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#1199739 - 05/15/09 10:53 AM What do you do about overbearing, mean parents?
PianoKitty Offline
Full Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 133
Loc: US
I have a situation with a student's father and I just don't know how to handle this. I've only been teaching for a few years, and this is the first time I've encountered a "bully" of a parent.

My student is 7 years old and just started taking lessons with me a few months ago. This girl is SO sweet - she brings me cards that she draws herself, showing me and her playing the piano with hearts all around it LOL, and "I love you" at the bottom. She even drew a little bookmark for my daughter a few weeks ago, which she told me to give her after her lesson. When she left, I looked at it, and it said "Your mommy is the best, prettiest, nicest piano teacher in the whole world." Talk about a little sweetheart! She seems to truly love coming to lessons, but I always feel so bad for her when she tells me how mean her dad is.

Basically, she is doing very well with piano so far. She does have some problems with keeping a steady 4/4 time, but the times I have tried to work on it with her, she has gotten really upset and said that her dad is going to be very upset with her for not doing well. One time when I wrote a "reminder" in her notebook about it, so she could remember to count out loud 1-2-3-4 while practicing, she started crying and shaking! When I asked her what was wrong, she said her dad always looks in her notebook after lessons and if there is something even remotely "constructive" that he grounds her, yells at her, and tells her she is stupid and should be doing better. shocked

I have to admit that her father is pretty intimidating. This is an Asian family (that is neither here nor there LOL) but I can tell he is very demanding of her. I can definitely picture him doing what she says he does... I always make sure to praise her when he picks her up; I go over the top with the praise, actually, because I am so worried for her!

She is doing great with note reading, dynamics, everything except keeping the steady beat and holding notes their full counts. But that is to be expected since she's only taken lessons for a few months!

I just don't know what to do! She got very frightened when I said I was going to have a talk with her dad - she begged me not to because she said he'll get very mad and yell at her, ground her, call her names, etc. I really don't want to cause any further problems for her at home, or incur that kind of wrath from her father, so how can I handle this so that doesn't happen?
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#1199798 - 05/15/09 12:06 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: PianoKitty]
Morodiene Online   content
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Hmm, that's a tough one. Does the father come in to pick her up from lessons? I would call him and ask that he does so you can 'review' what you worked on with him. Also during this conversation you can tell him that you like to see independence in your students so that they learn self-discipline. This means that while he can listen to her play, he shouldn't be there while she is practicing, or she may become dependent on him to tell her what to do.

Include him in the process in other ways. When he is there to pick her up at lessons, praise her in front of him. Let him know that while there is always room for improvement, she is doing very well, and give specifics. Let him know where she stands compared to other students in your studio. Sometimes parents just have no idea what their child should be doing at that age. They may be affected by seeing Suzuki students who play amazingly well but struggle with reading which often isn't reflected in their performances (not to bash Suzuki, but many parents do not understand that and just see other kids playing and think why can't their child play like that?). I think communication is very important. I have had overbearing parents that simply needed some gently coaxing in the right direction.

If he ever chastises the child in front of you, you have every right to tell him that that sort of talk is counterproductive to your efforts. You are the professional here and are being paid to use your expertise to bring the child to the point where they can play to the best of their abilities, and any undermining that he is doing will not be tolerated.
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#1199815 - 05/15/09 12:18 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Morodiene]
Stanny Offline
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Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 1461
That's just so sad! I agree, lots of praise for the child, and also in the notebook.
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#1199822 - 05/15/09 12:23 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Stanny]
Diane... Offline
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Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3443
Loc: Western Canada
Where is the "mother" in all of this?
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#1199823 - 05/15/09 12:26 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Stanny]
Ebony and Ivory Offline
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Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1179
Loc: Minnesota
I would take it seriously if she is afraid of her dad. Sadly, there are parents that will abuse their kids for any, or no, reason. The kids usually have a reason to be afraid. This may be a bit extreme, but as teachers we are legally bound to contact authorities for any suspected abuse. I would just be very aware.

