About 20 years ago, I rebuilt a small no name grand.
Failed pin block and bridges etc.
Client and I agreed that the tome was a little dull.

Upon removing the plate, I found an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich stuffed between the plate and sound board.

Needless to say, improving the tone just got easier.

Client said their daughter hated the sandwiches and disposed of them all over the house.

I sent the newly rebuilt piano home with instructions on climate control as well as a suggestion to remove the PB & J from the menu ...

This is so funny!

Yikes!

But - reading these - I wonder, what's the ratio of gold coins/jewelry to dead animals/unmentionables ?

It makes me wonder if someone should be collecting all those free Craigslist pianos, pulling them apart, and profiting from years of diamonds and cold coins being hidden, dropped, or otherwise lost inside ?!

Well, if there are not enough valuables to make it worth while ...

At least you can clothe yourself ...

Or feed yourself ...

Yeah...I found "oregano" once in a piano owned by a college professor...this spice also featured a small pipe in the bag...behind the knee board.

"That must be my kids'stuff!" he said.

Yeah right...you're a college professor with a ponytail. I got a big laugh...this stuff was ages old...so covered in dust that there was no way to tell what it was except to.....

NO! I didn't! But, we did get a good laugh...

RPD

Years ago I was in a 3rd floor apartment on a winter night about to tune a old grand for two single girls. Half the keys were stuck and I could tell it was junk. Pulled the fall and there were forks, spoons, pencils, paper, cards, nail files, bobby pins, just tons of garbage. One girl made a terrible embarassed fuss gathered everything from me, went to the window threw the armload into the street, 3 floors below! Not mine to reason why...

'
This has stumped me on numerous occasions -

I've opened up a piano, and found a piano action & keys inside.....

where do they come from? !!!

I imagine she was the guilty party that had heard some versions of this over the months or years:

"Oh my god, did you leave your ___________ on the piano again? Do you realize how much that thing costs? Seriously, if you do that again, like, I am going to be, like, so totally pi**ed"

OR

"Do you have my hairpin/chopstick/barrette/fork/jigsaw puzzle nearing completion?"

Of course, the answer was always a version of "No, It wasn't me!" or "I don't have it"

You nearly outed her!

once i went to do a tuning job for an elderly widow. as always, she was "amazed" by how easily her piano came apart.. especially as i was taking the keys out to vacuum the key bed. anyways, there was a note in there and she excitedly opened it to find it a note written by her deceased husband to his lover!!

yes.. things became a little awkward

A little OT, but...

I used to enjoy the look on new crewmembers faces, when coming onboard a munitions ship, and I would mention that there was a bomb on board... quite a few, actually.

Aw c'mon, Jerry. Don't tease us.

Ditto!

"once i went to do a tuning job for an elderly widow. as always, she was "amazed" by how easily her piano came apart.. especially as i was taking the keys out to vacuum the key bed. anyways, there was a note in there and she excitedly opened it to find it a note written by her deceased husband to his lover!!"

There's a country music song in this... or an aria for an opera buffa. Or Steely Dan could have done something with it.

For the record, it wasn't MY dress, nor am I responsible for the used condoms.

This is the funniest thread I've read in ages.

Couple of years ago,

I received a call, a clients new Yamaha grand ceased to play at all.

None of the keys worked, pedals didn't work, they were confused and concerned.

I opened up the action area to find it completely filled with dog food.

A quick inspection of the dog food bag revealed it was empty.

That was one busy mouse ....

these stories are just great! makes becoming a piano technician seem even more attractive!

OK, you asked for it. It was, hmm, how shall I phrase this? A woman's um, USED ummm, well, it was a certain item that someone stuffed between the keybed and bottom panel? Not under pants either. WORSE! They fell down below and didn't smell pretty. Actually, there were several of these in there.... Well??? You asked!!!!! Now you wished you hadn't! And, NO I did NOT touch them! I showed them to the client and let THEM remove them! Talk about an embarrassed client?

Jerry,

Do you think the mice put them there?

Eeeeewwww.

They need a cat...

rotfl

God only knows!!! But, I pity the stupidy of the mice if they did!

Mice are incredibly versatile and determined. Every tuner has a share of mouse horror stories. I had one shred a white plastic trash bag on the keys of a Steinway upright for a nest. Spraying lacquer sometimes requires addition of silicone to prevent "fisheyes" from a previously highly waxed surface. It can come in little plastic caplets, one per quart cup. I had a mouse break open and eat 10-12 of them. Raw silicone.

Well, that's a semiconductor mouse I guess.

Paper clips
Pencils
Quarters, pennies
Dried plant leaves
Candy
Candy Wrappers
Small rubber balls
Broken plastic recorder/flute
Playing cards
Business cards
Dead bugs
Mice droppings
Bird Feathers
Cat and Dog Hair
White mold
Snake skin
Lego Blocks
Hair pins
Emory boards/nail files
Picture Hangers
Pieces of paper
Broken glass
Dried food
Crumbs
Hammer felt

I'm beginning to understand why my tuner shows up wearing haz-mat suit and oxygen tank.

Found these this morning in the bottom of an old upright I brought in for salvage parts. Note the dates on the printings.

Click on a picture to enlarge and use the zoom to read or click on top and drag the photo around…..

http://picasaweb.google.com/silverwoodpianos/AntiqueNewsMagazines?authkey=Gv1sRgCJ--urfe-bDqeA#

Good God Dan, those are cool. Can't believe the mice or moths or other critters didn't get them.

Years ago, I was called by a hotel concerning their upright. It seems that the keys were not functioning at all. When I arrived, sure enough, the thing was frozen solid. What junk did I find that was at the root of the problem?

Rice. Lots of it.

They had hosted a wedding a few days earlier and attendees must have thrown the stuff by the buckets lodging the grains between the keys.

Have found lots of interesting things over the years, but this one comes to mind first. Other than junk: lots of jewelry.

Those are cool! Real keepers!

They survived because Northern mice don't know how to read.