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#1295723 - 10/28/09 10:04 PM lost your patience?
Barb860 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/11/09
Posts: 1646
Loc: northern California
Teachers: Have you ever lost your patience with a student and if so, what happened?
Was it due to him not practicing? Or no-showing a lesson? Or being disrespectful to you?
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#1295752 - 10/28/09 10:50 PM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Barb860]
Sparkler Offline
Full Member

Registered: 07/27/09
Posts: 177
Originally Posted By: Barb860
Teachers: Have you ever lost your patience with a student and if so, what happened?
Was it due to him not practicing? Or no-showing a lesson? Or being disrespectful to you?


As a teacher, I've lost my patience when a student quit practising. I did not lose my temper, though, but I did nicely tell my student that I hated to waste her parents' money, and that if she wasn't interested in piano any more, perhaps she should tell them. She shaped up and is still with me 2 yrs later. smile

Thankfully, none of my students have been disrespectful to me... yet.

As a student, I think every single one of my teachers have lost their patience with me at one time or another. Including my college professor. grin
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#1295850 - 10/29/09 06:19 AM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Sparkler]
lilylady Offline
4000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/17/05
Posts: 4981
Loc: boston north
It is the oddest thing -

I can loose my patience in the outside world over various things but put me in front of a student, and I have mucho patience! As long as one is trying/learning/enjoying music, what could be better?

Loosing patience with a parent though was another matter!

Edit - actually that would be more like getting frustrated with a parent.


Edited by lilylady (10/29/09 06:20 AM)
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#1295892 - 10/29/09 08:46 AM Re: lost your patience? [Re: lilylady]
Minniemay Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/07/09
Posts: 1702
Loc: CA
I remember a student being disrespectful during a lesson. After several attempts to correct his behavior, I told him his lesson was over, took him out to his parent, explained the situation and showed them the door.

That week, a letter of apology showed up in my mail and he never spoke to me that way again.

Losing my temper . . . I don't think so. You can be angry or frustrated without losing your temper.
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#1295914 - 10/29/09 09:22 AM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Minniemay]
Lollipop Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Georgia
Yes, I have lost patience. I don't yell, I get quiet. Speak through clenched teeth. Students have no doubt I am irritated.

General annoyances include the student who whines non stop. And the couple ADD students who can't sit still or play through a piece without becoming distracted. Once my voice goes cold and abrupt, they usually straighten up.

I tell students I can tolerate almost anything except "lying or sneakiness." I have had two students "steal" from my treat basket. I keep it next to me now, rather than on the table behind me. Both students have been called out in front of their parents, when I ask them to open their hand and show me what they have in it. Then I go into my "lying and sneaking is not okay, because then I can't trust you" spiel. Neither student has attempted it again.
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#1295947 - 10/29/09 10:11 AM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Lollipop]
Morodiene Offline
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/06/07
Posts: 12207
Loc: Boynton Beach, FL
I have never yelled at a student, but I have lost patience. It was with an ADD kid who I had to tell him to do something 3 times in a row, simply repeating the same thing until he actually listened. He was the first student of the day, and after a half hour of that I was completely beat. I never blamed him for it because I know it was hard for him, too. He went away to boarding school this year, so he didn't return after the summer break. If he had returned, I was going to insist the mother stay for the lesson to help.

There was another boy who was adopted and had some serious emotional issues after witnessing his brother committing suicide. I did my best with him and he was very talented, but he was purposely disrespectful toward me many times, banging on the piano because he knew it irked me. One day he refused to play for me at all, and said I didn't know what I was doing. His lesson ended and I stopped teaching him then and there. His mother wanted me to give him another chance, but he had received many warnings about such behavior and so he knew there were consequences. I had to put my foot down at some point.
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Petrof 9'2 Concert, Yamaha G3, Roland FP-7, Yamaha MOX6, Kawai MP11

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#1296196 - 10/29/09 05:28 PM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Minniemay]
Barb860 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/11/09
Posts: 1646
Loc: northern California
Originally Posted By: Minniemay
I remember a student being disrespectful during a lesson. After several attempts to correct his behavior, I told him his lesson was over, took him out to his parent, explained the situation and showed them the door.

That week, a letter of apology showed up in my mail and he never spoke to me that way again.

Losing my temper . . . I don't think so. You can be angry or frustrated without losing your temper.


I needed to hear this. Before we lose our patience, we end the lesson. Yesterday I made the mistake of keeping the lesson going with a teenager who was (and has been all along) very disrespectful. I did not raise my voice with her but I was clearly irritated and told her in so many words that she needed to change her attitude and be respectful. "I don't like your piano". "I hate this music". "I can pedal with just my big toe with no shoes on if I want to". And twice, after I gave her instruction, she said "BLAH BLAH BLAH", looking me straight in the eye. Now while this may appear funny to some, it certainly wasn't at the time.
The youngster's mom is aware of her daughter's behavior, as she sits in the next room during lessons and I leave the door open.
Based on what happened yesterday, she will probably quit.
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#1296199 - 10/29/09 05:31 PM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Barb860]
Morodiene Offline
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/06/07
Posts: 12207
Loc: Boynton Beach, FL
Originally Posted By: Barb860
Originally Posted By: Minniemay
I remember a student being disrespectful during a lesson. After several attempts to correct his behavior, I told him his lesson was over, took him out to his parent, explained the situation and showed them the door.

That week, a letter of apology showed up in my mail and he never spoke to me that way again.

Losing my temper . . . I don't think so. You can be angry or frustrated without losing your temper.


I needed to hear this. Before we lose our patience, we end the lesson. Yesterday I made the mistake of keeping the lesson going with a teenager who was (and has been all along) very disrespectful. I did not raise my voice with her but I was clearly irritated and told her in so many words that she needed to change her attitude and be respectful. "I don't like your piano". "I hate this music". "I can pedal with just my big toe with no shoes on if I want to". And twice, after I gave her instruction, she said "BLAH BLAH BLAH", looking me straight in the eye. Now while this may appear funny to some, it certainly wasn't at the time.
The youngster's mom is aware of her daughter's behavior, as she sits in the next room during lessons and I leave the door open.
Based on what happened yesterday, she will probably quit.

Wow. I would have stopped the lesson, definitely. and probably suggested she not bother to return either. If the mother has known about this issue and it hasn't been corrected, then the child does not need to take piano lessons. At least not from you.

**edited to add: I know there are abusive teachers out there, but many of the ones who post here are not, and most of the ones I know in this area are not abusive as well. But how many of us have put up with being abused by students? How many of us held out hope that we could reach that student if only we gave them another chance to the point where it was well beyond what is healthy for all involved?


Edited by Morodiene (10/29/09 05:36 PM)
_________________________
private piano/voice teacher - full time
MTNA member
www.valeoconservatory.com
Petrof 9'2 Concert, Yamaha G3, Roland FP-7, Yamaha MOX6, Kawai MP11

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#1296287 - 10/29/09 07:56 PM Re: lost your patience? [Re: Morodiene]
Ebony and Ivory Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/14/05
Posts: 1179
Loc: Minnesota
I lose my patience with kids that whine, especially when the parent allows it. Makes me c-r-a-z-y!

I don't tolerate disrespect, I will call them on that every time.

I don't have a huge problem with no-shows and my policy states that they are paid for, so the no-show itself doesn't bother me, it's the lack of phone call that does. I will tell the kid every time "you can call me you know, it doesn't have to be your parent".
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It is better to be kind than to be right.

Professional private piano teacher since 1994.

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