I'm SO shocked!!!

I called my teacher just now to let her know how my exam went and the areas, the technical stuff, that I didn't do too well in.
Her response was that I really need to work on it now. I thought, okay I already knew that, and I didn't confront her about her role in my past lessons seeing as how it was water under the bridge and I had already decided to pursue this with a new teacher.

Then I said I'd like to return to her the books that I had borrowed and she said I could bring them at my next lesson - with her.

I was taken aback and I said that I would be looking for a new teacher now, reminding her that she had suggested this to me way back in Sept 2006.
Her response to this..."Oh I didn't mean so quickly" !
Then she became very curt and brisk with me and said that I could just leave her books in the mailbox and when I wished her well since I wouldn't be seeing her in person she said "Goodbye" and hung up on me before I could get another word in.

Her reaction was so unexpected that I feel like I've just been slapped in the face.
I didn't expect any words of empathy, especially after those last lessons BUT I certainly didn't expect this cold brush-off.

WOW! What a mind bender!
Has anyone else experienced a similar situation?

I think you need to find a new teacher and just forget about your previous one. There's no point feeling hurt and betrayed, although that is understandable.

When you find someone who actually wants to teach you you'll enjoy your lessons a lot more.

I have dealt with plenty of drama in the past, tried not to take it personally and just moved on as fast as I could. Her attitude should definitely make you feel better about your decision to switch teachers. Just make sure you get a good teacher that cares this time.

What a hurtful thing to do to a student. You need to find another teacher who is less neurotic,and has concern about the feelings of his/her students.

Don't let this affect your relations with your new teacher. Good luck. Gaby Tu

i think you did the right thing, and it's time to just let it go with your old teacher and move on with the new one.

That's the russian piano culture (I'm assuming she is russian). They are brutal because that's the environment they were raised in and it's normal to them.

It also sort of sells well to certain people because it's "quaint" to have a harsh russian piano teacher. Makes people feel worldly. Personally I think it's a crappy way to teach.

Your teachers reply "Oh I didn't mean so quickly" clearly shows she had the impression you would still be working together for a while.

Your quick dismissal of her understanding (or misunderstanding as the case may be) is a bit thoughtless on your part IMHO. Your teacher had probably invested a great deal of herself in you, emotionally and professionally. I would think an abrupt and sudden end to your relationship would be upsetting for her, unless she didn't really care about you or your future - which clearly was not the case.

I agree with Holden. IMO This teacher really cares about you even if she hung up on you. She feels that you basically "dumped" her for a new teacher even though she herself suggested the idea. The most likely reason for the hang up was because of the upseting news of losing a student. Whats done is done, move on and live life to the fullest.

Matt

Probably not even an upsetting news of losing a student per se, but rather frustration with the fact that instead of addressing her belief that a student "really need to work on it now" student decided it is a teacher's fault. That kind of [student] attitude is fairly common, but of cause not less upsetting. It's especially sad to see in students who have some talent, which they are likely to waste.

My reaction was much like Iv7's. It sounded to me like you were blaming your teacher for your problems in the exam. That strikes me as very unfair. We each bear responsibility for our own acts, and our own achievements and failures. Perhaps she was upset because she perceived you were doing this, and abruptly dumping her as a teacher.

Emrys - to me you wasted an opportunity here to find out why your teacher asked you to move on in the first place. It may have been that she saw potential in you that she could not exploit herself.

You are now upset that your teacher said Goodbye and terminated the conversation. This after you told her in essence that straight after your exam her services are terminated with no notice (impolite at best). Frankly, I think she has just cause to be abrupt with you.

You have now posted a few times here about your teacher and each of them comes across as you blaming your teacher. Any advanced learning process has to be a collaboration and that means that you take your share of responsibility for the working relationship. I am assuming that you are an adult here - if not then please accept my apologies.

From reading your posts, and the attitudes that you display, I get the feeling that you are a big part of the problem. You seem to be looking for someone other than yourself to blame. It was you that played the exam - not your teacher - and ultimately your technical failings are your responsibility.

Perhaps some mature reflection will teach you that you might benefit from examining your own attitude and behaviour.

Kind regards

Adrian

Emrys,

You and this teacher don't seem like a good mix. There certainly doesn't seem to be any effective communication between you two on important issues like whether you'll continue with her as a teacher. That's a 2 way street, and you're both to blame for that.

While she might have been curt with you, you handled the situation quite poorly. How would you feel being basically dumped over the phone? That was an inappropriate conversation for telephone. You should have done it in person. If you had talked to me in the thoughtless way you described , I might have hung up on you and not wanted to see you again either.

Now, where to go from here? Find a new teacher. Keep the lines of communications open, especially in terms of what your expectations are for each other. Shoulder some of the responsibility yourself.

Good luck.

Communications between teacher and student is an important issue. I am wondering why you chose to post it in this forum rather than in the piano teacher's forum. As a teacher, I am shocked by the behavior of a colleague like this, and even if you had quit over the phone (out of frustration perhaps), I wouldn't treat you like a dog.

I use these boards for information and for useful problem-solving. I haven't posted much (if anything) in these threads because I don't see the point. I suppose some people may use the board as emotional support. That's not my style. Emrys, exactly what are you looking for? It seems to me that you want a shoulder more than a discussion. For that reason, some of the responses will seem hostile and cold. I suspect that is because they are coming from "problem solver" types instead of "emotional support" types. If I were you, I would not dismiss the invitations to introspection offered by folks like Holden, Iv7, AJB, Phlebas and JMark (have I missed anybody?) There are two sides to this story and we have heard only one, and what you have told us can easily lead a reasonable person to believe that you might benefit from stepping back and rethinking this whole episode. Its a learning experience to be sure.

