Do you have a funny story to share?
Here's mine:
new student to my studio, little boy age 7. The first thing he said to me after I greeted him at the door was, "Are you doing this for the money? Cause if you are, my dad will fire you like he did my last teacher."
How did I reply to this, you ask?
"No. Now come in and sit down".
I couldn't think up anything better to say, put on the spot like that.

Hahahaha ROFL. oH dear Barb860! I would be floored by a comment like that. And I just thought up a better reply. "No I'm doing it because I love children... Roasted with gravy!
Do come in!"

Ok here's mine. I have a child with great rhythm, pieces flow along with no interruptions, hesitations or bars of indeterminite length.
Except for one day.. He halted on the first beat of a bar in the middle of a piece, leant forward, broke wind rather loudly, then continued from exactly where he left off and played to the end. No giggling or commentary about trombone-style interruption.

Perhaps it is true what they say about boys and multitasking.

How's the tone when the boy said that? It can easily be construed as a rude remark.

I love that reply!!!
I have so many cute stories having taught for eleven years. Too many to enumerate!!!

It was rude, certainly! He was serious. The only way I could take it was to think it was funny though, coming from a 7 year old.
I'm sure his parents would be mortified to know he said it.

Barb860, Thanks for this topic! I'm still chuckling over a 6 year old student's comments. As she came into the studio I asked how her day had been. She said it had been terrible. I was curious as to what makes a terrible day for a 6 year old, so I asked what had happened. She said "A boy accidentally kicked me. (Showed the leg bruise) Someone stepped on my snack. No one would play with me at recess, and a bee got this close to my face (holding her hand about 4 inches away from her face)."

Also another first grader was here. Something came up about sharps. I said "oh, that's an F sharp, we haven't gotten to that yet" and I showed him where it is on the piano. He excitedly said "I've always wanted to play F sharp!" I smiled and said "You've always wanted to play F sharp?" Then he said "I don't know." But it's such a great picture of the enthusiasm he has for every new thing he learns!

Today a third grader played a piece with the damper pedal for the first time. "Oooh. It sounds all mishy-mashy."

Another third grader told me she had "exciting news! I'm getting taller!"
Oh, you are?
"Yes! Wanna know how I know? Last week my shoes fit just fine and this week they're too tight."

A second grader bounced into lessons: "Wanna see what I discovered this week? If you play this (he played a major third) it sounds good, but if you play this (major second) it doesn't sound good at all."

Oh, I have so many - I always write them down so I remember.


Me: what does f stand for?
student: farte?

After 5 year old student comes out of the bathroom:
"I need to get 2 pieces of toilet paper. My dad doesn't want me to get a rash."
(... okay...? wasn't sure how to reply.)

Me: What does the C stand for in the time signature?
student: Central Time?

(in talking about the upcoming recital)
student: I can't fart in this show.

(after making a bunch of little mess-ups)
student: I'm just customizing that song.

Me: What does andante mean?
student: a little under-cooked?

AND MY FAVORITE:

Me: What does scherzando mean?
student: scare the "sando" out of you?

Love this thread hope it continues for a while. My next offering is from a 6 year old who stalls her exit for as long as possible every week (I have a 15min gap after her).

6 year old: "Can I stay for dinner?"

Me: "It's only 4 o'clock!"

6 yo: "I don't mind."

Me: "But I have lots of students between now and then."

6 yo enthusiastically offers "I can sit quietly."

Me and parent try not to laugh

I have a beautiful rebuilt 1925 Steinway L, and I was about to go into my whole spiel about how you should respect pianos, because they are more than just furniture, etc. etc.

I told the 8-year-old I was talking to that I got my piano for my 15th birthday. She immediately interrupts with... "It doesn't look *THAT* old!!!"

There was the 6 year old student that was preparing his first Guild program but he called it "guilt". I always wondered what he thought he was doing that caused him such "guilt".

I have a student that is involved with a lot of sports teams. I tease her and tell her that I am going to make piano "team" shirts with all of my students names on the back that I want everyone to wear.

I'm enjoying these a lot. The unintentionally rude is always funny. "You don't look THAT old!" LOL.

What about kids' songwriting. Is it just me or do other people's students write songs where someone or something dies by the 4th line? Here I am writing lots of lovely amusing and wholesome songs with piano for kids, and they come up with the likes of this:

BABOON by 8yo

"Broke into the car
Ripping out the seats
Looking for food.
When they are pets they have to be shot."

The melody and rhythm were really good
And this is only one example - teachers, kids, animals are killed or maimed regularly. Most of these are written by boys, but not all.

I've got to hijack this thread for just a moment, as I heard the funniest joke today. Maybe you can guess why I nearly split my sides laughing.

Q What is the capital of Korea?

A. Juilliard!

Not quite something a student said... but how bout something one did?

