Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Do you ever follow up on a quitter?

Same here, but I understand that often they do it out of respect for my feelings. But I'm the kind of person who would prefer the truth so then I can grow from it.

One student during a trial period, her mother told me that I was commenting on her fidgeting and she has ADHD and has a hard time standing still (voice student). I responded with saying that I had not known about the ADHD and now that I know I will try to be more delicate about the issue, then the mother apologized for not telling me. I thanked her for the information. This kind of communication is extremely important, but it's becoming more and more an issue that people do not know how to have confrontational conversations. And confrontational does not mean argumentative.

AZN, yes, you've totally nailed it for me. I absolutely loathe when people are not honest. I am honest to a fault, using tact of course, but still, I see no point in not telling the truth. How can change be made if the real reasons are not provided?

Regarding my description of the student as a quitter--she stopped lessons, isn't that a quitter? It's a constant pattern with adults--they are so enthusiastic at first and then t there is a 3 month window at which time work, family, health, become a reason to quit. I never saw it coming. If I were to contact her, it would be to subtly open the door for her to return.

I actually watched all the Taubman videos and found it helpful, although I was taught most of that technique in college. Unfortunately, I attended college late in life, and I think some of the damage was already done. Maybe I should revisit those videos.

Actually, those videos are useless for people who are self-diagnosing. You need a trained expert to see what's wrong with your motions, and in many cases it's just a quick fix or a small adjustment in your movement that'll solve the problem.

I also went through re-training during college and found it to be quite valuable, but there is no way I could have figured out everything just by watching the videos--and I watched ALL of them.

I don't think you should contact her again. You've already sent her an email saying you'll welcome her back if she wants to take up lessons again. I'm sure she appreciated that. But that's enough. Anything more would seem creepy to me if I were her.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but she doesn't owe you an explanation. I have a great relationship with my dentist, but if I decide not to go to him for dental care any longer, do I owe him an explanation? Should he call me and send me notes asking me why? I don't think so.

Adults quit activities for all kinds of reasons. Beginners don't realize how much time and effort is involved. People lose their jobs and can't afford lessons any longer. Their working hours change. They thought they'd enjoy it, but find they don't. Kids would do the same if they could, wouldn't they?

Don't take it personally. It's not personal.

When you show that you're taking it personally, you put a burden on her to worry about your feelings and emotions. Why should she have to do that? She may be friendly, but she's not your friend. My dentist and I are friendly, but we're not friends.

Sometimes the guy you like doesn't want to go on a second date with you. Sometimes you don't get the job you applied for. That's life. You have to move on. There will be plenty of other students.

Just my two cents.

Another student here--one who has been taking piano for two years and whose three kids have participated in many activities and lessons over the years.

When we have to give up an activity, it is often due to financial constraints (and, in fact, I've come close to having to quit piano for that reason--fortunately, my job situation improved before I got to that point). It would be very awkward and a little humiliating for me to explain that to someone, so, no, if you were my teacher, I would not want you to follow up on me.

Something to consider if you are puzzled as to why she left so abruptly.

And we all have our different things that feel uncomfortable to us to talk about, and I would hope that teachers would respect that. When I stopped lessons, I told my teacher it was for financial reasons, and that was true. But I was also looking for another teacher at the time (said search alas ending because of the same financial reasons). So I had been trying to figure out what to tell my teacher when I found a new teacher.

What would you have wanted me to say to my old teacher if I had stopped lessons with her in order to start with a new teacher?

My reasons included things that she was unable to teach me, either because I couldn't understand her explanations when I asked, or because when I asked she brushed it off as unimportant, or gave me useless and incomplete explanations. Also there were places where I really disagreed with some of her attitudes about things, and felt annoyed whenever these came up, and annoyed that a whole studio of students was being taught like this -- it certainly wasn't my place to raise these issues with her as it's her studio and her choices, but it meant I came to respect her less.

So I don't know what use it would be to tell her these things because for the first set of things, I had already asked her to teach me those things and she couldn't or wouldn't, and for the second set of things I really wouldn't want to get into criticizing her attitudes and choices in conversation with her.

I should add, I also learned a lot from my teacher. I learned a soft touch from her. I learned enough to be able to play Fur Elise, the whole thing. I'm very grateful for those things, and I would not be the piano player I am today without my 15 months of lessons with her. But I felt I had reached a point where I had outgrown her.

You don't see your dentist once a week (hopefully) and not for something that is pleasurable like piano. Individual music instruction is not the same as other professional occupations, so I don't think this is a fair thing to say. I seriously doubt most dentists develop a close relationship with their patients as teachers with their students do.

I think it has to do with the fact that as a teacher we don't just give a service or information. We have to tailor it to the specific needs of the student which entails getting to know them. We often have to deal with psychological hang ups that people have to help them overcome obstacles they encounter in piano study, so again, getting to know them in a much deeper level. I would venture to say that it's probably closer to a counselor or psychologist.

