So you mean no body here should be giving opinions?

If this was my student, I would talk to the parents. The suggestion to choose another instrument is right. There has been a lot of research concerning the way how children choose their instrument. Not everyone feels attracted to every instrument. For example, I never looked at anything else than piano, but my two younger sisters would never have wanted to choose it. For both of them, it was only the violin and nothing else. According to the studies, the choice of instrument depends on the sound, the way it's played and hold, etc.

If your sister goes on with the piano, she might very soon stop it anyway and then have lost any interest at all for music.

Don't let us forget that music should be made because it's something we love. Learning an instrument should be most of all based on a deep love for music. If she is so struggling with the piano, there's certainly no space for the love of music. Instead, the struggle stands first and will, even after she may have stopped, be the only thing she remembers about her experiences with music.

I think that your sister at the age of nine is old enough to stand up by herself to her parents. I suggest she first talks to her teacher, tells him/her how she feels. Maybe her teacher can help her pick another instrument she could love so much that learning it wouldn't be such a struggle. Also, the teacher should talk to the parents. She/he is the expert here and hopefully your parents will listen to her/him.

PS: I forgot to say: Playing no instrument at all is okay, too. Isn't it most important that she does something she truly loves? This could be any kind of sports, dancing,... or fotography, or writing, or whatever.....

I would agree that none of us know this girl so can't possibly say what the right thing to do is. That decision lies with the parents.

About children choosing the instrument. I work in a small school where children regularly switch from one instrument to another at a whim. They get nowhere on any of them because their parents think its enough to let them choose what they want to do and how much (or little) they want to practice.

When I was 9 I nearly gave up several times. I was playing difficult music for a 9 year old and it was time consuming. My parents thankfully wouldn't let me quit because they knew it was something I was good at and would use and enjoy later in life. I'm grateful for being 'forced' to continue.

And now I teach lots of 9 year olds facing the same decision. Some of them should be allowed to quit and some shouldn't, it depends on the circumstances.

This child has been taking piano lessons for 4 years.

Sometimes we don't like something because our life is out of balance. Too much of anything is no good. I have never ever heard anyone who gave up playing the piano ever saying they were glad they quit playing the piano. On the contrary, 99.9999999 percent of the people who quit, regret it for the rest of their life.

It is interesting that people don't usually say why they quit.

In our lifetime, we receive gifts, some people just don't care about that.

Your sister has the gift of a piano to play, someone paying her lessons. Most of the world would love to be in her
position.

Currently she's playing AMEB Fifth grade pieces. She likes the pieces, but she simply doesn't enjoy practicing them, and she gets irritated at herself when she plays some notes incorrectly. TBH, I think she's progressing well (I was 10 when I did my AMEB 3rd grade. >,<). I'll discuss the matter with my parents and my sister. Ty for your opinion.





In answer to these questions, there is something she likes, which I'm really hoping she'll take up seriously - Art. Right now, we're both taking art lessons as our mother saw that lil sis loves drawing (my . The art lessons are fun, which I believe makes the difference between her liking piano and art.

What you've said is absolutely true. If I had quit piano when I was 9, I would've regretted it so much. My parents think that if she continues, she might end up like me and enjoy piano.




Trying to convince my parents is like trying to build Rome in a day. I need to take a long time to convince them, as AZNpiano sad, they are quite tunnel-visioned about her taking lessons and becoming what they could never become. Giving her freedom to play piano would never happen, as they believe that constant practice reaps results. -.-

Thank you all for your opinions, they were very helpful. Might I add one more point, which although small, is a major factor in her being unable to enjoy piano and subsequently forced to practice - My little sister is afraid of difficulty and having to work very hard.

I've been reading this thread with a bit of amusement. Of course, the old proverb, there is nothing new under the sun, applies. We've had this thread before, with similar answers. But what got me chuckling is that yesterday, I ran into yet one more adult who, upon learning I teach piano, stated in no uncertain terms: I wish my parents hadn't let me quit. I wish they would have forced me to practice (more). What teacher hasn't heard this a thousand times a thousand in their lifetime?

I hear that a lot. Good and bad. Some parents are definitely trying to live vicariously through their kids.

"I wish I worked harder" ... We all have perfect hindsight! Many people in this world wish they have the will power to work harder and be really good at something, but in reality very few are really willing to put in the effort when the opportunity presents. So I wouldn't take this too seriously...

Thanks for the reply. I think that she was just PMSing and being a drama queen that day when I made the thread. Right now, she's fine and dandy with practicing.

It is such a gift to LEARN how to work through things that are difficult. When my daughter is frustrated with piano, she talks to her older brother and he re-phrases what she is trying to do and once the frustration level edges lower, she is more open to learning.

I think there are cycles too - when things are easy and come easily, when you have a minor roadblock, it can feel major (so they want to quit).

Just an idea, but maybe if you played some things together it might make piano more fun again.

And pretty much every kid has bratty moments. For girls though 9 is a "stage" that is hard.

Keep encouraging her to tackle things that are hard. By middle school many girls give up on things that are difficult - math, science, sports. with support at home, they are more apt to stick with it.

Sorry to croak again chaps ...
but in view of Debussyist not making much piano progress, muddling through keyboard studies of truly dusty value, and feeling the draught of unbending Asian parents ...

