Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Adult Beginners Forum Extremely disenchanted with learning the piano

Hello. Just given up trying to learn the piano after 6 years, and my piano's on Ebay.

I've just had too many bad experiences trying to learn, and various piano teachers taking my money and fobbing me off with patheticisms about 'it's never too late to learn piano' etc. I'm 42 and I've found it really difficult to grasp new things, despite speaking 2 languages, having a deep rooted interest in the piano and practicing daily, on a structured and diverse basis (scales, technical, pieces etc. every day) but having a teacher tell me to my face I was the 'most awkwardest person she'd ever taught', someone else refuse to teach me and then accuse me of 'stalking' her on Facebook and Twitter when I was merely enquiring about lessons (I have deleted my accounts from both of these media) and to cap it all, a piano teacher who uses other forums take too much interest, comes to stay at my house, tells me she wants to 'adopt' me, and attempts to wreck my marriage has made me very bitter and has just taken the enjoyment away from what should be a very pleasurable experience, and wrecked my trust in piano teachers in general. And I just am convinced I'm too old to learn. Maybe I've been going about it the wrong way. I will never ever know. But I will never fulfil my lifetimes ambition and play the piano. I'm way too disenchanted.

Still interested in pianos though, and going to recitals and concerts, but not as a player or a student, just as a listener and music entheusiast.

I have always been interested in music since childhood, and I collect classical CDs so to speak I am a 'musical' person, however why does trying to learn the piano arouse so much anxiety in me when it's not 'supposed' to???

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences... I'm afraid my answer ir that it simply is that hard for some of us. I think I am awkward too in many ways, cannot learn in the same way as most people, need to get things my own way. I stick to it and I stick to my teacher because I see tiny steps of progression.

Playing the piano is different from listening to music. I listen to music that is extremely complicated and enjoy it, but I must learn to play things that are simple. Most of the anxiety comes from having high expectations and not being able to fill them.

To enjoy the piano experience at our age (we are about the same age) you must think of it as pushing yourself to your limits and learn to enjoy that. I love music, I love the piano, I love these old composers...I even love the bloody sheet music that I am unable to read... The idea of that mess on the paper becoming those beautiful sounds... but still there's another part of my piano experience that keeps me addicted. For me learning classical piano at 45 is like extreme sports really. It's pushing me to my limits every day. I'm not into sports of any kind and never cared for trying to kill myself with speeding, but sitting on the piano seems just as much a struggle with survival, just in a different way

I would say it's definitely your approach. I've had bad experiences with people like that (though they weren't teachers) and it mainly comes down to subtle details in my behavior that set people off.

If you've been playing for 6 years you must know something at this point. It could be something simple, like, maybe you're trying to hard. If you try too hard to write, you get writer's block, it's the same with piano really because they're both art forms. It might be something more personal though.

My personal advice, if you've had lessons, you've been playing for 6 years, and you're interested in piano but stressed out, then just stop caring about lessons, stop worrying about progress, and just play without even thinking and just let it sound however it comes out. If you relax and just play songs you already know than you'll find playing piano therapeutic as opposed to associating it with anxiety.

You could have a valid point there Rakim. I may have been going about it the wrong way, taught myself for a bit before I could afford lessons, but it wasn't long into my lessons (8 months or so) before I started coming home, putting the kettle on and feeling quite mentally drained and pushed too far. I've done a couple of AB exams but on my first teachers' advice I skipped grade 1 and went onto grade 2. I did grade 3 in June and failed, probably because I had a very freaky panic attack in the exam room, in fact it was there I decided enough was enough.

Now I'm looking at grade ONE pieces (I never could get the hang of sight reading anyway) and experiencing a massive drop in my self esteem, being replaced by sheer panic and feelings of 'I can't play this'. I'm doing something wrong here. Probably learning the blooming piano is that something.

