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Hi,

After one week and a piano I manage to not srew up "brother jacob" every single time i (try) to play it. Not sure I could really call that an achievement but it's something.

Wouter.

Hi Wouter,

In English they actually call the guy Brother John, apparently. I know, because I confused some people on here not that long ago, when I told them I was going to play 'Brother Jacob' at the European Piano Party .

Anyway, for one week with your keyboard and no prior musical experience whatsoever, that's actually not bad. Now try for some block chords in the left hand. Hint: you really only need two of them, C and G major, or do-mi-sol and si-re-sol (first inversion of sol-si-re). It's a really simple I-V-I progression.

And not much of that makes sense to you now, I'm guessing. But it will, soon enough, once you get to do 'notenleer' .

FarmGirl - I liked reading about how you are feeling about your music and what your long term goals are - I seem to have misinterpreted what you wrote before, and I'm glad to have been wrong! I think you'd make a fabulous teacher! What a fab retirement plan!


Saranoya and Wouter: Brother John, Brother Jacob, Frère Jacques and here in Italy ...Fra Martino..... Interesting which names were chosen to fit the 4 beat requirement!

"Brother John" is three syllables. Couldn't those silly English folks have come up with a better name? Like, oh, Jacob?

Three syllables, yes, but the "John" is stretched over 2 beats

Given how many 2 syllable names there are in English you are right in questioning why John was chosen rather than....

oh maybe ....Martin? lol.

You have to forgive the English. They get lost whenever they can't say: Oh, Bloody XXX.

AOTW: I survived another day amongst the horde of locusts on motorcycles.

Is that the tune I always thought was called "Pharoh Sharker"? (You don't question things so much as a kid.)

AOTW -- submitted my 6000 sq. ft. recording to the Quarterly Recital. Not much of an achievement per se, but it was good to just make the decision and submit (since there are major drawbacks to the recording -- explained in the comments there) instead of dithering, trying to come up with something else, gnawing at my fingernails, and so on for the next two weeks.

Basically, I am achieving virtually nothing from a piano standpoint at this point. Treading water for the summer, or at least trying. I had visions of doing a kick-butt (for an 18 month amateur anyway) "New York State of Mind" in time for the Mason & Hamlin factory tour on 9/9, but that ain't happening.


I have the sneaking suspicion that FarmGirl & Saranoya [Sara -- lumping you in because I see you two as being two peas in a pod re: appearing to be way too hard on yourselves] are alike in this regard. All of us are, to varying degrees. What we are hearing is the internal dialog that really needs to get out, to share with others who will be sym/empathetic to our frustrations. I don't think it's that there is no sense of accomplishment, or some deep unhappiness with ourselves, but rather that those positive aspects are hidden from public view a bit because focusing too much on what is going well is not really going to help with moving forward to greater heights.

Ironic isn't it, given the nature of the thread?

And, being the over-achieving types (switching back to FarmGirl & Sara -- again, I see them as being very similar in this regard), I think that negative focus is just part of what makes them able to accomplish whatever they set their minds to, by perpetually chasing after those negatives and identifying more and more others.

Deep down, I think they both know they are pretty darn talented, but they don't like to think or talk about it too much. At least, I'd like to think they realize it.

FarmGirl & Sara -- Am I barking up the right tree here? Or will the world never know because you're too modest to say?


Congrats! That is an achievement, absolutely. Any little step forward is progress that is worth celebrating.

If you only celebrate the big steps, you'll very likely grow discouraged quite quickly -- basically because they are all small steps that gradually build up. It's only in longer term retrospect that any progress seems big (aside from the mountain we all have to climb). One exception -- when the self-taught (like me) finally get a teacher, or those who are in a rut and switch to a new teacher, start to make big strides... those AOTWs are great fun to hear.


Hopefully they are surviving as well! Here in NH for our Motorcycle Week in Loudon there seems to be at least one fatality each year. I'm sure the lack of a helmet law here is a contributing factor... drives me crazy.

I'm glad to read that you feel like you're really going places with your piano playing, FarmGirl. Often, on here, you do not come across as someone who truly believes that. Though I think aTallGuyNH pretty much hit the nail on the head in trying to explain -- more on that below.

Even knowing that you're not really beating yourself up over this, I still think every word of my earlier post applies. Often, you *are* extremely hard on yourself (and yes, TallGuy, in that regard FarmGirl and I pretty much *are* two peas in a pod), and sometimes, you need to be able to let go of that and simply be pleased with where you are.



Like I said above: as far as I'm concerned, you are pretty much hitting the nail on the head, here. I truly do believe that focusing mostly on what *isn't* going well is the best way to keep moving forward. Those who pat themselves on the back every day, and do nothing but that, are not very likely to really get anywhere. That's called arrogance, and given a choice between being too arrogant and being too modest, I'd rather go with the latter -- not just because people will like me better that way (though they usually will), but also because arrogance and complacency often go hand in hand. When you already think the world of yourself, there's not much of a reason to keep trying for something better.



