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Hello all!

I have a summer student, only two lessons in, and I felt like the mom (who sits in on lessons in the chair I provide for parents) was annoyed that I am not teaching cut-and-paste copy me songs for her entering third grade son.

They bought an old piano from a moving away neighbor and "struck while the iron was hot" as the son was interested in banging around.

He can stiff fingered BANG a couple of simple kid songs, but you cringe to watch!

I am using Faber and Faber (lessons, tech and art, theory, performance book is optional) with Music Tree as a simple workbook.
Mom "forgot" to buy the tech and art book.

After one lesson, they went on vacation, so I gave him typed out liner notes of how to do Music Tree. Since I also use that book for kindergarten students, I expected that he would knock out 1/2-3/4 of it, easy.

Well, he barely did 6 pages, and got almost half WRONG. Mom's response? "It seemed rather repetitive."

(Do these notes go up or down? Color the half notes one color, quarter notes another. Mark out the different symbol/pattern.)

I really think the mom wants me to show him a few chords, memorize the positioning, play a simple melody, and call it done.

I have explained that the exercises are just like in sports-repetition and exercise helps for the game. I have also said that music is another language and right now he is learning the lettering and recognizing sounds and patterns, he will get the words and the sentences as he goes...

At the first lesson, where I had him naming notes up, and then down the keyboard, he turned to mom and exclaimed with surprise, "Mom, this is HARD!"

And she nodded and agreed that if it was easy, everyone would do it.

But the came the second lesson, and I just felt a chill from her.

The boy was fine, but had not cracked open his books, just the Music Tree. I taught quickly, trying to show mom how much work there is, but I HAD to spend time relaxing those stiff fingers and wrists, and work on hand posture.

I think she thought that was time wasting.

Any ideas?

My schedule drastically changes in September, and he may not stay on my roster. So, it may be moot by then.


Anyway, some on-line piano teacher ads say, "learn to jam! will teach you whatever you want, any style."

But I am classically trained, and I teach piano lessons, not how to play latest pop song by rote.

Maybe we are not the right fit?

Any ideas?

I laugh when I read this part. Anyway, sound like both of you are not the right fit.

I think you're fit with the kid is fine, but it really isn't up to the two of you. It's up to mom, and that's where the fit may not be so good. Just go ahead and do what you do.

Perhaps this isn't a teaching issue, but a mommy personality issue. I wonder if the poor student might also be tired of feeling bad vibes from mommy.
Anyway, a difficult parent is a very understandable reason to drop a student. There are some teachers who don't much care about the vibes mommy is giving off. So a transfer would be ok, and it might lower your stress level.

Get mom out of your studio. No reason for her to be there, except to annoy both you and her son.

I am amazed by the hostility to parents from some of the teachers :-) We are not that bad, are we?

Talk to the mom. If there is a mismatch in expectations, its best to get it out in the open and move on. If not, she may as well know what to expect from lessons, and what is expected of her son, and be prepared for that.

Ask yourself: Do you really want this kid (and his mother) as your student???

I wouldn't...run screaming from the room...

For students (and Mothers) like this:

Just treat it like a job. Take the money. Do what your conscience believes to be the bare minimum. And say goodbye to them come September.

If anything, people like this will help fill up the empty summer hours in your schedule. Heck, I can use a few of them right now while my regular students are on vacation.

This kid is the OP's "summer student". What does it mean? Is he a regular student who is taking lessons in the summer? Is he a new student who happens to start in the summer? Or is he really just going to have lessons with the OP in the summer and then be done with it?

Depending on the situation, there could be completely different expectations and approaches. My younger child had a few "summer lessons" with a neighborhood teacher before she officially started lessons with her actual teacher (because the teacher was not able to start teaching her in the summer but she couldn't wait). We made it very clear to the "interim" teacher that the few lessons were really just so that my kid could enjoy having lessons.

If this kid is just starting taking lessons, it may not be a bad idea to teach him a few songs, and ease him into a structured approach. Does everyone really have to start with a set of method books on day 1?

Sounds to me like you aren't a good fit. If you don't really care if/when you lose them, then just tell the mom point-blank about how you are teaching ("giving him skills that he can use his whole life such as reading notes instead of instant gratification...") and I agree it would be a good policy for her to not sit in on the lessons. Alternatively, you could not say anything, and keep teaching him as you normally would, but drop regular hints in front of her about the benefits of what/how/why you are teaching you are teaching the way you are. Either way, I don't really expect they will last much longer with you.

Some student parents are awesome people and I start to think of them as "aunt" so-and-so.

But others... to answer your question: yes. Some are "that bad."

OP here-

By summer student, I mean brand new to me and to piano, a few weeks sampling over the summer, a student that "fell into my lap" for summer only, since the school schedule will most likely take away availability to teach this student since he is not associated with the school here I teach.

I ask each student, before arriving at first lesson, to hand write an answer to why they are taking piano lessons, so I can learn their goals/motivation. I do not expect music majors! I was only a minor, myself! Some want to learn hymns, others jazz, others to prep for band, or they were inspired at a recital. sometimes it is parental pressure. Funniest I ever had was from a 7th grade boy who wrote, "for the LADIES!"
I change up for each student, no two lessons are ever the same. I use lots of supplemental materials.

This boy wrote...let me check...
hmmm...
nothing.
No assignment turned in.

Well, and since the mom neglected to get all the books I asked for, and the boy did not do the work, and half of the bit he did was incorrect even with answers in the notebook and typed notes and the book itself, and mom did not even care and called it "repetitive," thenI will keep him on through August and then be done.

I will jump around and find some songs that I can teach him by rote. Hopefully his next teacher, if there is one, will see that he was given notes and information, and chose not to do the work.

ez-why did you laugh?