One day I was teaching one of my students - the cutest most innocent 5-year old boy ever - and was asking him how many beats each note got. Since he's somewhat shy he was showing me the counts with his fingers. We started with whole notes and he held up four fingers, then went to half notes - two fingers, pointer and middle. Then when I asked him how many a quarter note got he hesitated for a minute, then proudly held up one finger, his middle finger.

TEACHER"Don't worry about the exam, I know its a little confronting to be before three people but really you've done all the work"

STUDENT"Ohh no I'm not worried, they're not as scary as you are"

I had a beginner student who has a keyboard to practice on. He came and started to play the piano and he said "Ohh the piano is already turned on..wheres the on button on this?"

Thanks for some great laughs

i have to say.. the confused face after the Korea joke made me laugh the hardest... that and the 'rash' comment.

Apparently this was a child's answer in a written test:

Question: What is a harp?

Answer: A nude piano.

brilliant! gets me every time.

In a Kindermusik class we were listening to different bird calls. I had a card with several pictures of birds on them and when we heard the bird call, we'd name the bird and point to it on the card. There was a bluebird, cardinal, owl, and then a chickadee. "OK," I said, "What's the name of this bird (pointing to the chickadee)?" One little boy spoke up nice and loud, "Oh! That's the little fat guy!"

John may be getting at the common name for Juilliard, 'Jailyard'.

Because there are many Koreans at Juilliard?

FWIW - I sent John's joke to my S (a student at Juilliard) and he got it. Said, "How true." Yes, there are many Koreans at Juilliard (including two of my S's roomamtes), but it is more than that. Juilliard is famous - quite well known in Korea. Revered. Everyone there seems to know of it and respects it. My S has toured in Korea to sold out crowds and TV coverage, on the basis of his school name alone.

When he got into Juilliard, we lived in Germany, and most of our friends (albeit non-musical) had no idea what that meant until we explained that it was "something like the Mozarteum." Here is the south, it is probably something less than 50% who recognize the school name. Although that has increased now: "Oh! That school in 'August Rush'?"

This joke might be a "you had to be there" kind.

These 2, from the same 7 y/o boy actually, come to mind.

When he finished one of his books, he excitedly said "Oh! I beat the book!"

The other was when I was quizzing him and he couldn't quite remember what a tie was so I was giving him hints. I said "something you do to your shoelaces" and his eyes got huge and he yelled out "knot!"

I about fell on the floor when he said that

A student brought me a christmas ornment, and I said, `thank you, just also thank your mother for taking time to go out and buying ^this for me!`

`Oh, said the student, she didn`t buy that for you, she has a junk drawer, and when she has to get something for someone, she goes into this draw and . . . that`s where this came from!

EDIT: changed "his" to "this"

Reminds me of this little boy I teach who is 5. We were reviewing dotted half notes. I covered up the dot with my finger and asked him what that note was, "half note!" I pointed to the dot and asked what that was "a Period!" I said, "Close, but not quite" and then I said "polka" to hopefully prompt him to day dot, but all I got was "Polka-dotted half note!" LOL!

My 5 year old student came to class all excited that they just got a "puppy"!

I asked him what kind of puppy, and he said it was a mixed puppy! To reassured him that mixed puppies can be really cute, I asked what was the mix! He said it was half "german" and half "shepherd"! Turns out it really was a pure bred, but he had no idea!

Could quite get through his whole lesson because I just couldn't stop laughing at this! Just one of those days when it just hits you funny!

Should add that this is in no way a diss to Germans!

He probably would have thought the same way about Scotish Terriors or English Sheep dogs! This just happened to be a German Shephard!

Sincerely, Diane

One of my colleagues relayed this story:

A little girl - "I have my own bedroom"

T - How fortunate for you.

G - Both my brothers have their own room, too!

T - That's wonderful. You really are a fortunate family.

G - But I feel sad. Mommy and Daddy have to share a room.

I have an 11yo student who is an intelligent and efficient practicer. When she first started piano her mother would stay on afterwards for a cuppa (last lesson of the day and she is a friend). Student would go over everything from the lesson until it was perfect and remembered, asking a few questions to which I sang the answers. These days she is such a good student, quick to understand, quick to learn new pieces, great ear and memory. So I assume she still has this marvelous efficient practice habit.

Recently I was visiting her mother and I could hear some focused LH practice of 2 difficult bars in the Shostakovich. Hurray I thought, this kid really gets it! Went to piano room to say hi.

She was playing the bass with her LH... and brushing her teeth with the other!! Is this taking efficiency too far

Oh, my. That sounds like something I might have said at that age.

Well, I asked one of my students when she finds time to practice. And she said, "well, everyday my mom has a shower, and when she closes the door to have her shower, I can play and when she comes out, then I can stop!

I wasn't sure what to think of that!

Wow! that raises many questions none of which I would be game to ask!
I'm still loving this thread. Thank you all posters.

