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I always tell my students that "Practice makes perfect" isn't really true and that really, it should be "Practice makes easy" - most will agree that "Easy = Fun" and that, therefore, "Practice makes it fun".

With a reluctant practiser, I will try to force-feed them a very short passage in the lesson, using the "Five times Perfect" challenge - in other words, they have to play the sequence of notes, with absolutely no mistakes, five times consecutively. I keep tally of their score by holding up my fingers, and make a bit of drama about it when they've achieved four by commentating like "Oh no - the pressure's mounting! Can they make the fifth one, or are they going back to zero again?!" etc. The students always take this in good humour, even when they do actually crack and have to start all over again - the point being that they won't take anywhere near as long to get back to that position again.

Ideally, what starts to happen, is that they reach a state of mind where they can actually feel the progress occuring in real time - you can always tell that this has happened because they no longer need prompting to try again. This, for me, is the crucial element to the whole process, and I make a point of talking them through the experience, once they've completed the challenge - not only to make them more self-aware about the learning process, but also to capitalise on the high that they'll be experiencing from the sense of achievement.

It might be about the same financial difference to the school's owner if this child could be reassigned to a different teacher.

Unsurprisingly, it sounds like you are burning out on this one. And, frankly, piano may not be this child's gift to the world.

If the school's contract has no minimum standard for music students' behavior, it should have one. If it does have one, maybe the parent could be reminded of it.

I am sorry the child is so unhappy. They seldom are so unless a stable framework, a good example, and healthy boundaries are set for them by the parents, and they are encouraged within their capabilities. You are not in a position to afford the child all these things.

Sorry Morodiene - I respectfully and completely disagree with having this "talk" before exhausting all other possibilities;

- making sure there is a good practice environment at home
- trying all sorts of things during the lesson - WAY out of the box if need be.
- incorporating technology - recordings etc
- being sure she really knows how to read music - bring it WAY back to lines/spaces, make games out of it, have fun and be sure the basics are covered
- on the converse try harder material - some students I've found excel when challenged
- be very structured about the lesson time - scheduling it out in 5-10 minute intervals, and writing it out so she can see it, even have her participate in the coming up with the structure for each lesson. many kids do WAY better when they have this "syllabus" format
- adjusting our demeanor in general to that of being more positive
- maybe she is on medication? I have had students who exhibit the same behavior, only to find out it's because of a prescription medicine.

I'm not saying one of these things will magically fix things, but it's our job as teachers to try any and all possibilities to change ourselves and our methods and adapt to the student to reach them. Such talks should only be one last Hail Mary effort after everything else has been given a fair chance and failed.

No.

Fun is not part of music. Fun happens by accident on the way, and I'm glad every time it does, but neither layout above makes sense.

Hello Elissa.In a music school, most owners are interested in teachers sustaining the student. So I cannot have a talk with a student`s parent about quitting piano. If I influence a parent into stopping lessons, the school probably won`t trust me with more students because it is not in their best interest to lose students. If a student is bad and stops on their own ,that is a different matter. Sometimes, in my conscience I feel like I am being a bit dishonest for not telling the parents like it is.......am I? When I got this student, I was told by my boss not to expect too much. So my fault too for expecting something out of nothing.I just did not think that it will be more of a sight reading class. I am reading all the comments here and want to take this as a challenge for myself and see where it goes. I am going to try all the different suggestions and solve this. At least this student is not the crying type. For that , I am very grateful. She is not on any medication, just maybe gets her way with her mom who is very loving and sweet with her child. Mom doesn`t understand about the need to practice so she is not going to help the child at all. I have asked her to help weeks ago but nothing happened. I am a mom to 2 cats and not to a child, maybe that`s why I find it hard to understand. Most lazy ones who come to me don`t last long because they realize that they have to work and put in some effort on their part for the lessons. They quit or switch to another teacher is what normally happens eventually. They go through a whole list of teachers because parents always want to believe that it is the teacher`s fault and not the child`s. Of course sometimes it is the teacher`s fault but not with lazy ones. I will try my best and see where this goes. I have to change my attitude with this one.

