Children Writing About the Ocean......

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend any more any more. Kyle age 6.

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)

Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

- Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat a**.. (Julie, age 7)

The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

- My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

Inspired by Jerry's story elsewhere:


"How's the wife?"
"In bed with laryngitis."
"Damn those Greeks!"

There's no place like home














Monster therapy class























Mischief night

If your going to learn piano you first have to learn to count





























I'm going bananas
























Watch your hands

Cold weather for Jeff, awesome thread Jerry.
I like cold weather, but my nose runs constantly,.... not pretty... so I keep Kleenex in car. I think we are finally into cold weather in VA. SM

Forgetter Be Forgotten?
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke


For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

CAN YOU RELATE???
I DON'T REMEMBER
WHO I SENTTHIS TO!

Keep on a rockin





































Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise

















Trumpet practice

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I
would look in on you and see if you're sitting
at your computer and if you're OK.
Yup, there you are and you look great!

How's everyone doing?

Everyone is doin fine - including Mary Lou




















Golden arches




















Gettin ready for the holiday rush

Shake it all about































Jay Leno sighting








































Redneck water skiing

Someone I know who's names starts with a B( ) is on a diet. and exercise plan. These next ones are just for those of you who are on just such a thing.

What happened to the Dinosaurs









































Jail House Rock





















Light Bulbs

Why dogs bite!





Hey you, buddy, you're next on the bite list, yeah, that's right buddy, I mean YOU!

Paybacks are gonna be big



























OK - Stick em up



























That's about enough out of you buddy

My Resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory,
but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.


2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,
but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3 After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it --
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but
that was too exhausting.



5. Then, tried being a Chef--figured it would add a little spice
to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.



6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it...
couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found
I wasn't noteworthy.



8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't
have any patience.



9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.



10. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance
Company, but the work was just too draining.



11. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered
I couldn't live on my net income.



12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,
but they said I wasn't fit for the job.



13. After many years of trying to find steady work,
I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized
there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because
it was the same old grind.



15. Finally, I TRIED Retirement
AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

hey, this is the only reason I revisit this board! Cool stuff!

SM

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an opticalAleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Taken from another forum (translated from German, but the story is funny enough to post here):

How to call the police...

Günther F., an elderly gentleman from Harsum close to Hildesheim, was on his way to bed when his wife pointed out to him that he had left the lights on in the carport. Said Günther F. opened the door to his back garden to switch off the carport light, but saw that there were burglars in the carport, busy stealing implements.

He called the police.

He was asked whether the burglars were with him in his home.

He answered, "No, there are burglars in my carport, busy robbing me."

The officer responded, "All our vehicles are out on calls. Please lock the door to your house. As soon as a patrol vehicle becomes available, I'll dispatch it to your home immediately."

Günther said, "OK", put down the receiver and counted to 30. Then he called the police again.

"Hello, I called you a moment ago, because burglars are stealing things from my carport. You don't need to hurry anymore, as I've shot both of them."

And put the phone down again.

It wasn't five minutes later, and 6 police patrol vehicles, a helicopter, a special forces team, five fire brigade vehicles, one paramedic and an ambulance arrived at the home of the F. couple.

Both burglars were arrested on the spot.

One of the police officers said to Günther, "But you said that you had shot the burglars!"

To which Günther answered, "And you said that no-one was available."

Nothing else to do but practice








































Been working out to stay fit








































Why does the Chicken cross the road

LEXOPHILES *(LOVERS OF WORDS):

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

10. A calendar's days are numbered.

11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at
large.

14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.


23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he
was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Those are good ones.


Sorry I'm in and out these days...hope everyone is well round these parts.

Maybe if we kick the piano it will go back in tune





























Driving me crazy



















Old Marv's famous fried chicken

Hey, I did that first picture there of the service technician Daryl after I smacked my head on something. Wasn't the piano. This time.. Wasn't the wife either. It was my car top as I climbed out of my car a couple days ago. hehe. I HATE bumping my head! Knocks my brains looser than they already are!



I put this on another page but, I just want to make sure that you are now all, one of ME! Baby clones. haaaummmmmmmmm.... haaauuummmmmmmm.. POOF!





I got him mom! I got him!



Ha, he THOUGHT he had me!

Where is that danged turkey anyway???



Here Turkey, turkey, here turkey turkey...









May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

> Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Turkeys in the oven












I'm thankful I have a gun















Death row turkeys