Last fall, I had two delightful young ladies, but they were learning on small keyboards, so I implored Mom & Dad to get a real piano. They did and the lessons went great all Fall, but suddenly, around November, they started coming to their lessons woefully unprepared.

I asked the girls what happened.

They told me that it was just too cold in the garage to practice more than 10 minutes at a time.

D'oh!!!

Among the thank-you-and-goodbye cards I received when I left a school teaching job many years ago was one from a girl who wrote:
"Thank you for teaching me everything I wanted to know".

I still wonder about that one...

this thread is great!
more more more!

i love it when students share what they imagine during their pieces:

a 10yr boy upon finished playing me his piece and turned around to say, wide-eyed, "I can't believe the guy died at the end!"

These posts are so darn funny!!!!

Here's my latest:
8 year old boy arrived for his lesson with his toes wrapped up on both feet. Mom had told me he had surgery for "ingrown toenails". Kid said to me, "I had bad intonation".

Oh, Barb, you could be banned for saying things like that!

Hilarious Thank you Barb!!

nup... can't think of a single funny thing from today *sighs*

oh that is a precious anecdote.. i wish i knew her - had a student like that. I occasionally do sideways leg lifts while standing - to ease the tension in my back and strengthen my self. I like that sort of multi tasking.

hehe Saw her again today - she really is an excellent student, but I have it on excellent authority (her mother) that she never pratises for more than 5 minutes. So I was kinda hoping that in these 5 minuteses that piano had her full attention; apparently not! Don't know how she does so well.

Apple, do you mean leg lifts while standing and playing the piano at the same time

i do.. Canonie.. you know, i sit for sooo long and i get stiff (particularly as I am on a stiffening anti cancer drug).

i like standing at the piano, it sounds so much better. I'm quit short and am just below the point in the air where my piano sounds excellent.

Apple
great idea with the 1 legged piano playing, i was going well until I pedalled *falls over before resolution of cadence*.

Here's another funny thing that happens a lot but caught me by surprise the first time. I write most of my beginner music, with originals done by hand with colour and illustration. They are meant to look like a real person has just made them up. No Sibelius for this.

So I shouldn't have been surprised the first time an 8 yo came for his lesson said "By the way, I've fixed the piece"
"Really! Have you improved it??"
"Yes"
"ok, show me your (new improved) version"
Usually it is a perfectly reasonable alteration, I swallow my composers' pride say "yes you're right" and write in the improvement.

They've done a bit of "fixing" for the Fabers as well. Perhaps I should let them know

This was more surprising than funny, but I did chuckle about it later. I was teaching a 5 year old what a string quartet is. He listened attentively and then said "What about a quintet?" I explained that a quintet has 5 instruments. Then I asked if he learned about a quintet in kindergarten (knowing I hadn't mentioned the word 'quintet'). He said "No, I saw it on TV".

This is the same 5 year old who I taught the words "forte" and "piano". He listened and then said "I know what 'fortissimo' is". I figured the parents had been working with him at home, so I asked and the parent said they were not familiar with that word (they don't read music either). So I asked the child where he learned it and he said "In kindergarten". He probably hears something one time and retains it. Again, surprising!

I was talking about breath support to a young male teen clarinet student, and he called it breast support...I still chuckle at that one about 2 years after he said that...

Meri

Maybe I shouldn't tell this story, but I do remember I laughed!

Anyways, I have this little guy who just started this year. He is maybe 5 years old. At his first lesson, I traced his hands and then I wrote on each of the fingers the finger numbers, 1 2 3 4 & 5! We went through them a few times, and then I put my hands up and went through each finger one at a time. (You know where this is going don't you all! So I put up my middle finger, and he says, "I know that one, that's the naughty finger"!

Kids! You just never know what they are going to say!

Teaching a seven year old the F Major chord, I encouraged her to say the note names out loud, as she played each one. "F" "A" "C", she chanted as she played each note.

I then asked her to play them together, as a chord.
She complied and played the notes together, shouting out "FAC", and repeated it several times, in her Aussie accent!

I teach in the home, and dread to think what her mother was imagining, as she was in the next room!!!

My favorite from a 7 yr old yesterday: "I like to play the piano randomly, especially now that I know what randomly means."

Today I was introducing a 7 yr old boy to the Famous People song in PA level 2A. We talked about which names mentioned were historical figures and which were fictional characters. I asked about Robin Hood, and he said,
"He's a real person!"
I said, "well, he's in a movie and story, but I'm pretty sure he's a made-up character."
But the boy insisted that no, he was real. "He lived in the first year."
"First year of what?" I asked.
"First year of modern human kind!"

1. Older sister occasionally takes baby sister to the bathroom while middle sister has her lesson. The girls would always come out of the bathroom, with the little one holding a few squares of clean toilet paper. I finally asked the big sister why. She said, "Oh, Mrs. H, she LOVES your toilet paper because it's so soft!"

