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Don't forget to smoke and learn to say 'nice' and Great!.

I was looking through some old posts and thought I would update this one as it attracted so much attention last year. Thanks, at least in part, to some of the suggestions in this string, I was able to keep my son going - he's now gearing up for his second grade exam (RCM) and he's doing quite well.

Not sure what the moral of the story is but for what it's worth, I was very close to taking him out of lessons and am not very happy that I did not.

I'm assuming that's a typo for now very happy...

Just remember no matter what your child says they do not hate you (even if they use those exact words) nor do they hate music or the piano they hate the discipline that is required of them to sit a certain amount of time and actually think. So the more you can change it up a bit every once in a while and let them know that, like school work there is no option, the easier the practicing should be. Generally your child will only be as committed as you are. "Don't weary in well doing." You are giving your child more than mere music lessons so don't get tired or discouraged. Keep it up.

When some kids say they hate piano, they really do.

Do music music lessons merit "mere" ?

Gary D's comment was exactly what I was afraid of. In my kid's case the evidence against was that he was doing well at it. If he had been complaining steadily about his daily practice and had also been making little or no progress then I think it would have meant there was no point.

One last thing: in hindsight, Betty Patnude's suggestion of designated roles for each practice during the week was the most generally helpful. It accomplished two things. First, it set a limit to what he had to get done (for a new piece, maybe just a choppy, hands separate reading on day 1 for ex). Second, and maybe more important, it set a limit on my expectations - once he got through that crappy first reading of a tough new piece he was done with that for the day and could focus on something else.

Slow, steay progress rather than drilling deep on all things at all times. Worked very very well.

Thoughts on that:
Even for adults, it is impossible to focus on many new things at the same time. We don't accomplish more: we have a muddle of many things vaguely almost reached. Practising for anyone is more effective if you set smaller goals and work toward them, and gradually change those goals during the week. Young children can concentrate on less things than adults (in terms of a list if instructions). On the other hand they have a wonderful way of getting absorbed in a single thing that we adults have sometimes lost.

It is easier to work on one difficult thing and see progress in it, knowing it's ok that it is "choppy" because that choppines will disappear. It is discouraging when you are in a muddle, and encouraging when you can see something that you can do an aim for. Children like to grow and succeed. All children aspire to be able to do what that grown ups can do.

As a lesson for all of us, it sounds like you didn't just get your child to put his nose to the grindstone. You also changed the way you guided his practice. Would you say that he enjoys his practising more? I'm curious whether there are times that might even make a beeline to the piano on his own.

(As parent in retrospect, i.e. mine's grown. As student in the present. The idea of what small children can concentrate on comes from teacher training through a wonderful mentor - non-music.)

Yes he is a lot happier with practicing than previously. There are still bad days or days when he's not into it - I try not to force the issue when he's really at the end of his tether. And there have been additional challenges as well. For example, he's been working a lot on sight reading since his first exam (81%!) last January. He found sight reading very stressful at first but this turned out to be entirely caused by me sitting there drumming my fingers while he tried to concentrate. Now, I give him his line-a-day and leave the room for 5 minutes while he sorts through it. He frequently will call out "how much time left?" and that sort of thing, but mostly he just focuses and get's it done. Humongous improvement!

I guess the point is that as often as not, the problem was not him but me....

My only point was that we can't assume that *everyone* is going to enjoy doing *anything*. However, I would say that in most cases children start out, at the very least, nuetral. In other words, many small children have no idea what piano is, or what practicing an instrument will be like. Some of my most eager students have been those who did not ask for lessons but who were not against the idea either. Usually they develop a very positive attitude within the first two or three months.

By the way, adults beginners also have (usually) very little idea of what it means to practice an instrument.

Haha... I think if you effectively combined these two thoughts together you'd get;

Adult beginners (and many adults in general, too, I believe) have very little idea of how to practice.
Kids generally have an innate excitement about music, follow their instincts and actually practice very well when we let them.

Then, the adults who have no idea what it means to practice, quickly proceed to try to tell kids (who probably "practice" better just by instinct) "No don't do it like that! This is the way you practice!"