Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Adult Beginners Forum Fear of teacher's disappointment becoming major obstacle

I can't help you with personal experiences with a piano teacher. I can, however help you with experiences with teachers and knowing the difference between winners and losers.

I was taking classes in college. Having outside problems that forced me to not show up. When I did. There was a test. I bombed the test. Still showed a great attitude toward the class. Yes, I wanted to learn that. I liked and enjoyed the class. The teacher talked to me. Said he couldn't believe I had such a good attitude toward all this in his class. In spite of not showing up and doing badly on the test. The end result months later was he set me up for a job that turned into a career for many years. The point is... teachers love a great attitude from students. No matter how badly they are doing. No matter how many problems they are having.

Winners...are unpretentious. Extremely honest. Know there are always problems. Deal with them. Aren't worried about how things are going nearly as much as working toward the end goal. Are worried about the end result. Are not worried about appearing as if they are doing good. In the end, they do good.

Losers...are pretentious. Lie constantly to look good. Ignore problems. Don't deal with problems. Worried about appearing as if things are going good while the end goal is disappearing. Don't worry about the end result. Are worried only about appearing as if they are doing good. In the end, they fail.

The point I'm trying to make is. It sounds as if you've got a really good teacher. Sounds as if the teacher realizes that the end result with you is simply: What music does for you.
Think about it.....don't sabotage it.

Saranoya, improvement is not a perfectly gradual progression. It will go in fits and starts. Your teacher knows this, and their face will light up with joy when you do make a Leap Forward (great or small), which you undoubtedly will if you persevere.

Saranoya, I read this entire thread before I wrote this reply. I think the most helpful things suggested here is that you are considering your lesson time to be a performance. There is no better time to flub your playing than in the presence of your teacher because she may see things you need to correct causing you problems. ALso even despite your mistakes, a good teacher will be able to see you have improved in some areas.

I believe we all go through this at times but I think is usually when we "have" been practicing faithfully and often. Then we tend to think we'll be able to do it for her/him correctly resulting in embarrassment or frustration when we fail to deliver a good lesson well learned.

Please don't be too hard on yourself or even consider quiting. Learning piano is comparable to an erratic sine wave... ie: up and down, down further, up again, and up further still. Rinse and repeat.

I hope your living situation improves soo,

That's very true. I like the students that tell me they didn't have much time to practice as if it's just a matter of fact, not an excuse. It translates to "I didn't have much time to practice this week, so let's get into it and see what I remember".

Those that win the game also tend to not only look toward an end goal, but also try to enjoy the journey, frustrations and all.

Can I just say that I have a busy life. However, I want to progress and learn. I am not a beginner but more of an average player. I have only just been shown how to pedal and have picked it up well. I am now forcing myself to play longer pieces with large stretches for notes which at first was difficult as I have short fingers, but there are ways of reaching the required notes by lifting your fingers and hands. I certainly could NOT play a chord across an entire octave. Ayway, getting back to the point. I am totally dedicated and am currently working on Bach Prelude in C major, which is not a hard piece but good for finger exercises as it has the stretches required to train the hand. Tonight I should be going out to dinner with friends, nothing fancy just a restaurat. I have cancelled in favour of staying at home and perfecting my Bach piece. Is that obsessive? After all, I am not aiming for a career as a pianist and I know you should not forget your friends but I so love the piece and want to be able to play it well that I am working on it instead of dining out and getting the piece finished and perfected is more important.

Am I mad lol

Obsessive is a loaded term; let's call it frugal.

Or, continue lessons but explain you have limited chance to practice so could you usefully use the time to go over theory and aural instead.

As another teacher of adults, one of the hardest things sometimes is to get them to stop apologizing!

Be at peace and cheer up - things are good!

Saranoya - you and I seem to have taken sumilar piano journey. Im a restarter too and have full time job. One of the differences is that my current teacher is teacher #3. When I had my first teacher, I recall I was more sensitive about disappointing her. It's different now. It does not mean she does not affect me - she does! But I don't mind disappoint her. I'm not as talented as her or many of her students, so of course, I would let her down. When I'm busy, I have to put my work first! I think she understands this, so many times my lesson becomes sight reading sessions. I don't like to play any material at first sight but I cannot help it sometimes. I tell her that I did not make progress at all, then, she says "well then, let's start reading it together". I Then get mad because I am not good at it. But I have to admit I do make progress much faster than i normslly make. In a way I learn how to practice. If you can put up with the awkward feeling of sight reading, this may be a way to handle the situation. Of course, please ignore this if it's not for you. Just an idea.

I thank you all for your detailed and well-considered responses. When I started this thread, I hadn't expected nearly this much feedback on it.

I do think those of you who believe that part of my fearfulness comes from wanting to 'perform' for my teacher are definitely on the right track. I should be comfortable making mistakes in front of her, because that's probably the fastest way to learn, but I'm not. I am severely uncomfortable making mistakes in any situation where others can observe me. My teacher knows this. She observed during one of the early lessons that I acted as if making mistakes was not allowed, and she was right. I'm trying to keep in mind the fact that she doesn't mind me making mistakes, but it's not so easy. I was conditioned from early childhood to avoid ever being caught in a mistake.

So the 'winners-losers' comparison really hit home with me. As far as I know, it is humanly impossible to never make a mistake — even to never make a mistake in front of someone else. So I've developed all kinds of 'loser' strategies to try and hide the fact that I make mistakes all the time. In the case of playing piano, that strategy happens to be never to play in front of someone unless I've 'perfected' the piece — which, now that I'm taking weekly lessons, almost never happens. There just isn't enough time in a week to have a piece (or even part of it) perfected each Wednesday.

Until recently, I could somewhat avoid the problem by practicing like crazy. Now, with the apartment unfinished, I can't do that anymore. So I'll have to deal with the real issue. Thank you all for helping me get it into focus.

Oh, Saranoya, I understand your feelings. One of the most difficult things for me when starting lessons was learning to accept the fact that not only was I going to make mistakes, but that someone was going to point out and focus on those mistakes! These were not just musical lessons, but lessons in humility. One thing that helped was that I talked about this problem with my teacher early on. He said, "There are only two of us in this room. If you make a mistake here, even a big one, I'm not going to go out and tell anyone else about it. Although you can, if you'd like."

I can only say that it gets better as you get used to it, but you have to let yourself get used to it. In my last lesson, I was trying something new and I failed miserably. It felt as awkward as when I was a little kid first learning how to hold a pencil and print letters. But I just acknowledged that, and laughed about it, and tried again.

Maybe we need to be more like children who are able to try things without fear of failure.

I sometimes wish that teachers would put a sign up in their room that says:
In this room. It is impossible for you to fail. Each and every mistake is one step closer to success.