What follows is probably TMI, though much of it will be nothing new to you if you've been reading most of my previous PW posts. You asked, so I'll answer. But don't say I didn't warn you.

I grew up with a younger sister who was a prodigy as a ballet dancer, and who is now making a career for herself as a member of a contemporary dance company in Rotterdam. It's the sort of thing that really only a handful of people worldwide manage to make a decent living at.

She could have been a prodigy as a violinist, too, had she chosen to go that way. She was the kind of girl who consistently got 90% or more on her violin exams, even in the years when she could only muster a single hour of practice a week. Annoyingly (to me at least, back when we were both still in primary school), she also usually got straight A's, despite spending most of her off hours in dance lessons.

That's not me. I got 90% on my piano exam in June, but I had to work *hard* for that. And I truly believe that the jury was being rather lenient in assigning their final scores. By and large, I agreed with the order in which they ended up ranking the various students, but the actual scores were remarkably high, given the level of our playing. I guess they wanted everyone to feel good about themselves and come back next year.

I acknowledge the fact that I have a certain facility with music, which not everyone (not even everyone on these boards) may have. Memorisation is ridiculously easy for me, to the point that it may actually hamper my progress in playing the piano more than help it, insofar as it prevents me from really learning to read music. I also have a pretty good ear (though not perfect pitch, a lack for which I am grateful), and that allows me to transcribe stuff I may have heard a few times on the radio with more ease than most.

However, I know that I'm not truly talented. I spent my early years being a front-row observer to what true talent looks like, and like I said: that's not me.

Me? I'm the kind of person who has to fight tooth and nail for everything she wants in life. I've had to fight for many things that other people take for granted.

When I was a child, I had to fight for the ability to walk. Read: physical therapy multiple times a week over a period of fifteen years, several surgeries with protracted hospital stays attached to them, and even then, a less-than-ideal walking pattern, which led to easy fatigue and occasional wheelchair use.

Also during my childhood, I was rarely taken seriously by any of the adults in my life. My second piano teacher literally wrote on my report card that he was 'unable to assess due to limited potential', taking a hint from a letter my mother had written to him before I started lessons. When I was nine, I was sent to a school for disabled kids, because my third grade teacher felt that I was holding back the class too much. For the record: I now hold a college degree, and I worked twenty hours a week during much of the time it took me to obtain it, so I think there's probably nothing wrong with me in the brains department.

I ran away from home when I was seventeen. By that time, my sister (for whom, it seems, *everything* was somehow just a little easier) had found a 'legitimate' way to get out. She moved to a different city at age fourteen, in pursuit of a 'serious' classical ballet education. When I tried to explain to my mother why I, too, wanted to get away, I was branded a liar. The label stuck with me for over a decade, until, years after the fact, my little brother spontaneously told her a story about a pretty pivotal moment in my life, to which he had been a witness without anyone else knowing. That particular story was very hard to dispute, because I had told the exact same story, with the exact same details, a very long time ago. Both of my parents finally apologised to me in March of this year.

When I was twenty-three, I had a stupid accident that ultimately robbed me of my hard-won ability to walk unassisted. A year after that accident (using the wheelchair pretty much full time, at that point), I went to the unemployment office to re-register myself as looking for a job. The lady behind the counter looked me up and down and said: what are you doing here? Why don't you just apply for a disability pension?

Because I don't want any handouts, lady. And look, I found myself a job! No thanks to you.

And then, about a year ago, a doctor found a cyst in my brain. Probably because of that, I now find myself having to cope not only with epilepsy (which is not related to the cyst, but to the same congenital neurological disorder that's at the root of my physical disability), but also with transient blindness that comes and goes at irregular and unpredictable times. Surgery was attempted, but failed, and I am now on a pretty strict diet that helps a bit, but not nearly as much as I had hoped it would. I admit, I am having a hard time with that. But I soldier on regardless.

The way I see it, nothing in life has ever come easy to me. Unlike my sister, I'm not really that remarkable in terms of special gifts or talents -- quite the contrary, in fact. I've managed to accomplish a few things anyway. Some might say that *that's* what makes me remarkable. And I am not so falsely modest as to want to categorically deny that (I might add a few caveats, though). But through all of the above, if there's anything I've learned, it's that sitting in a corner congratulating myself will never get me anywhere.

Life is a never-ending war. When one battle is over, it's only a matter of time before the next one comes along. I try to be prepared. Sometimes, I even go looking for the next battle myself. And you're right: along the way, I try not to think too hard about the things that make me special. Knowing that I'm special won't help me win the war. Knowing where my weaknesses are, on the other hand, is indispensable if I want to do something about them, and live to fight another day.

