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#1977317 - 10/22/12 11:03 PM Would you want your students at your memorial service?
MaggieGirl Offline
Full Member

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 477
My daughter lost one of her coaches last week and tomorrow is his service. She is wavering on attending (she got an official notice). I was going to let it be fully up to her, but her teacher said she thought it would be important for her to attend. She has seen this coach weekly since she was about 6 or 7. We don't know his family at all.

If this was your student would you think it odd for her to go?

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#1977323 - 10/22/12 11:16 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
jotur Online   blank
5000 Post Club Member

Registered: 09/16/06
Posts: 5504
Loc: Santa Fe, NM
I'd go if it were me. The family knows how important coaching was to this individual, and it would be nice to know that "coach" was important to the players, too.

I don't think it's unusual, and, to me, it would be important to go, both for the family and for your daughter.

Cathy
_________________________

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#1977339 - 10/22/12 11:56 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
MaggieGirl Offline
Full Member

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 477
Thanks, she is writing them a letter right now. I think she is going to be okay.

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#1977350 - 10/23/12 12:15 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Theme&Variations Offline
Full Member

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 135
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Yes, I would want them to go.

(I wish I could get back in touch with my childhood piano teacher and tell her how much our lessons mean to me. I think she has moved overseas.)
_________________________
Private piano teacher since 2003
Member:
ASME (Australian Society for Music Education),
ANZCA (Australian and New Zealand Cultural Arts),
KMEIA (Kodály Music Education Institute of Australia).

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#1977352 - 10/23/12 12:19 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Peter K. Mose Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 01/06/12
Posts: 1337
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
I think there's nothing odd about her attending. In fact it is entirely appropriate - unless she is afraid, in which case perhaps you should accompany her.

Funeral services are an important part of life.

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#1977398 - 10/23/12 02:45 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
casinitaly Online   content

Gold Supporter until March 1 2014


Registered: 03/01/10
Posts: 4941
Loc: Italy
I know you've already decided, but I too would vote a big yes.

My highschool music teacher passed away last year and I couldn't go to the funeral as I'm overseas --- but I would have gone to pay my respects and to mourn him.
I know some of his family (his kids) but even if I didn't, I'd have gone to the funeral.
_________________________
XVIII-XXXIV
Everything's too hard until you make it easy. Follow your teacher's instructions and practice wisely/much, and you'll soon wonder how you ever found it hard ;)-BobPickle
Performance anxiety: make it part of your daily routine and deal with it...Cope! zrtf90

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#1977543 - 10/23/12 11:18 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
bmbutler Offline
Full Member

Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 226
Loc: North Carolina
I would be honored if my students did. I think it is a great way to remember and thank the coach (or teacher.)
_________________________
Bachelor of Music (church music)
Master of Church Music (organ, music education)
Piano Teacher since 1992
Church Musician since 1983

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#1977869 - 10/24/12 06:03 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Toastie Offline
Full Member

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 210
Loc: UK
I teach in a high school and, yes, I would want students there, as they are so much a part of my life and teachers are a really important part of theirs. I think that your daughter's coach would be pleased to have had such a positive impact on her life and to be rembered by his students. Teachers are special, I really feel for her.
_________________________
Complete Beginner August 2012
'Play Piano' Book 1 - finished
'Play Piano' Book 2 - finished
Grade 1 Sight Reading - finished
Grade 1 Exam Pieces
Grade 1 Scales
The Easy Piano Collection Classical Gold
Yamaha U3

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#1977923 - 10/24/12 09:12 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Peter K. Mose Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 01/06/12
Posts: 1337
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
If my students don't show up for my memorial service, there may be consequences....

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#1977975 - 10/24/12 11:36 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: Peter K. Mose]
Ann in Kentucky Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 01/22/08
Posts: 2647
Originally Posted By: Peter K. Mose
If my students don't show up for my memorial service, there may be consequences....


laugh

I don't think there will be a memorial service for me, and it's doesn't bother me. I don't like a lot of fuss anyway. I'll simply disappear from PW and be slipped quietly under ground. And my students will have long forgotten me, grown up and moved on. I do not expect to be remembered.

Aaack! I don't want to think about it.

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#1977977 - 10/24/12 11:37 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Minniemay Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/07/09
Posts: 1702
Loc: CA
I expect full-blown sobbing, wailing and gnashing of teeth.
_________________________
B.A., Piano, Piano Pegagogy, Music Ed.
M.M., Piano

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#1977988 - 10/24/12 11:58 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
MaggieGirl Offline
Full Member

Registered: 09/18/11
Posts: 477
It was a beautiful service. He was really in inspiring person (and really young). frown I'm glad she went. She has been pretty emotional.

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#1978049 - 10/24/12 02:01 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
missbelle Offline
Full Member

Registered: 07/24/12
Posts: 87
Loc: USA
My daughter's gymnastics coach died, and all the girls went together.
It was a nice way to say goodbye, and face the reality that they would not see her again.

For me, I guess so? But I would have an adult friend play the music, not my students.

Funerals and memorials need to be explained to the children so they know how to behave and what to expect. But it is good for them to go. Especially for someone they knew.
_________________________
Learning as I teach.

