Hello there. This is, maybe, my third time posting. I have been lurking on the forums for awhile, gathering plenty of info. Such a wonderful site!

I would like to submit a song I have been working on by the Beach Boys.

I am kind of looking for constructive criticism. Any advice in terms of pedaling, volume level between the melody and bass lines, etc... anything you can recommend. I KNOW for a fact I have A LOT to learn when it comes to this wonderful instrument. This is why I am here. To get advice from the members who have been playing for awhile.

For some quick background, I have been playing for about one and one half years now. I have taken two classical piano courses at my local college, although I need to completely start over when it comes to basics...

Nonetheless. Here you go. Enjoy.

Oh, just a note. I am playing the song a bit faster than it should be played. I personally think this piece sounds better at a moderately quicker tempo than the original song.
http://www.box.net/shared/8j53oq9ujr

Hi Sirius, welcome to the forum! And thanks for posting your recording. I agree with you; I think it sounds good at this faster piece. Maybe going slower works when you're singing the lyrics, but I think with a piano solo arrangement going slower might make it seem to drag a bit.

The only constructive criticism I can think of is to suggest trying to make the bridge section stand out more somehow. (Man, that was feeble advice. Sorry! )

Okay, here's some genuinely helpful advice: You might want to try posting this over in the Adult Beginners forum, in the August Piano Bar thread. (Better yet, save it and submit it for our quarterly recital coming up on Aug. 15th. ) For reasons that aren't entirely clear to me, the AB forum gets a lot more traffic, so you'd probably garner more comments on your song.

Wow, Sirius; that was really nice. I like the way your left hand is playing and I found myself thinking I would like to play this piece as you make it sound so cool. Have you written your arrangement down?

Now as far as constructive criticism;

If I was playing this piece based on your style I would probably only play the bridge once and make the piece close in length to the original.

It sounds like the last chord at the end of the verses is wrong. I'm at my work desk right now and roughing up something quickly with a music program, it sounds like it should be an F major chord. By the way, maybe I'm mistaken but I believe your piece is in G Major. But perhaps I'm all mixed up.

Well, I'd better get back to work before I get fired. You play very well. Your version of 'In my room' makes me want to play it.

Monica and Jasper, thank you for the comments.

I may consider the recital, sounds like fun.

In regards to Jasper:

The arrangement I am playing is from sheet my father bought sometime in the 60's. I played the song as written, which is in G major -- good ear btw. Sorry about that. I am not sure why I put C. I must have been tired.

There are no built in dynamics to the song (probably because it was originally written for voice). I have been messing around with the song and working on my own dynamics to try to liven the piece up a bit.

I am unclear as to where the bridge is (as my music theory is minimal at best). I am going to take a guess and say the bridge is around the part where the triplets in the bass line break up for a measure and then leads to the transition that repeats to the start of the piece.

As for the very last chord -- that was added by me for a slightly more powerful ending.

The last chord as played in the right hand is: g b d g (surrounding middle c) and then the left hand is two G's played an octave apart, with the highest G being two octaves lower than middle C. (I forget how to name those keys down there. Small G and contra G I guess. Lol.

Very good, Sirius. I knew there was a method to your gladness. Concerning the term bridge; in pop music it's a term to describe a transition (as Monica stated) usually between verse and chorus segments. On some pop/rock sheet music it might be referred to as a 'middle eight'.

Your tempo is slightly faster than the original but for a piano solo I like yours better. You sure make that piano sound good.

Thanks for the kind words and the explanation. Much obliged.

I still got lots to learn though!

I believe your right hands too stilted. Because your striking the piano on every syllable in a similar manner, lessen or vary this if you can. And over all the piece is a little too busy with notes. This piece should sound from the piano like it does in the original recording. A Ballad with simplistic beauty. As someone (myself) who has no compositional skills. All I can tell is the two notes or three together with the syllabification bangs the melody too hard. The melody needs to be more smooth. Also the LH appegiation is a little too redundant. It seems to me that base should be speaking the melody more. I would hold down a note and bring it in harmonica relation to the melody how about switching parts letting the right hand play the left part and vis versa.

Only my thoughts on the matter. And as a Beach Boys fan I couldn't resist sharing my incite.

Hi Sirius, I'm a big Beach Boys fan and have always loved that tune. From a compositional standpoint (and I know that that is not what you are interested in here) the arrangement seems too repetitive. The left hand triplets seemed a bit redundant to me. Perhaps you could help the arrangement along by "following the shape of the line" dynamically. What I mean, is that if you played "connect the dots" using a pencil and the noteheads of the LH triplet pattern, there is a redundant up and down "V" motion. If all the notes are played at the same volume, the redundancy is made worse. Perhaps you could try getting softer and louder as the musical line goes up and down?

Also, and this is strictly compositional again and not your fault. I would like to hear the RH melody varied a bit each time. It too was redundant. Perhaps some dynamic shading could help there also. Also, that bVI chord was a bit distracting when it kept coming back. Maybe it was the voicing. Also, there was some "harmonic wierdness" immediately following it a few times before getting back to the "I" chord. I don't remember that progression from the original recording. I'll have to go back now and give that a new listen.

Okay, I guess I like the vocal version better, but hey, it's not your fault. Your timing was pretty good.