Well, Saranoya, if there is one thing I've learned about you in the past few months, it is certainly that you are NOT complacent.


I've been working on this reply for quite a while - It's harder than I expected to get my thoughts out in a decent way.

You've written a lot - much of which I (and others) already knew -and some new info. I had thought the surgery was to try to treat your epilepsy. I didn't know you had a cyst and that it was the cause of the episodes of blindness. That's .....well, to put it really mildly, that's scary.

You said


I agree with you.

We all fight battles. Some are bigger and harder than others - some seem big at the time and only later do we gain perspective and know for sure that "oh, that was nothing...THIS is something!"

My battles aren't the same as yours - and for the great majority not as overwhelming as yours. I have had brain surgery, but mine was 20 years ago and I was one of the lucky ones who didn't need radiation or chemo - the surgery did it all. It was terrifying and the hardest fear I've ever had to face - but ... what choice is there? Reading about why you had your surgery with the added info today .....well...expect a PM my friend.

I know that many of the battles you fight are so you can have as normal a life as possible, so you can live on your own, so you can have a job and be independent. It really does seem that your battles are never ending - and though you are very matter-of-fact about them, I also think that what you fight is more than a great many of us can even imagine. You keep saying you don't think you are particularly strong - but in my eyes you are.

Actually, you need three syllables in that part of the song: in Italian there is "dormi tu" where there is "brother John" in English. "Fra Martino" comes at the beginning of the phrase, just like Frère Jacques.

But I must point out that while Brother John just hears the bells, Fra Martino and Frère Jacques ring the bells themselves. Lazy English people

(I know, there are much more serious matters discussed on this page, but I feel pedantic today)

Saranoya - Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your determination and fortitude shine through. I had no idea what a struggle your life has been. Yet you stay very positive and very encouraging to others. You are an inspiration.

And, after hearing you play in the last recital and at the EPP, it is clear that you are talented and you have a passion for piano! Your heartfelt interpretation of Moonlight was very beautiful. I wish you the best my friend!

Hi Sara, thank you for sharing your story. I have never met you but almost feel like you are my kindred spirit. I admire your poise and strength.

I hear everyone carries their own cross but yours seems to be bigger than most people. I don't know but whatever the reasons everyone seems to have different cross. I have mine too. I survived some incident long time ago. I still feel like Ryan from the movie Saving Private Ryan. So grateful being alive. Piano, dogs, husband, friends, an excellent career and a roof over my head. I have plenty to eat and many good things in my life. I hope I lived my life deserving way. I will send all of you best wishes. When I felt like I was in the bottom of my life, I discovered music. I did not know I like piano before. I heard Chopin piece in a movie and somehow it hits me like .. I don't have the words to describe. I cried my heart out. I felt each note of the music washing my body and soul. It's okay to live, the thought came to my mind.

I'm a hard worker but I like goofing off too. I think whoever gave me my life would like me to be happy. I am writing this at 1:00 am - love this time of the day sometimes. Completely alone and just thinking about things that has nothing to do with work. Love dogs. Love music. They both communicate to my heart directly.

This hits very close to home for me. My mother is a ballet teacher. When I was very little (four, maybe five years old), she would sometimes take me to work with her. I would sit behind the mirror and just listen. There was a lot of Chopin there, too. And it was a safe place. Nobody could touch me, or scream at me, or even talk to me. I was, for all intents and purposes, invisible to the world for those few hours.

The safety and serenity I felt when sitting behind that mirror as a child still resonate with me when I listen to certain pieces of piano music now. Occasionally, I will hear a piece on the radio that I hadn't heard in twenty years, and suddenly recognise it as one from the ballet studio. That can move me to tears, too.

And yes, for me as well, music provides a reason to hold on in the most difficult of times. Until today, not many people knew that. It seems slightly embarrassing to admit that something so mundane as the fact that I'm trying to learn to play a certain piece of music on the piano makes a difference in whether or not I feel like getting out of bed in the morning. But embarrassing or not, it's the truth.

I can only hope that I, sharing this kind of deep passion for music with you, will some day also share your abilities as a pianist. You're one of those people about whom I can honestly say that if I ever manage to play the way you do now, I will die happy.

Thank you, as well, for telling us your story.

Saranoya - don't quite know what to say after your post but feel I should say something. To remain quiet is akin to hiding in the background and eavesdropping on close friends.

I wrote some crap and then erased it,.......it was very generous of you to share so much with people you don't know. I say generous because sharing your strength imparts a little to each of us.

Ron

Hi Ron (and anyone else who may be reading from the sidelines),

Please, do not feel obligated to say anything, and don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable if you think you'd rather not. I'm the one who decided to write what I wrote, in a public forum full of people who never asked to be pulled into my world on that intimate a level.

