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I know there may already be topics covering one or both of these topics, but if I may share my dilemma:
I have a student who is 7, but learning delayed due to neurological disorder. She apparently loves music class at her church and showed some interest in tinkering at the piano at home, so her parents signed her up for lessons at the music school where I teach. She has 12 lessons per term, and we have 5 lessons left.
Problem: She cries at every lesson when I ask her to even *try* something. When she concentrates, she can play her pieces (pieces with CDE - I'm using My First Piano Adventure) with some help, but play them reasonably well. But now she's at the point where she's crying before she even sits down at the bench before I even ask her to start playing. She starts crying and says she doesn't like piano...etc.
I do not know what to do. Mom sits at all the lessons and interjects to help calm her down and coax her into playing. I know her reading level is very limited, and there are probably some other cognitive disconnects. So I rarely have her worry about playing notes with the correct fingers at the correct time all at once - it's just too much. But generally if she'll let me work with her, we can get a piece done for her to practice at home. At that point, she wants to go write on the board. If I say, "No, we have one more song, and one more worksheet first, and THEN we can write on the board." Again she'll start crying that she doesn't want to play, and her fingers are tired, and etc.
I've tried some things like "For every time you play your song right, you can take this penny and put it in the cup." We'll play games with these pennies later. But then she'll cry and say she doesn't want to play piano, and she doesn't need any pennies. And on and on. I've tried having Mom sit at the piano with us so it's more "family participation." It worked once. She likes to pretend and she likes to teach. Maybe I could teach her something, and then have her teach it to her Mom? I'm really running out of ideas. She likes sing and clap. But once we start playing piano again, she'll start crying again.
Apologies for the long post.
Any help??? Please???
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Well she's told you several times that she doesn't want to play the piano. Ask her what she would like to learn instead of piano. Perhaps horseback riding? Dog training? Gymnastics? Then start steering her out of piano.
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Well I'm generally pretty strong on reading, but I think this is a case where you might do less paper work and more things like improvisation games, rhythm games (both at and away from the piano), singing, and teach her pieces by rote - if necessary make them up yourself, imaginative titles, use of much more of the piano than you would be using if concentrating on reading.
Du holde Kunst...
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She likes to pretend and she likes to teach. Maybe I could teach her something, and then have her teach it to her Mom? I did this with a yougster once and it really worked well for her. She would go home and teach her dad everything she learned that lesson. She actually did a great job, and got most of it right, even thought she was new at it too! Little kids usually love this, and putting her in charge could be just what she needs to make her feel important and that she is in control of something. The crying is a tough one, I had a similar situation not that long ago. It was AMAZING the difference I had with this student when I asked mom to wait outside. NO MORE TEARS since that day! She wanted the attention from mom, and it was no longer there. I refused to coddle her (uh oh! I might get attacked for using that word). Good luck, I know how challenging these can be! Hang in there, no one acts that way forever
Last edited by Ebony and Ivory; 05/26/09 09:50 AM.
It is better to be kind than to be right.
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Well she's told you several times that she doesn't want to play the piano. Ask her what she would like to learn instead of piano. Perhaps horseback riding? Dog training? Gymnastics? Then start steering her out of piano. I'll do this, but we need to finish out the term. I doubt she'll continue lessons, but I would like her to know enough so that if she wanted to, she could pull out her book and play the pieces. It seems to be an attitude thing. If she doesn't want to do "piano lessons," there are VERY few activities of any sort that will she will even try. She doesn't want to do rhythm or improv or anything really. I only need to get through 5 more lessons of the term, at which point I'll suggest that she discontinue lessons for at least a little while.
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I agree that she probably needs to play games. Piano has become a place where she can be wrong, not creative, and that is the reason for the tears. You explain a neurological disorder which may mean she's not emotionally capable of regular piano lessons as you might teach a child her age. I would do a lot of singing, clapping, dancing, and other movements to music, along with games on notation symbols and rhythm. Do you have a drum or egg shaker? Those would be fun ways of her to read rhythms. Take a more overall musical approach rather than strictly piano. Once you've played a couple of games, then sit down at the piano and have her improvise with you. Try just on the black keys while to make up a nice harmony for her to plat over. Try thinking of different feelings or stories that you try to depict on the piano. She may yet continue piano beyond this and I think you will find lessons more enjoyable as well.