Yikes, poor little thing frown
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#1199850 - 05/15/09 01:14 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Ebony and Ivory]
John v.d.Brook Offline
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Registered: 03/18/06
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Loc: Olympia, Washington, USA
Originally Posted By: Ebony and Ivory
I would take it seriously if she is afraid of her dad. Sadly, there are parents that will abuse their kids for any, or no, reason. The kids usually have a reason to be afraid. This may be a bit extreme, but as teachers we are legally bound to contact authorities for any suspected abuse. I would just be very aware.


I'm curious -- is that Minnesota state law?
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#1199860 - 05/15/09 01:24 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: John v.d.Brook]
Piano*Dad Online   content
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At some risk of giving unintended offense, I'm going to raise some questions and perhaps be a little bit of a devil's advocate.

The only information we have here is that a 'sweet' seven year old child is expressing some feelings about her home life by talking about her 'mean' dad. That's it.

Before we bring in the child abuse police, please take a deep breath and think through all the possibilities here.

If I were an abused seven year old, I would be reticent about having my 'confidante' talk to the abuser. But if I were a manipulative 'sweet' seven year old, I would also be quite scared about having my 'confidante' talk to my dad!

Perhaps Monica can tell us about usual patterns of behavior in abused children, but before people go off the deep end on an internet forum, a little distance and a little perspective may help.
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#1199876 - 05/15/09 01:47 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: Piano*Dad]
guest1013 Offline
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Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
I agree with Piano* Dad, let's calm down and think this through. There are likely cultural barriers and misunderstandings. There is no physical abuse mentioned. Let's not jump off the deep end. The laws generally pertain to physical abuse, risk of physical injury.
MN law
WA law


Edited by guest1013 (05/15/09 01:48 PM)

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#1199878 - 05/15/09 01:47 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Piano*Dad]
Ebony and Ivory Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1179
Loc: Minnesota
Originally Posted By: Piano*Dad

The only information we have here is that a 'sweet' seven year old child is expressing some feelings about her home life by talking about her 'mean' dad. That's it.

Before we bring in the child abuse police, please take a deep breath and think through all the possibilities here.

If I were an abused seven year old, I would be reticent about having my 'confidante' talk to the abuser. But if I were a manipulative 'sweet' seven year old, I would also be quite scared about having my 'confidante' talk to my dad!


Yes these are valid points. But the OP also stated that he is intimidating, to the point of being a bully. Abuse is not only physical. I didn't accuse, I'm just saying that it is important to realize that it COULD be taking place.

I know how manipulative kids can be, but there are also lots of abused kids that aren't taken seriously.

Again, I am NOT saying this is happening here, just pointing out that we always need to be "aware".

Originally Posted By: John v.d.Brook
I'm curious -- is that Minnesota state law?


Not sure, but it's drilled into us at public school, and when I was a Cosmetologist it was drilled into us there too. I had to report a family once when I was cutting hair and noticed that the youngster had chunks of hair missing.

Originally Posted By: Piano*Dad
child abuse police...
before people go off the deep end...


I'm not the police, I'm not calling them, or accusing anyone.

I don't think I'm off the deep end just for suggesting awareness. I understand that you weren't trying to offend me. It just is very sad how many children ARE abused (in one way or another) and too many people just blow them off when they cry for help. Again, NOT saying that's what happening here.

It's all good. smile
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#1199887 - 05/15/09 02:00 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Ebony and Ivory]
John v.d.Brook Offline
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Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 7349
Loc: Olympia, Washington, USA
Oh, the only reason I asked was because, as a school teacher, you probably taught in a school which took Federal money, which had strings attached to it. Private teachers, not involved with Interstate Commerce (the Constitutional provision which Congress uses to impose various restrictions, etc.) doesn't apply. Washington State has it's own law, but when I lived in Wyoming, it was pretty laissez faire about such matters.
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#1199908 - 05/15/09 02:38 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: John v.d.Brook]
guest1013 Offline
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Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
We have been told nothing that fits any of the general legal definitions of abuse. The child appears to be functioning at an acceptable level. Summary of all child abuse laws in U.S.