This is not 'eavesdropping on close friends'. If you want to compare it to any real-life situation, then I think it's probably more akin to having dinner at a restaurant, while at the next table over, a perfect stranger is busy having a particularly loud conversation with their own dinner companion, inadvertently (or not) exposing their personal drama for all to hear. It's not your fault that you've now been let in on some personal crap of mine. That's on me.

The fact that very few of the people frequenting these boards are actually close friends of mine is one of the reasons I choose to share here, on the internet, rather than talking to someone who knows me in real life. People who only know me as a name on a screen are far less likely to be emotionally burdened by what I have to say than those who know me 'in the flesh', and cross physical paths with me on a regular basis.

So you all have my permission (not that you needed it) to ignore me if you want to . I had a story to tell, and I told it. None of you asked me to do that, and none of you really needed to know. If I have, in fact, inspired a few stray souls here with my 'strength and poise' or my 'generosity', or whatever else you want to call it, well ... that was not my primary intention, but I'm glad it worked out that way. And to those I may have offended, hurt, or inconvenienced in any other way: I apologise.

Maybe this was not the time or place for what I just did. In fact, it *probably* wasn't. But it's too late now to change my mind.

Fortunately for all of us, the nature of the medium dictates that in a day or so, the thread will have moved on. And that's exactly the way it should be.

Saranoya...
I appreciate learning the reality of your life. What I knew before about you. My intuition projected something like this. You simply filled in the blanks. I also noticed in the pictures of you....you're cute!

We need to be honest about our music. To only reveal the good is ignorance. To face the problems, the bad. To grasp humility and earnestly worry only about the creation of music. That begins to look at things like God looks at them.

EDIT: I also wanted to add. The best music in the world comes from ourselves. It can't get better. To enjoy, to celebrate life is what it's all about.

Saranoya, your life story is an inspiration. Thanks for sharing that.

For me, I have shared that writing original music has gotten me through some dark and difficult times in my life, and that I do volunteer work in mental health. I'll leave it at that.

Week 73: The clock is ticking for the recital and I am still writing. Deadlines can be a good thing, because otherwise a composer can keep working forever and never say a piece is done. I've been working on what is going to be Avenue E for months now. The end result isn't likely to be much, but there is something that draws me to it. I am still working on the varying dynamics of highlighting the melody. Like so many things on piano, it is not a small project.

I bought a new bicycle. The one I have is from a yard sale in 2004, and has seen its better days. Cheers.

My AOTW (if you want to call it that)

Visited here today

http://www.finchcocks.co.uk/pages/pianos.php

Had a play on this Broadwood, John and Son 1801 Grand among MANY others which has been something I have wanted to try for a looong time




Took me a bit by surprise especially since 2 of the notes were ringing several others without using any pedals making it sound like a constant sustain at times :P but the feel was not what I expected at all, a lot more gentle and nicer to play than I had first imagined... the sound of course was simply brilliant

I think that it is this embarrassment factor which gives rise to the fact that "most men lead lives of quiet desparation" -- never giving vent to the truth of how hard life can seem. Good for you for doing so here. I too (on a smaller scale) do the same, because it's a safe place to say things that I might not otherwise say to those who know me, which is why I'm strictly incognito and never use my real name online.


+1 on that. Coming from FarmGirl, "I could have my own modest future" sounds positively ebullient!


Oh good. I was a little concerned that either of you might take offense at me presuming to discern your inner selves, so it's good to hear positive feedback.


I've heard that those w/ perfect pitch often have trouble enjoying music because they identify an out of tune instrument/voice at an extremely high rate, and it sounds truly awful to them, whereas most of us are blissfully ignorant as long as the intervals are correct. Is that the reason you are grateful not to have it?

Either way, based on comments you've made on recital pieces, you do have a very discerning ear regarding tuning.


Yup.


Frankly, I think this is (a part anyway) of what makes you so endearing to many of us. You have shared many bits of this previously... as Ron said, you've basically filled in the blanks for us... and each time I've felt like:

• you weren't complaining
• you weren't trying to make anyone feel sorry for you
• but, you weren't trying to puff yourself up either ("look at everything that I've overcome!")
• nor were you engaging in false modesty either.

I'm sure you have your moments, like all of us, but I think that's a rare quality for those in extremely tough circumstances to be balanced -- avoiding being mired in one or more of those four pitfalls.


BTW -- I thought of you while on vacation... We stopped at a highway rest area somewhere in western New York, possibly north-western Pennsylvania. As we entered, I could hear a piano playing, and it was clearly an actual piano (and this, folks, is why digitals will never ever replace acoustics). Who ever heard of plopping a piano down in a rest stop?!? As I listened though, it was pretty expressionless... maybe a not very accomplished amateur was playing it?

So, I eventually arrived at the thing to find that it was a Boston grand (hence thinking of you), and that it was being played by a computer module of some sort, the keys locked in a clear plastic cover. Bummer!