I had a student take 7 months of lessons last year. She had an inadequate keyboard and no pedal, yet she worked hard and made nice progress. Then they took off 6 months(supposedly just "for summer" and gave no notice of leaving. (Missed a lesson and calls the next week to say she's leaving for 3 months for travel).

This 4th grader has regressed, skipped the piano party and was a no-show for her first lesson after Christmas break.

She returned this week...and she's regressed further. When asked if she'd practiced she said "I don't know". I had advised the parent regarding a practice instument and the parent planned to purchase one over Christmas. As they were leaving her mother said they did not get a piano as planned and asked if she could come 15 minutes early to her lesson to practice at my house. I explained why it wouldn't work for me and they left. It dawned on my that they did not have a working instrument of any kind...that explained the evasive answer when questioned about practice, and the continued regression. I will be prepared next time to explain that daily practice is necessary, but at the time I was stunned as it dawned on me that they have no piano.

I dropped this student the next day, letting parent know that it is pointless to continue since she has no piano. I did not give them a certain time frame to purchase one, because I felt I'd been deceived. I think the 4th grader was coached not to admit that their keyboard stopped working. And I've had more than one student claim plans to purchase an adequate piano over Christmas, and then they don't. And overall, I felt that considering all the above circumstances, that I've had all I can take of this parent.

This child could have excelled if only parent were committed. I am guessing that the parent has in mind that playing piano would make her child smarter, and as long as they showed up for 3 out of 4 lessons for half the year (and no practice) that her child would magically gain an academic edge.

The parent asked for a refund for the rest of the month and I sent it. Then she e-mails to say she "ordered a piano and now we need a new teacher" requesting info for someone in our area. I sent 3 names of teachers nearby and said "I hope this helps". So there will be a teacher in town getting a transfer student who has not retained what she learned...now pecks at keys, can't read notes, and only remembers interval reading...and perhaps they'll post about what an awful job her former teacher did!

This year I have been careful to require an adequate practice piano and I spell out in my policy what that means. So hopefully I won't have to go through this again. Also I am doing a better job with the initial interview spelling out the commitment required from the parent. The parent is angry with me, and even though I think I did the right thing, it is upsetting for me. I did not offer to take her back now that they've ordered an instrument and I did not ask for further info about what piano they're getting, although I'd guess it'd be one with no pedal and unweighted keys (exactly what I said NOT to get). This was just an awful ending and I'm having a hard time just letting it all go.

I am also considering the policy of not allowing students to return to my studio once they've left. I'm seeing a pattern. It's the students who don't practice or who lack parent support who leave and then want to return. It's going to be my unwritten policy. I can just say that it won't work for me but that I can give names of other teachers. But maybe I should add this also to my written policy.

I'm sharing this in case there are other new teachers who can learn from it.

Ann, it sounds like a horrible situation. I know that these situations can keep you up at night second-guessing yourself. But it really sounds like you gave it your best, and then some.

This student is not your problem any more, so don't let her be. And yes, it's not a total waste if you learned something.

Lollipop, thank you so much for your supportive comments. I'd like to get over this more quickly. Your comments are helpful!

Ann, we all make mistakes in life, but the smart ones learn from them. You can only do so much to influence parents behavior; don't beat yourself up over it, and do take this opportunity to evaluate how you handled each aspect of it.

For what it's worth, here's some 20/20 hindsight type stuff:

During the initial interview, you must insist on knowing the type of instrument, and if the hairs on the back of your neck start to tingle, explain to them that you'll be happy to help them find an adequate student instrument for junior/sis. I did this for the little girl who is playing on my website. She only had a small Casio type keyboard, and I insisted on a minimum of 88 weighted key type action. Two months later, found her a Hammond spinet for $500 which was in pristine shape, and you can hear the results of 2 1/2 years of lessons for yourself.

Do you have the names of piano technicians in your area? I collect business cards from those whom I respect and hand them out on a random basis. I email them and let them know when I've handed out a card, and ask them to get back to me when an appointment is scheduled. If a couple of weeks go by, I ask the family how they liked the tuning/piano service. If I get a negative response, I ask them if they would send their kid to soccer camp with only flip flops? Or to boating class without oars? That's generally enough.

I think I've mentioned this quip before, but on occasion, I tell student that if they don't want to practice, that's okay with me, but they should save their parents the driving time and gas money, and just have them send me the lesson money each month. A surprisingly large number of students "get this" immediately!


I would suggest handling this a bit differently in the future. Tell parents that lessons will end at the end of the month, and do not give a refund. If the child continues to come to lessons, work with them and try to give them a warm fuzzy about you and piano, rather than remembering you in any negative way.

