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Rachel,

I am glad you chimed in.
Please accept my apologies.
What I say is true and I really have no concerns about looking mean to other posters.

But, now I think you owe me an apology for making up such a statement.

Rachel has absolutely no reason to apologise. I remember the incident (that is significant of something) and you came across, Hakki, like a particularly nasty version of comic-store guy from the Simpsons - relishing their nastiness. My main thought at the time was, WHY? And now you're wanting an apology, pft! Are you a man or a tosser?

Much more importantly in the wider sense, just give a thought to those who may have been about to post their own humble offerings and who now never will. You were being toxic.

Now you owe me an apology too drumour.

If I am to owe an apology too I shall grant it, but, um, aren't apologies intended to be sincere? Would you rather someone granted you one when they felt no need? Likewise don't we need to respect the diffidence of opinion? Sorry, it's just...you *have* to recognise the difficulty in correctly identifying motive on the internet and, because of this I fear, there's no rudeness in questioning it. Oh, um, regarding your query : 100% depends on the poster; personally I don't care about positive review and, I feel, most probably don't to a large extent (couldn't we just play for friends and family if this were the case?). I would rather a list of specific things I've done wrong and maybe a big "NO" at the bottom But, um, I'll essentially specify as such in the posting and would never assume one to guess; read the post, try and determine whether the poster is the type who needs support or condemnation to progress and, if you can't decide, err on the side of support; I mean, far better to support those who don't need it than crush those who can't weather it...in my opinion
Xxxx

Thanks FSO. Yes, I am asking for opinions of other members.
But this doesn't mean that I grant them any right to discuss my personality falsely and make insulting remarks.

As far as it is on topic everything is fine, but when it turns into personal attacks then it is my right to ask for an apology.

How about discussing your personality truthfully? Of course, it's never quite on to insult someone intentionally (in my opinion it's actually one of the worst things one can do) and, I suppose, asking for an apology isn't exactly out of line...just...um, some people feel that two wrongs may not make a right, but that one wrong *can* deserve another; drumour feels Rachel owes no apology but you think she does. I'm not sure either opinion can ever really be right, but it's foolhardy to try and change them. In my eyes nobody is in the wrong; um...just talking in different languages I certainly don't mean (or intend! ) to berate your way of being and I'm sorry your feelings were hurt and...and I hope you can see the reason behind each communication; I'm sure drumour doesn't mean to make you feel like a horrible person or anything, just trying to clarify the jarring that's occurred in, perhaps, a slightly brusque manner...

Well FSO, if you have nothing more to say regarding my question, I think it is better to leave this here, before you become another member who owe me an apology.

Hakki,

While not directly the topic of your original post, the topic that was currently being discussed was about your remarks towards me. I assumed it was fair game to throw in my opinion on the situation. I was as FSO said, questioning your motives.

I responded to your post on the original thread about the Liszt Ballade shortly after you made it. Most people when making some sort of improper post would respond after said post on the same thread. This would ensure whoever their remarks were aimed at would see the apology. You however wrote nothing. Saying you are sorry on another forum after several members have openly criticized you would naturally lead me to believe you are sorry you look mean, and not sorry for what you actually did.

Reversing positions with me for a second, you must be able to see why I would not think you would think twice about any negative comments you have made towards me. I really am not trying to start an issue on pianoworld. I actually generally try to stay away from controversial things on this site because I realize how public this forum is to observers, and I do not know who those observers are. I felt the need to say something because I was the one being discussed.

Rachel,

Like you, I also do not like to be involved in controversial things.

I can do nothing other than saying, you just be assured that I am sincere about what I say. You can confidently clear up any doubts you have.

Please do post other recordings in the future, and I promise I won't post on that threads if I don't have something to say positive.

That is possible. I certainly don't get a chance to read every post in every thread, though I do try to keep track of the posts from members whose contributions I enjoy (or with whom I enjoy a great opposing-viewpoint discussion).

It seems, after reading the thread, there is some sincere intent here, and I have gone back and referenced the thread mentioned.

I would say that there is nothing wrong with being honest. In your comments, at least the ones I read, you did not attack the pianist. What I did see was particularly bad timing. I usually shy away from posting overly negative comments when someone says they have a competition/jury/audition/etc coming up. Why? There really is no time to improve or substitute. Just say, "Good luck," and let them go in as confident as possible so they can do their best.

If I do have many criticisms, I usually send the person a PM. I can always find something about the performance I enjoy, but when I do find something to improve--or especially when the poster specifically asks for criticism--I tend to send my reply privately. This way, it never gets inflamed by other posters who have nothing to do with the conversation.

Hakki,
Thank you and I apologize for questioning your motives.

Honestly, I think the best thing people can do is simply listen and thank people for sharing.

I seldom respond in the recordings forum, but I listen a lot.

I have this theory that people are pretty much aware of their faults, don't give themselves enough credit for their strengths, and really just want to be assured that someone out there cares enough to listen.

So are we all caught up on the apologies? I've lost track.

Perhaps if we were more willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt - rather than getting too hung up on "motives" or "intent" or stubbornly believing that an "apology" is owed to us - we'd all be in a better place. Just a thought.

As to the original question...

-- Listen
-- Thank the person for sharing
-- Try to get a sense of who the performer is (amateur, student, professional, troll**) and tailor your comments accordingly
-- If so moved, offer constructive comments - but represent those comments as YOUR opinion only.
-- If you really must share links to other recorded performances of the same piece, do so through a PM.

Bottom line: Be polite and supportive. Folks don't expect to be raked over the coals when they post recordings here. If treated poorly, those individuals tend to go away, never to return again - which is a bit of a shame and completely unnecessary.

** NOTE: When responding to trolls, it's OK to have a little fun.

I am somewhat mystified when people post a recording right before some performance that is important to them. What do they want and expect? If they are just hoping for nice encouraging words - well, fine, they'll probably get some, but this IS the internet. Even if most of the comments are pretty much what they hope for, there's always the chance (and, IMO, a high probability) that some comment will strike them wrong, and that can be pretty distracting, especially if it is contentious.

I think that posting a recording when one is feeling especially vulnerable about the playing in it just a bad idea. And I think the person posting it is responsible for doing so.

To dip into psychobabble - I get a strong passive-aggressive feeling from that kind of post.

Yeah, I don't get it either. I just try not to be "that guy".

Me neither. When I'm posting on those threads, I spend most of my time reminding the people giving detailed criticisms how short the time is. Often they didn't even know, and when they did know, some seemed not to realize how much it mattered.

IMO when the time is so short, it's only good to get feedback from your teacher and maybe from others who are very close to you and know what kinds of things would or wouldn't be good to say.

Mark_C, I was really impressed with the way you responded to someone who had to put together Chopin Ballade 4 (I think) in 3 months or something like that. He did his best and posted his recording right before his performance. Mark asked him when the performance day. When he was told that it was coming up very soon, he said to him, "in that case, don't change anything - its good the way it is. and I will give you my feedback after the performance." I may have misplaced the word or two, but it was something like that. I like the way the forum is taking this matter seriously as manifested in this thread from the OP to everyone involved here. I haven't recorded anything I can share yet but look forward the day I can post my recording.

I think what you'll find is that there are some petty squabbles, but for the most part, everyone wishes everyone else well despite disagreements. Life is far too short to hate someone because they don't agree with your point of view.

How should one respond? In a word: respectfully.

Unless, of course, it's BachMach2. In that case, grab some popcorn.