My daughter lost one of her coaches last week and tomorrow is his service. She is wavering on attending (she got an official notice). I was going to let it be fully up to her, but her teacher said she thought it would be important for her to attend. She has seen this coach weekly since she was about 6 or 7. We don't know his family at all.

If this was your student would you think it odd for her to go?

I'd go if it were me. The family knows how important coaching was to this individual, and it would be nice to know that "coach" was important to the players, too.

I don't think it's unusual, and, to me, it would be important to go, both for the family and for your daughter.

Cathy

Thanks, she is writing them a letter right now. I think she is going to be okay.

Yes, I would want them to go.

(I wish I could get back in touch with my childhood piano teacher and tell her how much our lessons mean to me. I think she has moved overseas.)

I think there's nothing odd about her attending. In fact it is entirely appropriate - unless she is afraid, in which case perhaps you should accompany her.

Funeral services are an important part of life.

I know you've already decided, but I too would vote a big yes.

My highschool music teacher passed away last year and I couldn't go to the funeral as I'm overseas --- but I would have gone to pay my respects and to mourn him.
I know some of his family (his kids) but even if I didn't, I'd have gone to the funeral.

I would be honored if my students did. I think it is a great way to remember and thank the coach (or teacher.)

I teach in a high school and, yes, I would want students there, as they are so much a part of my life and teachers are a really important part of theirs. I think that your daughter's coach would be pleased to have had such a positive impact on her life and to be rembered by his students. Teachers are special, I really feel for her.

If my students don't show up for my memorial service, there may be consequences....

I don't think there will be a memorial service for me, and it's doesn't bother me. I don't like a lot of fuss anyway. I'll simply disappear from PW and be slipped quietly under ground. And my students will have long forgotten me, grown up and moved on. I do not expect to be remembered.

Aaack! I don't want to think about it.

I expect full-blown sobbing, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

It was a beautiful service. He was really in inspiring person (and really young). I'm glad she went. She has been pretty emotional.

My daughter's gymnastics coach died, and all the girls went together.
It was a nice way to say goodbye, and face the reality that they would not see her again.

For me, I guess so? But I would have an adult friend play the music, not my students.

Funerals and memorials need to be explained to the children so they know how to behave and what to expect. But it is good for them to go. Especially for someone they knew.

Not only that, I expect they will provide the service music, and make this a memorable event! The Busoni transcriptions of Bach's preludes, the Schubert f minor 4 hand fantasy, a couple of concerti, etc., etc.

Nice repertoire choices, John. I'll come to your funeral.

"Re: Would you want your students at your memorial service?"

No. I would be dead; I would not "want" anything.

These observances are for the benefit of the survivors--- the family, mostly. Since your daughter doesn't know the family, it could be worth consulting their preferences (I think this might be what the OP is asking). Attending is not the kind of obligation it might be for a family member, who not only might wish to honor the departed, but comfort the other family members and underscore the family's cohesion. There can be other motives; the family might want witnesses, or they might not. A big turnout might be nice for them, or it could be an additional ordeal.

What the OP thinks would be good for her daughter to do is another matter. It might help her to come to terms with death as a feature of life, or to help her say goodbye, as well as the other things mentioned above. An announcement of a death or a service is not exactly the same as an invitation.

I'd say, find out more from the family, and from your daughter, and then make up your mind.

Hey Jeff - funny, but actually, "would you want" is a future conditional phrase, so we can, at least until moment of death, state our desires. Of course, the service is primarily for my wife, and it would do her a world of good to have the many students who've crossed our threshold over the years, attend and express condolences.

OT: This thread reminds me of a line in Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End. Captain Barbosa shouts in his pirate's voice as their ship heads into the maelstrom: "Dyin' is a day worth living for!"

Woo Hoo! I like his spirit of facing death as an adventure.

My service is closer than one would think. I've slowly let my students trickle away and the ones i have left (the siblings) are worth their weight in golden prayers... no way are they not coming. They can sit in one of the first few rows with their 6 or 7 siblings, parents and 2 wheelchairs.

I felt the very same way about my piano teacher. I didn't find out about her funeral until the day it was held. I was really upset that I didn't get a chance to attend her funeral. She was truly an inspiration to me.

I went to a small college, had been there a few months and a head of the office/registration quickly died of cancer. I remember she was old, say 50, and I was 19 - young.

Everybody went it seemed, including me. I had never been to a wedding yet, so the funeral was my first big event. They had an open coffin as you exited the funeral. To this day I remember the event. When my father died, no one wanted an open coffin, but to remember him as we knew him alive.

What it key is to know the facts. Has you daughter been to other funerals, seen a open coffin. If she grew up on a farm she would have seen death and births, but otherwise...

Even now in my 60s I don't just go to a lot of funerals because I can necessarily.

Not odd, but mature. I'd be proud of my daughter if she chose to go.

I have attended funerals of ppl I never knew, but thought it would help the family if more people attended and seemed to care.