Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Did you ever drop student b/c of parent?

There are many parents who are uninvolved with their children's lessons, except when they want to "stretch" the envelope. I've seen just about everything. You can sometimes set down rules, and they may be adhered to for a short time, until the testing comes.

I still call it the extra musical dramas..and sad that we have to deal with too many of them.

I can't tell you how interesting these round-the-campfire complaint sessions are ...

Here's a good test. If you are spending precious time and energy dwelling on a particular student or parent, and it has nothing to do with progress at the piano but rather with your relationship with them, it is time to move on.

Earlier in my teaching career, I considered myself to have failed if a particular situation didn't work out. However, I later became aware how just one or two bad apples could adversely affect my entire mindset toward teaching, even with my other students. The time and energy wasted stewing over a bad relationship could always be better spent on other things.

When I would look at my studio, I would notice that most of my students (and their families) GOT what I was about as a teacher. They appreciated what I had to offer them, were happy to pay for it, and in return I busted my butt being the best teacher I possibly could for them. Now, they weren't all model students, but they were good fits to my teaching style. I decided then and there that I wanted to fill my teaching hours with only these kinds of students. This means that it can take longer to fill your schedule, and that you may have gaps in your schedule that go unfilled for a while when a student leaves, but in the long run you will be much happier.

I would suggest that whatever the situation is, the decision not be impulsive.

I am in the middle of trying to schedule fall lessons. Some of my students' parents are being as cooperative and gracious as possible, and others are being greedy and selfish. For some reason, everyone this year seems to want Tuesday at 5. I'm getting emails implying that I "owe" a student one thing or another. Do I favor the child who came several times this summer, or the child whose been in my studio for years? Do I prioritize the working parent who has one day off from work, or the jobless parent who has one day off from school, or the parent of the new student whose sibling (who quit) had last year? The parent who digs her heels in deepest usually gets what she wants, but I also resent it the most.

I feel like parents are asking me to play favorites - and like a parent, I love different things about each child, but am not willing to declare that I love one more than another!

It's been so irritating that I am losing sleep, and contemplating just closing my studio. I find myself remembering every criticism, complaint, missed lesson, or late payment, and the situation escalates in my mind.

But I force myself to remember the progress I've seen. The relationships with the children. The good I feel I do. The surge I get from interacting with each and every child (with perhaps one or two exceptions.) Often, the most irritating parent has the most wonderful child!

I know it will work out eventually. This too shall pass. Another month or two, and this will all seem petty.

I identify with all that you have said.. having encountered much of the same, but knowing in the end, that the profession is worth embracing for all the right reasons.

But how about this one. A parent wanting to bump another student's time because his kid is traveling in from the mountains.

Thanks PD for a big laugh this morning! I love your description.

Whether the discussion is riveting is up for debate. But I still enjoy reading everyone's posts.

Lollipop, you have my sympathy in scheduling woes. Your post shows me that there is an advantage to teaching year round (as I do) that I had not appreciated. By teaching through summer, kids keep their lesson time and there is no scrambling for a new spot in the fall.

I might take a whole month off next summer. Or at least 2 or 3 weeks. That is if I can come up with plans within my means. If I'm just going to be home anyway, I'd rather teach. Much more interesting.

Lollipop, even without teaching year-round, do you have an expectation in your studio that students will keep their same slot in the Fall, with only limited availability of switching depending on what slots open up or on who else asks to switch? Or do you remake your schedule from scratch each year?

[ETA: I hope it's OK to ask. I'm a mere piano student, but I am fascinated reading what teachers have to say. My current daydream is to become proficient enough playing piano to be able to be a piano teacher. I know there's a lot more than playing skill to teaching, but playing skill is the current looooooong challenge for me.]

I have never seen it work out that way. Some students have their situations unexpectedly change so they permanently drop out, and some decide in the summer to drop out.

I try to keep everyone happy, so if a student or family has been coming for lessons reliably, and wants to take all or part of the summer off, I will keep that spot open for them in the fall. I will use it in the summer if necessary for other students.

