After reading all the discussion of all these world problems, the politics and religious issues, I decided it was time to throw caution to the wind and bring up one of the most significant problems facing mankind today......

Marshmallow Circus Peanuts.

You can't find them just anywhere. It's like there's a shortage of them or something. Oh, I know you can buy the little 99 cent packs at 7/11's all over the place that have about 5 in the pack, but that's just a sample. I'm talking about the big old one pounder bags......the "man sized" packs.

Sometimes you can find them at the grocer's, but sometimes you can't. There's no consistancy in supply at *all*...... I can only assume there's a conspiracy connected somehow. I just haven't been able to figure it out yet.

And when you do find them, they're all soft and fresh, which lets me know they just made them. Combine that with the supply shortage and it's easy to see that some evil corporation is trying to artificially increase demand by holding back on production. Most likely, the employees are only getting to work on a part time basis as a result. We cannot allow this to continue.

And everyone knows that a marshmallow Circus Peanut should only be eaten stale. You can't eat them when they're all soft like that. This further aggravates the supply problem, since you have to open the bag and let it sit on the counter for a week before they get stale enough to eat.

I think the UN should check into this matter. America should have a consistent supply of Circus Peanuts, so that one can keep enough on hand to always have some to eat while another batch is sitting there on the counter aging. In fact, in this age of modern miracles, they should offer them two ways - soft and fresh for those who do not know the proper way to eat a Circus Peanut, and "pre-seasoned" for those of us sophisticated enough in our tastes to know when the proper state of staleness exists. Sort of a "seasoned for destination" thing.

The best ones can be found occasionally at Kmart. They usually are properly seasoned to nearly the correct level of staleness already, and usually mashed a bit flat which further enhances the flavor. But even that supply is beginning to dry up somewhat, because of Kmart's financial problems as a result of those greedy CEO's ruining the company.

So please write your congressman and tell him of the outrageous situation that exists in the supply of Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. America can no longer abide such cruel shortages. I'll bet they have more supply up North than they do down South too.

It's a conspiracy I tell you. And we *must* get to the bottom of it.

What the hell are Marshmallow Circus Peanuts?

Derick

Larry,

What on earth are you trying to do! I never thought that even you could bring up something as sensitive as Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. I can see the mother of all p***ing contests dead ahead and its all your fault. Matter of fact, I think I see George headed this way with a soapbox under one arm. There's no telling what gloom and doom scenario he can extrapolate from Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. :p

BTW, what are Marshmallow Circus Peanuts.

Derick, you have truly missed a turning point during childhood - the discovery of marshmallow circus peanuts. I remember both yellow and a pinky-orange variety.

The fastest way to a sugar OD!

You don't know what a Marshmallow Circus Peanut is?.....and you call yourself an AMERICAN?????

Well, I am DEFINITELY with Derick on this one. ??? Jodi

Found a link... http://www.spanglercandy.com/spangler/Products/circuspeanuts.htm

And lo and behold, I know exactly what you are talking about. I saw some in Walmart just the other day. I haven't seen them in ages. The funny thing is, one look at the package, and I could taste 'em. Let me repeat - EEEEEWWWWWW.

Jodi

I'm a communist remember? I have absolutely no idea what they are.

Are they better with beer or moonshine?

Derick

Now I know what your're talking about and yes, they are great with moonshine or, in your case Derick, vodka.

Oh, and if you check that link, there is a recipe for these things in JELLO. Double EEEEEWWWWWW. Must be a southern thing. Jodi

I'm with Jodi on this one . And just like her, I can taste them just by looking at them on the screen. EEEEEWWWWWW!

If you can't find them at 7-11 or Walmart, check out Piggly-Wiggly. They have everything.

Derick

You know what I miss? Pixie sticks. Remember them? Those straws filled with flavored powder. I've seen them recently but now they come in tubes that are 2' long and 3 inches in diameter. If I got the courage to buy one, I wouldn't make it out of the store before swallowing and inhaling the whole thing. I have no shame. I'd do it right there in front of all the K-mart shoppers.

Derick

mmmmmy pixie stixs....

Would that be before or after the moonshine.

After the beer but before the moonshine.

Derick

Sounds perfectly okay to me.

Actually to ingest the peanuts properly, one must follow them with a quaff of RC cola or at the very least by a NEHI bellywasher. And yes, they are found at the Piggly-Wiggly.

Speaking of Southern beverages....

One of my neighbors has planted about a five acre pea patch. He had some left-over seed that he thought I might want for my food plots (yes Larry, Bambi is delicious). When I drove up to the house, his wife informed me he was in the shop, so I sauntered that-a-way.

Lo and behold, just inside the door I spied an aluminum beer keg with a copper coil running out the top of the keg and disappearing into a plastic drum of water before appearing on the other side.

I looked at him and said "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yep", he replied. "And legal, too. Uncle Sam lets me make so many gallons a year for personal use."

"So why the 2 liter 7-up jugs?", I asked. For those of you with no acquaintence of boot-legging, 7-up or Sprite bottles make an innocent looking way of transporting "shine".

"A man's gotta pay for his corn and butane", he replied.

So folks, whilst shopping at the Piggly-Wiggly for them thar marshmallow peanuts, check those seals real good iffen you buy a 2-liter 7-up. If the seal's broke and the 7-up burns with a clear blue flame - buy two.

Larry,.

This is all pre-planned by the oil industry and you have just naively played into their hands with this post.

This is a simple matter of corporate hording and price fixing. As long as corporations are able to hold their product off the market, creating an artificial scarcity, they will do so. This serves to develop a pent up demand, which then justifies their raising the prices, thus gilding their corporate wallets with profit.