I admit, my world is rather sheltered- I attended a private college strong on fine arts, and now teach at a private school focused on academics, so I am mostly used to good students.

This boy is public school and (crucial info here?!?) mom claims he is autistic.

Now, I have been a teacher (preschool, grammar sub, and music/piano) for almost 20 years, and this boy shows only normal, so maybe he has awesome meds, or something.

Anyway, I was just frustrated, and now I feel better. I will not let the mom bug me.

As for the chair in my studio, eh, the few parents that stay are fine, and even helpful by encouraging practice.

This one? I may pretend I am being filmed and be extra Mary Poppins like and helpful and cheery.

and keep a private countdown of the few lessons left...

Wow, talk about dropping a bomb at the last minute!

If he really is, no surprise he had trouble with that assignment.

If he really isn't, no surprise you'll have trouble with the mom.

Personally, if this were my student and Mom wanted to hear "songs", I would put him in Pianimals. The method moves very slowly and the student plays songs immediately, from the very first intro session. I had a young new student play "Bubble-Gum" from the first Pianimals book at our Spring Recital! It is just a 5-finger exercise, but she loved it. I actually give that piece to everyone of my students at their intro/interview session so there were many smiles up and down the row of students waiting to play. Pianimals does basically the same thing as every other method except it is slowed down. First book is just finger numbers. Second book just letter names. Third book start note-reading in Middle C pattern. Once you complete the set you have moved to the G pattern and explored primary chords. But the pieces of music are great sounding. You can get samples from their website and you must order online. They are not stocked in music stores. This is my "go-to" method for extremely young and very needy students.

Maybe you are not the right fit with the mom. The kid sounds fine.

I like the approach.

I got that response once from a student. It was pretty funny.

UPDATE!!

Had another lesson this morning.
He was excited to have picked out a nursery rhyme. I helped him get the fingering (using both hands, not jumping around and contorting, and even showed him how to play it in two keys, G and C)

Then we turned to the lesson books and worksheets. kid did not do half the work, and half of what he did do was horribly incorrect! Music alphabet written all discombobulated, not figuring out music line up or down, mixing up 2nds and 3rds, etc...

and then I noticed that he had done work on pages 30 and up in a book that I had only assigned up to 17, with strong guidance. Mom said, "Oh, he gets bored easily, so I let him work ahead."

"No, mom, he did not do the foundation work, and thus this in incorrect and needs re-doing. As you saw, because he had not done work assigned/did it incorrectly, I had to go back and assess what he did not understand and re-teach from other directions, to see what I missed. His lessons will progress faster if he does the practice work and pages I assign at home."

"Well, he is going into 3rd grade, and he should be able to read the pages and do the work on his own. I think he is losing his enthusiasm."

"Schools usually have a homework folder that parents see and sign weekly. Could you have him, just once a week, show you the assigned pages? See how I date them, here? And that also I have it written in the assignment notebook? It might help if you help him decipher my fast handwriting and check to see if YOU have any questions."

"well, he plays all the time, so I do not see why he is having such a hard time."

"Mom, there is a difference between playing and practicing. Playing is banging around, trying out sounds,etc...

Practicing is the exercise, theory, repetition, warm-ups, drills, etc...just like on a sports team. Practice is all the work before a game."

And they walked out the door and I shook the boy's hand and he ran back from the car and gave me a feather that had fallen.

So, I do think come September, the mom will declare that lessons are over.

And she will blame me for not being a good fit.

But...if she ever bothers to look at his books, she will see the guidance I gave that she ignored. I am not a miracle worker.

I gave him some fun songs. But I made him look at the music, not his fingers. (held a folder over his hands) And it was hard! But he did it, and even smiled and high-fived me! But mommy got frustrated.

Oh well.

Good Job missbelle! I know those types of conversations are never fun to have! In my experience, when I have these types of conversations, things usually improve for a few weeks (meaning the student practices and does their assignments) and then they start slacking again. I like to describe these students as the kind that "like piano while they are at piano."

As for the Music Tree workbook, I've used it quite a bit myself and have some possible reasons he's not doing well with it:
1) He may not be reading the instructions before he completes the work (I've had kids copy the colors from one finger numbering page to another)
2) He may be a concrete thinker and the book is somewhat abstract (the notes are bigger than he is used to)
3) He may may be lacking in the spacial area (top, bottom, left, right- I've encountered this problem more than once!)
4) He may not be into coloring (seems to be a lot of that in this book!)
5) If he is brand new to piano, he may not fully understand intervals yet (it doesn't help that music intervals are not counted the same way as you would count on those nifty number lines taped to their desks at school!)

Anyway, I wish you luck! I have felt your pain!

Brava, missbelle! You can't predict. He might be back in the fall, and mom will retreat. Or she might prevail, and you're out. But you did some good music work with her son, and he recognized it. And you stood up for your informed principles: that's the best one can do.

There are several problems with this situation. In my opinion, you should not take a young student if there is not a plan to continue through September. Every effort should be directed towards long-term success. Otherwise, don't bother.

Secondly, I would never expect them to go out and get books. You get them the books. Then they can ease into piano without all the worries.

I would never have them do stuff at home that I hadn't spent time on in the lesson, and definitely no written work. The first eight lessons are the most important. I teach mainly the names of the notes on the piano, maybe one tune to learn finger numbers, such as Jingle Bells, basic rhythm on the drum (ta ta ta ya), and basic hand posture (which you did). I don't even need a book for three or four weeks.

You must be absolutely sold on your method to project the confidence the mother needs to see in you.

I know in this forum, you always get people who agree with you and disagree with you. That makes it difficult to get the right advice. But, I really think you should rethink the first eight weeks.