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#1231714 - 07/14/09 10:34 PM A little snipet from a song I'm working on.
JHall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 3
Well I've been writing music for about a year on and off, I've gotten some good review with my stuff on Deviantart but for the most part all I get there is "awesome" or "cool", and as nice as that is to hear it doesn't really help me improve much. XD

So I figured I'd post the song I'm working on here. I'd love to hear what everybody thinks, likes, dislikes, advice, all that good stuff.

So about the song.
I've been working on this for about a week now, the melody's a bit older, I finally decided to throw some more onto it. But this one's kinda got me torn right now, sometimes I like it, sometimes I feel it needs more, so I'm curious what you all think about it. This is just about the first 50 seconds or so of the song, I want to get this part right before moving on.

Sheets Here
Song Here

Oh and one last thing, my keyboard is crap missing two octaves and pedals, so this one was written all midi. Hopefully that's not too big a problem

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#1231920 - 07/15/09 11:37 AM Re: A little snipet from a song I'm working on. [Re: JHall]
8ude Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 2052
I can't access box.net at work, so I can't comment on the recording, but as to the sheet music there's lots of strange stuff going on notationally there.

First, it is very rare to use 8va (and even rarer to use 15ma) in the bass clef - just switch to the treble clef.

Also the treble clef with an 8 underneath (don't know what it's called) is not used for piano music. As for a bass clef with an 8 underneath, I've never even seen that clef before, but if it even exists, it's not used in piano music.

In my opinion, I wouldn't bother being so precise about q=60 slowing to q=50. If the majority of the piece should be around q=50, specify that at measure 3, and for ms 1 just say "freely" or something like that - that's what it looks like to me, just a couple measures of free intro.

You really need to clean these up and work with standard notations, otherwise it is very difficult to figure out your true intentions.

As for the music, I've really got nothing to say - what you've posted really doesn't constitute much of any kind of musical statement - it's a fragment at best. Perhaps there's something to be made out of that, but what kind of feedback did you realistically expect to get from just noodling around with I-V-IV-I progressions?
What you are is an accident of birth. What I am, I am through my own efforts. There have been a thousand princes and there will be a thousand more. There is one Beethoven.

#1231951 - 07/15/09 12:13 PM Re: A little snipet from a song I'm working on. [Re: 8ude]
JHall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 3
ha well i'm actually self taught so everything I know about music comes from what i've seen I can do on notation composers on the computer. Don't have money for books or classes or anything like that.
I'd actually never seen the treble or bass with an 8 under them so i wasn't really sure if I should use them or not, it was really just an attempt to keep the notes on the staff rather than have most of them going above or below it, cuz personally I don't like that XD
And as far as the 8va and 15 ma, I didn't really want to keep switching back and forth from treble to bass, and I didn't want to put it on the top staff becuase I want to keep the original melody seperate from everything else.

So yeah a few notation problems, I'll have to look into that a bit more.

Mostly what I'm looking for here is how it sounds to someone who knows music. And even if it is kind of simple I'm still pretty new to all of this so try and bare with me here XD.

And I'll definitely go back and change those cleffs back to normal, thanks.

#1232875 - 07/17/09 10:27 AM Re: A little snipet from a song I'm working on. [Re: JHall]
adamscottneal Offline
Full Member

Registered: 06/19/09
Posts: 36
Loc: New Jersey
Yes, please fix the clefs - although I know what all of it means, you have to look hard to see the little 8 and stuff. It means that what you hear is way different than what you think you're going to hear!

Seems like you have 2 different ideas here. The first 2 bars do have the same chord progression as the rest, but they seem tacked on - you could expand that part a lot - try making 3 more phrases, with different chord progressions (as an idea, have the 2nd one end on C, the third end on a-minor, and the fourth end on G...).

You can then use these new chord progressions as a basis for the main section. It will give you more variety.

Also, you can expand the main section by playing it twice, leaving out the higher countermelody on the first time around. It is a nice touch, but it will be nicer if you make us wait for it!

have fun!
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#1233123 - 07/17/09 08:51 PM Re: A little snipet from a song I'm working on. [Re: adamscottneal]
JHall Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 3
yeah the intro was kinda just tacked on because i felt i needed a little bit of an intro
i'll try extending it a bit and see how that goes, thanks for the advice

and yeah i was planning on repeating the main section, just a bit later in the song


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