When we get sad, or bored, or lost we have to make some kind of a change in our inner life and our outer life that changes the balance from getting sadder, more bored, more lost to coming back to a middle place of acceptance and tolerance for who we are as people. Then the ascent to more pleasure and more endeavor and new optimism creates the potential for us that we are seeking.

Be careful of what you want, because with time and effort, you will get it! "It" can be "woe" or it's opposite "wow!"

You are what you think.

Shey, everybody goes through this...I am not trying to diminish your pain, but it is human nature to look at ourselves and not see progress, and look at people who are better players than us and think that that person does not undergo struggle and difficulty.

I have a list that, at the appropriate time, I read/ask my students. It is what many people feel about their progress when it is not what they expect.

It goes something like this:

1. I am making very slow progress, much slower than everyone else.

2. Just about everybody is more talented than I.

3. The people who are good players are very talented, and do not have to work hard to play well.

4. etc, etc, etc.

Because we have tunnel vision as to our progress, we often think these thoughts, which, if acted upon, can derail us.

Here are a few thoughts:

Playing the piano well is a difficult thing to do. If it were easy, everybody would do it.

Your ability will increase as you work at it, but it will NOT increase in a linear fashion. What I mean by that is that, if you put a dollar in a jar every day, at the end of the week you have seven dollars.

But If you practice an hour each day, at the end of the week, you may not notice much. However, because the way the brain learns, you have learned something, and that will manifest as growth in its due time.

That is one reason why, for many people, growth often comes in spurts.

As long as you keep pressing on, you will become better. Stopping will not make you better, even though you may need to stop for a while to realize that, as a musician, you have to play.
The music has to come out.

Sorry that this is kind of rambling, but this is part of what I try to tell my students to encourage them when they come to the rocky parts of the journey.

We all (including me) have had those rocks, and will continue to pass over them from time to time.

I get stupidly discouraged because the music I want to be able to play is stuff like Jefferson Airplane and Fleetwood Mac...

In terms of the guitar (which I also wish I could play but it's just so difficult for me I've never even really tried. It kills my fingers so much and blatant physical pain puts me off), I'd want to play like Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac or Frank Zappa or George Harrison...but as if that's gonna ever happen, so I get discouraged and think why bother!?

Hey, if you want to feel better about yourself you ought to listen to me attempting "What can I share" on page 42

And if I want to remember how good I am, I let the dog have a go

Shey,

I went thru several iterations of this with guitar, until I stopped comparing myself to others.

If it is any consolation, I have been playing piano for ~2.5 years, and at this point I have ZERO pieces in my repertoire (at ine point I had 1.5!!), and I haven’t even finished Alfred’s Level 1 book. But I still enjoy playing and look forward to practicing.

As much as I hate to say it, if it is really bringing down that much, maybe you should take a break and return with a fresh mind and a clean slate.

But it is obvious by all the replies, you have the support of many ABF’ers!!

Hang in the buddy!!

Shey, try to have a repertoire piece that you enjoy and can consistently play well, something that makes you smile every time you play it just because you CAN play it. It doesn't matter how simple it is. My first one was a little elementary piece that was mostly HS. Now it's Dan Fox's arrangement of 'Octopus's Garden'. This time next year, who knows what it'll be? The point is to have something to play that gives you joy, that you can turn to for solace when you have a Greensleeves experience. We all have dreams about the pieces we'd like to be able to play. But if you let those dreams overshadow what you can do now, you'll just take all the pleasure out of something that surely, as adults, we're all doing primarily for the joy of it.

Donna R.
"if you let those dreams overshadow what you can do now, you'll just take all the pleasure out of something that surely, as adults, we're all doing primarily for the joy of it".

Nicely put. This is the second time I've read a reply that I wanted to print out for future inspiration. Thanks for sharing those wise words.

btw.. I noticed you are from Mass. I just got an email from M.Steinart and sons in Boston regarding a concert in Nov. You might want to check them out and get on their mailing list.

Can any one afford to feel lost, inadequate, and down in any endeavor? And, especially not accept it as a state of mind. Sometimes things can get the best of you, but to stay in that mindset? What possible advantage does it give you?

When your chin is on the ground, try walking that way!

If you really believe it, you are in trouble!

