Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum difficult 7 year old student

I've taught kids like this. You have my sympathy. They suck the joy out of teaching. It sounds to me like the parent won't be much help. He/she has probably grown weary of trying. I have a child in my children's choir who has Aspergers. His mom is like that - accepting of whatever I do with the child, but a bit at her wits end. She appreciates me asking, though, what works with him, what has worked in the past, what hasn't. So even if your student's mom doesn't intervene, she might be able to offer guidance that way.

I have an older student who seems to have some oppositional defiance, and she can be trying at times. I'm seeing progress, though. It's just slow.

After parenting 3 kids and 25 foster kids, I have little patience (or time) for attitude or blatant disobedience. I am just blunt. (Not loud or especially angry, I stay gentle.) What I say depends on the moment. It might be, "I'm not going to teach you if you aren't willing to learn from me." It might be, "I sense that you are used to being in charge, but that is not the way it works here." Or, "I am going to tell you something, and you are going to do it. You are not going to argue, disobey, or have any kind of discussion about it. Do you understand?" Sometimes, "I am the teacher, you are the kid. I teach, you listen." Sometimes it is, "Stop. Now." I would even be prepared to get up and walk out of the room, and tell them to come get me when they were ready to listen.

Once, I told a kid, "Ya know, I get paid the same amount whether we do anything or not. If you refuse to listen to me, how 'bout you just come and bang around on my piano, and I'll go do something else, and your mom can pay me for babysitting. Right now I am just wasting my time."

I am not mean or grumpy as a rule, so my firmness usually comes as a shock. But I have also had times when I can handle the situation with more humor. Sometimes I'll ask a kid to stand up next to me. Then I take them by the shoulders and turn them around two or three times. When I'm done spinning them, I tell them, "We had too many problems. It was time to reboot. Let's try again, and see if this time you can....." They love it.

I also have two stuffed animals on my piano (sitting behind the music stand, peering through) - intended for younger students, but my older students like them, too. One is a lion with very large eyes, and his name is Seymour (See More) and the other is a rabbit with very large ears, and his name is Heary Potter. When students aren't watching or listening, all I have to do is touch the offended animal.

I have kept a report card of their progress - including things like how much they seem to be practicing, how cooperative they are at lessons, whether or not they seem to be learning what I teach - in full view of them. I let them know that I will use this to make a decision over Christmas if I think they should continue with piano, or if I should talk to their mom about finding something else for them to do. They are very interested in what I write on their page.

These are just random ideas, but sometimes that's what it takes - a slightly different or new approach. I wish you luck.

Obviously people have different approaches. But a child like this really needs and wants discipline. That doesn't mean you insult them or are mean. Discipline is you set rules for behavior and have consequences if they do not. Children feel safe when this is done properly, and they stop acting out. They end up loving lessons and piano. I'm not saying other ways don't work, but they don't work for me.

We have different opinions about what constitutes over the top.

Telling a child 'I'm the teacher - You're the kid. So you will listen to me and not argue.' is not over the top in your opinion?

I don't find anything wrong with that.

I was amazed and saddened by the responses to your challenge in this post. A more rigid and disciplined approach will not help but only contribute to the problem.

I think a 45 minute lesson is far too long for this student. Much better to have a short lesson and have the child say, "Is it over already?" Working through a lesson book in this goal oriented way isn't working either.

But you HAVE found something that does work and you should do more of it. You listened to Ode to Joy together and he loved it. He probably also loved that you listened with him. That was a wonderful teacher/student bonding time. And then on his own he came the next week with research he had done on Beethoven - truly a child who loves to learn and is interested. Tap into this!

Yes, instill a routine at lessons. Student comes in, sets up music then goes to nearby sofa to listen to music with teacher. Put his gathered information about composers into a notebook.

Then do some off the bench activities - flash cards or games on the floor.

Then go to the piano! Let him warm up with fun keyboard activities. Set parameters - he does something he likes at the keyboard then does something you like at the piano. Try letting him compose - play duets (Chopstix, Heart and Soul, Peter, Peter).

Kids love stickers. I have a Super Star Sticker Page in the front of their notebooks. I give stickers for whatever I want - not just for well played music. It's a great motivator for some young ones.

Just some ideas for you. Don't feel in a rush to have music reading and technique be the whole of the lesson. He's not ready for that. It's so important to have a good relationship with a child and be respectful and expect respect. If you don't enjoy working with 7 year olds than do find another teacher for this child. Music is a joy - teaching is a joy. If you turn this around and get through the first year, the next will be better and the one after that could be great.

For example, if your son sleeps late and doesn’t get up for school, the natural consequence is to go to bed earlier that night to get more sleep.

i like your suggestions.. i always ask my students what their favorite songs are on the radio or whatever they call it these days,.

Do you have any the YOU suggest particularly? do you have sheet music from you tube or something? i like creating my own exercises in that it gives the student a break from sightreading that can be very helpful in orienting themselves to the keyboard.

it would be awesome to find a published book of video game sheet music masquerading as exercises.. for me at least.