Last edited by Morodiene; 05/26/09 12:48 PM. Reason: typo
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Well, we had another meltdown today.
I started with a coloring sheet. She didn't want to do it, but eventually she did. She knows CDE, and GA keys. So she was coloring the keys, and I would ask her to color a key (C, for example), and then find and play a C on the piano. She wouldn't do it. She just plays random keys and doesn't even try. Then we did sing and tap Old MacDonald. When I asked her to play Old MacDonald, she burst into tears and said she had played it at home and didn't want to play it. We have played Old MacDonald for a few weeks, so it's not like I'm starting something entirely new.
Honestly, while I don't push every single battle with her, at the same time, I don't want her getting into the habit of getting out of everything simply because she starts crying. That will quickly turn manipulative, and I wonder if it has started down that path. I can assure you that I am a very supportive person, and am rarely stern. I WANT piano to be a fun time for her. But SHE wants piano to be playtime on her terms.
So we finished Old Mac and I went to our rhythm game. She started crying and said this game was too hard (something she had never tried). Again, I had her do it (with her Mom), and finally she liked it.
Open book to new song, and she starts crying saying that the new piece is too hard (this is before she's seen it). We talk about it using CDE, AG and that she already knows these notes, and it's easier than Old Mac, but she is crying anyway and doesn't want to play. She finally played while crying all the while.
I have tried improv, and she will cry and say her fingers are tired or that her fingers hurt. She doesn't want to clap because her arms are tired. But once the lesson is over and she starts playing, she will sing and conduct and suddenly the "tired" is gone.
I don't feel like I can make it all general music (clapping, tapping, singing, etc.), because her mom wants the physical act of playing the piano for the sake of developing some of the motor skills (I believe she also works with a therapist/neurologist) and some of the cognitive skills as well. I move very slowly, use some of MFPA, and make some of my own materials to fit her needs, but I am really getting frustrated with this. She just shuts down and refuses to even try to think about something.
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Sounds like she is simply not ready for individual music study at this point. Perhaps she would do better joining a Kindermusik class where the focus is not on the individual? This will help her build some self-esteem and willingness to try without fearing failure. They offer classes up to age 7, but I think that she could be in a class given her apparent emotional maturity. I would recommend her mom look for a class or something similar, and try private piano lessons in a year or so if the daughter seems interested.
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I think you have to let this one go.
So many times I have had parents tell me they want their child to learn piano because it will be good for developing physical co-ordination. What they don't understand is that playing the piano is one of the most difficult and complex things you can do. A child who struggles so much will only find it frustrating. That doesn't mean it isn't worth trying if they have a real interest. But when they simply don't want to do it like the girl you are teaching there is no point.
The crying is manipulative. It's all too easy to feel sorry for children with special needs and to be fooled into thinking they can not help or control their behaviour. Very often this is not the case. They are just as capable of misbehaving as any other child and will often do so to get their own way. Giving in to them is not good for them in the long run. You need to be firm with her if you are going to carry on. It just depends on whether you feel it's worth it.
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I am not a piano teacher (though I once was) but I am a mother.
I have a bit of a perspective on this one because my kid is using music to get over an anxiety disorder thing.
As a parent, there are some things you push ('you are going to do this, even if you cry') and there are some things you don't push. I would want to know why the mother is pushing this one. I would also want to know if the kid still enjoys music in the church and tinkering at the piano since the lessons started. Or has the enjoyment gone?
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I think you have to let this one go.
The crying is manipulative. It's all too easy to feel sorry for children with special needs and to be fooled into thinking they can not help or control their behaviour. Very often this is not the case. They are just as capable of misbehaving as any other child and will often do so to get their own way. Giving in to them is not good for them in the long run. You need to be firm with her if you are going to carry on. It just depends on whether you feel it's worth it. haha... i use to have two girls who are always crying too, for no reasons at all.. they are sisters. well, at first i asked them what is the matter. but after few lessons, i am fed up of them as i know that they are always telling lies.. they are age 5 and 6. i suggest you to ignore the kid. if not, she will be on top of your head. let her know that you ar the teacher, you are the one in charge, not her... if you think that the money you earn is not worth the headache you had, then stop her straight away and refund the money... dont worry, you are a nice teacher. is just that she is a lousy student,
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I think you have to let this one go.