It sounds more like general anxiety, unless it's related to something from a past experience. I wouldn't say learning the piano or even trying to learn the piano could ever be a mistake. I've had problems with panic attacks for years now and sometimes you associate it with what you're doing instead of thinking about the reason for the anxiety. Piano isn't stressful enough for that so it's you, maybe taking on a bunch of new things to learn just isn't what you need right now.

I don't know anything about the grade of a piano piece or exams. I just find sheet music and try to play it. I go at my own pace and I don't practice everyday, though I do play often. I play whatever song I feel like playing, particularly ones I like, as opposed to playing according to what will make you better. There's no point in putting pressure on myself about it because I have no plans on being a concert pianist and because people naturally get better as they do something.

Physically you are probably no different than the majority of people your age and there are thousands of them that are learning to play piano with much less stress and anxiety than you are experiencing.

Therefore, it is the mental aspect of learning that is defeating you. High expectations will defeat you if you allow it.

The best advice I can give you is to just stay within your capabilities as you practice and as you play. Play slowly, very slowly. After you have played a passage or a piece of music correctly at a slow pace, try to speed it up just a tiny bit. If that produces errors or anxiety, go back to the previous speed.

Forget about how long it is taking. Focus on playing things at a speed that you can handle without errors or anxiety.

Learning to play piano is unlike anything you will ever encounter. It takes a very, very long time and it takes its' own time ...not yours.

If you just keep doing it, carefully, slowly and without anxiety you will eventually get better. Believe me, it just happens. But not if you try to push it along faster than you can handle it.

If you do that, you will get absolutely nowhere and experience exactly what you are experiencing.

I am 71. I started playing 6 years ago and I am not where I would like to be. I have had numerous teachers for short periods of time. I have purchased a mountain of DVD courses, Books, etc.

I now know that all that really matters is my continued persistence at this. I just keep doing it every day and I am getting to the point now where I have some pieces that I can play for an audience (friends and family) that sound quite nice.

Oh, and one more thing. Absolutely, learn to read music. It opens the door for all options down the road.

Remember, you have 20 years before you will get close to the age where I started. Just enjoy the journey and someday you will be able to play the piano. Not tomorrow, not next month, maybe not next year ... but if you do not quit .... It will happen.

I'm sure that if I held any goals or dreams of playing proficiently that I'd be completely beyond my wits' end because of my continued lack of competence.

For me, the point is to focus on something, here, now, today, this moment at the piano. And if I end up able to produce music or something that resembles music it's a bonus.

Nevertheless, my teacher is encouraging and has stated that I am not the worst student he's had. Maybe he's just a good liar, but it works for me.

I know I haven't been ensuring my one foot is firmly on the one stepping stone before I have been moving onto, or should I say being pushed onto by teacher, the next one. I surmise all of my teachers are more used to teaching nice little middle-class kids with pushy parents who don't ask questions and really couldn't care less about pianos....

I enjoy going to recitals listening to other people play and picking out particular nuances of their playing. I guess I feel a tinge of bitterness at not being able to play myself but it was the lack of enjoyment of playing which was the straw that broke the camel's back (as we British say...)

No way ... you can learn at any age. I started at 52 and six years later, enjoy it more then ever. Play in church once or twice month to fill in for the regulars.



Must be ... seems it's turned into a burden instead of enjoyment.

Progress is sometimes very slow or seems to be unnoticeable, but if you stick with it the break-through comes.

I know I will never be some awesome piano player, and I do not have to be. Get back to enjoying your time at the piano.

Throw the practice schedule out the window sometimes, and just doodle around at the piano ... make it fun again.

I think there are two options if you ever changed your mind and decided to continue (there's hope I guess, otherwise you wouldn't be here?):
1. Play whatever you can and learn to enjoy that even though it isn't quite on the level that you hear more advanced players achieve. Forget all bitterness. Others may easily achieve what you only did with long hard work. But that only makes your achievement more valuable, doesn't it?
2. Learn to enjoy the work itself, enjoy practicing because every now and then you get something you didn't before. Live in the moment instead of worrying about your progress.