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#1199915 - 05/15/09 02:50 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: guest1013]
Morodiene Online   content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/06/07
Posts: 11769
Loc: Boynton Beach, FL
I agree that assuming the child is abused is probably going too far without proper support for such a view. I agree with the poster who mentioned that it would be odd for an abused child to confide in an adult. Most abused kids go out of their way to hide such things, as they blame themselves for it.

That's why I say speak with the father in front of the child, so that communication is clear...to *both* of them.
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#1199919 - 05/15/09 03:01 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: Ebony and Ivory]
Ebony and Ivory Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1179
Loc: Minnesota
Originally Posted By: Morodiene
I agree that assuming the child is abused is probably going too far

I don't think anyone assumed that. I know I didn't.
My original statement was
Originally Posted By: Ebony and Ivory
I would just be very aware.
_________________________
It is better to be kind than to be right.

Professional private piano teacher since 1994.

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#1199961 - 05/15/09 04:20 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: Morodiene]
PianoKitty Offline
Full Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 133
Loc: US
Wow, thanks for the responses. I knew I could count on y'all for some advice. This situation has been going on for a few months - I was hoping it would get better with my constant praise but it hasn't, so now I feel like something else needs to be done.

Morodiene - Yes, he brings her and picks her up every week. I have met the mother once, at our initial student meeting, but she did not talk, so I assume she doesn't speak English very well. I have not seen her since, and all of my communication is with the father.

Every time he picks her up, I tell him what we worked on during that lesson (because he seems to want to know every week), how well she is doing, how much she has learned already, etc. He always asks questions like, "How is she doing compared to your other students?" and "Is she as good as she should be right now?" And he asks them right in front of his daughter, which kind of bothers me... She is doing VERY well (except for a few minor things), so I always praise her. She consistently practices at least 30 minutes every single day, without fail. She has never missed a practice day (each student has a chart they show me each week, initialed by their parents) in all my months of teaching her, which is very impressive compared to other students who I can't get to practice at all LOL! I think I said to the father once, before I knew how he was treating her at home, that we needed to work on her note reading, but after that she got a lot better at note reading, so now the issue is the rhythm. But again, now that I know his personality and how it affects the child, I don't really talk to him about the minor troubles she is having. Instead, I focus on the positives every week. But I am so scared to write anything in her notebook now because she gets so upset... I try to talk about the things I want her to work on in class instead, and that seems to calm her down.

I like the idea of telling him that I want to instill independence in my students, so I'd rather the parents not observe their practicing at home or comment on it either (unless it's positive comments!). He has never chastised her right in front of me. Believe me, I would definitely speak up in her defense if he did!

Unfortunately, I now have another student scheduled right after this child, so I won't have time to really talk to the father like I have in the past. I have another hour of lessons after this student's lesson ends. So I am going to have to figure out how to find the time to talk to him about this. I get the feeling he wouldn't be receptive to a "conference" type phone call.

Someone PM'd me with a wonderful idea about sending a "newsletter" type thing to my students' homes, with information about being encouraging and not negative, etc. That may be an indirect way to address this, too.
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#1199966 - 05/15/09 04:23 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: PianoKitty]
PianoKitty Offline
Full Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 133
Loc: US
And regarding abuse - I have seen nothing to support that, although I admit it did cross my mind (I wouldn't be a good teacher if I didn't consider the possibility). I guess what is happening could be considered emotional abuse, but I am not about to call in CPS on this family. I think there is a cultural difference in play here, and I need to try to frame the father's mind a little differently, and get him to see how well his daughter is doing instead of focusing only on the negatives, like he currently is.

