Hello all out there in Piano World, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I've been teaching privately for 14 years, and I've recently started teaching in my home. My house affords a perfect waiting area and piano studio next to the waiting area, right next to an entrance. Everything is there for a perfect studio, with one exception: the bathroom is upstairs. During a recent lesson, I had a student's sibling wander upsstairs, use the bathroom, and explore my house, that which I want completely separate from the teaching. I'm toying around with the idea of roping off the stairwell to the rest of the house. What is most irritating ist the parent didn't have a problem with their child invading my home, and just sat in the waiting area talking on her cell phone. Has anyone had a similar situation and could offer advice?

Hi and

I have a similar situation . . . that is, inconsiderate families.

My parents taught me that you just don't wander around other people's homes without their invitation. I have discovered that this particular bit of couthness hasn't been passed on to most younger families these days. A great pity.

They also taught us to relieve ourselves before leaving home and expect not to need doing so again until we returned. This, too, seems to have been part of the lost parenting art.

I make it a point to explain to new students and their families that while I am teaching out of our home, it belongs primarily to my wife, and they are not to invade her space under any circumstances. They may wait in the studio or in the car.

On occasion, I get an argumentative parent (not very often these days) who demands to know why not. I point out to them that by not renting a free standing studio, I am saving them $50/mo in lesson fees, which would be the pro rata cost of renting such a place in this high rent district.

Good luck,

John

Yes, I've had roaming kids when you least expect it. The one that stands out in my mind was a boy of 10 whose 8 year old sister was taking her lesson with me in my studio, the boy having just finished his lesson. Their Mom would pick up an hour after dropping them for lessons. This usually worked fine. At the time we lived in a split level home with he bath and kitchen upstairs as well as the bedrooms but, coming in the front door you walked down stairs to the studio. No body else home.

This boy said, "May I use the bathroom?" "Yes, first door on the left in the hallway upstairs." Five minutes went by, he didn't come back. About 15 minutes through I realized I better find him as I don't allow kids outside in the yard or walking around inside while they are here. He was in the kitchen which was very strange and I told him to go downstairs and wait until his sister was done. He walked down and I remained in the kitchen wondering what has he been doing. I looked in the garbage can nothing unusual and then I looked in the big kitty food bin with a swinging top. Inside was a package of cookies from my pantry in the kitchen. Two and two = 4.

I waited until the mother came and I asked for her to come speak with me while the kids were going out to the car: I showed her the cookies in the kitty food bin and told her what I had found.

She just looked at me, shook her head, rolled her eyes and left. I didn't pursue the problem, giving long term students the benefit of the doubt. The family was pretty strict in parenting and I can only imagine that Mom handled it well at home. These 2 kids stayed in lessons for a few more years, but they never asked to go up to the bathroom again. The kid must have thought his mother or I had eyes in the back of our heads because he completely missed the finding of them and that I had told her.

We do need to keep our eyes and ears open when students and families are on our property as we are responsible for their well being when they are in our homes, and we have the most to lose.

Mark the territory if you have to, good idea.

Why not tell all the families that your bathroom is not a "public" bathroom, and suggest that in the future all children (and parents) take care of business before coming to lessons. You don't have to offer a bathroom. Also be clear that areas other than the entrance, studio and waiting area are off limits. Problem solved!

That's great that you have parental support! I've had parents look bewildered when I've rebuked their children for wandering. I would have been inclined to tell this [i.e. Betty's] student, in front of his parents, that I do not tolerate sneakiness or stealing, and that if it ever happened again, his parents would have to pick him up immediately following lessons. (I'm curious - why did you tell the parent separately from the child? If the disobedience happened in your home, I think you should have dealt directly.)

I don't think it is unreasonable to have a bathroom available to students/family. Sometimes you just gotta go. Some of my students come directly from school, or rush out the door for some reason. I'd much rather have a bathroom available than a wet piano bench or wiggly student!

However, in this situation, with the bathroom being upstairs, I think I would personally escort kids to the bathroom, and wait for them. After a time or two of this, it would probably become too embarrassing for the kid, or the parent would get frustrated at paying for potty time. You could just explain that since the bathroom was so far away, you didn't want them to get lost or wander. If you are leaving a student alone in the studio while you do this, tell them to practice something while you're gone, and that you'll be listening.

