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I figured.

Not particularly.

Would it help? Sure, it can help just about anybody at any time. But from what we're seeing right here, I'm not getting any strong feeling that there's any great necessity. This seems like a thing for you and your teacher.

And of course to talk about with us too.


A couple of things:

-- All of that will get better with more experience. And.....
-- You are much better than you think. Repeat: You are much better than you think.

Oh......did I mention, you're much better than you think.

Not everybody was born as a strong performer. You need to be honest to yourself.
If have tried and tried, but the result still not there, you need to make a decision whether you should be a performer or be a teacher. Otherwise, your life will be miserable.

The key word is that if you tried, nothing to be regretted...

Yes -- but let's be clear: Angelina is a performer.
Provided she wants to be.

Thanks mr Steinway! I think you've just convinced me to try harder. Yu know the saying if you can't do, teach? No, if you can't do, you have no business teaching. I would to love to teach eventually.

That's a healthy attitude. You're not old enough to toss in the towel. You have so much time to grow and analyze. Step one is that old Greek idea, "know thyself." Of course, that's a lifetime process! But the sooner you can begin to understand the specific barriers that are keeping you from your goals, the sooner you can begin to identify the specific tricks and tactics that will give you the best chance of overcoming those barriers.

I hate those moments when performing live, those moments when you just go and think "oh god that was awful", and the bad sound lingers in your mind until the very end of the piece. I played newly learnt Kresleriana for friends last week, and I got all emotional during the 7th part (the beautiful sehr rash in C minor) and totally spoiled it (you need good control to split the bass / trills / canto, in my opinion, and I tend to emphasize the trills too much.) And I was so frustrated while I finished the piece, especially since I play that part SO much, and I had thought so much about how I wanted it to sound.
I wanted to restart that part, but well... Can't really do that. Training and experience is supposed to help you cope with that, and in a way it does - I managed to finish properly, even though I was a little distracted and very unsatisfied.

Anyways, whenever you feel imperfect, I'd see it as you getting closer to your goal. Someone mentionned Delphi's "gnothi seauton", and I think it shows you're trying to position yourself with your goals, and seing you're not quite there yet. Like to someone that was complaining he couldn't master some Etude-Tableau, I'd say, be patient, you're obviously on the way - even if perfection may very well be nothing more that a kantian horizon.

That's a ballll-busterrr.

Wonderful, but a ballll-busterrr.

Yeah, but I didn't say it in Greek!

How 'bout we go all the way ..... γνῶθι σεαυτόν

For a reason, it gives off a very Brahmsian feeling to me, and makes me want to play the 2nd concerto. Talking about busters, that's also one mean set.
I so wish I could play concerti. Now I could make the whole orchestra start over when I don't like what I just played.
"Sorry guys, I don't feel I like that passage, let's do it over.
- But it's already the 120th time ?
- Well sorry, I like it being purrrfect."

Do you feel unsatisfied when playing with other ? When they don't yell at you ? I usually feel pretty good if I managed to stay in tempo during the whole piece.

You're making me lose confidence ! I won't perform anymore greek then... :p

Pretend that you're the hot s*** and nobody's better than you. Feel cocky when you're on stage and say to yourself "I will do everything I want to do and this is how I'm going to do it."

I know, I know, easier said than done, but it often works for me.

I think the problem is more that regardless who's better than you, you feel that you could be better than you. It's like you're Clark Kent and there's kryptonite on your keyboard preventing you to unleash your supertouch.
And who knows when Luthor's gonna show and ruin the party...

Maybe I will pretend I'm the hot sh**! I can be hot sometimes haha, so that's somethng.

Or maybe that's the five beers talking right now..!

Has anybody read "L'Oeuvre" by Emile Zola? (In English, "The Work", I think).

Goodness landorrano.. Isn't the ending of that oeuvre a bit too macabre to evoke here? I did read all of the Rougon Macquart series some years ago. You rmention reminded me taht I would probably enjoy revisiting Zola.

Angelina suffers from a fairly common and unfortunate "accomplished young woman syndrome": An utter lack of self-confidence (and I bet, if I am forgiven the armchair diagnosis, that it extends beyond piano). A 20 year old guy with similar achievements is more likely to be bursting at the seams..Look around this forum for brilliant examples
Seriously though, this is not feministic demagoguery. It is a real phenomenon that I encounter all the time. Sadly it does not always end well. Many women end up wasting their potential because they never develop the skills needed for a more objective self-assessment and development and/or thy never get the mentoring needed to adapt and integrate into their professional environment. Further more, they are more liekly to develop a new crisis when the biological clock ticks louder and they enter into a panick guilt-ridden state about motherhood and child care, which serves to further jeopardize their careers and accomplishments.
I am speaking specifically of what I believe to be a common occurence among many, but not all, career women. This does not imply that men do not have their own concerns, neither does it inculpate them in any of this.

Thinking that the problem is you only exacerbates, the problem is yours. It's a St George v the Dragon kinda thing. It's not you who fear, shake or slip it's your body - you need to overcome it. The only solution I know for those who have it bad is to learn to visualize the performance NOTE FOR NOTE. This takes ten times more preparation than playing for yourself and is what makes the pro life such hard work (Paderewski said so). Beers don't help.

Five! ...


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Kbk, do you mean practicing/visualizing? I do that sometimes. Really helps with memory!

If you can visualize 100% of your performance away from the piano you'll still get the jitters but it won't affect your accuracy. Again, Paderewski said just one unsure passage will ruin your whole programme.