Hopefully I can get this turned around, because every week it just breaks my heart when she leaves, because I can tell she is afraid of her father. =(

I will keep y'all updated with how it goes. Thanks again for all of the advice and suggestions.
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#1199969 - 05/15/09 04:33 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: PianoKitty]
guest1013 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
Originally Posted By: PianoKitty


...she consistently practices at least 30 minutes every single day, without fail. She has never missed a practice day (each student has a chart they show me each week, initialed by their parents) in all my months of teaching her, which is very impressive compared to other students who I can't get to practice at all LOL! ,
Someone PM'd me with a wonderful idea about sending a "newsletter" type thing to my students' homes, with information about being encouraging and not negative, etc. That may be an indirect way to address this, too.


Give her an award for her consistent practice, make up one if necessary. And put that in your newsletter to all your students, hold her up as a model to follow. That is proof for the father, I would think.
Cultural competency and Asian American family roots



Edited by guest1013 (05/15/09 04:41 PM)

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#1199975 - 05/15/09 04:56 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: PianoKitty]
bitWrangler Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/14/07
Posts: 1789
Loc: Central TX
Originally Posted By: PianoKitty
She consistently practices at least 30 minutes every single day, without fail. She has never missed a practice day (each student has a chart they show me each week, initialed by their parents) in all my months of teaching her, which is very impressive compared to other students who I can't get to practice at all LOL! I think I said to the father once, before I knew how he was treating her at home, that we needed to work on her note reading, but after that she got a lot better at note reading, so now the issue is the rhythm. But again, now that I know his personality and how it affects the child, I don't really talk to him about the minor troubles she is having.


Consider that the reason why she practices consistently and that her note reading improved could be due to the expectations set forth by the father (and possibly mother). I know our daughter at that age was very conscientious about practicing, but even then, I can guarantee that there were times she would have been much happier playing with friends or reading and the only reason why she practiced 7 days a week was due to parental expectations.

Originally Posted By: PianoKitty
I like the idea of telling him that I want to instill independence in my students, so I'd rather the parents not observe their practicing at home or comment on it either (unless it's positive comments!).


I guess if he's the ogre that he's being made out to be, then that would be good (but likely unheeded) advice. However, if it were my kids teacher saying that to me, we'd likely be looking for a new teacher. I know my opinions on this topic differ from many teachers, but I think it's a fine line to be drawn.

Originally Posted By: guest1013

Give her an award for her consistent practice, make up one if necessary. And put that in your newsletter to all your students, hold her up as a model to follow. That is proof for the father, I would think.


If you do the award thing, make it for the student. I don't think this will change his attitude.

BTW, PianoKitty, have you ever had a sit down with the family to discuss goals and expectations? At the very least this should give you a better understanding of what you're facing. If the dad want's his little girl to be playing Carnegie Hall at 14 and winning every competition she enters, then you might have a tough row to hoe and "little" things like awarding consistent practice will not be enough.


Edited by bitWrangler (05/15/09 05:05 PM)

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#1199982 - 05/15/09 05:08 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: John v.d.Brook]
electronblue Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/13/09
Posts: 15
Now that you know her father is using her notebook as a way to evaluate how she is doing, you may need to add positive re-enforcement to the comments as well so it doesn't look so skewed towards the negative side.

Add Stars, and comments: "Good Job!", "Nice note reading!" and A+++++ comments to offset the reminders on timing. That way the father sees both sides, and not just 'what needs improvement'

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#1199991 - 05/15/09 05:31 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: electronblue]
ProdigalPianist Offline
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Registered: 04/08/07
Posts: 1049
Loc: Phoenix Metro, AZ
This is all assuming that the child is not a little drama queen who wants sympathy...Since you are there and I am not, and you appear to believe her, we will go with the assumption that the father's attitudes and actions are causing the child needless distress.

First, might I suggest explicitly explaining to the father that a child's skill level at music is not an "all or nothing" situation.

In other words, some aspects of music will always come easier (and quicker) to a student than others, and some will come slower. So point out very clearly she is not "failing" at rhythm and counting...it is just an aspect of music that is taking her longer to excel at (or words to that effect). Mention aspects of music (whatever they are) that are easier for her for comparison.

