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No, I had never heard of Martuni's. Looking it up, it looks like it is at Valencia and Market. I do not spend a lot of time at bars. I have tuned at Tosca's, though. (Lousy piano, and the owner swore she would never change a thing there.)

Today was at least as great as Valentine's Day. Max Raabe and the Palast Orchester at our wonderfully restored Art Deco Paramount Theater. I told him before the show how great it was to have him back, and that I was glad to have my wife come with me this time. He said he was happy to have such an important person in the audience.

The Paramount used to be, let us say, less than ideal acoustically, but the announcer for the show, the Consul General of Germany, said that Meyer Sound had designed the new system there, and that the Meyers were seated with him this evening.

I remember when Martuni's opened up. The location had been a common Tenderloin troll-hole before, and I figured the new place would be about the same story. Of course, I didn't know Robin would be playing there, or I might have looked in. It seems to me it was one of the stops on the Tricycle Race, a Tavern Guild fundraising event of the time where contestants rode trikes from bar to bar, refreshing themselves with a cocktail at each. It seems to me that Chip Carter was in it one year.

The Paramount was a gorgeous place, last time I looked it (it's been at least twenty years now; I think it may have been renovated again since). It was serviceable for the event, which was not a concert. Even glamorous.

The tale of Trixie LaRue and the Adventure at the Breakfast Buffet (once it gets around Cologne) probably means reservations for the Valentine's events will sell briskly next year. I can picture husbands telling their wives with innocent enthusiasm:

"Hey, Honey--- I got tickets for the Valentine's dinner at that nice Castle."

"Really, dear? I wonder if you could return them. I was thinking we might try that Other Castle next time."

"Oh no, sweetheart; the mud would be too frozen..." he trails off.

"...for mud wrestling?" wifey finishes the sentence.

"Uh... I meant the parking lot," he recovers, with a slightly guilty hesitation but still good for quick thinking on-the-fly. "Those shoes you wore this year were so pretty; you know, the gold ones. I think we should go to the Nice Castle. The tickets are for Frau Goldsby's special dinner concert."

Wifey barely twitches an eyebrow.

"It's really nice," he plows on, "people say it's really romantic."

"Oh," she says. "Well, I heard some people found the brunch buffet very romantic this year. I heard Frau Goldsby went right off the end of the keyboard. I heard the creme brulee was a catastrophe." She pauses, then adds, "I heard they served beer."

"Well," he says, shaking his head slightly. "This is no buffet. Tables for two, candlelight, rose petals on the piano. Champagne and Crepes Suzette."

"Ok, as long as it's not creme brulee." She rolls her eyes, but the thought of the dessert cart is undermining her will to resist.

"It's table d'hote, with a Four Star chef." He knows he's won the round. "Not pig knuckles at the playoffs--- nothing's too good for my Sugar--- not on Valentine's Day." He leers slightly.

"All right, dear." She wavers no longer; her mind is made up: pearls or sapphires? No, both. Pearl earrings and a sapphire ring. She smiles. "I'm sure it will be very nice."

The Fox has been refurbished in Oakland, now, as well as the Paramount. I have not been in it, though. A friend of mine saved it from the wreckers, but she was not in a position to restore it and make a go of it. The city finally bought it from her and restored it. I do not know whether it will ever make money, but I am glad they did it.

Yes, well BDB, it's always a good idea to stay out of bars. Clef, I never played at Martuni's—the woman on the cover is a Robin-double, a pianist named Maddaline Goepel. I was so pleased that the photographer found a real player! I think the stylist put a blond wig on her for the shoot. And the staff at Backbeat Books got to hang out around the piano and drink Blue Hawaiians, to create, you know, ATMOSPHERE.

May 8th seems to be a big wedding day. I have just gotten my third call for that date. No other wedding bookings (yet) in May, but the 8th seems to be quite popular.

I am off to the castle to play for the press party opening of the newly renovated gourmet restaurant. I shall do everything possible to stay away from the creme brulée.

I guess I should point out that as a member of a club here in Oakland, I am a part-owner of a bar. But that is not its primary purpose.

I was playing duets with a nearby pianist for a while, and she got into trouble with alcohol playing in bars. People would buy her drinks, and she would lose track. So now she does not drink at all any more. It is a hazard of the trade, I am afraid.

I have one glass of champagne right in the middle of the night, and that's it. Discipline is my middle name. Right.

A couple of years ago I was playing for a Russian wedding at the castle. Breakdown: Middle aged bloated groom (let's call him Bad Vlad) with mega bucks and several gold teeth. Drop-dead 22 year old gorgeous trophy bride, who looked like one of those Eastern European models featured in Estée Lauder ads.

Five minuets after I began playing, the groom said to me: "You play 'Let it Be.' "

I played it, but once wasn't enough—ain't that always the case?— and by quitting time I had played, like, 13 versions. This is a song with maybe three chords, so it was getting a little tedious, but it was HIS party. Just as I was getting ready to leave, the waiter brought me a glass of red wine, sent to me by Bad Vlad. I had already had my one glass of champagne, plus I wanted to get the heck out of there before Bad Vlad decided to sing again. When I find myself in times of trouble . . . So I said nein, danke to the glass of wine.

