Yep, that'll kill ya.



In bronze!



Expired.

Memories are all we have

Truth in advertising.



CYA!



Says it all.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Amahl!
Amahl who?
Amahl shook up!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ammonia!
Ammonia who?
Ammonia little kid!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna one, anna two...!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Beets!
Beets who?
Beets me!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bertha!
Bertha who?
Bertha-day greetings!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Beryl!
Beryl who?
Beryl of beer!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Egg!
Egg who?
Egg-citing to meet you!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Egypt!
Egypt who?
Egypt you when he sold you a broken door bell!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Halibut!
Halibut who?
Haliburt a kiss sweetheart!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ivor!
Ivor who?
Ivor good mind not to tell you now!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana. Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana. Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange. Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? '

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,


'Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?

Our guy at church that does our announcements always ends with a joke before we all shake hands. Some of them are really bad but here's is my favorite one...Don't remember it exactly, but I'll just make up what I can't remember...


This boy goes to meet his new teacher. Trying to get to know the new student, the teacher asks the boy what his parents do for a living. The boy says. "My dad is a magician." The teacher said, "WOW! That's really cool! What kind of tricks does he do?" The boy said, "He cuts people in half." "My goodness" said the teacher, "Well do you have any brothers or sisters?" The boy says, "Yes, One sister and two half brothers." LOL!!!!

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana'.
2. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
4. Sing Along At The Opera.
5. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
6. When Leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

8. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

I could use some coffee right now

This just in...


NASA’s robot Curiosity landed on Mars.
Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars.

(A Man’s Point of View/www.facebook.com/Women and Dating)

Not anymore...





What the...!

Saw this on Facebook and it made me laugh.....then think ..... then laugh again!

Not any more.

Love that tombstone! I think I saw one once in an old cemetery up near Boston, Mass eons ago that read:

I told you I was sick!


( ha ha)

How do you get a sweet lil ole 80 year old woman to use the F word? Get another sweet lil ole lady to yell BINGO!!!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!!!

The only mistery in life, is why Kamakiza pilots wore helmets?

If evolution is a fact, why do mothers only have two hands?

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he'll never expect it back.

A word to the wise "Ain't" necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Sorry, I have been away having "fun in the sun"!
Sending this pic out to Horowitzian! He'a a CAT lover!

And I'll send this "piano car" out to anyone who can "tune a piano and a car" AT THE SAME TIME!

Lay some fish on the strings and you add yet another skill!

You confuse me Marty! What "skill" would THAT be????

Diane, It's the ancient "I can't tune a piano, but I can tuna fish."

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, how cute.

One cup of coffee keeps me goin

Are we "fishing" for piano players. Or is this the Tuna Fish mARTY was talking about!

Is this thread getting CHEEZY!!!!

Time to CLASS this thread up and get it up to SPEED!!!
Add some WHITE!
So it's 89 keys isn't Marty!?? hahahahahahahaha
Marty, you better go to the piano and start . . . counting!

And just in case this thread IS getting too cheezy...

Speaking of cheesy, here are a cuople of cheesy jokes sent from the cottage..

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

Doc, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home.
That sounds like Tom Jones Symdrome.
Is it common? It's not that Unusual....

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted "DOCTOR DOCTOR I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!"
The doctor replied, - I know you can't - I've cut off your amrs....

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh........

SOMEONE ... has too much time on their hands!

Vacations done! For another week that izzzzzzzzzz..

Back to the grindstone?