Hi Yuuki,
Generally you have a good approach here and I think you are developing in a very right direction.
What I especially liked was your polyphinc thinking and bringing out the melody.
I would suggest two things at the moment.
1) When you have repeating notes, there are many places where the first note would sound better in my opinion when it would be played as a pick-up note or "Auftakt". The same thing was in Mozart.
2) The clarity of phrase lines - imagine them in your head as longer lines. Your longer phrases tend to break and if this musical tension breaks the energy level drops a lot.
In an ideal version the piece should form one whole or one unit even if it is built up from very different parts which have different charachters etc.
These are just two quick ideas that came into my mind.
Best wishes to you!
Jaak
P.S. - would be interesting to listen to your next recording of that. With Mozart you showed a great development of the piece.
