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I lost a student today. I wasn't surprised but disappointed. The student is in 7th grade. She missed two spring recitals because of traveling ball teams. But she still kept up with Guild and other recital opportunities. She is very talented but sports has taken top priority. I have been talking to mom to schedule a time for her lesson for several weeks. I have worked around sports schedules for years so even though it is frustrating I am patient. We finally scheduled a time. Five minutes before the lesson is supposed to start the student calls and says she will not be able to take piano lessons this year. I really don't understand when the parent has the student call. I almost feel like they are punishing the student and I can imagine that in the background they are saying "You have to call and tell your teacher that you will not be taking lessons." I always wonder if the parent wants me to try and change the students mind. One other thing, the mom is the music teacher at school.

Yipes! What an awful way to handle leaving your studio. The parent should have communicated this to you a couple of weeks ago, and then brought the student over to say goodbye and thank you. How inconsiderate of this parent, giving you no notice at all. If this parent wanted you to persuade her child to continue lessons, I think she would have given you that heads-up a while back.

I'm not a teacher but this sort of thing is absolutely inexcusable. I'm sure it has to be disappointing for you but the only solace I think you could take is that you won't have to deal with scheduling around all the sports activities anymore. Maybe thats not much consolation but at least you know where things stand.

I'm sorry to hear this nonetheless. The lack of consideration by some people is astounding !

I had a great student leave once--no notice, no nothing, and I sincerely doubt it was the student's choice. I saw the girl (mature 12 year old) a little later and she avoided directly looking at me. It hurts and will always hurt, but the decision is theirs.

I know, even if you are expecting it, it still hurts if it is done in a callous way without showing you any respect. Canceling 5 minutes before you are supposed to start lessons is not the way to do it. Thing is, there's really no good way to go about getting the closure that would make everyone feel better about it.

Just remember that every student has to leave at some point. We always hope it will be on good terms, but sometimes the way things are done means it's not 'good terms' for us. If she wants to start up again in the future, you can certainly mention that you did not appreciate the way you were treated, but we rarely get that chance. Best to move on.

I had two siblings not come back after a summer break and they were really enjoyable students. They were both making so much progress. I called the mother to schedule their time for Fall and she said they decided to go to the local conservatory because their friends go there. She even had sent a nice card after the phone conversation (or it was in the mail when we talked) explaining this but stating they really enjoyed lessons with me. It didn't make sense, and I was pretty hurt by it. But then, a new student started voice lessons with me and he's got quite a talent, and he will also be doing piano in a couple of weeks. So, who knows? Perhaps having this opening will allow room for another student without those issues?

Hello Teachers,

Since we students all have "...to leave at some point." what, for teachers, constitutes leaving on "Good Terms"?

Here's your chance... ;-) Teach! ;-)

To slowlearner:

The answer lies in all the previous posts.
Adequate notice, a kind word, perhaps a little bit of logic to their decision (although this is NOT necessary).

First, what a shame that it has to be sports OR music. Why is that?

The fact is that we are special people to a few of our students but just convenient, hired help to many families.

The quick, hurried phone call to cancel all lessons says so much about the chaos and carelessness of many of our clients. It's all about them and their needs and that is their only priority. Themselves. They are incapable of fair play, the golden rule, or giving reciprocity to others if it does not benefit them too. Piano lessons became an obstacle to what they chose to do.

If you are being treated badly by your clients at any time and you don't call them on it by stating your needs and viewpoint, you are one day going to receive the final insult from them.

You could set up a termination policy to add to your studio policy and discuss what you consider the proper steps to be when they are going to be leaving the studio. In my opinion, there also is a need to educate the parents and the teen students about overcoming obstacles in piano study, the feeling like quitting comes early for some who are not up to the challenge, others may not have the endurance and stamina they need early on, but it can be groomed.

The more time you spend in preventing things from being issues and problems, the better will be the outcome between you and your students. Emotions and self esteem and self confidence are a huge reason why many students want out. They just don't yet know enough about their strengths and weaknesses to know how to handle disappointment, challenges and perfections' ugly head. There are many benefits to piano lessons that are about personal growth and understanding oneself through music making.

Then there is the sports player who prizes the games and practice times (teams) over (private) piano lessons. So they don't have time, they say. Rather conclusive if one does not have time and can not put the effort in, it's not going to be very productive. They also have many other demands and activities to fit in, not just the games.

Profile your interviews, finding out what their scheduling conflicts are likely to be, help them face commitments now going in. They simply can not be in two places at once. If you don't want to be disappointed, you need to teach them not to disappoint you. Mip it in the bud.

I'm so sorry for your trials, tribulations and disappointment in how this ultimately turned out. It's painful, I know. Build a strong business model in support of your piano teaching and manage your business in a democratic set of rules that apply to everyone, no exceptions.

