Gary, I'm sorry you've "lost" so many loved ones. Your post has weighed on my mind lately. I'm startled enough to realize I am middle aged. And how depressing to think of losing one family member after another over the years...especially after 65.

How do you have something to look forward to in old age? I guess you try to make connections with the younger family members. And try new things. Keep trying new things, exploring new music etc.

Gary, I'm sorry you've "lost" so many loved ones. Your post has weighed on my mind lately. I'm startled enough to realize I am middle aged. And how depressing to think of losing one family member after another over the years...especially after 65.

How do you have something to look forward to in old age? I guess you try to make connections with the younger family members. And try new things. Keep trying new things, exploring new music etc.

What about when you feel the same way when you're 23. Is there really something that you can do? There's nothing you WANT to do.

I lost my grandmother at around age 21. There has NEVER been a time in my life, as an adult, when I have not keenly been aware of people who have disappeared from my life.

The reason I hate holidays so much is that society itself more or less forces us to slow down, and I'm a person who needs to be busy, with people, to push the sadder parts of life into the background. <weak smile>

That's why I, unlike most here, taught all of December, including the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. The thing that counter-balances the sadness of the adult world is being around young people, especially children, who have not yet had to face the losses that we face in adulthood.

It's now January, I'm back teaching my full schedule, and it's all behind me once again. That does not mean, however, that I did not enjoy hearing my students talk about what they got for Christmas (or Chanakuh), and what special adventures they had during their time off.

I lost my mother when I was 11, my family went from a normal functional family to a cold and indifferent one, my father is struggling with clinical depression and alcohol addiction.

That's why I too don't like Christmas and such holidays. It only reminds me of how miserable my life is. I even feel envious of people who are feeling well at such events and then I bash myself for feeling envious and there's nothing I can or want to do.

Hi wuxia. Sorry to hear you lost your mother when you were 11. That is tragic. I hope you hang in there and see your life improve day by day (whether your dad gets recovery or not).

I think being in your 20's can be a very difficult time of life. My 30's were better than my 20's since I faced and worked through some issues in my 30's. And 40's better than 30's since I worked through more issues.

Anyway, I hope you see daily improvement in your life. A focus on learning music is a decent beginning to a better life IMO.

Edit: Maybe I'll change my screen name to "Counselor Troy".