The crying is manipulative. It's all too easy to feel sorry for children with special needs and to be fooled into thinking they can not help or control their behaviour. Very often this is not the case. They are just as capable of misbehaving as any other child and will often do so to get their own way. Giving in to them is not good for them in the long run. You need to be firm with her if you are going to carry on. It just depends on whether you feel it's worth it. haha... i use to have two girls who are always crying too, for no reasons at all.. they are sisters. well, at first i asked them what is the matter. but after few lessons, i am fed up of them as i know that they are always telling lies.. they are age 5 and 6. i suggest you to ignore the kid. if not, she will be on top of your head. let her know that you ar the teacher, you are the one in charge, not her... if you think that the money you earn is not worth the headache you had, then stop her straight away and refund the money... dont worry, you are a nice teacher. is just that she is a lousy student, While I wouldn't necessarily label the student as "lousy" (too many connotations), I agree the best solution right now is to refund the money and end lessons immediately. In public schools, I've worked with all kinds of kids with special needs. Their conditions range from mild to severe. I can work with the mild kids, but the severe kids are the ones that cause the most classroom disruptions. Sometimes when they forgot to take their meds in the morning, they can bring sheer heck--one of them became so destructive, I had to call security to remove him numerous times. And there were two of them in the same class. I felt so bad for the rest of the kids who were really trying to learn. I don't have all the info, but judging from the posts so far, this student might be categorized as severe, in which case a totally different curriculum needs to be in order before anything productive can be achieved. Unfortunately, 99.99% of the teachers in this world are not equipped with training to deal with these extreme situations. I might tell the girl's mother to seek the advice of experts in this area and go from there. Traditional piano lessons might not be the way to go, unfortunately.
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Seroiusly, some parents are just as lousy as the students. parents always think that we, teachers , are magicians. eg, they put their child in our music lesson, and they expect them to learn a song already ( i mean, what kind of attitude is this? they think their kid is mozart?)
worst still the two girls i mentioned earlier, their mom is not bothered at their progress and she said that since she never had music lessons before, then i am fully responsible for her daughter's progress. i asked her to remind the girls to practise at home, but this mom refuses to do so as she quoted that it is a teacher's responsibility to remind the students to practise. Lousy mother!! i hate this!!
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i asked her to remind the girls to practise at home, but this mom refuses to do so as she quoted that it is a teacher's responsibility to remind the students to practise. It is our responsibility to remind them to practice at home. Just as it is the teacher's responsibility to tell them to do their homework, the coach's responsibility to remind them to practice throws at home etc... I'm not saying the parents shouldn't help remind them, but it is impossible for the parent to know what all these other people are telling our children to do at home. Lousy mother!! i hate this!! Kind of self explanatory here. Stop. I know, "easy for you to say" right?" But really, if they're causing you this much grief, it isn't worth it.
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A bit tongue in cheek and a bit not: If a parent wants a teacher to remind the child to practice, that would have to be done daily, right? If your customer wants this extra service, for a fee it could be provided. Say, you arrange that every day you phone the student at 5:00 and remind her to practice, at a fee of $10 per phone call. Prepaid, to be tried for a month to see how it works. Reasonable?
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This is how I handle it when parents begin to suggest that I should manage home practice.
I hold up one hand, and say:
"Wait a moment. I'm the teacher. I can tell you how often I think practice should be done, and how. I can cover what I think needs to be learned, and how, but only in the lesson.
After that, it's out of my hands. What happens in your home is up to you and your kids. Either back what I advise, at home, or don't blame me when nothing happens, at home."
Last edited by Gary D.; 06/14/09 10:07 PM.
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Sad, but I would have to bluntly say that piano is NOT for her. I used to teach a kid with a rare neurological disorder (can't remember the name of it off hand) for several years. She managed to learn till some simple sonatina pieces. I had to use all kinds of teaching techniques and "manipulations" with her. For me, the most difficult thing to tackle with her was the sudden outburst of tantrums. She would threw tantrums, with no warnings, and I got hit, spit at, and slapped several times(!!), when she got frustrated. The tantrums were uncontrollable! After a few years, she digressed, without any known reasons. Finally, one day, after one of the many tantrums, I could not take the abuse anymore, and I told her parents to quit. I know, we teachers care for our kids, and hope to educate and instill the love of music in them. However, I realize that we cannot educate everyone. Moreover, I reckoned that I was not a trained therapist to deal with such kids. My heart goes out to you.
JN
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