Shhh! I pretend to work!!!



I told you NOT to give me that last drink!



Who used the last roll of toilet paper again??



What does it take to get a walk around here?



Yep, I did.

Supposedly, these are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
________________________________________________________________________

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
____________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
____________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
____________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once, by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
____________________________________________________

And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Yikes! I had a really cool grand piano picture and when I went to take it, my computer crashed. So I thought it was just something going on, so I tried again, and wham . . . computer melt down again. I post picture for your all's enjoyment, but if it MESSES with my computer, I may have to bow out gracefully!

Coming soon to a neighborhood near you

Sorry to hear that Diane. I have not had any trouble with pictures. be careful what website you go to.

Heat makes things expand, therefore I do not have a weight problem I am just hot!

Common sense is like a deodorant, those that need it most don't use it.

So, your model? Which agency Instagram?

If you tickle me, I am not responsible for what happens to your face.

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one of them enjoys it?

Some people are like slinky's, not really good for anything. But you can't help smiling if yo see one tumble down the stairs.

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys...

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moooooovies...

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAM!

What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

What do you call two Mexican's playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

I'm taking Viagra and Prune Juices. I don't know if I'm coming or going...

Vitamins are good for what ails ya, Viagra is good for what fails ya.

It's been revealed that criminals that steal Viagra will face stiff penalites.....

Who's the cat on bass

Good one Daryl, I like that.

I'm still up to the cottage on vacation and have all of my pictures on my computer at home. I'll be back sometime Sunday or Monday then it's a reality check as I am finished with anytime off until the last week in November when I have a few days to visit with my son, the truck driver.

Weather up here is great!!! Beautiful summer that we've had in Michigan!!!

Good dog Sparky

Good riddance then stinky...



He is now for sure.



Apparently, this guy was a total loser...



a new way to clean my teeth!



Hehe, which one of us did it?

This thread has gotten "big"!
Remember Jerry we said when it got to 20,000 views, we would quit?
Well, it got a whole lot BIGGER! Thanks to all those who viewed!
We got to 3 million view! That's BIG!

Many days this is the highlight of my day! Thanks so much for keeping this thread going...

Sam

Thanks for taking the time to mention that Sam. We certainly do appreciate it when people tell us!

Yes Diane, I do remember that! I'm glad we kept it going. There are many people enjoying us making them smile or laugh. Just keep those viruses out of your computer!

And thanks Piano World for allowing us the pleasure of making people smile including ourselves!

Things Men Say *****
Find out what may really mean when they say...

"I'M GOING FISHING"

Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."

Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".

Means: "The girl selling them on the corner had great tits."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."

Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"

Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"

Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Hey - I take issue with this:



A real man wouldn't stand by a stream. He would be safely sitting in a boat with the cooler at his feet. Then there is no danger, except when he needs to, um, well you know, and stands up, looses his balance, and falls into the lake.

Then the fish might get to eat him if they don't find the body quickly.

(Paging Jerry Groot)

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh . . . no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So... if I didn't give any money to them, what the #$%* makes you think I'd give any to you?"

Husband and wife were having an argument in a hotel room on the sixth floor.

The husband phoned hotel management and said, "Please help, quickly, my wife is threatening to throw herself from the window!"

The manager replied, "Sir, I'm afraid we don't involve ourselves in personal matters."

To which the husband replied, "The window won't open! And that's a MAINTENANCE matter!"

Juilliard was not spelled correctly on that bully cartoon!

Nah, but it's still hilarious for anyone who was ever bullied when they were a kid for taking music lessons.

Before Angela solved her first murder mystery
Photography She Wrote

What a hoot, Jerry.

A new song might be best

Silly Dogs
Now I know whos been eating the brownies