Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Advisable to take up such a student?

my 2 cents:

He said "preferably female" not "female only". He has previous experiences with taking lessons and most probably he preferes female teachers.

"40 years old": Younger teachers usually have less students, they are more flexible and would less probably hesitate to take an adult beginner. Further he took pop piano lessons in the past, and younger teacher might be more familiar with it, so he would not be an absolute beginner.

"i am a 35 year old male, failed grade 1 when i was a kid" : It is absolutely OK that an adult beginner states his/her age and previous experience when introducing him/herself.

I agree that the first meeting should not be made either at his nor at your place, but somewhere in public. I am not living in The States, and do not know what danger a normal person could be exposed in everyday life there. That's why I am a little bit less paranoic then other members of this thread.

The most comments here are like he could be a maniac with kinda of piano-teacher-fetish, but he could also be a very nice gay guy who prefers female company. Or most probably just a decent young man.

Make an appointment and meet him in public. Take your boyfriend with you, so he knows from the beginning that you are taken.

Regarding giving lessons at student's place, my oppinion is that there is no reason unless the student is a child or a handicapped adult.

Students, or their parents, often ask to have lessons in the home, and I don't blame them. We live in a service-oriented world. So to me that doesn't set off alarm bells.

Give him a call and do a preliminary phone interview. If in 5-10 minutes of discussion you get bad vibes, just tell him that regrettably your studio is full, and wish him good luck.

A woman in a relationship is not 'taken'. Neither is she 'up for grabs' if not in a relationship. A woman is not an object to be possessed by one man or another. The OP's relationship status should not be an issue for a potential student.

I would personally feel very uncomfortable with any student who selected me on grounds of my gender. Or, for that matter, my skin colour, sexual orientation, nationality, or accent. (Of course, they may select me for these reasons without telling me, but they would be wise to keep it quiet and irrelevant).

I hope they would select me on my ability to teach piano.

Anyone so up-front and open about trying to select a teacher on grounds of age and gender - nah, that's just creepy. Even aside from the acute physical risk at the first meeting, there is a longer-term risk that what he's after has nothing to do with piano.

I'm sorry but being female and under 40 do not seem to me like legitimate criteria for choosing a piano teacher, no matter who you are. (Wouldn't it be illegal for an employer to specify these things when they're irrelevant to the duties of the job?) When you add the "willing to teach at home" part, I think the bad vibes are already there.

I'm not a piano teacher, but if I were, I would want my actual abilities rather than my age and gender to be the deciding factor for students. One doesn't have to be paranoid to avoid this guy.

If you are interested in him as a student for any reason ( $$ or adult student curiosity) I endorse the idea of taking a chaperone/bodyguard (the beefier the better) with you.

This is Guido, my brother... he drives me to all my home visits...

I have a confession to make. Being over 40 by a couple of years, I find that upon occasion, albeit very rare occasions, I can be cantankerous, ornery, dower, curmudgeonly, inflexible, and even, very, very rarely, unpleasant. Some students might find this a little off-putting and would rather have a younger, more generationally attuned teacher. I can understand this and wouldn't be insulted if someone were using this criteria, at least in part, for selecting a teacher. And, BTW, I've noticed that I share these attributes with a large number of my female colleagues who also fall into this age bracket.

It's kind of tongue in cheek to say that the gentlemen suggesting that this is ok have never been young women. It is not wise to go alone into the house of an unknown man on a weekly basis, especially when he stipulates gender and age. The problem is not the 90% chance that it's safe, but the 1% and single time that it might not be. Why risk it?

Whose home? Around here, most of us teach at home.

Maybe Pianolism could write back and ask him why he has these criteria. "I'm curious... why do you specify female and under 40?" Put the ball back in his court.

It's okay to want to avoid working with a teacher who may be cantankerous or curmudgeonly, but wouldn't it make more sense to interview a few and then decide, instead of stereotyping (if that's even the case here)?

Still seems odd at best.

I agree. If you went to meet some teachers, I think you might get a feel whether or not there might be a fit. That seems really creepy to me. I wouldn't respond.

Unless you're in very dire need of students (which as a young person probably not in dire financial troubles, I think is unlikely the case), I wouldn't consider it in the least bit, plain and simple.

Look at it this way: if you presume any situation such as this as so far out of the ordinary that you feel the need/desire to double-check with us, then your presumptions that the situation is as awry (if not considerably more) as originally thought are quite valid. Especially as a young woman, be careful of creepy guys (there are a lot of us )!