Best of luck with that new student who will discover you in the next few weeks!

Ann
that sounds very frustrating. I hope that you can forget about it soon enough and regain your serenity. I'm glad that John has given you lots of helpful advice here, I can only add my wishes for next week being a lot better!

canonie

Sounds truly awful, Ann. It looks like you are taking this as a good opportunity to look at your policy statement again.
I had a student tell me last year that she was going to 'take a break' from piano (she was actually using the time to practice her main instrument to audition for Interlochen) but I didn't hesitate to tell her that I couldn't hold a space for her. If you always have a waiting list, or at least say you do, you're off the hook.

I can't blame you for refunding a few weeks money. I would just want to get out of that situation, and I wouldn't want to teach someone, knowing that we only had a couple of lessons left.

Right, another teacher might think badly of you - until they get to know the student, and then you can bet that they will understand what happened.

Carol

I agree with Carol on this one. If they paint you as the bad guy, they will have to pull up their socks.

I like John's quip that they can save time and gas and just keep sending the cheques! Good one!

Ann, you taught the student two important lessons, even if the parent probably didn't get either: don't deceive your teacher, and get a piano to learn on. Pat yourself on the back and let it go.....

Thank you all for the quips, the hindsight advice, and the support.

Just thought I'd mention when I e-mailed the parent I said I would teach through the end of the month. The parent then e-mailed to say she wants a refund...that taking lessons for just 2 weeks was pointless. I then agreed to give a refund and pointed out that taking lessons without having a piano for practicing is pointless.

It is so helpful to have you each review this situation with me and give comments. I'm telling myself that since several teachers have reviewed this with me, I can stop analyzing it and just look carefully at the advice given.

I admire you, Ann, for calling it quits when you did. Its hard to stop being accommodating and recognize when a situation isn't working out.

Carol

Thanks Carol.

Ann, if I may, I'd like to use your situation as a springboard for a general discussion on studio policies and contracts.

Many of the university level music major programs are now requiring classes on professional behavior/studio operations. They have many different names for these, but the idea is help private teachers move out of the world of being an "Aunt Gladys" who lives down the street, happens to play the piano a bit, and is helping a few students learn some basics, and is charging chump change for her efforts to the world of professional teachers, credentialed, either with stand-alone studio operations or as is still most often the case, out of the home.

Several things are necessary to effect such as transition. Attitude and self-respect, for one. Well thought out studio operations and operating policies, for another. Contracts for a third.

Studio policies should look professional as well as being professional. Mine, for example, are laser printed on glossy paper and look no different than had I gone to a print shop to have them done. They are in booklet form, not a lot different than you'd find at any serious educational program. The center sheet is a calendar of the year, showing each week which has lessons, holidays, festivals, auditions, group classes, etc. Altogether, it's a 6 page booklet, center stapled, and it presents to prospective families an image that I know what I'm doing, have been doing it for an on-going basis, and this is not a fly-by-night type deal, that they can enroll their student with confidence, that their student will receive a solid education.

There is, in addition, an envelop which contains the enrollment contract. In addition to the payment agreement, it gathers contact information and background information on the student, so that my job as a teacher can be more focused to their immediate needs and concerns.

When the parent and student come in for their initial interview, I hand these materials, along with the student piano magazine, Keyboard Explorer, to the parent, for them to look at while I talk with the student for a bit and give them a short lesson.

I carefully explain to parents that they are enrolling students, not for a series of lessons, but a course of instruction, that payment is for tuition, not individual lessons, that when they sign up, they are agreeing to pay tuition, and that there are withdrawal penalties.

Most parents are reasonable and grasp the concept and are happy to be signing up with an instructor with a business-like approach. I sometimes point out to them that running my studio this way means that I don't have to fret about payments, income, etc., and can focus on teaching, which is what I love to do, and helping their student learn piano to what ever level they desire to reach.

In the USA, the Music Teachers National Association, MTNA, is also working diligently, to help the "Aunt Gladys's" advance musically and professionally. The reasons should be obvious. We get better piano students as a result, more music lovers, hopefully, and because they become better, more professional teachers, they do not depress the teaching income level.

Comments???

John, I'd like to ask about your withdrawal penalities please.

How do you state these in your studio policy?

Betty

Just read your initial post. Oh bother! I agree that all is not lost if you learned something from the process, but you did nothing wrong. It is inevitable that we'll all get students/parents like this from time to time. Hopefully the next teacher will not assume that you are at fault, but you have no control over that, so just let it go as quickly as possible!

John, thanks for your comments! I think I would like to make my "student packet" a bit more professional and you've given us all great ideas.

