http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/video/2013/feb/08/tortoise-sex-piano-richard-clayderman-video

He should have tried Chopin.

Perhaps Madamoiselle Tortoise the pianist did not find big enough?

The pianist in question in that article is Richard Clayderman. I would think listening to his music if anything would put those tortoises to sleep.

Isn't this really just animal cruelty, forcing those poor defenseless creatures to endure that music? What did they ever do to deserve this?

I watched a bit of his playing on BBC Breakfast earlier this week and it's pretty much just a less than dizzying display of diatonic dullness.

I always knew Steinway were better than yamaha...

It’s no easy act
To find an aphrodisiac
To turn a torpid tortoise
Into a
Ladies’ Man,
Mister
Clayderman;
Or make a turtile
Fertile.

(Just goes to show, you never get too ode to write a bad poem… )