Is it a coincidence that everyone who thought this was no problem were people who had no experience in being female? It only takes one bad choice, guys. I wonder if there is any woman the age of 50 who hasn't had some close call by doing something very ordinary like taking the bus home at night. It's our reality and it sucks. A guy - absolute stranger - who says he wants someone who is female and young to come to his house, because she is a young female, is creepy. Would you send your sister or daughter there? Without you accompanying her, that is?

keystring, for the record, I think it's a bad idea to teach in students' homes, period. Gender/sex has nothing to do with it. This could be a separate thread. But on the subject of predators, just because your teaching at a school-aged student's home doesn't mean that a dad isn't a predator and won't hit on you. And for the record, I've had my run-ins with several cougars over the years. It's no fun. Period.

Thank you, John. I was thinking that it's not just females, but because of how we are perceived it is even worse there. It just doesn't seem worth the risk, imho.

We are certainly reading a LOT between the lines, here--- and not many lines, at that. I cannot tell if this prospective student is ok or not, and I doubt that the other writers can, either.

Pianolism, if you're interested in checking a little further, a return phone call doesn't seem especially dangerous. You can always block Caller ID from displaying your phone number. I would ask for more details on the points of caution that have been raised (preference for age, gender, instruction location), and for more information about his musical background and ambitions. I would ask if anyone else is going to be at home during the lesson, such as his wife, and I would find out what neighborhood he lives in (that alone could be make-or-break). I would ask how he learned that you are taking students, and especially who recommended you. (I would then follow up with that person and find out how well they know him, what kind of person he is, etc.)

See what he talks about. Listen to the sound of his voice. See what your intuition says. And make no greater commitment than to have a cup of coffee with him at a Starbucks or other public place to discuss it further.

If the topic drifts off onto the subject of, "What are you wearing?" then of course, that will be a clue to go no further, not even coffee. For a returning adult student like this, I think it would be well to discuss in some detail subjects such as, What is a piano lesson, How long is the period of study, What is the daily and weekly time commitment required, What books do you like to work out of, What is your personal musical background and the type of music in which you like to give instruction, What went wrong when you studied before, and what would you like to be different this time, What does it cost to take lessons, What are your studio policies about payment, make-ups, giving notice, recitals, etc., What kind of piano do you have and when was it last tuned, What do you want to do with music, and what do you not want to do. You might even let it drop, casually, that any kind of romantic or sexual entanglement between a teacher and student is strictly unethical--- just look at all the people who are going to jail. I guarantee you, he has a TV, and this will hardly be news.

It may be that you find this gentleman is not a good fit for in-home instruction with you, for some reason other than that he is a masher who just wants to get you alone. You might be prepared to suggest some other teacher, if you think he has a sincere interest.

If I may flatter myself, every student who prefers instruction on their own piano is not Jack the Ripper. Indeed, sometimes it suits the teacher better. My last teacher (and two others, over the years) came to my home. I like playing on my own piano, which is far nicer than what any teacher I've had, has offered (though I'm sure John is the exception to this). Also, I get to practice and warm up right until the time of the lesson, which beats driving 30 miles, as I had with my previous teacher.

All that being said, I'm 100% for any lady (or anyone else) to be safe and comfortable when making their living, and I'm 100% against anyone being pressured or taken advantage of sexually. Honestly, I think there are a lot of guys who feel the same way, and would rather protect a lady than assault her. If you don't feel safe and secure, even if you can't say just why, then it is certainly best to decline. However, there is no need to insult your prospective student. There are many tactful ways to get there.

All things considered, it's easier to leave a client's home than to throw them out of your own. Lately we've had a thread which disparaged those music schools in strip malls or at piano stores, but such a location does get around the "Your place or mine" problem.

I think our OP has lost interest in this thread. I wonder how much longer we will go on, giving her more advice and insights?

Until we run out of our brilliant advice and sparkling insights?

Until we find out what happens next, if anything at all!

Thank you all for kind advice. I have declined the student nicely. As much as I would like the student to be 100% legitimate, I think it's better to stay away as what most of you have mentioned. No offence to male students but the <40 preference has indeed sent some red flags.

Thanks for updating us. This guy may have been legit, but he was quite naive to write as he did, and that in itself was a red flag. There are plenty more legit adult students out there. Unfortunately, many of them do want to get to grade 8 without the time and work that is realistic, and many of them give up in frustration and disappointment. A few are a joy to teach. Good luck in finding some of those!