Oh, I share your disappointment. That has happened to me, as well. One of my favorite students told me it was going to be her last lesson. The news caught me very much by surprise, and even though I really liked the family, I didn't like that the parents made the child tell me. I figured the very same thing happened that did in your case.. the child decided they didn't want to continue, so the parents forced the child to tell the teacher, but it was a tremendous burden for her, imo.

I, too, have a family that hasn't contacted me for lessons yet, and I know I should call them, but I don't want to. They are very nice young ladies. I enjoyed teaching both of them and felt they were making nice progress. But, my gut feeling tells me that they won't be returning, simply because I haven't heard from them.

I can't offer much good advice, but I do really understand how you feel.

Have a good year teaching!
BevP

The fact that the parent is a school music teacher speaks volumes to me. I have been treated the most carelessly by school music teachers. I think it is because first, they are so used to students dropping their class without notice that they don't think of it as unusual or inconsiderate. And second, school teachers are all about students taking responsibility. "It's your decision; you call," is probably what was said. I can't tell you how many times I've been rebuked by my kids' teachers for asking a question or wanting information - "This is your student's responsibility, not yours." It's their way of not having to deal with the parents, I believe.

For the past several semesters, one school music teacher has been saying his daughter wanted to start lessons, but they never follow through. Finally, this fall, he sent me an email asking what day she could start. I gave him a choice of times, and he emailed back that Monday or Weds would work best, and by the way, his other daughter wanted to take as well. So I answered with starting dates and times, and never heard back. I sent two more emails, and still haven't heard. Lessons were supposed to start this past week. He saw my son and mentioned that his girls were being pulled by several different activities and weren't sure what they were going to do, but that he would answer my email "tomorrow at the latest." I will get a sheepish apology eventually. It's still frustrating. Fortunately, I didn't have another student wanting those spots.

In my cover letter that goes with my policy, I have a paragraph or two about leaving. I try to communicate that it is OKAY to leave, and that there is a right way to do it. Regardless, I still have parents who do this. I lost a student this year -- we scheduled around sports, we did tons of make-up lessons, each time with the promise that "Her schedule will be better soon." I sent an email to schedule fall lessons, and got a replay, "Oh, sorry, should have told you - she's taking at this arts school this fall." I don't mind, really. She was a lot of work for me. But it would have been nice to have been told.

This girl goes to my church, and I know that she will avoid me. But I won't give her that chance. I think it is me - as the adult - who has the responsibility to make her feel comfortable with me. I will say, "It's nice to see you! How are you enjoying your new lessons?"

The part that makes it uncomfortable is that "feeling" - whether or not it is a reality - of rejection. For some reason we feel we aren't good enough, or the student or parent feels like they are saying we aren't good enough, even if they don't feel that way. It is up to me to give the message that I am NOT the right teacher or best teacher for every single person, and that is not a reflection of my personal worth!

My son switched teachers several times, for different reasons. Only once was by our choice, though. After three years with one teacher, we felt he was losing his "joy" of piano. The teacher was especially critical, just by nature, and his playing style did not match my son's. My son liked him, and switched teachers only at my insistence. (And later thanked me.) He had stopped for the summer anyway, because he was attending a summer music program. So when he returned, he stopped by the teacher's house with a present and handwritten thank-you note, and explained that he was going to switch teachers because he wanted to work on some different skills. Later, at festival, the new teacher went up to the old teacher, and thanked him for *sending* my son to her. It was a really nice thing to do, and helped smooth things over. And when my son gave his senior recital, he invited all his old teachers and publicly recognized their contributions to him.

All I can say is that I have had people leave my studio in all kinds of inconsiderate ways. Never ceases to amaze me how ill mannered some people can be at those times. I think it's quite immature of the parents to not know how to handle that situation with respect and kindness. It's not brain surgery!

Sorry about your experience, but it's quite typical, unfortunately.

For me, it is discontinuing lesson according to my policy, which is a 30-day cancellation period. If it happens over the summer and the student didn't take summer lessons, certainly 30 days prior to school starting would be appropriate. In person notification, or at the very least, on the phone with the parent (or student if Adult :D). That way I can understand the reasons for leaving (some just stop coming, cancel last minute without any warning, or send an email which doesn't really detail anything).

Keep in mind, that I never try to convince a student otherwise. However, I appreciate it when I am told that there is something that they'd like to cover in lessons that I'm not focusing on so I can have time to make an adjustment. Some assume that I teach only one way and so they leave if that is not what they want. However, if a student or parent does not give me any direction as to what they like and want to learn more about, I have no choice but to teach what I feel is important.

Think of it as giving your employer 2 weeks' notice. It's common courtesy vs. saying "I quit" and storm out the door.

I really like this! The whole thing about students leaving doesn't hurt me one bit, but it *does* hurt me if it is done disrespectfully or carelessly. When I was a beginning teacher, I was always devastated by a student leaving. Then over the years experience taught me the above statement .