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#1978074 - 10/24/12 03:03 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: Minniemay]
John v.d.Brook Offline
7000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 7348
Loc: Olympia, Washington, USA
Originally Posted By: Minniemay
I expect full-blown sobbing, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Not only that, I expect they will provide the service music, and make this a memorable event! The Busoni transcriptions of Bach's preludes, the Schubert f minor 4 hand fantasy, a couple of concerti, etc., etc.
_________________________
"Those who dare to teach must never cease to learn." -- Richard Henry Dann
Full-time Private Piano Teacher offering Piano Lessons in Olympia, WA. www.mypianoteacher.com
Certified by the American College of Musicians; member NGPT, MTNA, WSMTA, OMTA

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#1978148 - 10/24/12 05:42 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Minniemay Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/07/09
Posts: 1702
Loc: CA
Nice repertoire choices, John. I'll come to your funeral.
_________________________
B.A., Piano, Piano Pegagogy, Music Ed.
M.M., Piano

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#1978452 - 10/25/12 11:51 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Jeff Clef Offline
4000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/05/08
Posts: 4414
Loc: San Jose, CA
"Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service?"

No. I would be dead; I would not "want" anything.

These observances are for the benefit of the survivors--- the family, mostly. Since your daughter doesn't know the family, it could be worth consulting their preferences (I think this might be what the OP is asking). Attending is not the kind of obligation it might be for a family member, who not only might wish to honor the departed, but comfort the other family members and underscore the family's cohesion. There can be other motives; the family might want witnesses, or they might not. A big turnout might be nice for them, or it could be an additional ordeal.

What the OP thinks would be good for her daughter to do is another matter. It might help her to come to terms with death as a feature of life, or to help her say goodbye, as well as the other things mentioned above. An announcement of a death or a service is not exactly the same as an invitation.

I'd say, find out more from the family, and from your daughter, and then make up your mind.
_________________________
Clef


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#1978475 - 10/25/12 12:32 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
John v.d.Brook Offline
7000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 7348
Loc: Olympia, Washington, USA
Hey Jeff - funny, but actually, "would you want" is a future conditional phrase, so we can, at least until moment of death, state our desires. Of course, the service is primarily for my wife, and it would do her a world of good to have the many students who've crossed our threshold over the years, attend and express condolences.
_________________________
"Those who dare to teach must never cease to learn." -- Richard Henry Dann
Full-time Private Piano Teacher offering Piano Lessons in Olympia, WA. www.mypianoteacher.com
Certified by the American College of Musicians; member NGPT, MTNA, WSMTA, OMTA

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#1978504 - 10/25/12 02:12 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Ann in Kentucky Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 01/22/08
Posts: 2647
OT: This thread reminds me of a line in Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End. Captain Barbosa shouts in his pirate's voice as their ship heads into the maelstrom: "Dyin' is a day worth living for!"

Woo Hoo! I like his spirit of facing death as an adventure.


Edited by Ann in Kentucky (10/25/12 04:23 PM)
Edit Reason: I finally remembered Barbosa's name

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#1978796 - 10/26/12 07:22 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
apple* Offline


Registered: 01/01/03
Posts: 19862
Loc: Kansas
My service is closer than one would think. I've slowly let my students trickle away and the ones i have left (the siblings) are worth their weight in golden prayers... no way are they not coming. They can sit in one of the first few rows with their 6 or 7 siblings, parents and 2 wheelchairs.
_________________________
accompanist/organist.. a non-MTNA teacher to a few

love and peace, Õun (apple in Estonian)

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#1978805 - 10/26/12 08:05 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: casinitaly]
griffin2417 Offline

Silver Supporter until Dec 29 2012


Registered: 12/12/10
Posts: 2415
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
Originally Posted By: casinitaly
I know you've already decided, but I too would vote a big yes.

My highschool music teacher passed away last year and I couldn't go to the funeral as I'm overseas --- but I would have gone to pay my respects and to mourn him.
I know some of his family (his kids) but even if I didn't, I'd have gone to the funeral.



I felt the very same way about my piano teacher. I didn't find out about her funeral until the day it was held. I was really upset that I didn't get a chance to attend her funeral. She was truly an inspiration to me.
_________________________
Carl


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#1978862 - 10/26/12 11:36 AM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
Michael_99 Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 07/28/12
Posts: 935
Loc: Canada Alberta
I went to a small college, had been there a few months and a head of the office/registration quickly died of cancer. I remember she was old, say 50, and I was 19 - young.

Everybody went it seemed, including me. I had never been to a wedding yet, so the funeral was my first big event. They had an open coffin as you exited the funeral. To this day I remember the event. When my father died, no one wanted an open coffin, but to remember him as we knew him alive.

What it key is to know the facts. Has you daughter been to other funerals, seen a open coffin. If she grew up on a farm she would have seen death and births, but otherwise...

Even now in my 60s I don't just go to a lot of funerals because I can necessarily.

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#1978925 - 10/26/12 02:11 PM Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service? [Re: MaggieGirl]
riley80 Offline
Full Member

Registered: 08/03/08
Posts: 380
Loc: Florida
Not odd, but mature. I'd be proud of my daughter if she chose to go.

I have attended funerals of ppl I never knew, but thought it would help the family if more people attended and seemed to care.

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