2. Same girls: I used to teach in an apartment building with loud neighbors. One day my student came in, and neighbor was BLARING rap music from their stereo. My student said, "I told myself, 'I know that's not Mrs. H - she would NEVER play music like that!'"

3. My 7-yr-old violin student. He kept dropping his violin onto the carpet floor, at least 4 times during lesson. I finally said, very seriously, "The next time you drop your violin, I am going to charge you a quarter. Make sure you bring some quarters to your next lesson." To help him strengthen his muscles, I started having him hold his violin under his chin but with no hands. I did this a few times, and he finally said, "I think you have something you REALLY want to buy, and you must need 25 cents more... because you are trying to GET me to drop this thing!"

Please keep this thread going!! Love it.

I had an 8 year old in his first lesson. Taught finger numbers. I have a few rings and I asked him to put a ring on RH finger 2. He said "Those are girls rings. I am not comfortable with that." (And he's right, they are girls rings...but the 5 year olds never seemed to mind.)

Semi-related story that I'll do my best to describe, since it doesn't work in English...

I'm 6-ish and I started having lessons at piano. My father is a doctor of cardiology. My piano teacher is smoking constantly (this is 25 years ago, keep in mind).

In Greek it's quite rude to talk to the 2nd person, but must always use plurar to people like teachers and stuff. So when I see her smoking for the 2nd time while on lesson I go:
"You (2nd person) will get cancer and die.".
to which my teacher replied:
"YOU (plurar) will get cancer, Nikolas."

Funny thing is that my son aged almost 6 now, stopped a guy in a restaurant and told him the exactly same thing! That he'll get cancer and die! I guess some things just run in the family! :P

(I'm also loving this thread)

Once I was teaching an 8 year old boy about time signatures. He could not remember the term from one lesson to the next. Each week I would ask him, and he had no clue, and we would review it yet again. So one lesson, I asked him over and over. Right in the middle of teaching another piece, I would ask "What's a time signature again?" At the end of a piece, "That was great! What's a time signature?" At the beginning of a piece, "What's this called? What's it mean?" Over and over, till he was laughing and rolling his eyes, and spitting it out a lot faster.

That was a couple months ago, at least. Today he came to his lesson, and opened his Dozen a Day. "Oh, octaves!" I said, looking at the exercise. And then I asked him, "What does 'octave' mean, anyway?" And he answered, "How many beats in a measure."

I was playing a game of "Name That Tune" to take up the last few minutes of class time during the Christmas season. I played the first 3 notes of "Frosty, the Snowman" and 9 yr old Jed raised his hand immediately and yelled out, "That's the theme to Judas Maccabeus!"

Well . . . OK, he was right . . .

On the upper right hand corner of the score is the name of the composer and written below it is the birth year and death year shown like this:

--------------------------------------------------------------------Robert Schumann
----------------------------------------------------------------------(1810-1856)


Me: Who is this person?

7yr old: He is the composer.

Me: And what are these numbers under his name?

7yr old: That's his telephone number.

Here's a situation that made me laugh. Not really something the student said, but was something funny.

I had a student who had to go to her basement alone and practice her piano. She told me she was scared of the basement, and wasn't practicing much because of it. I asked if she had a pet dog/cat, that she could take down to the basement with her. And she said, yes she has a dog, but when she takes the dog down and starts practicing, the dog leaves!

So I told the mom the problem with her daughters practicing!

Student comes that week to lessons, all smiles. So I ask her why the change, and she says, well, mom solved the 1problem. She ties the dog to the piano. Now the dog can't leave!

Just hope the dog doesn't take up howling!

I phoned Schumann, but there was no answer tee hee

And I chuckled a lot at "I like to play the piano randomly, especially now that I know what randomly means."

Yesterday I had my first experience of "where is your off button?" from a 6 yo (who learns on a digital). Made a note for us to look inside my piano next lesson.

Also yesterday: first lesson with 7yo: looks at piano with dismay "there are no letters written on!"
Me "did your keyboard come with letter names on the keys? (imagining new-fangled coloured LEDs and hi-tech teaching aids)
The 7yo "No, they are written on with texta."

A bit later "Where is G?...Now I need E...Where is D-Brackets?"

That texta user was busy!

These should all be collected into a book and sold for charity :-)

Priceless!

Me: (pointing at the line)What is the letter name of the 1st line of the treble staff?

5yr old: E

Me: Good. What about this space, which is the 1st space of the treble staff?

5yr old: I know that. That's F

Me: Good. Now let's go to the bass staff. What is the letter name of the 5th line of the bass staff (pointing)?

5yr old: (long pause) Hmmm, is it A?

Me: Yes. What about this space below the A?

5yr old: (eyebrows now joining)Ahhh, B?

Me: No. Try again. The note lower than A.

5yr old: G.

Me: Now, the line below the G?

5yr old: Oh no. Not that one. I won't tell you.

Me: Why?