I will try this with her too. She whines when I make her play something again.Probably I will tell her that if she plays it well 5 times, I will give her a star. I am afraid of giving them candies and stuff because I don`t know what kind of food allergies some kids have.

For me personally, fun comes as a reward after you 'bother' to practice because it becomes easier.

Do you mean "past life" as in a previous life ...like in reincarnation?

You know something, that title sounds so familiar. I read a lot of psychology books. I enjoy reading them and often put the knowledge to use especially to deal with my own internal feelings. I will look into it and at the same time am going to google some child psychology books. I have never read them. One of the biggest reason I feel like I need to change something about my attitude is because when I think about my childhood and the teachers that I had. I only have the fondest memories of the kind ones. My piano teacher was a real dragon but started being really nice to me only after I started practicing..... My violin teacher was a real ogre and I started practicing only after he started being nice to me. So I am a bit confused about the whole thing.

I had mentioned all these point to this mom. I told her that it is just like learning a new language and if you don`t practice speaking the language, you will forget it. I don`t think the mom is going to put in any effort. She just wants her daughter to have fun. I am going to try my best to make it fun but that is not my teaching personality type. It is going to be a change on my part. I will do my best and see where this goes. If she stops, I`ll know I tried my best but maybe I am not good for these type of students.

I don't look at it that way. If, as a student, I start to look at it that way, I realize (a) that I might never get to "the fun part", and (b) when I do get there, I have an attitude problem of "This had better be fun, because I've earned it!" - and then during what was supposed to be the fun part, I find out that only a piano teacher would call this fun.

So, as a teacher, I prefer to think of "fun" as something in the mind of the student (and in my own mind), and I don't divide music or music lessons into "the fun part" and "the not fun part". It's all the fun part, if you want it to be; and none of it is fun, if you've decided ahead of time that it isn't going to be.

Lest I be regarded as a nasty teacher, I should say that criticism of my teaching (from those who dislike it) boils down to "too much fun and not enough honest hard work". I just happen to prefer dishonest hard work that feels like fun.

Ha ha. No. I phrase it that way to reinforce the idea that it is not the life I currently live! I have changed careers and/or circumstances a few times over the years. They all feel like different lives sometimes.

Would you all believe this. After my 'lecture' to the parent about practicing, the mom actually bothered to make her child practice. I gave her just 2 songs yesterday(one old one from the previous lesson and one new one). I am still going slow with this one and taking it easy. I praised the girl and gave her a star sticker on her book and wrote "Good" in her book. Told her to play it faster next lesson. I was surprised to hear her complain"Good? Not Terrific, just Good?" she says to me. Really it was just average but I wanted to encourage her but she wanted me to say that she was very good. Her previous teacher easily says things like "Fabulous, terrific, awesome, phenomenal etc." I don`t use those words in my teaching vocabulary unless they play outstandingly well. Next, I have to work on the mom getting to class in time. She is always 5 minutes late and gives me a funny look when I stop on the clock. I am very punctual and the school does not appreciate me not starting a student on time.

False praise is a pet topic of mine. I won't start.

PLEASE start. I want to do everything to help this kid break out of her current way. To false praise or not, that is the question.

OK.

Dishonest praise (or inflated, or false, or whatever you want to call it) damages a child's self-esteem. Excessive and unwarranted reward does exactly the same damage as excessive and unwarranted punishment. The reason is that, really, reward and punishment are the same thing. Every "Reward" coin we hand out to a child has "Punishment" embossed on the other side. There's nothing we can do about that - that's how those coins come from the mint.

The child himself is no dummy, and knows to look at both sides of whatever coin he is presented with. He also knows that any coin that gets handed out all the time at every occasion can't be worth much. Therefore, if you are excessive with your praise, your student implicitly knows you are also (perhaps secretly) excessive with your blame; and furthermore it means that neither your praise nor your blame can be worth paying attention to, since they are indiscriminately slathered over everything, like sickly-sweet ketchup over a bad hamburger.