(My policy specifically states, though, that other areas of my home are off-limits. Mainly because I cannot babysit and teach at the same time.)

Just goes to show how times and mores change. In the early 1950s we were mortified to even utter the term "bathroom" or "toilet" outside of the family circle, let alone request to use one in someone else's home. Our parents would have and did make an issue of being publicly humiliated if we kids were to have behaved so badly.

You hit a sore spot here, John...

I guess it dates me, but I see very few of the "must know to survive my dad" rules being passed down anymore. What I consider sacred is not even an issue with some kids today.. Have you ever asked someone what they make? Me neither...

I'm a "bit" younger, I guess, than John. (Not much.) But even so, I walked to my piano teacher's house in the '60s, a few blocks away from home, and was gone perhaps 45 minutes, tops. Granted, I had a male teacher, and would have been mortified to discuss such things as using the bathroom!

My students, though, may drive a ways to get to me. Some come directly from school. In the case of siblings, a student might be away from home several hours. Having been the parent of a child with a 30-minute bladder, perhaps I'm more sympathetic. Maybe they had stronger bladders back in those good ol' days? Or more secluded trees?

I had a 5 year old student this week say he has to use the bathroom. I gave him permission to go, but he said "My mom said I'm not allowed to poop at your house". He was only slightly distracted (and let a little gas out). It was difficult for him but he managed. Just thought I'd toss this story into the discussion.

OK - I must throw in my story here: This was (thankfully) when I was teaching in a studio and not my home. I had a 5 year old say that he needed to use the bathroom, and then immediately retracted it, saying he was ok and could wait. (My son was pretty much grown up and I had forgotten that you *never* let an opportunity for a little boy to use the bathroom go by.) The lesson went on, and a few minutes later I heard the sound of liquid hitting the carpet -- there it was, running off the bench onto the floor. He looked up at me in an accusatory way and said "See, I TOLD you I had to go!" as though it was all my fault!

Lollipop asked me: "...why did you tell the parent separately from the child? If the disobedience happened in your home, I think you should have dealt directly.)

I'd had this family for about 2 years and everything was going well during this time. There were 2 younger children at home besides these two kids and the mother was a diligent, loving, but firm expectations with enforcement mother. The father was even moreso.

If I had stopped to apprehend him, his sister would have lost her comfortable lesson time with me, I thought his response would have made a defensive retort of "What, who me? I didn't do that!" although he was in the kitchen looking caught in the headlights. He did ask for a glass of water before going downstairs. I didn't want to touch this problem and have a "scene" in the studio, other people were due immediately for a lesson.

The "proof" was in the swing top kitty food bin which was next to the swing top kitchen gargage can. Mom saw the evidence, listened to my complaint and took charge of the situation, leaving me uninvolved. Thank goodness. I had other things to be doing and I didn't want to be upset by the confrontation.

So, I guess you could say I delegated it to the right person for follow through. Otherwise, maybe we'd still be talking about this issue years later. They continued lessons for at least 2 more years and it was never mentioned again.

I have no doubt that the mother handled it.

[quote=
However, in this situation, with the bathroom being upstairs, I think I would personally escort kids to the bathroom, and wait for them.
(My policy specifically states, though, that other areas of my home are off-limits. Mainly because I cannot babysit and teach at the same time.) [/quote]

Great ideas lollipop. I'm going to use this one. Nipping it in the bud with a direct message in the beginning is the best, before it spirals out of control

What bothers me is when they go to the bathroom and are there for a very long time. What ARE they doing in there? Seems to be a certain avoidance tactic. Also, we have an opening in the kitchen wall so the cats can go down the basement to eat and use their litter boxes. Kids are fascinated about where the hole leads to. Once I was talking to a mom, after a lesson, and a 7 year old girl was so busy investigating the hole that she got her head stuck in it! It was so hard not to laugh, even though she was near panic and her mom and I had to work hard to get her unstuck!

I once had a sibiling of a student climb up a window in the room next to where I teach and yank the blind right off the window.
I told Mom he is not welcome in my home again.
Sometimes we just have to tell them like it is.

Stealing your drugs?

Unrolling and re-rolling all your toilet paper?

I leave the camcorder running and start playing the piano - and often singing along with myself. Why should they have all the fun?

I hope you're recording yourself