But if they have proven to be unreliable, I tell them I will try to make that time slot work, but to check back later, nearer the fall to see what is open.

This is because I have been burnt by unreliable people who want a time slot reserved, then they do not show up, or want to change it at the last minute.

I teach year round. Students who drop out, even for a month, have no guarantee of getting the same slot back. For me it is first come, first serve. No exceptions.

Therefore no arguments!!!

Not campfire complaints.

Fireside Chats turned into therapy.

Hey, round-the-campfire chats supported by baked beans and whiskey is a form of therapy too ....

David, thanks for clarifying. I have decided that if continue lessons with this family, I will provide a revised policy that I will absolutely abide by. I know the families that will not take advantage, nor feel entitled and those families will get more flexibility.

My "method" is to allow everyone first dibs on their old spot. For folks who want to switch, I take it as "first come, first served."

This particular issue came up because a family decided to have one child quit at the end of the school year, and their younger child to begin in the fall. Since everyone knew that child quit, there was jostling for her spot. However, the family assumed that they had first dibs on "their" spot, and therefore didn't bother to respond quickly. I asked them if they would be willing to move to 5:30, and they wouldn't even consider it. Apparently that 30 minutes difference messes up dinner, homework, and bedtime. Who knew?

I've gotten spoiled, because in the past, the schedule has fallen neatly into place without problems.

Gary, I agree -- first come first serve. Unfortunately, I cannot rely on promises to return in the Fall, and hold that slot open throughout the summer, only to learn the family cannot return in the Fall, or needs a different day, or time.

pianodad, my post wasn't meant as a complaint. I am soliciting the opinions of my esteemed peers who may have more teaching experience, more education, etc. than I. I truly value all the input I receive on this site. I never thought I would be in a position where I dreaded giving a lesson to a student. I didn't realize I would be faced with student after student who really hated piano, didn't practice, didn't show up for lessons, was disrespectful, sulky, rude, etc. I work in a store and there is a huge turnover. When I began teaching, I never would have dreamed that I would drop a student. As music teachers, we obviously share a deep love and passion for music and it's a rude awakening when we encounter students who arrive at the first lesson (assuming they aren't being forced) and seem to really want to learn piano, but once they realize it's not as easy as playing randomly all over the piano, and that practice is required, they quickly deteriorate into a totally different student, no matter what we try to do in each lesson to keep them interested and excited. In those instances, I suggest a short break, or possibly another teacher. I guess it's still hard for me to decide when to let go.

Unfortunately, I often dash off comments between students, so the whisky fumes and [ehem] possible side-effects of the beans might not go over very well. <wry grin>

On a more serious note, to everyone:

I have learned these things, the hard way:

1) Last year's "loyal students/families", when they drop lessons, may or may not return. And how loyal/serious are the families who simply stop all summer, without a very good reason?

2) Students who start in the summer may become serious students who continue year-round. Why alienate them by bumping them from *their* times when they are here *now*?

3) Serious students who are away a couple weeks, at least in my life, will either:

a) Pay for lessons they miss with the agreement that we will reschedule them at times convenient for all of us, thus keeping their slots.

b) Go off schedule and take any time slot I have that works, after they return.

As long as those guidelines stay in place, I have no problems except with trouble-makers, and they are welcome to make some *other* teacher's life miserable

Hey, let's say you are venting a little.

We all do it sometimes.

I have really good days.

I also have days where I curse the day I decided to become a teacher.

Most days are somewhere in between.

chasingrainbows,

My light jab was not directed specifically at your original post. But when a thread on the teachers forum turns into serial story swapping, and in this case it turned into serial parent bashing for a little while, then the thread at that point can aptly be described using my little campfire chat analogy. I thought I had pulled off a gentle critique with a touch of humor.

No problem, Gary. I was a little surprised at your comment, b/c my OP was really not my kind of "venting." When I vent, it's usually much more intense. I like to think of our replies as sharing, but there are times I do vent, I will totally admit to that.