There. I feel better now.

...which boils down, in the end, to:

a) Students are not stupid, so don't treat them as if they are.

b) Students need the truth about their performance, not lies.

c) Encouragement (You can do it! Keep going!) and praise (Well done! Terrific!) are not the same thing. Use them both appropriately. Confusing the two is a big mistake.

I'm going to try and be clear.

You can either teach students to become CO-DEPENDENT or INDEPENDENT. It's that simple. There's our two basic choices as teachers. We can teach with one in mind or the other. Unfortunately, many of us have "co-dependent" in mind as default and don't realize it. Independent takes longer (seemingly). It's harder to teach with it in mind. It takes patience, selflessness, holistic knowledge, long term and short term thinking...

A CO-DEPENDENT Student

-needs us to tell them "good" or "bad"
-depends on us to point out mistakes
-needs us to guide them every step of the way
-needs us to tell them how much to practice
-needs us to "get" them to practice to begin with
-makes music to please others
-thinks of music as a competition
-thinks of music in terms of how others judge them

An INDEPENDENT Student

-has an internal sense of good vs bad (they don't look towards teachers, friends, adults etc to justify their skills - or reprimand them - they know for themselves when music sounds good)
-knows how to self teach, or is headed in that direction
-knows when they make a mistake without being told
-uses their own resourcefulness instead of depending on the teacher to tell them the notes etc
-grows to love music and make it because they want to, not to please others
-has a genuine love for sharing music and hearing the music of others. they do not think it is a competition of who is better
-ultimately practices on their own

How do you get INDEPENDENT? You examine your intentions, actions, words, thoughts, motivations and teaching techniques very carefully and ask which result am I REALLY going to get? Now, and in the long run? Who will this student be when I am not their teacher anymore?

FeminicricketL

I'm still a bit curious on the way the music school works. I can understand the situation that the music school has put you into (that you can't escape this student), but I'm finding that as a teacher I had to actually say no to a potential student, simply because I felt I would be no good to him. A teacher isn't supposed to support all kind of students, all types of learning personalities. A young girl at the age of 8 should actually also bent over and work for the teacher, not the other way around!

I mean, chances are that the girl might still remain spoiled, as she appears to be, lazy and not happy with the lessons. Even if you do actually change (as you've done already). So what is then going to happen? The parents might actually want to spend that time in spa or something, while the kids on lesson. (at least here in Greece this type of thing can be happening, with parents not caring what's going on in private tuition, or one to one, especially for music tution which is a luxury item to purchase in the first place).

"false" praise is a value judgement that will be unproductive. (it continues this blaming cycle - I would never use the word lazy)

Instead take a step back and operationalize it. What you are looking for are ways to alter (modify, improve) specific behavior, not their sense of morality.

My dog is food motivated. Hold up a potato chip and she'll run through her entire repertoire at breakneck speed while drooling. My brother's dog couldn't care less, so different motivation must be found. At any rate, when I need to teach a new behavior, a food treat is highly motivating.

What you have found with this student is that your approval is highly motivating. That gives you enormous leverage. We don't need to speculate on why, just use it. I was going to suggest reviewing the Premack principle (high probability behaviors can be used to reinforce low probability ones) until you came up with this one.

Books. I am not a fan of the Covey book. In my opinion it is thinly disguised religion rather than science. But I haven't read it all carefully, and maybe you can get something out of it. Most of my psychology texts are left over from grad school and would be little help. I would suggest finding something fairly rudimentary on behavioral psychology and read the sections on reinforcement schedules, shaping, etc. This stuff works. It really does. I've used it in state mental hospitals with patients low functioning beyond anything a music teacher is going to encounter. The behavioral approach doesn't require you to do much different, but more think about it differently. Also, you need to remain calm and get past the judgment. For that I recommend the Rational Emotive Therapy stuff based on Albert Ellis's cognitive psychology. This is not for the child - it is to keep you from overreacting and improve your effectiveness.