Puff up! Give yourself more credit where it's due! Look in the mirror when you're gloomy, bet you don't believe what you are seeing.

You are the resident of that body and face, it's your responsibility to treat yourself well! Get with the program!

Betty

Hi all, yes your support is fantastic. I have been grumbling for some time now and have decided to stop and get on with it.

The thing is, you are all right and your advice is taken on board and understook.I

I do need to practise more often and for longer periods. I also need to stop critisising myself and just play.

Thanks all again, I have read every post and know you are supportive.

I am having a short break, and then re applying myself with enthusiasm and gusto.

Much appreciate your input.

Shey

I suggest something quite different.

If possible, if your personality allows it, come to take a naive delight in your piano sound for its own sake. Like looking at a rose. Do not measure its petals or analyse its dimensions. Do not compare it to flowers grown by "experts". Create your own sounds and take primitive joy in them. Improvise freely from your imagination every day, however simple it might be to start with.

Discipline is valuable, indeed essential, but it is just a means to an end, not the end in itself. Your time at the instrument can be a dependable ecstasy if only you let it and keep your busy little conscious mind from continually interfering with negativity and comparisons, as conscious minds are prone to do. Conscious minds are good at keeping us safe in real life; that is their job. But music transports us from reality into a different state altogether and too much thinking is a hindrance.

It is actually extremely simple to do it but terribly hard to explain to somebody how to do it. The first step might be to start unconditionally enjoying your own sounds, whatever they are. Give yourself permission to start from freedom and work towards order, not the other way around.

A long time ago, when I was a youngster, I had lessons for one year (arranged by my parents). I felt bogged down in learning music theory and could not get passionate about learning songs like "Turkey in the Straw". So I quit.

Then, just a few months ago, I decided to try again. But it didn't go very well, and I was about to quit for good, for the same reasons you mentioned.

And then by chance, I came across a free piano video tutorial by Shawn Cheek. Within 2 weeks, I was playing a popular song very well, and in a way I never thought I would be capable of.

While I still had to put in the work and practice, the tutorial removed certain "barriers" (for me) and gave me a shortcut in seeing results and realizing that I could actually "play" the piano.

This is exactly what I needed to become more passionate about learning to play the piano.

At this point, I still use the tutorials for when I want to just have fun and learn a song relatively quickly. But I see them for what they are. I know that I have a lot of other work to do, and that's ok, because now I know that I have the potential, and that all the hard work I put in will probably be worth it.

Shey, I can only echo the words of Betty and Strat, but in my own voice:

I have been playing the piano for over three years, I have always been a musician, and I was was a true, rank amateur not four years ago. None of those statement are mutually exclusive. This process, this endeavor, the most narcissistic strategy I know, has given me the gift of humility and place. I can't tell you why because I am a different person than the guy who was ashamed to sing, to seem inadequate, or who compared my "progress" to something outside.

Maybe we are different. I don't think it's foolish to set that question, your question, aside. It is moot.

Was it insane for a novice, me, to devote from three to eight hours a day to a monolith, to the music? It was, and is, in decent society. It is for any adult. Some hidden desire has directed me since.

I have learned, and so will you, autodidact or not, from the resourcefullness we all share. When I could no longer afford a teacher, I found musician friends. The truest aid, of course, comes from those who love to learn and respecy the honest desires of the earnet. Docere est dicere

Last week I played Mozart's sonata for violin and piano, K. 301, with a violinist friend of mine (those endless hours of noodling, scales, and chorales pay off)and I was moved beyond words to again discover some truths, temporally bound as they may be: that our human condition, this ever degrading pile of neurons, my mortality, can not keep me from experiencing meaningful changes.

Should you quit? I can't. I would let them lock me up in an asylum before I allowed propriety or the sneers or downward glances of others to keep me from (one of) the true things, the important things: music, literature, meaning, thought, hubris.

For your sake, I hope you are afflicted beyond the pain of your present predicament.

All in all, thanks for the opportunity to again affirm my own wonderment at the turns or life. (in vino veritas, I must admit. <burp>)

I can understand you.
Way to hard pieces is long, with millions hurdels.

But just keep faith!

Take few days off, and i beleive you're going to feel better!

