People on the discussion board can't really feel your situation from where we are, so we're going to get it wrong to some extent - but let me sort of try to give my interpretation of your situation.
You know something is not right, and you know it doesn't have to do with "the letter of the law" of your policies, which apparently have been followed. Your gut feeling is that you had better do something differently, because the current situation is not acceptable to you for a number of reasons. And yet, if just dropping the student from your list and asking her parents not to bring her back anymore was the obvious choice, then you wouldn't be asking this question; you would have just done it.

So, you're wondering what some other choices might be for you to investigate.



I know I can't be getting it all exactly correct - but how far off am I?

Minniemay, point taken. You would not say "I am not the right teacher for your child"..."Let the parents bear the responsiblity that is theirs". I agree with your post. And it reminds me of mistakes I've made, taking blame to avoid conflict. I want to stop doing that.

Even as a parent myself, a couple of years ago a parent was an hour late in picking up her child after my son's birthday party ended. Her kid is a handful. The boys went outside in the snow. When she finally arrived dressed to go out to dinner she actually yelled at me "Look at him! He has snow in his hair! We are going out to dinner!" And I was stunned. So what did I do? I apologized. But I never forgot it either. And I declined further invitations from her (and she was clueless as to why).

OK. I avoid conflict. I have apologized to keep the peace. But I don't want to do that anymore. I had not seen "I am not the right teacher for your child" as putting blame on myself, but now I see it differently. Not necessarily an expression I would use. (I have not said it so far.)

I also used to apologize too much. It is very hard for me to leave a statement uncushioned. I've been dealing with a lot of men lately, and I've noticed none of them feel any urge to soften their comments. It's just less acceptable for women, for some reason! A blunt male never gets called a b****.

But I don't always approve of their blunt approach either, so I try to compromise. It is okay to express sympathy -- saying "I'm sorry" in those situations isn't an apology. "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me." "I'm sorry you aren't able to juggle piano lessons right now." The part I think you should be firm about is: this needs to end.

My problem right now is that I give reasons -- and then the person thinks they can negate my conclusion by arguing with my reasons. So I'm trying to learn to just say, "I'm not willing to deal with this anymore." Fortunately, I don't get to practice this too often.

Hindsight is 20/20 - but I probably would have responded to your party parent: "Well, he was completely dry an hour ago when the party ended. If only you'd been here then."

Love it!

Some people (the ones who are inclined to be hostile) will take sorry as an apology even if it wasn't meant that way. It matters what your listeners come to understand, more than it matters what you meant.

How true! I've stopped worrying about what others think of me long ago. I say what's on my mind, and I'm blunt about it. I'm not callous of other's feelings, but I will not take blame for another's behavior. I've got a full plate worrying about my own behavior!

Why not just say "It doesn't appear as though you can juggle lessons right now" rather than apologizing for something that is not within your control?


Exactly, but that is why having a policy to refer to is great. "My policy states that you need to cancel a lesson within 24 hours prior to get a make up lesson. You didn't do that, therefore no make up." How can they argue with that?

ROFL! This made my day! If only I could think that fast on my toes in real situations!

Lollipop, thanks for your hindsight 20/20 comment. Very funny! If only I could have thought of that at the time!!