Good title for a thread, so forgive me for borrowing it.

About 6 months ago I had a transfer student arrive, a boy about 12.

He was not all that interested in playing, but his parents wanted him to continue.

We finally got to the place where he was learning light classical, and working on simple etudes. Classical was his interest, and he was showing a lot of improvement.

I knew he was not all that keen on the piano, but thought that we were making good progress.

Also, his mom was the only parent I saw, and I regularly kept her up to date with his progress, and she seemed pleased.

Anyhow, at the last lesson, his father, whom I had never met, arrived, and sat in on the lesson.

He never said a word about any problem, so I taught the boy a good lesson, and they left.

Next day, I looked in the scheduling book, and they had quit!

My first thought was "This father is teaching his son to lie, or at least be sneaky and not upfront," because if they knew that this was the last lesson, but pretended all was ok, then they totally misled me.

I have thought about contacting the mom and asking her what the problem is, but if they are so devious and uncommunicative, then it is likely I will not hear the truth.

Is this just a sign of the coarsening of our times, a "Slouching towards Gomorrah", or just that these people are screwy?

What, if anything, would you do?

Hi Rocket88,
It is wierd that they didn't mention it was their last lesson. Also odd that the father would sit in at the end. I would not take it personally, and also not communicate except perhaps an e-mail to say I enjoyed teaching your child (if I did) and that he is welcome to return for lessons in the future if he so chooses. From the sounds of it, the child probably didn't want to continue and the parents at last decided to allow him to quit...and no one had the courage to tell you.

Ann, thank you...you are 100% right.

Just let it slide. Things like this happen all the time. It comes with the territory.

Look on the bright side: Now you have a slot open for a more responsible student who will bring more joy to your teaching and more substance to your studio!

Ditto these comments.
Sometimes the students who we least expect to quit will do so, for whatever reasons. I find it incredibly rude that they did not personally connect with you about their child discontinuing the lessons. But we can't help it that people like this are doing business with us, it's just the way it is. Dust this off and move on. Sorry to sound cold-hearted here, but these folks aren't worth your time and energy.

You are all correct. I just needed to vent. This has happened before, but when it happens with a student with whom I have established a good and on-going communicative relationship with the parents, it is extra rude.

I have had it happen with families with whom I have much less input, but in this case, it really hit home.

Thanks all.

Venting is good! Thankfully we can do it here and get support. We're all in this business together and stuff happens. We know to "not take it personally" but it hurts just the same. By nature, we music teachers are a sensitive bunch.

I second the idea of sending them a note. A nice hand-written card would do the trick, just thanking them for the opportunity to work with their child. Maybe reflect a bit on the positives that you had with him, and leave it at that. The temptation is to find out why, but perhaps it has nothing to do with you and it's a personal matter. Or perhaps it's something they do not feel comfortable telling you, otherwise they would have. Still it was rude not to give you notice at least.

If nothing else hopefully it will make you feel better to know we know how you feel and have all been there, and you have our feelings on your side. It seems more and more people cannot just own up to the truth of saying something. There is no shame in saying, "I just don't have the money any more", or "we are having family difficulties at this time", or whatever the reason and then at the very least say "Thank You, we appreciate your time and effort".

Y'all are so much kinder than me.

A younger me would have probably called up the parents and confronted them. I've since learned it's hardly worth it. It feels much better taking the high road and assuming the best from people. Maybe they were inconsiderate, but we really don't know the whole story.

I'm sorry to hear of the abrupt exit with no indication given - it leaves a piano teacher in the lurch as to what to think. That goes for a missed lesson without a call as well as for an exit.

Polite society has maybe come to mean that someone restrained from telling you what they think of you. When I was growing up, I thought polite society was about "please", "thank you", "you're welcome" and writing thank you notes and having good manners. I took good manners seriously and still do.

May I ask how you have a schedule book that someone else handles for you? This person scheduling seems to be not aware of what his/her job description is: if I had someone doing this work for me (I would love an office assistant!) they would be instructed to go to bat in behalf of the teacher and to remind the client about proper notice - however you have set that up - and asking questions using an exit questionnaire - maybe sending it by email for the student and parents to communicate their satisfact/dissatisfaction - real reason for leaving, etc.

I would want to have closure with all clients when they are ready to leave. Some times I don't have that privilege, but most often I do hear at least their version of what prompted it. I believe that if given the opportunity for me to tell them how I saw their efforts while here. They need to know who dropped the ball, when it was dropped, and how it was dropped, just as I expect to hear where my responsibilitis lacked for them. I believe it's good business to have an exit strategy and to make it an expected and acceptable part of having been a client in the studio.

Of course, this all being done in a polite manner! Too much to hope for?

You will replace that lesson slot with someone else.

What can you do to avoid this from happening again.

Give yourself a little reward Rocket88. You are a survivor!

Betty Patnude

I agree it was rude to offer no explanation, but maybe it's a sign of the economic times and the parents were too embarrassed to say they couldn't afford more lessons.

There could be personal problems at home - don't assume it was anything over which you had control.

I work in a large music store that has a person who is primarily in charge of scheduling, etc, but this parent went around that somehow and spoke to one of the sales clerks.

I want to once again thank all for your support and empathy...Barb860, Roxy, Morodine, Betty, Ann, Azn, and anyone else.

Its amazing how empathy from people who have gone though similar experiences can be so healing. Thanks again.