5yr old: That's my secret!

I have one student who always refers to the G Clef as the "trouble clef".

I agree, that would be cool. Frank and/or moderators, what a great idea. "Chicken Soup for the Music Teacher's Soul"

One of my Monday students was playing a song called "Dragon Hunter" and missed a few notes. She noticed the mistakes before I had a chance to point them out and said "It's a song about a dragon. It doesn't have to sound good!" We both had a good laugh.

To Minniemay, re Frosty and Judas Maccabeus....

I literally burst out into laughter at that one!! That kid will do well in his music lit class in college...

I was accompanying a children's choir; the teacher had approached me before class to ask if I would mind transposing a piece. We had always done it in F, but she thought F# would be better.

When the time came I simply played an F# as the starting pitch.

One seven-year-old kid's hand went up immediately. When the teacher asked him what was wrong, he said "he gave us the wrong key"! The piano was situated so he couldn't have seen the keyboard.

Ever since then this kid has served as a human pitch pipe whenever there is no piano.

He's now in his mid-20's and is a professional violinist!

6 y.o. and I are going over dynamics.
Me: What is "f"?
Kid: Forte!
Me: What is "p"?
Kid: Piano!
Me: What is "mf"?
Kid: Oh...my mommy said I can't say that word!


~mstrongpianist

This isn't the most politically correct, but I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing at this students idea.

I had just explained that ritardando means to slow down.
Student says "That's easy to remember cos it sounds like RETARDando and retards are slow"

I was more shocked than anything to hear this from a 7yo!

5 and 3/4 year old student and I are writing rhythms with coloured pencils in our 2nd lesson together, she takes the yellow out of the box but I say "Oh not with yellow because it's hard to see". She chooses another colour and rest of lesson is great.

Ever since then whenever we do some drawing the first thing she does is take the yellow pencil and put it out of reach on a high shelf saying "not yellow!". Makes me worry that I've created a deep predjudice against yellow. Even I am feeling sorry for this pencil.

Last week I asked her to draw a picture to illustrate a piano piece that we had learnt. This week she showed me her lovely drawing - a big yellow bird, in a yellow nest, the sky was blue but there was a yellow thing that may have been a sun. Yellow has had it's revenge. I wonder what a phychologist would make of this

I've had this happen, and it's an excellent opportunity to teach the student a little English and manners. "Yes, the word retard means to slow. When a car driver sees caution signs along the road, she/he is supposed to retard their speed. That's how grown-ups use the word. But it's not very nice to call someone a retard. They may be slow at some things, but they may be very quick at other things which you are slow at. Nice people don't talk that way. Can you understand why?"

Today I had a student who was so excited about the upcoming holiday, and how she would have 2 whole weeks off of school. She wasn't sure how to express the concept of "2 weeks" and kept calling it 2 weekends. She could tell I wasn't following her train of thought, so she demonstrated it on the piano. Starting on middle C, she played up a pentachord, counting, "monday, tuesday, wednesday, etc." then moved to treble C and continued the pattern for week 2 "monday, tuesday, etc" then played chord clusters with both hands in either C position to emphasize the fact that she had 2 whole weeks off of school!

That is really cute: Using the notes on the piano to explain the span of the week.

My preschooler was at the table waiting for her breakfast. I put her cereal bowl in front of her. She looked down at the circular rim of her bowl and said "Mommy, that's an 'O'."

I put the spoon into her bowl so it was a circle with a line sticking out. I said "Now it's a 'Q'."

She took the spoon, laid it across the top of the bowl so it was a circle with a line horizontally across it and said "Mommy, that's a 'C'."

That is so precious! Imaginations are wonderful! I bet you put that story into her memory book to treasure.

Think of what you can do with some uncooked spaghetti making lines and spaces on the placemat!

An eight year old male student is working on Christmas carols with me. He arrived at his lesson this week, very excited to play his "spooky Deck the Halls and spooky O Christmas Tree".
I asked what he meant by "spooky". He sat down and played each carol in minor keys. I had not shown him how to transpose anything yet, so I thought this was not only funny but very bright, too!

What a great laugh I've had.. so many precious comments!

I had a beginning student for a while a couple years back, and I gave her the assignment of writing the key-names above the notes. The next week, she brought in a piece of music for 'extra credit'. It was a copied sheet of 'Hey Jude' by the Beatles. She got many of the notes in the first line correct and then had written words, all sorts of words with one letter above a note all over the page. she used all the letters of the alphabet and the words didn't even make sense. I was going to laugh so hard I had to run into the bathroom to compose myself.

it was so cute. I wish I had that page. She was a doll.

The thread about learning names of keys reminded me of something: I had a student once who was like Ford: He always had a better idea! Liked to make things his own. He didn't like "every good boy does fine" - so he came up with "empty garbage before dad flips." I can't remember what he used for the "great big dogs" -- I think it was "George Bush drove far away" or something like that.