As far as the OP, I think I would have given the exiting student the teacher names, then I would email the information to those teachers so they would be caught blindsided. I know all the teachers in the MTNA chapter, and we often share information like this. Last year, a parent called wanting lessons for their child, and were leaving their old teacher. It only took a quick email to the chapter to see who the child took from and why they left, and based on this, I decided not to start the student. Local teacher groups are a huge help in matters like this!

Most often, if a parent feels they have had a run in with you, they won't even want to mention your name to the next teacher. Most people coming to me don't tell me with whom they have studied. Half the time, they can't even remember it! (That's a great plug for humility in our profession, isn't it?)

While I agree in theory with all of your suggestions, John, in practice several mitigating factors must be considered. For one thing, many starting teachers don't have the confidence to pull off a policy like yours. So they will do what feels more comfortable, and they will be your competition. They will even get some of the super talented kids. Or they will know that you are out there, and will tailor their policy for the more lenient parents and get business that way. For instance, I know it's good to have a tough make up policy. But at the same time, I like to offer busy parents a little flexibility. I know they are less likely to jump ship if they have been spoiled a bit with me.

All I'm saying is, your method works for you because you are a senior gentleman of a certain temperament attracting serious students, and aiming for those students. I seem to attract interesting rich people who don't want to practice much.

Some people actually want to be Aunt Gladys and you can't stop them in this country.

I think my method works, because I've seen it work with teachers in all age groups. It's a combination of understanding and confidence.

Understanding that when you do make up lessons, you are in essence cutting your teaching rates in half, and confidence to know that if your behavior is business-like, you won't turn off prospective clients. Most important of all, you're helping the student.

Read any modern pedagogy book, and you'll find the same advice. It's not new or original.

One of the great benefits of this forum is to offer teaches, who are often isolated and working along, the knowledge and confidence to change in productive ways. Ways which are beneficial to them, and often, greatly help the student.

And this is a wonderful example why: when you don't do make up lessons, you actually benefit the student and his learning. Parents perceive that when the student misses a lesson, they are out the money, but what they don't perceive is that considerable proficiency is lost when a week goes by without a lesson. They are actually out more money when students consistently miss lessons, because progress is slowed significantly and they end up spending more in the long run. By "motivating" them financially to get their student to lessons each week, you are both insuring progress is regular and that parents will spend less in the long run.

If students are going through a plateau of some kind, getting them to weekly lessons insures maintaining a level of proficiency and actually, there is still learning going on.

When discussing this with the occasional parent who asks, I always focus the discussion on the benefit to the student and family; they could care less about the financial, mental, and stress on you which results from constantly having to deal with missed lessons.

Way back when, when I first started teaching, and introduced the concept of paying for lessons whether or not you attended, I had a problem of students coming when they were sick. Student would casually mention part way through the lesson that they'd thrown up that morning, or they'd be hacking their way through a lesson. I questioned a child on it once, and she snottily (no pun intended) explained, "My mom said I have to come since she has to pay for it." I was furious that they would treat me this way. Especially since I DO offer make-ups for illness, within reason.

I find this is an issue I have to deal with over and over again. I do spell out my expectations in my policy, including the fact that too many illnesses will result in a loss of your lesson slot.

John, how do you handle illness?

You notice that I always say, "Parents may reschedule lessons." Rescheduling implies in advance, not at the time of. Kids get sick, and if parents call me in advance, I offer them a lesson time later in the week. Even if they call me the morning of, I tell them that if I have an opening later in the week, and student is feeling well enough to attend, I'll call them. This is a world of difference from no-shows wanting to make up missed lessons.

But fundamentally, the health of the student is the parent's responsibility, and if a student shows up sick for a lesson, I will march them out and tell the parent to get them to bed pronto.

Two points: this is a major reason to get away from the concept of paying by the lesson. It's lose-lose for you and the student. Do have a "per lesson" fee which is substantially above your tuition rate. Mine is $60/lesson. You can schedule/miss lessons to your heart's content. You are bottom priority, no recitals, no auditions, no performance opportunities, and your lesson can be bumped at any time by tuition students.

I want to add something here. Remember the transfer student I mentioned last week? She will be getting two lessons a week for several weeks, at no extra charge, because we're on a course of study, not a "by the lesson" plan. Many of my students have received additional lessons when needed, and guess what, parents are smart enough to figure this is a better deal than penny pinching lesson fees.

