Thank you other poster(s) for your meaningful, constructive advice.
Yeah, they're good at that, aren't they...
I had no idea what I was aiming for when I did this.
This is the problem, I think. Maybe you
did really have an aim after all, and that was to see what happens when you throw random notes around. It's sometimes a good start, but you then need to look at what you have and do something with it. Shape it, in other words. Play and listen - is there any progression with your discords, say, from least discordant to most and back again (thus creating tension/resolution)? Are there some chords you (accidentally) found that you like the sound of? Having listened to the result do you think there's a mood you have created, even if it wasn't your original idea? You could then work on that. Your
rhythmic structure certainly isn't abstract (whatever you mean by that) - it's basically something Mozart could have used, but you don't necessarily want your piece to sound like Mozart having a nightmare. Or perhaps do you? It's your piece after all.
I suppose the main thing I'm trying to say is that a dissonant piece needs to be as carefully crafted as any other. You want some sort of plan, and you want to listen and judge the sound.
Having said all that, I haven't looked at it carefully or listened to the recording. They were just general comments.