Since then I've always offered to let students to create their own if they want. They have fun trying, but usually come back to the old stand-bys.

At a concert once I made a box with hole in top and invited everyone to write their best EGBDF and post it in the box for a prize. Anyway, the idea went off! But it was the parents that invented the most - they were so into it. All done in the social meeting eating and drinking part before the performances, but I could see some glazed expressions as a few more were thought of during the concert. Anyway, we got one of the parents who is a literary/writer sort of person to choose winners:- Adult winner

Exam Gone Badly; Doomed Future!

child winner:

Extremely Grand But Dumb Friends.

There were so many good ones, adults are very good at this, and just a few of the kids too. Some of course were unprintable but were whispered and chortled over.

O.K. people I'm cracking up laughing. Just returned from my students' Christmas recital. One student, a 9 year old boy, announced his pieces and then said, "And I want to play them both at CARNAGE HALL".

LOL. That's where *my* stuff would be played. I'm sure your student will be much better

Cathy

these stories are so funny I can't Handel them

Another one:
My 7 year old student just finished his lesson. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said "lots of things". I said, "name your top thing you want." He said, "Socks, I really need them. I have only one pair and wear em every day, wanna see how dirty they are?"

I was explaining how in a phrase, you start softly, get louder, and end softly. A 10 year old student said to me "Oh, it's like putting a magnifying glass in the middle of it!". I thought this was so brilliant - I've told it to all my other students.

I'm no teacher, but I remember my own first Piano lesson nearly 12 years ago (I was 7 then). The first thing my teacher did was, he asked me where I thought the middle of the piano was. I think he wanted me to find the c' note, but I was to exact to just guess, so I counted all the keys, from bottom to top, pressing every key once, divided what I got by two and went again from the bottom to the middle counting down my result, and then, I believe I had actually gotten it right, pointed to the space between e' and f'. My teacher was amused, but didn't try to interrupt me, even though it took some time.
By the way, I'm studying mathematics now, I guess I've been destined to even back then .

i constantly get

"Where does it plug in?" (I have an acoustic piano, many of my students dont :))

A good one though was:

"I hope you don't mind i wrote in all the notes, i was having a hard time. My mom had this chart from when she was little (a chart showing notes on the grand staff)and i used that but that was sooooooooooo long ago and i don't know if it's changed since then!" HAHAHHAHAHA!

and my FAVOURITE is the following, from a 4 year old, a week after we had a lesson studying about Beethoven:

"Hey.... you know that Beethoven guy? HE'S DEAD! (said very "as a matter of fact") And he couldn't hear nothin!!!!!"

HAHAHHAHAH


Thanks everyone else for sharing, this is a great post

OH i forgot the best story...

A new 4 year old student came to lessons one day, and she was very excited to begin, but she was also very excited to show me how well she could sing and dance too. I told her we would work on piano for 15 minutes, then we could take a quick break and she could show me something else. So we did, and she sang a cute little song for me, but then wanted to show me her dance, so i said when lessons are done she can show me her dance. So finally, after being very patient and doing very well at her first lesson she gets up, very excited to show me her dance. I ask her "So what kind of dancing do you do? Tap? Ballet? Jazz?"

and she said "No, POLE DANCING!" and then smacks her behind and starts shaking her booty like a bad Britney Spears routine :S

It was very shoking but also very funny, i couldn't think of anything to say but "WOW!"

My 6 year old student put his music for Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer on the piano and announced “they’ve spelt rein wrong”

Also, not first hand experience but, I like it.
Question, “What is a sextet?”
Student, “I know what it is but I’d rather not say”

Ha! reminds me of the old 'schoolboy howler',

"Bach was a composer, and had many children. He practised on a spinster in his attic."

I had a little boy that said "mezio forte," it was so funny I didn't want to correct him; I would just make sure and pronounce it correctly and I knew eventually he would catch on. He also pronounced chords exactly how it looks with the soft "ch" as in "choose." It was so cute!

A few years ago I had a 4 year old girl and every time she started playing a piece she would say, "one two ready go" and then begin playing. And she wouldn't she it in the same tempo as she played the piece, it was just totally random. I laughed every time!

These kids are so funny! I LOL when I read everyone's posts.

Yesterday, I asked a 9 year old male student if he wanted to continue on into page 2 of a piece to study for the week. His response, "I'd rather donate a kidney!"

That's what you get for asking!

Hilarious, Barb!

FDROFLMAO!

Be forewarned, this kid is funny and quite the comic ready to drop a shocking comment on you and any one else given the opportunity. He probably has more "one liners" in his repertoire.

Does this mean that piano teacher's should have "donor cards" nearby with which to put the comic on donor sign-up? (Thinking that he's going to say this again sometime in the future, I think I'd make up a fictious donor card just in case and keep it on hand to surprise him. Actually the subject is a very serious one and I don't mean to suggest it isn't. But, turn-about is fair play sometimes in piano lessonville, I think.)