Ann,

I think you did the right thing, at least for you. It's hard to tell what the right thing for this kid would be since the parents don't seem to be very dedicated to her learning by purchasing at least a minimally adequate piano. I am not a piano teacher, but my teacher will not accept students who do not have an adequately maintained accoustic instrument. She won't teach kids who are using "keyboards" although she will work with some people who have higher-end digital pianos like Rolands or Yamaha Clavinovas... again, the weighted action, graded hammer, full 88 keys being paramount.

I think you did the right thing. You saved yourself the frustration, the parents the money, and the kid being put in the middle. The analogy of sending a kid to soccer camp with only flip flops as shoes is pretty on-target for what they were doing.

On the "other side of the street", I am an adult taking lessons, and pay a monthly tuition. Prior to signing up, I asked about what happens when I miss my time. The instructor told me that he gets paid either way, so come if you can. At first, I was a little put off by this, but thinking about it changed my view. First, the man needs a predictable, steady income. Second, there is more of an incentive for me to make my lesson times. I even schedule trips to start the day after a lesson, and end before the next one. Overall, I think this helps me, and I know it helps him. I am in a position where I travel a lot, and miss at least 20% of my lessons, but I still respect his need for a steady, predictable income. So far, he has never offered extra lessons to compensate, but if he does I will accept. I don't think he will, nor would I expect him to do so. What matters to me is my playing capability over the course of months and a few years, not whether I make or pay for individual lessons.

Hop

Hop, in the long run, you'll be far better off for this. Best of luck to you.

John

My policy states that if the student stays home from school, they stay home from piano.

If they show up obviously sick, I march them out to their parent, just as John does.

I misunderstood John's policy -- I actually do exactly the same thing he does. I do NOT make up lessons that were not cancelled in advance - 48 hours for non-emergencies (and, as the saying goes, "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine") and ASAP for illness. No-shows do not get make-ups, because, as I tell them, I've already given them their 30 minutes, sitting here waiting for them.

I also use the tuition plan, and break it into 4 equal parts, payable monthly, for those who prefer it.

[quote=crogersrx]
"I am not a piano teacher, but my teacher will not accept students who do not have an adequately maintained accoustic instrument. She won't teach kids who are using "keyboards" although she will work with some people who have higher-end digital pianos like Rolands or Yamaha Clavinovas... again, the weighted action, graded hammer, full 88 keys being paramount."

This is my new policy, but when this child had first started lessons I did not have this policy in place. So when the student returned in November I was reluctant to say my policies had changed. If I had it to do over again I would have told the parent she could only re-enroll with an adquate practice instrument.

I've made an exception to the above policy this year for 5 year old beginners.

BTW, I gave the heads up to one piano teacher whose name I gave out. The parent's request was that the teacher be nearby (this parent will not be inconvenienced)...and I only personally know one. So I gave 2 additional names of teachers I don't know who were in our zip code who were listed as piano teachers in our federated music club directory (and there were no email addresses for them).

My policy is that I don't do makeup lessons. When I get a call on say a Tuesday morning about an ill student, and only have a Thursday opening, I'd rather not reschedule because typically the child is still coughing 2 days later...recovering but not over the illness.

Hi Kentucky Ann,

Forgive me for suggesting a paradoxical approach ... only because of once being faced with a similar dilemma to yours in coaching badminton for 100 children (6-14 years) on Saturday afternoons.

It sounds as though you have a demanding schedule ... and have had to wield the heavy hand with a student who has regressed due to not practising (undermined by unsupportive parents.)


In my sporting analogy, the ancient parents had passed on their old badminton rackets to their slim progeny (an unwieldy chunk of English oak for a 6 year old to swipe a shuttlecock) ... it should be pointed out that IMHO it’s a miracle for a child of that tender age to hit the bird in the first place ... my ploy was to boost the child's confidence by substituting my pro lightweight fibreglass racket ... so often the parents got the message to upgrade the child’s sporting equipment (in your case the absolute need for a quality piano).

Parental support is a hardy annual ... we all suffer the bugbear of indifferent backup .

But what if you had obliged with the request for the child to arrive for the lesson 15 minutes earlier ... to practice on your piano?

So often "going-the-extra-mile" brings home the bacon.

Just a mad idea ... must take my medication!!

Hi btb,

You're right in that I could have obliged. But I feel a 15 minute practice would have been terribly inadequate.

The problem is that I had invested emotionally in their getting the piano they said they would over Christmas. When it was dumped on me that they didn't get it, I immediately recalled working with someone else who said they'd get a piano over Christmas last year and didn't. So I felt agitated over it. I also felt sad about the child's regression and then to dump on top of it the fact the small keyboard had stopped working and they had said nothing. And the first lesson of the new year a no show, no call. I was kind while they were here, but I dropped her like a hot potato due to my emotion...