"[censored]," said the waiter. "You've got to to drink this." Bad Vlad was glaring at me.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. It cost 1300€ a bottle."

"Well, in that case." I suffered through another round of Mother Mary calling to me, prayed that Paul McCartney would forgive me for allowing Bad Vlad to ruin his song, and sipped the wine. It was dark and somewhat dense, French, and woody, and I have no idea what it was called, just that it cost a fortune. I slipped into the bar, passed the half-full glass to an eager co-worker, and escaped before Bad Vlad and Svetlana broke out the vodka.

I should mention that the colors for the wedding party were black and gold. The men looked like Pittsburgh Steelers. The women looked like very slim bumblebees.

[Monica sprays diet Coke all over computer keyboard] ROFL!

What a terrifically funny story for anybody who didn't have to live through it.

"Well, in that case."

Doesn't that just say it all. It reminds me of Shirley McClaine's favorite comeback line in Irma la Douce: She would think for a minute, kind of shrug, and then reply, "Why not." It seemed quite a reach when I first heard it, but I found that I just took it up myself... it covers so many cases.

****************************************************

Once again, I was going to hold this back. But, "Why not." (Funny how we never ask, "Why should I---" or not often enough.)

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A body double. Well, we've entered a new dimension of show biz glamour, I guess. I associate these specialists with movie stars, and perhaps, certain politicians. And stage impersonators of famous persons (often lip-synching), though I think the genre has fallen off in recent years, except in south Florida. The one that comes to mind immediately is the gentleman who served as the body double for Michael J. Fox's bare porkchops in one of his movies--- an outstanding performance. I always assumed it was a double, but maybe not; some performers pride themselves on doing their own stunts, and...

I think this calls for a Mae West quote, but I've had some trouble deciding on just the right one.

"It's better to be looked over than overlooked."

"Give a man a free hand, and he'll run it all over you."

"It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it."

Backbeat Books' address on Harrison Street in San Francisco would be right around the corner from Martuni's--- and, God knows, one is practically muffled at the door by wigs, in places like these. Yes, as BDB said, one is sent drinks by admirers very often; a slippery slope indeed, especially for performers. I have slid down it, in my day. A smile and a gracious "Thank you," is good, but there's no law that says you have to drink the martinis at Martuni's... not all of them, anyway. I remember one quiet afternoon which I spent in a little boite further down Market Street, rolling dice with the patrons for martinis. Funny what bad luck they seemed to have. "Loaded," and "dice;" they might almost as well be the same word.

Three weddings on a single date in May! This is less like rolling the dice, and more like winning the trifecta at Bay Meadows. Of course, their idea is to beat the stampede of June brides, and head the raid at the wedding registry off at the pass. Marriage itself is somewhat like gambling at a casino: the occasional payoff is vigorously advertized, but we know the house always wins.

CLef, I hate to disappoint you, but the body double had nothing to do with glamour. In fact, it was the opposite. It would have cost a fortune for Backbeat to fly me to Martuni's from Germany. I tried to get them to do it, but they politely declined. The decision to use the double was for budget reasons.

Sadly, Backbeat is no longer on Market Street. They have been "absorbed" by Hal Leonard and now exist as a Hal Leoonard imprint. Offices are in New York. All of the wonderful people involved with the publication of Piano Girl have moved on to other jobs. I miss them so much. So it goes.

Right after I read your last post, someone sent me a hilarious photo from the society page of a German newspaper, taken at the big press shindig on Wednesday evening. In the picture, I am sitting at the piano while the hotel sommelier is pouring a glass of champagne for me. The caption could very well be WARUM NICHT??? (why not?)

Hey, Monica! Glad you liked that bumble bee line. And hope all is well for you! Cheers!

Bay Meadows Race Track is but a memory now, so three weddings on a single date is much more likely than winning a trifecta there.

What are the odds? A chair in the name of one of my mathematics professors at Cal was endowed by one of his students who won the super lottery. Does that prove or disprove the old adage that lotteries are a tax on the mathematically ignorant?

There are so many cases that prove the irrelevancy of the odds--- maybe the most glaringly obvious being the extreme unlikelihood that any one certain sperm cell will fertilize an egg (the eggs' odds these days aren't what they used to be, either). It would take a supercomputer. Yet, here we are (if you want to talk about winning the trifecta).

On the other hand, if a girl isn't mighty careful, the vanishingly improbable becomes virtually certain.

You may have heard the story about the person who prayed to God to win the lottery. The whining and pleading got louder and louder with every unsuccessful day. Finally, in mid-prayer one day, the person heard a Voice--- it was the Voice of God. And the Voice said, "BUY a TICKET."