I can just imagine this becoming the fad quip among young piano students throughout the world if this "I'd rather donate a kidney" gets around, say, on facebook.

I'll think about this every time I ask the student whether he wants to add the 2nd page to the assignment.

Betty

Reminds me of something I learned years ago: Never ask a question if you can't stand the answer.

These stories are so precious! Please keep posting!

This one just happened this afternoon:

Me: Very nice. I'd like you to play it again, but this time, try to put a small accent on the first beat of each measure.

Student: An accent? Ohhh, is that because it's a German Dance?

i like that one Heidiv. It's subtle. which is Australian for "I didn't get it for a few seconds"

Here's one that happened yesterday!

Me: Okay if I say the word "allegro", what of these three languages am I speaking? "German" "Chinese" or "Italian" . . . ?

Student: Ummmmmmmm Mexican! . . .

??????????????

Edit: Oh, and yes, I did have to explain to him that
Mexican people speak "Spanish"!

I know someone mentioned this a few posts back, but I definitely agree we should see about making these stories into some kind of book! These are all really priceless, something that teachers and parents can both appreciate!

Last week while teaching a 7 year-old beginner about the term "diminuendo" he exclaimed,
"Diminuendo?!? That sounds like the starting word of the Dominican Republic!"

Lastnight I was teaching a 7 year old girl the piece "Rodeo" in the Piano Adventures primer lesson book. I asked her if she knew what a "rodeo" was. She said matter-of-factly:

"Of course, it's a place where everyone goes and rides wild donkeys!"

Wild Donkeys! LOL!

Back when I was teaching a children's chorus for an outreach opera program during my undergrad, I asked them if they knew what opera was:

"Opera is where you sing and you sound like an old lady."

"Opera is where you sing a beautiful song and then you just don't stop."

There's a lot of beginners in my piano studio right now, and some of their best moments have been:

"How many beats does a treble clef get again?"

"I tried to practice, but I just can't find my piano!"

"Oh! I get it now! That note is an H! Why does it look so much like a C?"

And my most recent favorite:

Mom was holding a holiday teacher present from her son at the end of his lesson, for him to give to me, and something in her subtle hints didn't quite connect. He kept looking at her quizzically, till he saw my name and his own on the tag, and broke into a wide grin, "OH! Thanks, Nate!" He thought it was a surprise for HIM!

My son asks the strangest things during his lessons.

My son: What does this say?
Teacher: Baldwin.

My son: Where?
Teacher: Huh?

My son: Where the ball went?

I think the teacher is catching on to him.

The phone rings.
My son: It's the phone.
Teacher: Don't worry about it.

My son: Maybe it's your dog.
Teacher: She doesn't know this number.

4evr88keys,

Hee Hee! I love the teacher's last response!

That humor sounds familiar. My 7th grade son gets into similar conversations with his father. (I find it funny when he tries to confuse his father...not so funny when he uses his sense of humor on me.)

I was reviewing scales with a student yesterday. She played G-major, and it sounded funny. She stopped, thought a moment, then said, "Oh yeah, the F is capitalized."

Priceless!!!!

wild donkeys..

ha ha

i love this thread... such a pick me upper

So many cute and funny stories! I love this thread!

"Please tell me all this practice will pay off some day". "You're the only one I can tell, but I don't really like to practice". " My mom is staying out of the room now because 'Someone' tells her she should let me practice by myself. (The 'someone' turns out to be mom's therapist). "You are my favorite teacher I've had, and I've had a LOT". While teaching her how to move her whole arm around the keyboard she says "You're REALLY a good teacher!!!". Now, that's the kind of positive feedback I need!

This is all in just one lesson with Olivia, age 9.

LOL, these are great!

I have a student who, when she was only 7, walked in for her lesson as I was finishing up a little sight-reading for a later lesson, and as she set down her books and came to the piano, said, "Oh! You play?" It was in this kind of tone that you might expect from someone you just met at a dinner party, making small-talk. It just cracked me up.

I also have this story from a few weeks ago. Please forgive the length... it was something my daughter did (she's kind of my student, LOL):

After hearing (on Performance Today) a long note played at the very end of a piece for piano and flute:

I said to my DD, "That was a really long note, wasn't it?"

DD, smiling, said "Yes! That's probly 'cause they used the sostenUTO pedal on the piANo." [emphasis and pronunciation hers] It was actually the flute, but, um, OK. She is just 5.

I said, "Oh, you think that's what it was? I didn't know you knew "sostenuto." Do you know which pedal the sostenuto is on the piano? Is it the right, middle, or left pedal?"

She laughed and said, "It's the MIDDLE one!"

"They just PUSH it down, and it goes 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' . . . "[she's singing this ridiculously high (and loud) pitch -- think tea kettle -- for about fifteen seconds...]

Maybe you had to be there. I was cracking up.

