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Page 99 of 161 < 1 2 ... 97 98 99 100 101 ... 160 161 >
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#1688529 - 06/01/11 01:10 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Jerry Groot RPT]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
A Priest, a Rabbi, a nun, a blind man, an albino, a gay, an Eskimo, a horse, a one-legged dog and a penguin walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
_________________________
Hailun 198







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#1689242 - 06/02/11 01:02 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
Well why was the piano player arrested?
Because he got into treble.

Why was the piano invented?
So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

What’s the difference between a pianist and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1689282 - 06/02/11 02:02 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Daryl Durand]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Q: How do you get a jazz piano player off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1689492 - 06/02/11 08:04 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.



What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.
What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone



A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"





_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1690037 - 06/03/11 05:42 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
How do you know when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1690185 - 06/03/11 11:30 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario



Busted.




_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1690198 - 06/03/11 11:44 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said,
"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where
would man be today if it were not for woman?"
From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden
of Eden, eating strawberries."



What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.





Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?
A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1690200 - 06/03/11 11:46 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1690204 - 06/03/11 11:54 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
Hahahahaha Sparky!
_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1690216 - 06/04/11 12:16 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Sparky McBiff]
DoelKees Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 05/01/10
Posts: 1766
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
That unison better be in tune.
Kees

Top
#1690386 - 06/04/11 11:52 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
Some your you guys have great funnies, Daryl, sparky and others! Keep it up, makes me laugh, thanks!

"One can complain because rosebushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses"
-Abraham Lincoln

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.



"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me..."

"...So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!...But enough about me, how's your day going?"
_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1690496 - 06/04/11 03:43 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
Advice to an Old Guy in the Gym____________________





An old guy (not in the best of shape) was attempting to work out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.... He asked the trainer who was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet young thing over there"?



The trainer looked him up and down and said,

"I would try the ATM machine in the lobby."
_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1690709 - 06/05/11 01:08 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario


Barbie's cleaning day.



Edited by Ken Knapp (06/14/11 12:18 PM)
Edit Reason: picture offending some pw members removed.
_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1690710 - 06/05/11 01:11 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario



Everyone loves a parade.
_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1690895 - 06/05/11 11:42 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

The doctor tells you are in fine health
for someone twice your age.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1691270 - 06/06/11 08:34 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
Going on vacation for a week, enjoy your week everyone. I leave you with a couple of jokes...

The jazz trio

A lady aboard a cruise ship was not impressed by the jazz trio in one of the shipboard restaurants. When her waiter came around, she asked, "Will they play anything I ask?"
"Of course!" replied the waiter.
"Then tell them to go play chess!"

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? Root position cords.

Definition of a piano tuner: A person employed to come into the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner’s chief purpose is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano’s strings.

That last one was for BDB!!!

Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Goodness!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1691503 - 06/06/11 05:47 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
Have a good time on your vacation Jerry
and hurry back soon ya hear

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1694399 - 06/12/11 03:14 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
Ahh this is sleepy time

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1695162 - 06/13/11 09:15 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
I'm baaaaaaaack! smile

Man, it was so cold up to the cottage this past week that we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.





_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1695184 - 06/13/11 10:05 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Jerry Groot RPT]
Roy Rodgers Offline
Full Member

Registered: 03/01/09
Posts: 348
Loc: Ranger, Texas
We've been melting here in central Texas with forecast for the next seven days 100 plus.
_________________________
Tuning and repairing pianos since 1981 in Ranger, Tx. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Roys-Piano-Service/173273022711505

Top
#1695195 - 06/13/11 10:35 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
.


Edited by Ken Knapp (06/14/11 12:20 PM)
Edit Reason: picture offending some pw members removed.
_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1695198 - 06/13/11 10:36 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Sparky McBiff Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
.


Edited by Ken Knapp (06/14/11 12:20 PM)
Edit Reason: picture offending some pw members removed.
_________________________
Hailun 198







Top
#1695491 - 06/14/11 01:31 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Jerry Groot RPT Offline
6000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 6828
Loc: Grand Rapids Michigan
The Smart Car

What we will be forced to drive quite soon.

But look at all of the 'great new choices'
we will have evolving from 'The SMART Car'....

The Smorvette!


The Smaudi A3 AWD!


The Smamborghini!


The Smorsche!


The Smerrari!


My favorite, The Smustang
_________________________
Jerry Groot RPT
Piano Technicians Guild
Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.grootpiano.com

We love to play BF2.

Top
#1695617 - 06/14/11 05:28 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded,
looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully.
"I gave your son piano lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1696002 - 06/15/11 11:10 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Diane... Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: Western Canada
Well, I'm back! . . . from my HONEYMOON! Surprise!

_________________________
http://www.pianoworld.com/Uploads/files/goldsparkledress.jpg
Diane
Jazz/Blues/Rock/Boogie Piano Teacher


Top
#1696011 - 06/15/11 11:21 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Diane... Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: Western Canada
Yes, I'm happy, my piano's happy, & you guys must be happy!
No more chasing you's all "AROUND" the PIANO!Any more! . . . grin



Edited by Diane... (06/15/11 11:32 AM)
_________________________
http://www.pianoworld.com/Uploads/files/goldsparkledress.jpg
Diane
Jazz/Blues/Rock/Boogie Piano Teacher


Top
#1696015 - 06/15/11 11:26 AM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Diane... Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: Western Canada
Just one question? Are you still considered married,
if the GROOM was DRUGGED before the CEREMONY?
Daryl wants to know! grin

Kidding Daryl, just kidding! My new husband's name is not Daryl! . . . wink!



Edited by Diane... (06/15/11 11:30 AM)
_________________________
http://www.pianoworld.com/Uploads/files/goldsparkledress.jpg
Diane
Jazz/Blues/Rock/Boogie Piano Teacher


Top
#1696221 - 06/15/11 09:53 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Daryl Durand Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 419
Loc: Missouri USA
I have to admit Diane
My memory of last week isn't that good

_________________________
Daryl Durand, RPT
Durand Piano Service
http://www.durandpiano.com

Top
#1696438 - 06/16/11 01:30 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Diane... Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: Western Canada
Well just want to wish all you DAD's out there a very very
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY this coming weekend!
FATHER'S are so important in a CHILD's LIFE!
So Congratulations to all you FATHER'S for your involvement!
And hope you have a ROARING . . . SUNNY day! grin











Edited by Diane... (06/16/11 01:33 PM)
_________________________
http://www.pianoworld.com/Uploads/files/goldsparkledress.jpg
Diane
Jazz/Blues/Rock/Boogie Piano Teacher


Top
#1696442 - 06/16/11 01:37 PM Re: OT Paging Jerry Groot (and any one else living in the Northland) [Re: Horowitzian]
Diane... Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: Western Canada
And there's absolutely NOTHING like the SOUND of a FATHER'S Voice to WAKE UP the KIDS! grin
HAPPY FATHER"S DAY on Sunday!

_________________________
http://www.pianoworld.com/Uploads/files/goldsparkledress.jpg
Diane
Jazz/Blues/Rock/Boogie Piano Teacher


Top
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