It is clearly something coming out of a corporate executive office. Anything is OK, no matter how insidious, to increase short term profits, thus inflating stock prices and allowing the corporate robber barons to cash in their options and buy a fifth home in Europe.

It will, of course, appear to backfire soon. Once their own employees must pay more for the peanuts, they will demand in an increase in wages, which will be turned down by executives "managing labor" as a resource. Labor will eventually go on strike.

What few people realize though is that this is exactly what the oil industry wants. Once they go on strike, the corporations can hire scab workers, (with the covert support of Bush2) who will work for "peanuts", so to speak, compared to the professional unionized workers. The union will then be broken.

This will anger the union workers who are without a job. What will they seek? Guns. And who will they turn to to support their acquiring guns? The NRA.

As they join the NRA, they will be inundated with conservative, pro-Bush literature. One by one, they will reregister from the Democratic Party to the GOP -- which the oil industry hopes will enhancing Bush2's now-questionable ability to be elected for a second term.

And if it works, what then results? Well, of course, the oil lobby has their puppet in the White House for four more years and can continue to rape the American people and the world for fun and profit.

So, it all comes down to oil -- as does everything else. And it all starts with naive peope like you, Larry, publicizing a pre-planned artificial shortage of Marshmallow Circus Peanuts.

These days, it seems that people prefer straws with white powder in them more... :rolleyes: For that: EEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!

Speaking of 7-11's, you know what I really hate? Those slurpy thingys that they sell. Another EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!

The one true thing that I absolutley love are malts! I love malts! If you've never tried one, go and buy yourself a malt cup right now!!! They're kind of like Wendey's frosty. Actually, I perfer soft served ice cream well over the other stuff, like frozen yogurt.

George, absolutely brilliant. I have just one minor correction... it all comes down to money, not oil. Money, money, money.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead CEO in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Hahahahaha, that's one of my all time favorites. Can't wait to tell that at the next shareholders meeting.

Ok, I'll stop.

Derick

Well, I want to know whether they are good for you, and if they are addictive.

(from the anarcho-communitarian-libertarian-pacifist of the Quakerly eco-femino-anti-capitalist health nut order)

EVERYONE knows that the lowly orange marshmallow circus peanut evolved into the yellow Easter marshmallow chick!

It's a proven fact.

Nina

Dear Derick,

I am extremely surprised that anyone over the age of 12 does not remember marshmallow circus peanuts! Given the recent content of these boards, are you sure that you should be posting here? Oh, well, you do remember dixie sticks. That does redeem you. Kinda.

Lucy :p

Nina,

Now here we go talking about evolution again!

Lucy :p :p :p

Nina said:

Thereby producing the artificial shortage of marshmallow circus peanuts during Easter. The chicks, are, of course, in great demand during Easter. CEO's being the money-grubbing, greedy, SOB's that they are, raise the price on Easter chicks and cite shortages of marshmallow as the reason (it doesn't just grow on trees you know). Supplies of marshmallow circus peanuts dwindle as they've diverted half the work-force for yellow chick production while laying off the other half (a brilliant cost-cutting move).

Soon the price of anything marshmallow goes thru the roof. This results in panic as the perception of a worldwide shortage of marshmallow hits the marketplace. The price of anything and everything marshmallow goes thru the roof. Fluffernutter, a.k.a. children's Valium, is fetching upwards of $200/jar. Women in the Piggly-Wiggly have fist-fights over the last box of Lucky Charms.

At the completion of the quarter, marshmallow executives report record profits and stock prices SOAR. Shareholders kiss the feet of the brilliant CEO's who steered the company thru the period of economic uncertainity during the marshmallow crisis and saved it from bankruptcy. The CEO's are rewarded with record bonuses, pay increases and even more stock options.

Some former marshmallow workers find much lower paying jobs as migrant workers or burger flippers. They lose their homes, marriages end, they uproot their family. Some turn to crime, others to alcohol, and other's simply end their miserable lives. Nevertheless, the government reports median income in the United States UP over previous months because the greedy CEO's hired in their cronies who helped them create the marshmallow shortage. They thank their friends with luxurious salaries, stock options out the wazoo, signing bonuses, use of the coporate jet.

All this made possible by you foolish stockholders who see $$$ in your eyes because of the record profits of the marshmallow industry and have bought the stock like it's going out of style.

And the CEO's and company execs are sitting behind their babinga paneled board room, smoking the finest Cuban cigars, drinking the finest Scotch and laughing. Yep, laughing at you stupid, stupid, stupid, stockholders.

Derick

Derick,

THANK YOU for making it clearer! I just knew that Marx had something to do with it!

:p :p :p

or was it dubya?

Nope, not Marx or PBII, just one of my favorite sayings "treat other's as you would like to be treated."

Ain't that right lb?

Derick

I say you're both wrong. Its not about oil, and its not about money. Its about Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. With just a touch of alien conspiracy thrown in. :p

What it's really about is some people are offended at the profanity of it all-- "Marshmallow Circus Peanuts"! That the hallowed peanut should be portrayed as just so much fluff! STOPIT (Society To Obliterate Peanut Image Trashing) members have been seen perpetrating acts of terror against stores that sell MCPs, and are known to be confiscating all bags of MCPs they find and destroying them. That's why there's a shortage.

Larry, you have every right and even a duty to write your congressman/woman immediately to remind him/her these barbarians are trampling your constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness! Some rights are inviolable. Maybe it's time for a constitutional amendment making it illegal for a person to confiscate marshmallow peanuts even though they may represent idolatry to that person!