If you had a not-very-good teacher who also treated you not-very-well then I certainly see nothing wrong with how emrys has acted. I've had a russian piano teacher and have heard from others about them, whether they're good or not is surely variable but how they act seems more consistent. (Yes I know now someone is going to provide a counter-example of a super nice patient russian piano teacher.)

Emrys I recall you have had difficulties with this teacher before the examination. So, what if this teacher cut you off! You have problems communicating with each other and problems obtaining the results you desire from this teacher. It can be difficult, but BLOW IT OFF and MOVE ON! I suggest you AUDITION your next teacher! I have taught for over 35 years and sometines 'personalities' do not mix. IF YOU LOVE LEARNING HOW TO MAKE MUSIC AT THE PIANO YOU WILL LOVE THE PIANO POSSIBLY MORE THAN THE TEACHER. A GOOD TEACHER WILL GUIDE YOU TO LITERALLY TEACHING YOURSELF! Before the examination this teacher had not exposed you to certain elements of technic in a way that allowed you to perform the way you wanted to. They had failed to tell, demonstrate or guide you to the necessary tools you required to pass the exams, therefore you could not suceed the goals you desired. "WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY THE TEACHER WILL APPEAR! lol.

So true.

Some really great insights on this thread.

My only thought is that both sides are left hanging in terms of what really happened. I believe emrys ought to write a well constructed letter thanking the teacher for the time spent together and then emrys' interpretation of what "finding another teacher" meant.

No sense in letting the negative energy reside with both parties. If the teacher chooses not to respond then at least emrys will have brought some closure.

Great advice, ftp. I second that.

i concur. But I wouldn't have dumpted on emrys the way others have. Whatever the teacher meant by suggesting emrys find a new teacher (now, next year, or in the great hereafter), it seems reasonable to me that emrys would do just that now that the exam is over. Still, a letter of thanks for the effort the teacher has given is a good gesture, as long as it isn't accompanied by any request to be taken back. As Phlebas points out, emrys and that teacher seem to be a bad mix. In the future, I hope emrys finds a more compatible teacher, and the teacher a more suitable student for her attitudes and methods.

ouch my teacher and I have a love hate relationship. She loves to torture me and I hate it.

I love my teacher and I appreciate her soooo much. Despite our differences I am so grateful to have gotten this far. We don't see eye to eye sometimes but we let each other know and after she beats up on me a little and I pout some we get back on the horse and continue.

So to all you who teach I'd like to let you know that we appreciate you.

For Emry, I'm sorry for the experience you and your teacher had to go through. I would try to make things right with her as some suggested.

When things don't go well with the way we play, we feel like failures but so do they. If I were a teacher and my student told me how badly they did on something, I would feel that I failed as a teacher when in fact there's only so much a teacher can do, the rest is up to the student.

Hi Emrys,

First off it seems odd that your teacher wouldn't have arranged with you prior to your exam to communicate with her sooner than (what ten days or so) after the exam if she had been truly interested in your exam experience and result.

That seems odd to me.

It was always the first phone call I made after the exam...and my teacher, be it voice or piano would be all ears to how every little detail of the exam went. There was always a well done, or an oh well, better luck next time...or we can work on that together.

Not one of them ever made any direct assumptions that anything that didn't go well for me in the exam was due to flawed teaching.

That's the mark of a very insecure teacher, IMO>

Maybe others in the forum have studied at very high levels where more artistic temperment is evident and considered,.. normal.

Singers, pianists or dancers, who tremble out of fear or humiliation, however is not normal.

I know there are schools of thought and teaching that still subscribe to the technique.

The Great Art requires Great pain school. That always gave me torn muscles in dance,..strained vocal chords in singing and really sore hands in piano. The root of the problem was never taught.

Emrys,...remember it was your teacher who suggested you move on. That sort of indication doesn't have necessarily have an exact time frame but 'sooner than later'..I would think is implied.

After an exam is a perfect time to move on,, and having suggested you move on,..your teacher should have expect it.

It seems to me this teacher may be going through some personal problems, and you may not be the only student to leave and she is now concerned about her income and reputation.

Hanging up on you certainly suggests there may be a problem, and obviously does nothing to further enhance her reputation.

Write her a nice note of thanks and wish her well. She needs your support.

My teacher was Russian...and (relax Horace) no she wasn't all milk and kindness,..! The opposite in fact.

I don't think she ever said an encouraging word during the six years I studied with her. Nothing was ever good enough. But she never behaved immaturely, or like a dilettante.

That would be my previous Canadian born diva piano teacher who used to regularly strike either my hands or my body, before shoving me off the bench, so she could demonstrate in an outright rage. I always felt sorry for the piano.

Alas she can't play anymore, heck she can't even walk anymore as she has fallen down her stairs one two many times. All that anger has swallowed up her health. Very sad.

Finally, I don't think succumbing to being crushed musically, spiritually, or in my case physically, in order to fulfill one master's idea of great art,..does any musician good.

This rigid trainings are wonderful for the technique of the art,...but as one who has studied all three of the disciplines mentioned...it can lock you out of the other modes of expression.

Witness a dancer/pianist trying to learn to breath like a singer...or a pianist/dancer trying to play/move like a singer...or either the pianist or the singer trying to dance.

The best of all worlds is an understanding of the three...and that has to be nurtured and drawn out of the student,...not crushed in.

Just my thoughts...sorry if I grated on anyone's opinions.

Good luck with your search for a new teacher EMRYS.

Skyblanche