The first four piano caption contests were great fun - and proved that there are more than a few clever and funny people among us. This Contest #5 has been a long time coming, partly because I've been busy helping Faust Harrison Pianos build and open two new showrooms and a new piano factory, but mostly because my material ran dry. Fortunately, a friend just sent me a gem from the Albany Times Union. It is SCREAMING for a great caption.

http://www.timesunion.com/default/photo/Ed-August-inspects-the-flood-damage-to-his-1569434.php

First prize for the best submitted caption is a guided tour (by Your's Truly) of our new piano restoration center in White Plains, NY. Good luck to everyone.

"Well the last piece I wrote was for burning piano."

That's what I get for trying to interpret that Muddy Waters' blues song too literally.

When I played this piece at the Burning Man festival two weeks ago they loved it!

I hired you to turn the pages for my piano music...not my PIANO onto its MUSIC PAGES?!?!

"If those kids from the University are gonna keep playing those damned wacky John Cage prepared-piano pieces they're just going to have to find somewhere else to practice!"

"Do you think a Dampp Chaser would help?"

I've heard of a slow page turner but this just takes it to a whole new level.

Burn baby burn, piano inferno... (Sung to the tune of disco inferno)

Only YOU can prevent piano fires.

No wonder it didn't sound right; I was supposed to play F#.

In case you did not click the Times Union link, the real caption reads:

"Ed August inspects the flood damage to his concert grand piano in the salon of his Wedgewwood bed and breakfast in the Village of Schoharie Thursday Sept. 1, 2011."

I had a few customers in the Schoharie Valley lose their pianos in the floods from Tropical Storm Irene. I can find no humor in this photo.

"Yep, the warranty just ran out."

Can anyone tell what kind of piano it is? The plate looks Steinway (I think).

Very sad. I hope he has a good insurance policy on the piano.

I feel sorry for the guy. Is that his own composition he is peeling off? My caption would be, " Honey,....cancel the tuning appointment"

Damn. That IS really sad. I didn't read the link. Thanks for shedding light...

I wouldn't be surprised if many folks' insurance doesn't cover hurricane/flood damage... it is a terrible thing.

But in the spirit of humor being a way of coping, how about:

"Handel's water music was not meant for piano."

I've heard of playing in a fluid style, but this is rediculous.

From the photo, I assume it is a Steinway B. Can't tell if it is any bigger, but it is a Steinway B or D.

"See how dirt and moisture accumulate and clog up the piano's working components!"
"Call in my tuner-tech already!!"


Actually, this is quite sad. How many other pianos have been inundated, just like this one?

BTW, it seems to be a "D", as the original picture caption said "concert Grand piano".

This is very saddening to see
Best wishes to the affected

"Bit of WD40 on the flanges and she'll be good as new."

Irving,

I'm assuming the reason you started this thread is so you can show off the "after" photos when you finish the restoration

"Repairs for things like sticking keys and buzzing strings are common for acoustic pianos. Digitals require no maintenance and are very durable and reliable." - Gyro

"My wife is going to kill me!"

"Setting the piano on fire was not worth the spiritual ascension, Jimi!"

Meh! I tried! I'm alluding to Hendrix, of course.

"As you can see, my piano playing burns with passion."

All jokes aside, I am very sorry to hear about the flood damage! Hope everything works out and they can eventually purchase a new grand.

It's been ages since i've looked at this!

The Bass break has me thinking it's a "B"

Hmmmm... I can't figure out if it's the tempo or the chord changes that's making this piece so damn hard to play!

Agree.

I've helped clean up stricken areas after major hurricanes, tornadoes and floods and the last type of disaster has always been the worst.

I just want to cry looking at this knowing that not only is the piano destroyed, but also everything surrounding it. (Note the black mold on the walls)

The music there on the piano? I'm going with "Cry Me a River".

"Honey, we should've bought the Pearl River..."

"Wow, don't ever criticize that Saul fella's music!"

Damm! Looks like Jerry Lee has been around....

" I'm confused... it seems to say my right hand glissando should be descending, but how can it be if....."

"Darned grandchildren, always getting their sticky fingerprints all over my score"

All the homes and business along Main Street in Schoharie had at least 4 feet of water in them. What made it worse is that the water didn't just rise...it was a raging river through Schoharie and other towns along the Schoharie Creek. In some spots, the creek rose 20 to 30 feet. Driving through that area is so heart-breaking. There is debris in the tops of trees. In some spots the roads are gone, and no place to rebuild them. 140,000 acres of farmland is now unusable.

