One of my piano students just isn't improving and I know why. The main reason is she only has a small keyboard on which to practice, her parents are less than responsible, bounced checks, unannounced absences, and general lack of commitment.

I have spoken many times to the parents about getting a better instrument for their daughter, and have enforced my policy about no-shows no make-up, charged bounced check fees but I still feel like they are not respecting me and the service I provide. There are so many issues I have discussed with them but never quite set an ultimatum if they didn't change.

They took the summer off and I was sure that they weren't coming back, but they called me this fall to start up again to my surprise. I am so frustrated by this family and am on the verge of telling them goodbye and good luck. I feel like I've done everything in my power to get through to them. Not sure what to do here...If anything it has been a learning experience to never take any student without at least an 88 key weighted synth!

That is something only you can decide. Perhaps the family life is unstable, and lessons are the only thing she has to her own. I'm not trying to guilt you into teaching her, but it is something to consider.

Have you talked to the parents about renting a piano? Most dealers will allow a rental and payments can go toward the purchase after 6 months or a year. Payments around here run $25-35 a month. However, if they are unwilling to do this (and it is not because they can't afford something), then you may want to let them know that you will be discontinuing her lessons. There are, however, usually inexpensive used pianos for sale on craig's list. Perhaps you can find a "decent" piano to haul away for free that they can pick up. It all depends on the willingness of the parents.

I would voice your concerns to the parents without her being present. Tell them that you do not feel that they are on the same page as you, and this is a 3-way partnership. If one fails, then there can be no progress. You can gauge from this conversation how willing they are to make it work. If you're like me and they are making an effort, it's worth trying one more time.

Yes, they say they only want to buy the best grand piano and don't want to bother renting. However, it's been over a year now and no purchase.
Guess what? Parent's just called me to cancel the lesson this week because of a Dr. Appt. This Dr. Appt excuse happened last month as well. Why would she keep scheduling the appt. during our 30 min lesson? Something doesn't add up.

It's time to say goodbye. Surely there are more responsible people waiting for your services.

In your "casual" conversations with the daughter, what have you learned? This could shed considerable light on the subject.

My sense is that if they sought you out to continue lessons, it must be something they want but you're missing some information you need to help the daughter make the most of the situation. You really need to continue the conversation with mom and dad and discover what's really going on.

I have told several of my families who should be upgrading instruments that now is the time, if there is anyway they can swing it. Manufacturers and dealers are desperate to make sales. Recessions hits the piano business more heavily than other businesses, so pricing is to their advantage.

Good luck,

John

Yes. If it were only the situation with the piano, that is tolerable. But not adhering to your policy on canceled lessons is another thing entirely. Some think it's OK to do that and they're fine with paying for a lesson they don't get. However, *you* don't want to get paid for sitting there, you want to teach!

Call her back and let her know that you will be discontinuing her.

Sounds like a great opportunity to put on a "fund raising" piano concert for this girl! Raise $1000 or so and voila ... a new digital piano!

If you haven't done so already, document every situation from how many lessons she missed to checks bounced, and every additional time they did not honor your studio policy. It helps to see it in writing as you are thinking through what to do.
Regarding the piano discussion: did you give them a time as to when this student needs a piano as opposed to the keyboard she has now? 3-6 months, something like that?

You haven't been able to teach this family to respect your piano studio policies and you feel circumvented by their behavior and attitude. I'd say you are contributing to the problem in that you haven't meant what you have said by giving the ultimatum. You must realize that makes whatever you've said to them in the past to be brushed off. They have many behavioral and attitude problems colliding with your good intentions in teaching their child.

Perhaps some work on your "screening" process and interviewing or "questions on the student information sheet" will alert you the next time.

You don't have to suffer and you don't have to be a martyr.

I pride myself in being able to stick with a student who is having difficulty in their lessons, I don't give up on my student's easily. But I draw the line at upholding my studio policy that helps me organize and manage my business.

How does holding on to this group contribute to you in your musicianship and teaching. You wouldn't want to clone them, right? Well, I think it would be very unfortunate for other parents in the studio see what these people get away with.

What are you really going to do here? This is your life, your health, your reputation being impacted, have you thought about that?

I believe that a teacher can take the high road and dismiss themselves from teaching a student if it is truly not working and has little hope to change. I don't think it helps anyone to "throw the book of transgressions" at someone when all you really want is "off the hook". Have you ever heard someong say, "Hear's your hat! What's your hurry?" Show them the door and close it gently behind them. The child does not need this imbalance in her life either. You might consider wishing her well with her next piano teacher.

Keep your poise!

Just a minute here - JC is being paid for every lesson, whether attended or not, and has been compensated for bounced checks. This tells me that there is some kind of disorganization/conflict going on. Why not find out why before throwing in the towel?

Seems to be all sorted out at the moment. Thanks for all your advice. It really helped me get some ideas of what to say to the parent.

After a serious discussion on priorities with the parent they assured me they wanted to continue their daughter in piano lessons. They are also going to buy a good keyboard within the month. I guess sometimes you just have to be firm and speak your mind.