In truth I felt so annoyed with the no call, no show lessons, but I at least should have let the parent know that I expect a call. The parent would come in with an excuse the following week and I would just listen and say nothing about it. At least with another teacher, they don't have all the disappointment that I had in seeing the regression. They will all get a fresh start, altough I suspect they won't bother to find a new teacher. All along it was the child asking for lessons, and the parent half heartedly going along with it. I try to console myself over the fact that this 4th grader had started violin in a school program. So she will have the opportunity to learn music, but perhaps not piano.

I also really loved this child, but just felt I suddenly had no more patience with the mother.

It was good to see you said we all suffer the "bugbear of indifferent backup". It helps me know I'm not alone in this.

Also I talked with someone this week who has a full schedule of students who said she relies on them not all showing up...that she doesn't know what she'd do if they all showed up. LOL! (Just such a surprise...here I get agitated over it and another teacher relies on it!)

If it had been a kind, likable mother I may have overlooked all this and just suggest they call me if/when they get a piano (discontinue lessons "for now"). And perhaps that's my regret. If I could do it over again, I'd have said I'd accept her back only if she got an adequate practice instrument. Yet I strongly suspect that they got another small keyboard.

Ann, your situation is SO similar to something I went through last fall. Likeable child, difficult mother. I had actually asked the mother to quit previously, but she talks over me, and makes a bunch of excuses, and so on. Lots of no-shows, regression, requests for accommodation.... I finally instituted a written policy this year - but nothing new. The same things I've always said verbally. Mother pronounced it "hurtful."

When the straw finally broke, the mother actually called me to quit - but I think she thought she was punishing me, and expected me to protest. Instead, I told her I thought it was a good decision.

The difference is, this child has a grand piano at home! Doesn't matter what they have at home if they never touch it!

I agree that 15 minutes of practice would not be effective. If you had the time available, I would have told her that you wanted the child there for 15 mintues, 5 days a week, and that you expected to be paid for supervising the practice. Anything less would not work. If the parent couldn't agree, then you would not be willing to teacher her.

You are smart to realize that your past history affected how you felt this time around. I don't think of it as a negative - but rather, that you learned from previous experience. I still think you were tolerant to a fault and did nothing wrong.

Thanks for your support Lollipop.

It really helps to know you've been through the same thing. I love the idea of telling the parent that I want the child there for 15 minutes 5 days a week an that I expect to be paid for supervising the practice!! I love it! And really, I would have been willing to do that...and charge at the same rate as the lessons.

Your parent pronouncing your policy "hurtful" is very telling. I have to admit I'm chuckling over it. Sounds like the same type of person I was dealing with!

Hi Ann,
Thanks for the more than generous response ... but in your own words

"You're right in that I could have obliged.
But I feel a 15 minute practice would have been terribly inadequate."

This is exactly the point ... and would have come out in the wash ... imagine a child (suitably handicapped in the present case by dim unmusical parents) trying to catch up weekly in 15 minutes ... with a teaching Dragon lurking under the lid ... the situation is laughable.

However, in your busy school you apparently put priority on diligent home practicing (no matter what the keyboard) ... this is where I draw the line ... in my teaching set up I make a fuss about the absolute requirement of the parents to provide a quality piano ... IMHO a child’s joy of practice can only be experienced on just such a piano ... without enjoyment the home practice bit becomes a drag ... which becomes a nagging imposition which in turn
unfortunately spreads like a debilitating virus through the whole household ... the sound of slamming doors at dreaded practice times ... and fellow sufferers need for ear plugs!

But as also suggested in my bleat:

"Parental support is a hardy annual ... we all suffer the bugbear of indifferent backup".

Perhaps you should put this bump in the road behind you ... and chalk it up to the above.

PS Time to take my dear dogs (Bouvier and Border Collie) for an early morning pavement sniff.

I was walking home with one of my students recently and he told me they are "reading the doggie newspaper". I like this! Walking dogs is so therapeutic, and I think it's very good for one's playing. Hope you forgive this little OT interlude

Or checking their wee-mails

Ahh ohhh! Just choked on dinner
Good one!

btb,
It was good to hear your "absolute requirement" for parents to have a quality piano. I've only been teaching 2 1/2 years, but it's clear the only students left are the ones with a good piano. ALL the keyboard players quit or were dropped (only 2 were dropped...the other was a 7 year old who would cry during lessons). I have a few early beginners whose parents are actively looking for the right piano...and they seem to really understand that it matters.

So you're right. I need to be firm about requiring an acoustic piano, instead of just making recommendations and letting the chips fall where they may.