Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Etiquette for parent during child's piano lessons

It really depends on the child and parent. I had a particularly insecure boy (he was 8 or 9 when he started with me) and he insisted on his mother being right there. She is a principal at a school, but I had no problems teaching with her watching. There were never discipline issues with the boy and I knew that if he felt comforted by her presence, it was worth her being there. Then I encouraged her to sit on the other side of the dividing wall (it is made of glass blocks and it doesn't go all the way up to the ceiling, so definitely within earshot). I did this because I thought the boy needed to develop a sense of security once he had taken lessons with me for several months. She had no problem with that, and then I recommended as he got older that she go "shopping" for a few minutes during the lesson. Now, no one needs to be there for him and he is much more sure of himself.

I have another young girl who is very outgoing and talkative, but I think that if Mom or Dad were there, they would distract her, not out of anything they did, but she's just a little tough to keep on task at times. I had offered that she could stay during the first lesson, but the Mom felt it would be best if she didn't. That has worked out for the better.

I think in most cases, it is for the benefit of the child to become independent learners. If the boy above was not so obviously insecure and the parent wanted to be there to help out during the week, I wouldn't have a problem with that. In fact, I had a voice student whose father wanted to be right there during lessons, I'm sure to learn alongside him what he could. I had no problems with that.

I think that John v.d.Brook has got it right, as he video records each lesson, whether parents are present, or not, and his students can take the dvd home with them to review the lesson.
Parents can also view the video, and support as necessary.

What made my statement arrogant. Your total insecurity that makes you think that the presence of the parent interfere you. The parent just sit there watching what you do. If you have full control of the student, the student will pay attention to you. Your inability to control the student that makes them to do other thing.

Again, I affirm that teachers insecurity that will make them think this way. If you have nothing to hide, you will not care whether 1 parent, 2 parents, or even uncles and aunts around.

I love when the parent attends the class, it will help tremendously. The kid feels that the parent care and more importantly, the parent will be able to help.

Remember that TIGER Mom book, she attends every single lesson that is why she can help her kid progress. Little kids do not have the concentration span like that of adult, in addition, little kids careless about what to do and practice at home.

Sure, Ronald, after 23 years of teaching and performing, I still feel insecure about being watched... Seriously, being observed is that last thing I'm concerned about. If you haven't noticed the effect some parents have on their children, you aren't paying attention.

Anyway, I'm convinced you don't have the intelligence to understand the point I was making, so I won't bother with you any further. Let's try and stay out of each other's way from now on, shall we?

Performing and teaching is totally different thing. It shows also you cannot differentiate the two.

It is just YOUR personality, the length of your teaching experience means nothing. It is just a flaw...

In the classroom, you are the pilot. You control the flow etc, you have to really know what you do to make the parent respects you. If the parent is dare to interfere, because the parent can feel that you are weak. If you have full control, the parent will not say a thing, just stay there and sit.

If you have trouble controlling one parent, you will have big problem teaching in a group lesson with 10 kids and 10 parents. I used to teach this way, so I know what I do.

Ronald, the pertinent issue here is that you lack the insight to understand why somebody would have a preference, but also the flexibility to adjust to the individual circumstances. Unless you have a lot of experience, you wouldn't know. Remember, I just expressed a preference based on my experience. I never said I couldn't or don't teach with parents present. I do, so your accusation is already nullified by that alone.

The only reason you can come up with to explain why I would have a preference is that I must be insecure. If you had more broad experience, you might be informed enough to know that there are pros and cons involved with either approach - it's not as simple as you make it. You don't even address the issue of teaching students to be self-motivated. Your narrow way of thinking says parents must be involved and that it's always a good thing. Sooner or later, you will probably come across the kind of situations that led to my preference. Until then, you just won't get it.

You don't actually mount any arguments for your case. Your posts just come across as just a random personal attack. If you think you aren't exposing your own flaws there, you are seriously mistaken.

Btw, performing desensitises you to observation - whether it's teaching or performing. That's why I mentioned it. I am not bothered by observation at all. In fact I sort of enjoy it, I just don't find it to be the best solution for all of my students.

Mind if I ask how old you are and how much teaching experience you have?

25 years teaching experience. These days, I teach for fun, not to make money.

I am talking about little kids who are generally cannot remember what needs to be done once they leave the classroom.