My advice is
1. Cut the bogus chatter about the younger sister
2. Send the parents away to visit distant relations
3. Go outside and smell the roses
4. Read a good book about Debussy (my favourite)
5. Once refreshed take a new look at a masterpiece
Chopin Nocturne in F# major op15 no2
(changed due to my technical inadequacy)
We are all here to provide assistance ... just mention
any one of your keyboard studies, and just where the
hangup lies ... and quick as a flash the cavalry will save the day.

PS Even Beethoven’s first sonata Opus 2/1 can be approached
with a constructive eye ... being of solid proportions .

What busts my gut are those buzzing insectivorous stings as at measure 1... a clue as to the influence of his mentor Papa Haydn ... but it’s not long before Beethoven starts building a repetitious small chord layout in the LH supporting a broad octave chord Theme in the RH ... as earlier said, the 2/1 series of sonatas were dedicated to Haydn.

PMSing?? At the age of 9??

Morodiene, the same question crossed my mind...

Also, where's the teacher in all of this? He/she has spent four years of single lessons with the girl... don't they talk? The girl might want to play completely different music, have fun lessons...
Why does she have to pass exams?
Would a change of teacher help?

The need to pass exams usually comes from the parents.

However there is nothing to say that studying music for graded exams can't be fun and in my experience offering the choice of alternative music rarely makes any difference. Most music which sounds good and is enjoyable to play is also difficult to learn in the first place. If you dumb things down it doesn't become more stimulating.

lol not literally.

Right now, the teacher is going to give her supplementary lessons, adue to the teacher's observation that while my sister knows how to play the pieces, she doesn't take the time to perfect it. These supplementary lessons are to help her to makes those perfections eg. Dynamics, phrasing, touching, etc.

I've offered that to several of my students in the past. No takers. Some parents think one 30-minute lesson per week is sufficient for Level 5. Ha!

Children have a natural drive to explore some interests and will devote a huge amount of time to them. (I think this is true of most of them, anyway) This is by far the best motivation. All you have to do is get out of the way, and support their efforts.

I believe, and you are free to disagree with me, that there also exist some necessary skills that the same children will not be interested in, and that it is our job as parents to make some of those decisions for them. I required my children to take four years of math in high school. Neither of them would have done that on their own. Had they not done that, they would have disqualified themselves from 90% of today's careers. They might never have wanted those careers - and in fact neither child went on to a technical education - but they had a choice they otherwise would not have had. Similarly I required an exposure to music lessons in middle school. They dropped them later, but retained enough of the language to have some options to explore later in that realm as well.

I would also point out that peer pressure is hugely effective, and I've been impressed in the local high school that some of the talented music students were as popular as the athletes of my day. We are making some progress.



No........but maybe too much specialization at an early age is not prudent? I like the well rounded student model, maybe I'm old fashioned.

Tim, you're my kind of parent! Thanks from which ever teacher your children had.

TimR, the things you describe is not the kind of parenting I was talking about, and the behaviours you describe are not the ones that are the result. Just because you see good results in what you do, does not mean that those of us who did differently will get bad results - or the ones you describe. You talk about specialization --- when did I ever recommend early specialization? If we as a group are open minded about different possibilities, maybe there could be some benefit to that. I'm sorry that I mentioned anything.

Here to receive the final diploma from the Royal Conservatory of Music Toronto for orchestral instruments you have to complete Level 6 Piano for the Performer's certificate and Level 8 for the Teaching one. And in a few years, teaching an instrument and/or accompanying can make far better money for a teen than say, flipping burgers. :-) And it's good to keep the options open, plus here most universities will exempt you from piano skills classes if you have say, Level 4-6 RCM. But definitely encourage study of a different instrument and popular repertoire.

Meri

If I were the parent that was "driving" this whole thing. I would change my approach to this.

I would explain, as best you can to a 9 year old, that my wishing for her to become somewhat skilled at playing piano is based on things she knows nothing about yet but when she does know, it may be too late to achieve it.

So, I would bargain with her.

I would arrange to have an instructor who will cooperate with me and create some sort of incentive track for my daughter whereas she gets to take a long vacation (2 months) off from piano after she is able to reach a defined level of skill ... who knows how that will be judged ... but it must be reachable in 2 - 4 months.

If you have the right relationship with your daughter, I think this could work. You cannot jam it down her throat. This is just one option. But I would be reluctant to just let her quit. You only have about 6 or 7 years left to get her to a place where she might just start enjoying it and then she will take off on her own.

Or ...NOT

Absolutely agree. Those are anecdotal examples. They prove nothing. I do believe, however, that the more you interact with your children and give them the sense that what they "think" matters, the more likely your children will grow up to make good decisions. That is as I said, what I believe. Even that may not be true ... just a sense.

The main thing is that they grow up with good values and learn to make good decisions. Giving them a say in things, I think, helps foster that.

Before quitting I would suggest your parents find another piano teacher and definitely drop the AMEB curriculum in favor of some other repertoire selections. If the teacher is fixated on the AMEB series it is for the teacher's lazy decision making, not your sister's musical engagement with enthusiasm. In other words, give it another shot from a completely different perspective.

Your sister should have far more options in the selection of the music she learns. As it is, she is on someone else's assembly line, and who would want that?

And if music is such a high priority with your parents, why must it only be the piano? Perhaps your sister would have more fun belonging to a quality youth choir.

Great post, Jonathan. Why aren't you writing here more often?

Thank you, Peter. I will try to drop in more often.