I would personally consider having a private discussion with him in which I would warn him of the "dangers" of focusing too much on the child's supposed "failures". Explain to him that it is not realistic for a child taking music lessons to not have something on which they should be improving...that is the point of lessons! Scare him a little wink about how crippling it can be to a music student to be afraid of making mistakes. Or to label herself as "bad at rhythm"...which could turn into a lifetime of self-fulfilling prophesy.

You have said that the man is intimidating...by which I assume you mean he even intimidates you. Don't let him. He has hired you because you know something he does not...how to teach his daughter to play the piano. As the content area expert, you have the right and obligation to expect him to respect your knowledge about these things. Many Asian cultures hold a teacher and the teacher's knowledge in great esteem. Make this work for you.

Edited to add: Remember it is important to talk to dad on his terms. Don't try an approach that would require the father to accept your views about child-rearing, the importance of positive reinforcement, etc. Tell him on his own terms why what he is doing is a bad thing. If he is about 'results', point out that what he is doing is counter-productive. If he wants her to be a 'success'...explain to him that intimidation will prevent that. Explain the outlook necessary for the piano student to achieve "X" (whatever it is he wants her to achieve), and point out to him that it will be necessary for the *parent* to do "Y" (what you want him to do) and NOT to do "Z" (what you don't want him to do).


Edited by ProdigalPianist (05/15/09 05:55 PM)
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#1200028 - 05/15/09 06:40 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: ProdigalPianist]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Dad sounds like a frickin idiot! And the mother is probably scared of him too.

Guess what? It IS abusive to talk to a child like that. Those who don't think so need to get a clue.

As far as what to do, I'd talk with the father directly. It's the only way to know what's going through that reptilian brain of his.

P.S. Yet another reason piano teachers should charge more.
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#1200037 - 05/15/09 07:02 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: eweiss]
guest1013 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
Originally Posted By: eweiss

Guess what? It IS abusive to talk to a child like that. Those who don't think so need to get a clue.

As far as what to do, I'd talk with the father directly. It's the only way to know what's going through that reptilian brain of his.
I don't like how he talks to the daughter. But this must be handled carefully, there are cultural issues which we don't know about and dissing the father will not correct the situation. Respect for teacher will work in PianoKitty's favor if she can tactfully speak to him, but she would be well served to bring in someone from the father's culture to help explain, translate for the mother, the behaviors that are most productive for learning the piano, as well as the destructive behaviors to stop.

P.S.+1 What prodigalpianist added to the last post.


Edited by guest1013 (05/15/09 07:09 PM)

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#1200038 - 05/15/09 07:08 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: guest1013]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Piano Kitty isn't teaching in China is she? I can only tell you how I would handle this and if it were me, I'd say "you're not helping your daughter's progress by berating her."

Simple and direct. That's what most guys of this ilk respond to anyway.

Further, if he chose not to stop, I'd stop teaching the student because it's almost equally abusive to see and hear what this douche bag is doing in front of his own daughter.

Oh well, I guess she can always go into computer science or engineering.
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#1200051 - 05/15/09 07:26 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: eweiss]
bitWrangler Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/14/07
Posts: 1789
Loc: Central TX
Originally Posted By: eweiss
Dad sounds like a frickin idiot!

Originally Posted By: eweiss
It's the only way to know what's going through that reptilian brain of his.

Originally Posted By: eweiss
... it's almost equally abusive to see and hear what this douche bag is doing ...


Your posts drip with irony.

One caution about being too direct, esp if it means letting on that the conversation is precipitated by the daughter saying something, is that it's not unheard of for those parents who truly are abusive to take any embarrassment from the exposure of their actions, out on their child. That's one of the reasons why I think it's always a good idea to have a general in scope talk (that and I think it makes supreme sense anyway for all students/parents).

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#1200060 - 05/15/09 07:45 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: bitWrangler]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Bitwrangler,

What irony? Am I talking to a 6 year old girl or to (hopefully) mature adults on this board?

Piano teachers are not meant to be counselors.