So I guess, whether we're talking about matrimony, poker, roulette, 21, craps, the Kentucky Derby, or the Meaning of Life Sweepstakes, the Principle of Least Astonishment convinces us all that we're going to beat the odds, somehow.

Good job on endowing the mathematics chair! Perhaps the greatest job of beating the odds yet.


PS:

Hal Leonard is a good house, Robin. The name's not as catchy as BackBeat Books, but they publish some fine titles and seem to have some dedication to music education for its own sake. I would think your book is in pretty good hands with them.

I would agree with Jeff. Hal Leonard has been around a long time and is respected in the industry.

Oh, yes! I'm very happy that Piano Girl is now with Hal Leonard. Before they took over Backbeat, they were already distributing the book to the music trade. HL is a publisher and a distributer, which gives them an edge in the publishing world. Luckily, I have a very nice relationship with the people who work there.

I wish I could play all three weddings on May 8th—but I can't. The first one I booked is in Dresden, which is a 90 minute flight from here. I'm playing at noon. Technically, I could get back in time to do a gig that night, but the following day is Mother's Day, and I have a marathon that day, including my concert in candlelight—the one that got snowed out in December—which has been rescheduled for Mother's Day evening. So it goes. I wonder if Buttercup will show up. If she could wreck the vibe on Valentine's Day, imagine the damage she could do on Mother's Day.

It was an uneventful weekend at the castle. Everyone behaved. But spring is coming, so things are bound to perk up.

Dresden, you say. I'm just reading a biography of Rachmaninoff, and he lived in Dresden for a long time and composed quite a bit there. He found it less high-pressure than Moscow.

I wonder if any place he lived or performed is still standing. I guess you could commune with the atmosphere of inspiration anyway.

I will do my best to commune with the atmosphere of inspiration in Dresden, Clef! You must have a billion fun facts lodged in that big brain of yours. Anyone who can discuss Rachmaninoff and Ginger from Gilligan's Island with equal amounts of enthusiasm earns a place in my heart.

The next few weeks will be very busy for me. I'm headed to Boston for an event, then to NYC for some business meetings, then back to Germany where I have two concerts and a wedding to play all in one week. It's March, and my hibernating instincts are still in high gear. What I really want to do is stay home with my kids, cook soup, write and play the piano; but making a living sometimes gets in the way of that. I'll be checking in here from the road.

Of course I don't like to disagree with you on your own thread, Robin, but "equal enthusiasm for both Ginger and Rachmaninoff" is really stretching it tissue-thin. You're very kind, all the same. Many of my billions of fun facts are recorded in Google; thanks to our former member Steven I learned that one could do the look-ups over objects of idle curiosity and find out some interesting things.

Dave was just over to tune and tweak my piano's voicing yesterday, and he brought up the subject of your book, "Rhythm." We were both marveling at what a wonderful work it is... and this after, it must be, having read it nearly a year ago. He remarked that he would be glad to meet you, if you ever were to play an event here on the West Coast. I countered with the suggestion that he take his wife to the Valentine's Day special dinner next year (yesterday was their 5th anniversary). So easy to spend someone else's money!

Whichever direction you travel that route, it's very far. I should send them your CD and a nice bottle of wine. Just doing what I can to see that, when Buttercup tries to mosey in next year, the maitre'd has to tell her, "I'm so sorry, Fraulein, the Valentine event is SOLD OUT."

Staying home, writing, hanging out with the kids while soup steams on the range... it sounds like a golden time, to me.

Never fear, optimists in organza will soon be shouldering their way into the function rooms, as thick as snowflakes in a blizzard.

It's a small world...I share so many of these wedding observations! Can you play the theme from Titanic? Well, yes..if I really must. But I wouldn't want to advertise it.

Hi Chris,

I have an entire chapter in Piano Girl devoted to the Titanic theme. How I hear you on that one. It's not a bad song (okay, the lyric is pretty dicey), but if you have to play it 1000 times a year, it's no fun. Not long ago I played it at my castle gig and one of our more flamboyant waiters came out of the gourmet restaurant and pretended to be a half-dead Kate Winslet floating on a raft and blowing that pathetic whistle. Clef, you would have LOVED this.

CLEF: Optimists in Organza???? Now there's a great title for something.

I love that you and Dave know each other. If I lived in your area, he would be my technician, too. Anyway, thanks for the nice words about RHYTHM. It warms my heart to know that two smart guys have read the book and enjoyed it. Thank you. Some day I will get to California. And then we will have a big party, with no Titanic music.

I'll write from the other side of the Atlantic. Maybe I should take a raft and a whistle.

xoxox to everyone!

Greetings from NYC. Got here yesterday after four days in Boston. Yesterday Logan airport looked like downtown Kabul.

Just got another call for a wedding on May 8th, this one in The Hague. I'm thinking this may go down in history as the world's most popular wedding date.

Having lunch tomorrow with Harlan Ellis, the agent who booked me for over a decade here in the city. This was back when there were tons of hotel gigs in Manhattan. He is now working for an agency that specializes in big society weddings. I'll hit him up for some stories.