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Joined: Jan 2015
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 64 |
Hi, this is a nocturne I composed for the piano, it's being played by a computer software unfortunately, but I'd be pleased to know what you think Nocturne no. 5
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Joined: Nov 2007
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It's nice sounding. Not what one would call 'original', but why on earth not?
There are, however, some issues, or questions, if I may.
1. Why 7 flats? I mean wouldn't it be better to use 5 sharps and go to the B major (or G#m vs Abm), rather than the Cb major, which makes the piece really unreadable and filled with double flats? 2. Your pulse/beat (whichever you prefer) seem to be suffering a few times, within the main theme. Your bass, which seems to denote the strong beat seems to be offset a few times. 3. The ending was a bit sudden (most probably due to the computer generated recording), but a nice surprise overall.
In all thanks for posting and hope I'm not upsetting you in any way with my comments.
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Joined: Jan 2015
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OP
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Thank you for your feedback! It's appreciated, don't worry I'm not upset by your comments
The 7 flats issue is true, I haven't taken a lot of theory and basics in composition so I didn't think about it. I also agree, the ending isn't what I planned for it and I might still change it, I've just left it for a while so I wrote a quick ending just to finish it!
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Joined: Dec 2013
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There's a lot to like, but the whole feels a bit "scattered" to me. The initial melody is very pleasant, but it feels to me as if you're being a little impatient with it. A good melody takes a little time to unwind. You take it off to faraway places, at least according to my tastes, before you really let it settle into something. Your ornamentation strikes me as unnecessary at a lot of times. The initial run up to the Eb in bar four is charming, but in many other areas the ornamentation feels a little forced (but maybe this is the electronic playback's fault). I would try writing the entire piece without ornament and really consider where and why you want to add ornaments--for variation, for texture, etc. Then and only then I would add it, thinking about how it fits harmonically--how it relates the melody to the accompaniment, or how it is a harmonic extension of the melody.
The middle section I felt was a bit more confident. A sort of etude. The thirds an octave down could usually be taken by the left hand (I have somewhat large hands and can't do that at that speed except on the most ergonomic of thirds with 1-2, 4-5 fingering...long fingers on black keys, thumb and pinky on white). At the end of measure 24 and beginning of measure 25, the low F-Ab may be impossible to play for anybody except for people with Rachmaninov-sized hands; the left hand can't take it because a sixteenth note later the hand needs to be in the bass. You could maybe pedal and leap back and forth, but doing that with double notes for each side of the leap requires consummate skill, but I have to wonder if the little bit of texture offered by doing a third in each grouping an octave down is really worth it, especially if it's easier to add notes in that range with the left hand for most of the times you employ it, since it is all pedaled. The goal for a composer of piano music is often to get the same results from simpler means. If you look at a history of Liszt's revisions, he does just that. His first version of pieces are often intensely difficult, but after years of playing them he discovered ways of playing them that got the same point across without requiring so much effort and unnecessary acrobatics.
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Joined: Feb 2005
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lautreamont, +1, especially the scattered comment. This piece goes a lot of places, but I never got a feeling of consistency. The false ending can be an effective structural component but I didn't feel it worked in this case. This is an instance where IMO less would be more.
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 64 |
Thank you for your elaborated comments!
It's true the piece feels very scattered I hesitated before posting it for this reason, but I kind of liked the melody especially the middle section so I did Looking back I also find there are unecessary ornaments. And I agree, there are things that are unecessarily difficult, this is a nocturne I composed some time ago, now I'm more preocupied whereas the result is playable or not too!
Last edited by Francoisfj; 07/31/15 03:02 PM.
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