Ironic that today I had another student quit. This student is a sibling of another (continuing) student. I think it was doomed from the beginning:

*The mother doesn't speak much English; all communication is through the 9 year old older student.
*The 7 year old started at the begininng of August. Mom dropped her off for her 30 minutes lesson and returned an hour and 20 mintues later to pick her up. I was not happy. Unfortunately, all communication has to go through the kid. So it wasn't a good start.
*Second lesson, kid seemed to have no clue. Did not do her written theory, did not seem to have any recollection of what we'd done, and clearly hadn't practiced.
*Third lesson, kid didn't show up. Sister came next day to her regular lesson, and said mom had to work late, that's why sister didn't come. (But no phone call, etc. It was Mom's choice to have them on different days, btw.)
*Today - would have been fourth lesson. Big sister called to say little sister was quitting.

Little sister didn't have time to give it a fair shot, for which I feel bad, but this one just wasn't working from the get-go.

This is why all of my new students, even if they are siblings, go through an 8 lesson trial period. They know from the start what is expected of them, and that they've made this commitment to really truly try piano lessons. Making a big deal out of starting lessons usually works out well, and if it's too much of a commitment (they pay for all 8 lessons upfront), then it's not going to work out anyways. In this case, you would at least have another month to find a student to replace that one.

It's always tough this time of year, because you really never know who will be returning or not. There are those that just surprise you that they are leaving, and some that are not so surprising. But sometimes you don't really know until the school year is well under way! I think this is the toughest part of this business is that since you have clearly delineated times: Christmas Break, Summer, etc. it makes it very convenient in people's minds to choose to drop at those points, whereas if it were a year-round service like cable TV or the phone, they wouldn't think of changing their service unless something prompted them. Even if you teach year-round, you really can't avoid this mentality because of the school system.

Thanks for all of the comments. I have been teaching piano lessons for 20 years now and I could see this coming. The student was getting more involved with sports and showing less interest in music.

I have since talked to mom. Mom was still angry with her daughter for quitting piano lessons. And just as I had thought, she had told her daughter that if she was going to quit lessons the daughter would have to make the phone call. I think I would have preferred mom had talked to me a little more openly when I first began making contact for the new year. Maybe I should have brought it up. Mom and daughter are starting to have typical teen-age conflicts. Daughter is feeling stressed with school, sports and everything else she does.

I have never had a termination policy from the student's standpoint. That is something for me to think about. I have terminated students who are not attending lessons or practicing enough to make progress. Usually when a student quits it is time or they have graduated and are off to college.

Again, I do appreciate your support and comments.

I've been thinking more about this. Earlier in the thread, quite a few teachers weighed in with the sentiment that it was particularly galling that it was the student, rather than the mom, to make the phone call. I felt a little perplexed by this, because my inclination would be to do the same as this mother... if the child is quitting lessons against parental advice, then the child should be the one to make the call. (I can, however, also see the benefit of the parent *also* making a call to thank the teacher for their efforts to date.)

In my mind, it's setting a bad precedent of 'helicopter parenting' if the mom volunteers to handle the communications between a child and other adults, especially if it's a conversation that's anticipated to be uncomfortable. There are exceptions, of course--parents sometimes have to intervene if a child's initial efforts at communication go awry. But it's a good idea to encourage them to make the first steps.

Obviously the family should've given more more warning. But I don't necessarily view the fact that it was the child calling in a negative light. Quite the opposite, actually, as I think the mom was helping the child become more responsible for his or her actions. (Of course, this applies only to reasonably mature and older students... I wouldn't expect or want a 7 year old to make such calls. )

I agree, Monica. I wasn't appalled by the fact that it was the student, but as long as the student is old enough to be making such decisions. Of course, it was the fact that it was done the day of lessons. I have a 30-day cancellation policy, but even 24 hour's notice would have been better. I'm sure the daughter put it off and didn't realize how disrespectful it came across doing it that way. I would have told her so that in the future she would realize the impact such things have on others and to respectful of people's time.

I think part of what really bothered me was that I had emailed mom and talked to mom. I knew she would need a new lesson time to fit with the now junior high schedule. We finally set a time and then 5 minutes before the lesson the daughter calls to quit. If mom had brought me into the conversation earlier I could have assured her and the daughter that I have been through this transistion into junior high and sports schedules many times before and I can help them to make it work. So often the parent and child is suddenly overwhelmed by all of the changes in their lives. If I need to be a little less demanding at the lessons for awhile I can do that. I can ease up during the sport season and then we can get back to work when "piano season" starts again.

I have seen it many times, the family comes in overwhelmed. I just try to reassure them that if we work together it will be ok. I am not expecting my students to be concert artists. My goal is to teach students to play well and be proud of their accomplishments.

In fact I have a sixth grade student that is very involved in sports. We get along great and I tease her by asking how much time she practiced free throws compared to how much time she practiced the piano. She started the year saying this might be her last year taking lessons. I said ok but you will stay with piano all year. She said yes. I told her I would work realy hard at finding music she would love to play. Even if she doesn't continue lessons next year I hope she will always have a few pieces that she remembers.