The Doctor says your surgery went very well. He's a very intelligent "CAT"!

Well, I didn't wake up dead. I still giggle when I think of what my German exchange daughter said to me day before yesterday when I said to her, "Maybe I'll wake up dead?" "Daaaad, you can't wake up dead!" haha

David,

I don't care what people think of that, I cracked up when I saw that fat life guard poster!!! I made me laugh, which I don't need to be doing right now with the pain and all that but, I laughed anyway and that's all that matters. It brightened up my day, thank you for that. And, I thank the rest of you for the funny stuff you're posting too.

Bob, morphine? I didn't get any morphine at all. They barely gave me enough pain pills to last me 2.5 days, taking 2 every 4 hours and those aren't working worth a crap either with the air bubble I have inside of me from when the doc fills you up with air so he can see what he's doing. I asked him if they removed it all, he said, oh yeah... Liar! That hurts worse than anything and take up to 2-4 weeks for your body to absorb it. Crappy man...

I prolly shouldn't be typing a lot cause I'm reallllllllll grumpy...

Well, this shouldn't make you LAUGH Jerry, but it will make you LOOK!
. . . am I going to get into trouble for this picture?

And ----- The theme for the week is Lifeguards!

Diane, do you have a slight fixation?

ummm YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Marty, you got me at a moment of "weakness" & I just so happened ...
to be IN THE WATER at the TIME! [
For all you "female" viewers out there THIS PICS FOR YOU!
I also was a "Lifeguard" but . . .

I just hoped that "LIFEGUARD" who came to rescue you, didn't have tooooooooo much BODY HAIR!

Diane, where exactly is this particular pool?
The lifeguards around our pools sure don't look like this.....

hahahahahahahahaha Joy, I'm glad you SEE things my way!

Well, you've gotta keep your eyes open. Blink & you could miss a good male bod! . . .
& ...Im gone now for a few weeks. Blink ...& I'm gone...just for a while. SEE YA WINTER! Back soon! a week or two!

Hurry back Diane, we'll all miss you around here!

Aha! Is true! Human taste like chicken!

I'm working on some new guitar tricks for the band

Maybe this is how James Brown first got that patented "OOOOOEEE" scream he used in his songs?

Good one Emmery!!

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DELIGHTFULLY DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
_______________________________________________________
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
________________________________________________________
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
_____________________________________________________________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
___________________________________________________________
And the WINNER is...
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the Century)
___________________________________________________________
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
____________________________________________________________
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1)You can't count your hair.

2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.

3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does
It too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the
Idiot category.

Have a great Day. Laugh, and then Laugh and sing It's a
Beautiful Morning even when it's not.

"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."

My mind works like lightning,
One brilliant Flash and it is gone.

I dunno. I was too busy standing with my right foot alongside a wall and trying to lift my left one without falling over.

Yea, 'Doesn't work! (I tried it.)

(He said as he tried to stick his elbow in his ear.)

Wow, a psychic! How did you know I was trying the old elbow in the ear trick? (Never mind. I might not like the answer.)

Did I post this one already? I can't remember! Beam me up Scotty!

Picture created by the famous Thomas Barbey. Photoshop and software not used in this.

I'm sorry you must have the wrong number

Well I'm back from my Vacation!
A REAL Vacation, not a DIGITAL Vacation

Welcome Back Diane!!!

Thanks Jerry! I could get used to SAND!
Just give me a surfboard (a SURF INSTRUCTOR) ...and lots of TIME! ... on an OCEAN!

Did you get to Mavericks? (And not come to see us?)

Mavericks? What a Maverick?
Well I went to YOUR door , but no one was home! Or . . . they wouldn't let me in. Dressing like the locals you know!