LoL =p Thanks for sharing all these funny things

We are learning a piece in D Major for the first time. My student is not ready to read two sharps of key signature yet, so, I suggested that she will use her finger to point all the F and C so that I can use yellow highlighter to highlight it for her to remind her. The piece is Piano Adventure Level 3A Lesson book Song of Joy by Beethoven in key of D major.
So, here is what happen....

Student: Wow, there is a lot of sharps, I am sure Mr. Beethoven loves sharps, I wonder if he got sharps for his birthday!

We both laugh, then...

Me: Oh yeah, I am sure he has bucket of sharps at home, and you need sharps eyes to spot the sharps!

Student: And I need to be careful too because they are sharps, I do not want to hurt my fingers!!

Hahaha......

Wow! Funny stories!

From 7yo: "WOW, your rubber is COOL!"

I should explain to the N American audience she was referring to the eraser at the end of my pencil. It goes in and out in a funny sort of way.

My student to me: "Is this your actual job?"

Me: "Yes it is."

Student: "That is interesting."

hmmmm... not sure if that was a compliment or an insult! haha

I have a new transfer student. She's a 3rd grader who has had a year of lessons in which she basically only learned finger numbers.

Today I asked her "How many lines are on a staff?"

She answered "Six usually?"

This cracked me up. Not just getting the wrong number, but also not knowing that it is a consistent number. LOL!

Earlier this week I greeted a 7 year old student as I usually do asking "How are you?"

I heard her say to herself 'good...bad' (as though she were recalling incidents from her day) and then she said to me "In the middle".

I have an 8 year old student who pronounces staccato as "scattato." It's so cute and makes me smile everytime.

An adorable boy I teach was frustrated over a piece he was learning. I explained to him that students may work for months (or even years!) on pieces. I then pulled out my tattered Beethoven Sonata Volume II book to show him the one I was working on currently. He gasped and asked if the time signature was 100/4 because "there were so many notes in each measure." These are the moments that make every difficult moment disappear.

But she might be right. Maybe her dad plays guitar and uses tab. Then there usually are 6, but sometimes only 5. Or 4 for ukulele music.

This is a great one for me, as I've just started teaching in a primary school! I've only given 3 lessons.

In the first lesson where I was mostly observing, when I took the reins, the girl said, "You should cut your hair. Your hair looks like a girl and your face looks like a boy." Haha, my hair goes down to my shoulders.

My regular student (I think he's seven or eight) says a couple of times each lesson, "I need to do some exercises," and then does several pushups.

When he can't remember something, he scratches his face and says, "Ummm . . . tsk, oh . . . hmm . . . ummm . . . tsk, oh." Then smacks his forehead.

I teach 6 year old twins. Last lesson their mother told me she had explained to them where babies come from - Dad has tadpoles and mom has an egg and the other fine details of anatomy. The twins only had one question. "Isn't our piano teacher also a pianist?"

Funny!

But I discovered I can be funny too. I have a student who is extremely shy and guarded. Very obedient, very nervous, won't speak unless spoken to.

Last week she sneezed a real wet one into her sleeve. 'Would you like a hankie?' I asked. She considered and relied 'no'. 'What are sleeves for, anyway', I asked.

And do you know what, she actually smiled!

I introduced staccato to a 6 year old student at his lesson this week. He said "Oh, it's the opposite of this one" and he pointed to a fermata.

LOL! He's right! One you hold less than the note value, the other you hold longer than the note value.

Last week I did an exercise with my primary school student. I said the names of different notes and he would have to find and play it as quickly as possibly.

I called out all white notes except for once -- to test him, I said A sharp. He looked at me, his eyes went big and his jaw dropped. Haha, I showed him where A sharp was, but I didn't take it any further than that because he's not ready to add in any black notes. Still, it was very funny to see!

This thread is priceless.

I was shooting a performance movie of a three-year-old student (an experimental adventure!) and right before his last notes, he looked right at us and announced, "I have to go caca." ON CAMERA! We died. I always chuck the footage that I don't end up using in those movies, but I kept that one.

Also, I have another student who likes me, but has a strange way of handling when things don't go his way. He looks at me and says, "I hate you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to slit your throat!, etc." I recognize this as an attempt to derail the lesson so he doesn't have to keep working... So I just smile and say, "That's fine, but you'll have to wait till the timer goes off first. Now where were we..."

And this is a student you keep!

Yes, I'm happy to keep him... Without going into great detail, his personal circumstances are not the best. His grandparents pay for his lessons and do their best to raise him with the limited access they have to him. He is a jewel of a kid, and I know that he doesn't know how to handle his emotions well. I've worked with kids for years, and I've learned how to "pick my battles". Some things must be addressed immediately... other times, if it's a play for attention and distraction, it's best to not acknowledge it. That turns out to be the best deterrent for that behavior, I think!

Good to hear. All the same, watch your back.