I agree, however, that sometimes it's best not to know. If they felt they could tell you they would have. It is just important not to project one's own insecurities on them and assume there were reasons you should know.

It's the nature of being a teacher to care, but it is possible to care too much.

Piano Student 88:
Thank you for your perspective from the other side (piano students).
To reply to your description, I hope that my (adult) students, or parents would...

1. Ask me to explain concepts again when he do not understand something that I just explained.
2. When I brushed it off as unimportant, tell me that it is important for him and why.
3. Tell me that my explanation is useless (hopefully back up with some research)
4. Tell me which part of my teaching philosophy that he disagree and have a "civil" conversation with me. It is not to change my philosophy, but to help me to see it from another perspective. Who's know, maybe I will have an "aha moment" and agree with him?

If she wouldn't teach you the things that you asked for, she should give some valid reasons why she wouldn't teach you those things. From those reasons, I hope you would realize why it is not time to learn those things yet.

If your conclusion is that "she couldn't teach" means she already agree to teach you and start teaching those things. Meanwhile you observe that she is either uncomfortable while teaching those things that you asked or inadequate in her ability, right?

Sorry, I hope my post making sense here.

Just as a side note, I think "quitter" is a more loaded word than that. I don't usually hear it used to describe someone who stops one activity, but someone who habitually doesn't follow through on things. The other adults you've taught may have also quit, but that doesn't make this one person any more than one person who has quit (for whatever reason) once.

Chasingrainbows, you seem to have used the word "quitter" to simply mean "somebody who has quit lessons". I don't think you meant what the word means, and we all understand that now.

"Quitter" is an attitude. It means somebody doesn't bother making an effort at anything, giving up on everything, and succeeding at nothing. You did NOT mean that.

Everything you wrote tells us that you have a positive attitude toward this former student.

Mostly off-topic comment.

At work someone was leaving for another job (i.e. a quitter) and his team decided to give him a good-bye lunch. A senior manager heard about this and said "I don't think we should celebrate quitters." Someone thought about that for a while and then followed it to the logical conclusion: "So we should only celebrate people we fire??"

I thought it was funny. I imagine piano teachers are in a similar position. Unless you expect a student to stay with you until they "retire"... eventually they are going to quit, right? Sort of like death and taxes...

Don

ezpiano, no she never gave me any reasons.

I appreciate very much the valuable things she did teach me. I would have had a hard time trying to learn those things on my own.

Is it possible for an informed student to make a sensible determination that she would like a different teacher?

Hi Morodienne,

Well, I've seen my dentist 3 times a year for 30 years, so he probably does know me pretty well. Never any drilling, so it's all been pleasant. But that's not the point....

I've been an Adult ESL teacher, where tailoring the material and method to the student is a big part of the job. New immigrants in particular often have psychological and social issues that make language learning difficult for them. No one would take on the job unless he cared.

But after a while I found there was no point in worrying over why a student didn't do the homework, didn't show up to class, dropped lessons, etc.

They had a million legitimate reasons for dropping that had nothing to do with me. And some dropped for a while and came back to it later.

In the end, in talking to students I found that they see the teacher as someone who provides a service to them - helping them learn English. They may adore the teacher. But from the student's point of view, the teacher really is just like a dentist - a service provider.

The students may be the center of the teacher's professional life. But the teacher is a very small part of the students' lives.

AZN, what type of trained expert? Wouldn't a college piano pedagogue be that?

Braincramp, I disagree completely with your comment that "The students may be the center of the teacher's professional life. But the teacher is a very small part of the students' lives." How often are teachers awarded for their dedication, impact and caring for their students? How often do you hear young people comment on the impact a particular teacher had on their future? My future career was determined almost completely by the teachers I had throughout my school years. My musical future also was impacted by my first teachers.

This student shared personal info with me every week. We had similar views on family, religion, music. In those first few minutes of each lesson, I felt a connection that I don't usually feel with adults. I am sorry that she had to stop lessons.

I was referring to a Taubman teacher who's trained to detect problems in your movements, and who can offer you a complete re-training if there are significant issues to overcome.

When I entered college, I had significant tightness in the forearms when playing difficult repertoire. My teacher fixed all that by guiding me through re-training, one movement at a time.

It's the other way around. I can't find the exact quote in Musical Fossils http://www.musicalfossils.com/index.html
Consider that the student is one of 30 or so, but the teacher is the only teacher that this student is working with. The teacher sees the student for 30 - 60 minutes once a week and then does music with other students. The student prepares for the next lesson, and anticipates the reaction of the teacher, 6 days a week. On the 7th, there is the lesson. Of course this is different for children, who have lots of teachers, and lots of adults telling them what to do.