Also, I am going to have a better screening process with my students from now on. Stressing parent commitment and dependability. Since this student is one of my first students, I didn't have much policy in place at the time. I've learned it's much harder to implement new policies than to have them in place before the student begins. Then the parent can make the decision if they want to go with you before they become invested.

That's the best news you could hope for. Keep us posted.

John

You are tenacious! I hope it works out very well for you!

You will be a lot happier if you screen a little more carefully as you said. I think we can get a "inkling" of what people are all about when we meet them, but it's unfair for us to expect that they automatically will follow policies or certain standards we have if we fail to tell them what they are.

Some people are totally turned off by having "rules" or "guidelines" mentioned; others are very eager and appreciative that there is structure to what they are entering into as my contract represents both of us and states the things to which we are agreeing.

The total opposite of organization can lead to chaos and confustion. I think most of us would like to avoid that!

Again, everybody gets another try and hopefully there are words and actions behind that so you can concentrate on the musicianship.

Betty

A good keyboard?

+1

Update:
Student missed another class. I explained to the mother that I was disappointed but due to her daughter missing 2 out of 4 lessons this month she will not be able to participate in the Halloween recital. I called back a few days later to talk with the mom again about possibly taking some time off from piano lessons and she beat me to it. She said they will be taking time off until the beginning of 2010. Realistically, I don't think that she will be calling me back again, at least, I hope not!

If she calls you back in 2010 (or ever) will you take her back?

This is a great question to answer for yourself now, and how you will address it if/when it comes up. Of course, you might be desperate for students then, but I've come to the conclusion that no student if better than a student who stresses you out. Although, I think in this situation the parents are to blame for the lack of instrument, consistency and bounced checks!!

Consider it a bullet dodged.

Capt. Kirk says...



KHAN!!!! And lose the student.

Wow, ewiess...that looks just like my emoticon KHAN!!!

lol eweiss! Well, I'd rather that they don't call at all. I suppose if they call I would say I'm full and not accepting students right now. I'm definitely not that desperate for students that I would take this family again.

jazzyclassical,

Don't go below your bottom line! Remember that your bottom line is supposed to be your bottom line! That's the mark in the sand that no one steps over.

If you are already maxed out with this family, you would be really compromising yourself to try again, unless, you were convinced that they could agree and keep their word about making changes that have to happen.

Imagine saying: "I'm very sorry, but through our lesson times together, what I have experienced with you previously has determined that I am no longer willing to provide my piano teaching services to you and your child"......you could state why again if you thought it was needed, but if you could stop talking at that point and wait for the reply.....you would have communicated your frustration, your bottom line, and the fact that there are consequences to poor compliance and poor performance from their responsibilities to you.

I encourage you to explore more about what your "student profile" looks like to you. Who do you want to teach? Who do you want to fill your studio and life with? What are the characteristics and expectations you have of "your" students? You can screen better when accepting students if you know precisely where you stand.

Take good care of "Numero Uno" - you!

"No" is a complete sentence!

Betty Patnude

At that point, the best thing to do would be to say you're booked up.

This can be a difficult situation. I would not want to say that I am unwilling to take your child back as a student. I would remind the parent that the child was not progressing...and that I don't think I'm the right teacher for him/her. I would also suggest that the child would need an acceptable practice instrument to make progress. Or if I'm mostly full, let the parent know there is not an opening right now.

I've been thinking this one over because I've dealt with a similar situation. And add to it that the child has some obvious learning problems. Learning problems, plus numerous absences, plus late picking child up, lack of any parent support, plus only a toy keyboard. The family let me know they're taking off 6 weeks at Christmas and I let the mother know that lessons did not seem to be working and for the second time let her know that the 7 year old cried at lessons. She said "Oh, he does that at school." But she accepted my suggestion to end lessons and said they'll consider starting again in the summer.

If a problem student wanted to come back to me, my first question would be "what has changed? How will this be different?"

Unfortunately.

Thanks Lollipop. Those are great questions. It reminds me of the kinds of questions that one asks when considering reconciling with a former spouse. LOL!

Unless their occasional payment stands between you and the overpass, I'd pen a letter of goodbye. Who needs it? Maybe it'll wake them up. Why subject yourself to more of the same?

In this case, I would never claim any of the responsibility ("I'm not the right teacher for your child").

Let the parents bear the responsibility that is rightfully theirs. They didn't bring the child to lessons, they didn't pay on time, they bounced checks.

Why do we have such trouble placing responsibility where it clearly lies?

I feel kind of sorry for the young student, but her problems are bigger than you can fix. No practice, no progress--- not for a student (some concert artists say they don't practice much). And with no practice instrument...

Besides that, it's hard to ignore that the family plainly has issues. I'm sure that extends well past their relatively small contact with you.

Did you have any kind of feeling that the student was talented, or especially deserving in some way? If they call you back, maybe there's another teacher you could refer. I hate to say it, but you do sound just about burned out with these folks and there's no real sign that it's going to turn around. But I wish the kid could have some good luck.