This is very sad. Can't find any humor but can think of some captions. I've got to think Irving has some hand in a restoration. So, maybe "Honey...call Irving."

"I'm trying to read the instruction manual on how to set this thing up. Honey, I know you wanted a grand, but I thought we ordered an upright."

"Damn! I should have listened to Gyro and bought the Williams Overture..."

"It says here that this was Keith Emerson's piano."

"I gotta stop playing Stormy Weather!"

"My LOVE for you flows longer than a river,
but my name is MUD now!"

***(But it's really heartbreaking.....and I wish the owners the best in a piano restoration or in aquiring a new piano!)

"Your trophy girlfriend called during afternoon tea . . . Goodbye.
p.s. Sam the pool boy has quit.
p.p.s your dinner is in the trash bin"

A bit dark, I know. But seeing the piano, that's how I felt.

Is this Beethoven? Something he composed when he was really deaf?

The music says "Blue Danube", but it sure looks brown to me!

"Steinway B grand piano was vandalized by a group of Steinway haters on Sept 1st, 2011 in the salon at Wedgewood bed and breakfast in the village of Schoharie. Likely the criminals are in custody awaiting their charges, only one is still at large...last seen with the piano bench and a #2 leg."

If you have any information, please call your local police station.

I can only go with the classic:

"Awww sh!t."

"I hope this is covered by the warranty."

"Oh that should buff right out"

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/ant/msg/2612549293.html


Look quickly... sure it'll get flagged soon enough

Jeff,

You made my day. Not exactly a caption, but really funny nevertheless. Definitely in the top five.

The captions are great. Please keep them coming. And please don’t hold back because of the tragic circumstances that led to the photo.

I just spoke to Ed August, the man in the picture whose home (and B&B) and Steinway B grand were destroyed by the flood. It’s unimaginable what he and so many of his neighbors have lost, but Ed, at least, hasn’t lost his sense of humor. He willingly posed for the picture; he fully appreciates that it’s funny; he enjoys that others are getting a chuckle from it; and he’s delighted to know that the photo of him and the piano is the subject for this caption contest.

Ed never heard of PianoWorld before, but enjoyed learning about it and he’ll be here soon to read through the captions. He’s genuinely looking forward to the laughs that they are sure to bring him. My guess is that some of his friends and neighbors will get a bit of a lift from this as well. So, if you haven’t yet posted that caption that you’ve been thinking about sending, now’s the time to push the submit button.

Regarding Ed’s piano, he gave it to a local tuner/tech who will probably salvage the plate and toss the rest. Nothing else in the piano survived the water.

Regarding his house, he converted it to a B&B rather than move away when time came for him to downsize. His large living room became a small concert space where he hosted several concerts a year. Arturo O’Farrill, who plays regularly at Birdland, accompanied on bass by Ed’s son Gregg August, gave one of those concerts. For the folks in Schoharie, Ed’s B&B concerts were just about the hottest tickets in town.

When the flood came, the assault was almost instantaneous. In just moments, the muddy water filled his basement and rose to nearly 5 feet in his living room. Ed walked through it, with the water up to his chest, to get to higher ground – the second floor of his house. A couple of hours after calling 911, a speedboat from Canada showed up to take him to safety.

Ed hasn’t yet decided whether or not to rebuild. He’s disheartened that so many of his neighbors have decided to walk away. The extent of the devastation, the number of houses that were destroyed, is still overwhelming to him. But his spirit is terrific; at 72 he’s still going strong. If he rebuilds, it will be at least in part to bring back the concerts. Bless this man and all of you - for your captions and your kind thoughts.

"See? I told you it's marked "ffffff" at the end of the second movement!"

Lets salvage what we can.. how about one page of the sheet music? This one here looks just fine!

And the winner is...... ????

Honey, I think the piano needs tuning again.

"This image shows that pianos are large, space hogging ugly objects that collect loads and loads of gunky mess, made of wood but can't float. It has two legs that can't even hold it up. What rubbish!!"

"See dear, right here, it says 'play louder on repeat", and this must be my 100th time practicing, so it is not my fault!"

"Silent Piano"