Again, all I can say is if it were me, I'd pull the father aside and explain that berating a child does not help and can only hinder progress. Pretty simple.

After that, it's on the father as to what he does or does not do.
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#1200066 - 05/15/09 07:59 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents? [Re: bitWrangler]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Originally Posted By: bitWrangler
Consider that the reason why she practices consistently and that her note reading improved could be due to the expectations set forth by the father (and possibly mother). I know our daughter at that age was very conscientious about practicing, but even then, I can guarantee that there were times she would have been much happier playing with friends or reading and the only reason why she practiced 7 days a week was due to parental expectations.

So the ends justify the means here? And what are the ends? Producing a perfect little pianist who can note read and play technically well? No wonder so many are turned off to learning piano. Turning out good little classical pianists who can play everything correctly and perfectly. It's nauseating and slightly psychotic.

And the most pathetic thing about all of it is it's ALL about the parent and not the child. It's what the parent wants. Sick sheeyet. cursing
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#1200071 - 05/15/09 08:06 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: eweiss]
guest1013 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
Originally Posted By: eweiss
[quote=bitWrangler]
So the ends justify the means here? And what are the ends? Producing a perfect little pianist who can note read and play technically well? :

No, that is unfair, I don't believe that is what bitwrangler was talking about. Why are you picking a fight? You use rude language in your posts which is generally disrespectful of persons. One can disagree with actions and yet show respect for the human person.

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#1200073 - 05/15/09 08:12 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: guest1013]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Originally Posted By: guest1013
Originally Posted By: eweiss
[quote=bitWrangler]
So the ends justify the means here? And what are the ends? Producing a perfect little pianist who can note read and play technically well? :

No, that is unfair, I don't believe that is what bitwrangler was talking about. Why are you picking a fight? You use rude language in your posts which is generally disrespectful of persons. One can disagree with actions and yet show respect for the human person.

But Guest, reread what he said. You may not believe he meant it, but I do. And last I heard, we still have free speech here in the U.S.

Sorry you got offended. Perhaps you should bring in the language police. thumb
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#1200076 - 05/15/09 08:14 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: bitWrangler]
ProdigalPianist Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/08/07
Posts: 1049
Loc: Phoenix Metro, AZ
Originally Posted By: bitWrangler


One caution about being too direct, esp if it means letting on that the conversation is precipitated by the daughter saying something, is that it's not unheard of for those parents who truly are abusive to take any embarrassment from the exposure of their actions, out on their child.


This is true. Even for parent's that are not 'truly abusive'.

My brother and I knew that the absolute worst thing we could EVER do is embarrass our mother. And not just by 'acting up' in public (although we did get into trouble for that). Nothing got us in trouble more than other people finding out what she was like behind her public facade. That was the worst crime we could commit. Messing up her house was a close second. She once told me to "stop bleeding in her car" when I got hurt shocked

I would not tell this father that the daughter had told me what he did. I would wait until he said or did something (which sounds like it happens after every lesson) that would give me an opening to broach the subject.
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#1200083 - 05/15/09 08:22 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: eweiss]
guest1013 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 1239
eweiss, I am not offended. You used berating language to criticize the father for berating the child. That is what I believe bitWrangler read as irony.

+1 Prodigal pianist. PianoKitty, I agree, do not quote the child back to the father, he will take it as an embarrassment, it will close his ears and heart to the changes he needs to make for the child's welfare.


Edited by guest1013 (05/15/09 08:24 PM)

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#1200088 - 05/15/09 08:27 PM Re: What do you do about overbearing, mean parents [Re: guest1013]
eweiss Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 2393
Loc: Beautiful San Diego, CA
Yeah. I did. But Guest, there's a difference. The father was talking to his 7 year old daughter. I am talking to adults here on this board.

I felt angry about what this father was doing to his daughter and expressed it.

I hate it when adults misuse their power. And in this case, it seems to be just that.

Funny, how some defend the abuser instead of the victim. Actually, it's not funny. It's very, very sad.
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