It's almost deer season

Bwwaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

*Picks himself up off the floor*

Any dummy can read in bed!


And you thought it was the clock.....or the batteries...




Oh feed me you great mommy you.



You in trouble!!!

Winding down after a long days work



















































This is like watching cat TV


































Don't get too excited about the whole thing

The first one, is a baker's perspective. The 2nd is Maxine's perspective...

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.


Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.



Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.


Celery? Never heard of it!

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.


Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.


Leftover wine??????? HELLO!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don 't tell your friends about this within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

We could make a fortune selling that as a new diet plan!

I wonder what they see. Maybe it was me?




Watch out buddy!!!

I've been working up new songs with the band




























This is a fun way to get rid of cat hair
























Smile - your on candid camera

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.


There is no psychiatrist in the world ike a puppy licking your face.


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.


Gee, I can't believe he's putting serious crap in here man, this dude needs a life! He must be really bored!

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.

I caught him, he's mine! Go find your own toy!



That'll teach you to look away when I'm talking to you.

If I could wag my tail in time to the piano music I'd be rich





























Sing us a song you're the piano dog
Sing us a song tonight

So did I.....



Oh please please pleaazzzeEEEE can I have it please!!!!!

You ain't nothin but a hound dog







































I'd like to help but my hands are tied

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.


6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Song writing might be easier than you think






































The future is looking brighter all the time





































Clowns have a serious side too

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?



16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!



19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

Frankie is back in town
























Even the Grand Ole Opry has a Phantom





























It's almost halloween

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.



26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.



28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have,

especially your friends! Life is too short and

friends are too few!

That's one small step for man
One giant leap for cat






























A new high protein low carb diet might help
























Hey I want my banana back

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night




Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.



Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"



"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.



An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."


With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.


After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.


The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.


Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!


Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.


He bursts in and shouts to his master:






"Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

That was good Jerry

John Lennon would have been 70 this month
Who is Harry Potter





















It's kinda like singing through your nose























And the hits just keep on comin

Did you hear about the guy who submitted ten jokes to a competition, hoping that at least one would win a prize?

Alas, no pun in ten did.

C O L O R IS GOOD



Yesterday I went to the doctor

for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high ....

My cholesterol was high ........

I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said: Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors. Try somegreens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc.

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of

Hotdog! - It's almost time for Halloween
























Two mouths are better than one






























Maybe a big smile will get better treats

Trick or Treet

























Star Wars





























It's the whichy hour