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Has anyone seen the dog today?

Who let the dogs out?

My contribution to the thread:



--Andy

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
And your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.
AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes

Really good OLD jokes Jerry

Ladies,
How true is this?
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not a permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying "Go to heck."
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

· Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Excellent pianojoy, may I add one? "It doesnt matter" In reality ( inside the ladies brain) It does matter, in fact it matters so much that nothing else that may have been previously bothering her matters anymore, except of course for this very serious new case of "mattering" which will be directed at you, for a long time.

Good ones! Thanks!!!

Here's my new house.

You might need some "stairs" for that house Jerry!

Two Welsh Girls in a Pub....



I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are
you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are
you two whales from Scotland ?"
Then the lights went out....

It's time to mow the grass

Hahaha

This is what I need to do to my covers!!

sorry

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

I'm "guessing" the dog DRIVES!