I have to agree. Don't give up something that you like to do.
Also, Stop beating your self up about how you play.
I'll never be at a super high level, but I do enjoy playing.

That's a very admirable thing to do, dannac...and in just 6 years!!! But if age is not an issue, then why did I feel so hazy in my head at a piano lesson then?? Why did I struggle to remember things we've gone over in the lesson and why after not touching my piano for 3 months am I struggling to remember the scale of D major?? Maybe I am the exception to the rule but whenever a piano teacher tells me I'm 'not too old' at 42, it's usually because business isn't too good lately. My last piano teacher - she who referred to me as 'the most awkward person she'd ever taught' plays in church every Sunday. Not a very Christian thing to say, I think - but hey-ho.....

Sounds pretty Christian to me if you know what I mean. :P

Again, it doesn't sound like piano is the issue. I'd suggest looking into something for stress relief, intense stress can effect memory. In fact my anxiety got so bad that I have trouble remembering age 20-22, though my memory has come back for the most part now, 3 years later.

I got into holistic medicine around that time and that's probably the only reason I'm a functioning person right now. Try meditation music, reiki, diet change (minimal to no caffeine and sugar), or whatever makes sense to you in the category of holistic. I also tried anxiety medicine but it doesn't actually help, it just makes you tired, and some of them are addictive.

Well thanks ... but I don't have the congregation jumping up and down praising the Lord, so to speak. Pretty much just accompany a singer playing chords from lead sheets and add a few fills here and there.


You may have been so stressed about all this ... you are putting too much pressure on yourself. I do not play classical music or listen to it ... but I'm sure it's harder to play then what I play.


LOL ...


Agree.

Oh dear...Is THAT your problem? I am hazy all the time on my lessons, feel like an idiot often enough. Hardly able to listen what my teacher says. She sometimes has to talk to me like a child...if I leave a piece for a week I have completely forgotten it. But that doesn't mean that I don't learn anything, I do, but usually when I least expect it and I am almost ready to give up on something.

You just haven't had the right teacher who believes in teaching adults or you expect too much from teaching itself. Learning was not any easier btw when I was a kid. That's why I never got anywhere and quit. Now I am older and more resilient, so I can take all the beating up that I give myself.

Have you ever been to this site, btw?
http://www.musicalfossils.com/index.html

I recommend you do and read some of the stuff there. You will see you are not alone...

I'm an oldie beginner, been trying for a couple of years. I just learn to play piano music that I like (Tiersen, Einaudi, others, etc). No pressure, it's for my enjoyment and a long haul whilst I still can. Been working on one Tiersen piece for more than a year - its way above my ability but it's actually getting there and it helps in other areas too.

Only now I've started to think about putting more structure into my playing practice, so as well as the above I now do some Bach from the Anna Magdelana notebook to improve the HT, and some blues and pop to improve and expand my chords, rhythm and improvisation.

Can read music but not sight read, I may tackle that some time. Soon

Treat it as fun and enjoyment for yourself, a little at a time and keep it. If it's not fun, make it fun. Don't practice on 'bad' days. Example: I've stopped for several days when disillusioned before the enthusiasm kicks back in, and find that in the time off I've even improved!

That's because a lot of the learning happens in your brain when you are not actually doing anything. I have learned to stop (or go to another piece) when I feel that I am not getting anywhere with some difficult part. And almost always I am better next day when I start again.

Thanks for the replies, sorry I cannot be more positive on my first post on here but experiences are worth sharing I do believe and I speak from my heart. I am extremely loth to want to contact another piano teacher because the fear of failure is too strong, however people have said I expect too much too soon (don't call 6 years too soon though). I really do not know what to do in this situation, it's like being tantalised in a sort of way and that's probably the reason why I'm posting on here. Also I don't know anybody else who plays, no family, friends etc. so I used to frequently feel like I was the only person in the whole UK learning the piano!!!

Do you have access to community college?
Here in the USA there are a lot of offerings for theory and group classes.
It would be less stressful and you could meet new piano loving friends