Why do you think I am attacking you. I did not even reply to your posting originally. I was making a general statement. If you prefer your way, you can keep whatever you like to do.
You are the one who feels this way. As you said your argument is for your own reasoning.

Ronald,

You presumed that insecurity is the only reason why a teacher might worry about parental involvement. That does seem like a rather aggressive attack on Ando. How else can a reasoning person view this:



You not helping me make my case, man!

Have to respectfully disagree with your premise that "Only insecure teachers will feel the presence of the parent interferes the learning process or any other excuses." It totally depends on the child and the situation. I teach two children from the same family. Different issues when Grandma brings one and sits in my LR while he takes and issues with the other when the Father brings her.

Although I think there are many reasons why a parent in the room may not be always appropriate, in this case, with an 18 year old teacher, I think insecurity just might be an issue.

When my daughter failed to get a summer job after her first year of college, she advertised locally for summer violin lessons (hoping to snag a few middle schoolers who otherwise wouldn't touch their violin for the summer.) One of the students she ended up with was a 6 year old, with a very verbal, pushy mom. (The kind who failed to show up, called after the fact for a different time, and did everything wrong.) The mom alternated with the grandmother each week, and sometimes both came together. Both presented problems. Mom interrupted, scolded, tried to re-interpret instructions, etc. Grandma defended. Student looked at mom or grandma before answering any question. Compounding the problem was that the student didn't touch her instrument between lessons, so there was next to no learning taking place.

My daughter was 19, and not an experienced teacher. It was a dismal failure. There were far too many adults in the room! Don't think the student learned much, but my daughter sure learned a lot.

In my studio, my parents either sit in the car and wait or sit in the studio while the lesson is going on. It is their preference. I like having the parents there in case I have a question. I have some parents go do errands and then return to the studio.

I feel comfortable teaching in front of parents. I do not feel intimidated or conscious. All of my parents are supportive and want to be here with their children as well with me.

Actually, even "insecurity" has different levels. Given some of the negative parental involvement examples above, I can easily see how some teachers are insecure when it comes to confrontation, i.e. how to reign in the parent that is being disruptive, vs being insecure about the actual lesson. What easier and non-confrontational way of dealing with "unruly" parents than simply having a blanket "no parents" policy?

That said, I'm definitely pro-parental participation, though I believe that it behooves the teacher to "lay down the law" from the get-go (e.g. parent only interacts during the lesson when prompted by the teacher). Some parents are truly unaware of what is best, some may feel like their helping by interjecting, don't assume the parents know what is "good parental etiquette". Plus, if the parent starts acting up, then you can always point to your parental policies.

As for kiddos learning how to practice on their own, while I think there is some valid rationale there, that it will more often be the case that the student will progress faster with the assistance of a parent who has at least some idea of what the expectations are.

Thankfully, the majority of my parents are the same. I never tell a parent they can't sit in.

Indeed. Simple policies are so much easier to explain and to enforce. They can also make like simpler for the teacher.

What nettles me on occasion is hearing stories of unruly or obstreperous parents followed by a generalization about how a simple policy therefore makes things so much better for the student. I guess this is why I have been such a contrarian on occasion. When I hear the horror stories of parents diverting their darling's attention away from the teacher, or I hear how the meddlesome parent destructively undermines the lessons and the practices with spoon feeding or with their ego-bashing perfectionism, I like to offer counterexamples of how a parent can partner with the teacher to triple the rate of progress.

I don't recall anybody saying they had a policy...

... in this thread, perhaps.

The point that a number of us are making is more general.

I like what you say about "when parents divert their darlings attention away from the teacher"!
When I first started teaching, having a parent sit in made me very nervous! Felt they were judging my every decision! Now, thankfully, things are much different! The need to PROTECT the student from the parent at times! had one parent so aggressive, interfering with the childs every movement, to the point that the child was "frozen" in shock at each lesson! So this child receive a second mother to protect him from his real mother! When she started interfering, I reared up and, how I got so bold, guess it was just a protective instinct I guess! I told the parent "Okay, so next lesson, YOU can play all three pieces for me next week, and I expect it all to be PERFECT!"

The mother never said a word from that day forward, & . . . she didn't play the three pieces for me the next week either!

Sometimes you have to step up and stop the behaviour right in it's [bear] tracks! Cause some parents are just too over "bearing"!

LOL I love it Diane! I hope your admonition also carried weight at home. Sometimes I don't think people realize how damaging something they say can be to some people until someone calls them on it like you did. Good for you!