Hello to all of you. Yes, and thank you for all your replies. I have read all your posts and thank you for your opinions and ideas.
Personally, well, yes I do feel that two and a half years on, I feel that I should be further on with my music. However, others have said they are up to the same level or well above.
I have a problem that I have little practise time to spare and so it is reflected in my performance at my lessons.
I have now begun a practise diary and am determined to practise at least 30 mins a day to enhance my learning. I really feel that this will make a difference in my general playing performanc and intend to increase my level from this point.
Thank you all, I love reading your input and take it on board.
Shey

OK, I'll spare repeating a bunch of advice that's already in this thread but after reading the title for this thread I half expected it to contain this link somewhere:

Whenever life gets you down...

Hi Shey, I haven't read through all replies, but I think a practice diary is an excellent idea. I use something similar. I've got a number of things I want to accomplish every day, including piano and guitar practice, language practice, reading, yoga, etc. I mark down each accomplished practice session in a calendar that sits on my piano. This way practicing your instrument becomes a routine and making marks in your calendar alone gives you a strong sense of accomplishment which will motivate you to keeping up your routine.

I don't really agree with those who say it is necessary to practice for several hours every day to become (reasonably) good at piano or any other instrument. I think the key is continuity, taking a little bit of action every day toward your goals. I believe you can get ahead fast by practicing only one hour pay day but do it every day for a couple of months at least. I think you will experience what is called momentum within a couple of days and significant progress within a few weeks.

Another thing is, it's better not to compare yourself with others and their progress. Occasionally I do this when I see some very talented people on youtube play stuff on guitar that I could never possibly play. Whenever that happens I have to remind myself of the couple of pieces in my repertoire that sound really beautiful and which give me a lot of joy. Very often, the beauty of a musical piece is not in its difficulty level. I try to first appreciate the pieces I am already capable of playing. This makes it easier to keep practicing when you're feeling frustrated. Just my 2 cents.

Once again, the support here is fantastic. I had another moody moment and left the piano for four days.

It was just what I needed. Yes I do get very frustrated at my slow progress, but yes, still loving the journey.

On my return after reading your wonderful comments and sharing your views, I looked at the keys and felt so drawn to them and their beautiful pattern. To think that such wonderful sounds can come from paying attention to the piano and following your own creativity is great.

I will not give up, and will chill out a bit more but definitely, need to practise more.

There was some talk about a practise diary and I have gathered that some of you practise for an hour three or four times a week.

I have not been able to manage that sort of practise and think that is contributing to slow progression.

Thanks also to those of you who told me to buck up and get on with it. It worked for me!!

Shey

That's great Shey,
Sometimes we don't realize we are making progress until we remember what we were like when we started. I learned this from my years doing tae kwon do. I would be so hard on myself thinking I am not improving. Until I saw the beginners and realized I was them at one point. I will tell you this. Once I stopped being too self critical - well the bad kind of self critical- I improved much faster. It can be hard work sometimes but it will pay off. You will get better and better.
Keep it up

I would like to add...
Try to at least do domething everyday. Even if it's just 15 minutes and even if you only do scales or a few measures of a song. It's better than doing nothing at all. And, once you get going you will probably end up playing much longer.

Frustration is not something you have to learn to deal with "because you are a beginner." Don't think it goes away when you learn to play better.

Playing an instrument is a journey. Yeah, we've all heard that one before. But it's true.

You will Never be able to gaze ahead to some future location, think "I'll be a pianist when I get there" and then arrive and think "yep, this is as far as I need to go."

Because once you get there, you can see an even better spot further down the road, and know you must travel farther.

See, no matter _where_ you are in your journey with the piano, you will always be looking ahead to the next piece you want to play, the next level you want to reach, the next technique you want to improve, and there will always be times when you're frustrated with yourself because you're not there yet.

I remember telling...somebody, I don't remember who, on this board, when they said they had just started and didn't feel like they had any business taking part in their teacher's recital, that you might as well start now because it doesn't get easier...the stuff you will be playing in the future will be just as challenging (and fun) for you then as the stuff you are playing is for you now.

The good news is you have a wonderful companion on the journey (your piano) and a lot of friends along the path who like to share the trip.

Also remember, when you are beginning, you are learning the most important things there are to learn about piano...the foundation of everything that comes later. Don't think of it as something to be 'got thru' as quickly and with as little attention as possible - it's very important!