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#871991 - 01/10/05 12:02 PM " I'm Fat"
virtuoso418 Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 645
Have you ever had your girlfriend/wife/mate ,during your relationship, feel uncomfortable or unhappy with her weight? If so, how do you feel and react to this?

DO you react more to the more jealous end: "Oh, she's not happy with me and she wants to look more attractive to other people, thats why she wants to lose weight"

or

"She probably has a low self esteem and probably wants to lose weight to gain more self esteem for herself"

But does your mate really have to concern herself about her looks when she has someone who loves her and accepts her for who she is? Or is it still a self esteem problem?

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Piano & Music Accessories
#871992 - 01/10/05 12:43 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Cindysphinx Offline


Registered: 02/14/03
Posts: 6416
Loc: Washington D.C. Metro
Oh, Virtuoso . . .

You're onto part of the problem, but I'm not sure you've really hid the target dead-on.

I had a period of time where I was steadily putting on way too much weight. It made me miserable. I don't think it was "low self-esteem," necessarily. For me, I knew I was a good person and quite capable and all, but the weight was a constant reminder of one area in which I was failing, day in and day out.

Regarding your suggestion that the weight shouldn't be an issue if she has someone who loves her . . . the woman who says she feels fat would probably feel that way whether she were in a relationship or not. It's very hard to be a heavy woman. Nothing fits. You don't feel very energetic. Media images confirm that only one physique is acceptable on women. You *want* to wear sexy, youthful clothing. It's really, really difficult.

I think the best way to react is not to bring the subject up. If she brings it up, rather than offer up lots of commentary, just invite her to for a walk, play tennis, ride bikes, get active.

When she's really ready to lose the weight, she will.

Cindy -- whose self-image would plummet each spring when it was time to find a swimsuit, and who thinks flourescent lighting in swimsuit dressing rooms should be illegal
_________________________
Vote For Cindy!!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post...QvjrL_blog.html

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#871993 - 01/10/05 01:06 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
EHpianist Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 1703
Loc: NY-Madrid-Newfoundland (rhymes...
The perfect response:

"You aways look beautiful to me."

In general women tend to ask when they feel they really *are* gaining a few pounds. We tend to notice the slightest change in our bodies, sometimes before it is obvious to anyone else, so we wonder if it is noticeable yet.

I find that if I'm in my ideal weight I never ask. Only when I start putting on a few.

Elena
http://www.pianofourhands.com
_________________________
Schnabel's advie to Horowitz: "When a piece gets difficult, make faces."

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#871994 - 01/10/05 01:19 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Freedom Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 1192
Loc: Scotland
My sister says it alllllll the time. :rolleyes: I usually say something like, "you look perfectly fine" or "I don't think so." I try to stay away from the 'I don't think so' response as it can sometimes result in her going in a mood, so I usually say that she looks fine to me. \:\) And she really isn't fat at all. \:\)

Freedom \:D
_________________________
"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."

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#871995 - 01/10/05 02:00 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Luke's Dad Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/28/03
Posts: 1426
Loc: Mid Atlantic
 Quote:
Originally posted by EHpianist:
The perfect response:

"You aways look beautiful to me."
[/b]
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT[/b] Wrong answer! Oh, it works well enough the first time or two, but then she'll catch on and it will put you in a worse position. I find that ignoring the question works several times, after that, developing imaginatory disasters to change the subject. You will reach a point, however, when imaginatory disasters don't work either, at which point you'll have to do little things like set fire to the kitchen or "accidentally" cut yourself with a pair of scissors to save yourself. Sure, it's painful and the stitches get itchy, but it's still a blessing compared to the other options.

Seriously, though, my wife does have some esteem issues, and I've been on the receiving end of these no win questions. And they are no-win. If you answer no, she'll get upset and accuse you of lying, and if you answer yes....... well, let's just hope you have a comfy sofa. What I have found to work is taking the offensive. If we're preparing to go out, I complement her before she can ask. If she's lounging in sweats, I'll ask if she was just working out because she looks trimmer and has that healthy glow to her. This helps keep her esteem from reaching the point of needing reinforcement.
_________________________
Purveyor of Yamaha, Petrof, Pearl River, and Kohler & Campbell pianos.

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#871996 - 01/10/05 02:07 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Chris Aher Offline
Full Member

Registered: 05/31/01
Posts: 299
Loc: Brookfield CT
Ah, the notorious "Fat" question.

The only time in more that two decades of marriage that I've gotten one up on my extremely smart and decidedly NOT fat wife went like this:

Her: "Do I look fat?"

Me "Do I look Stupid?"

;\) :rolleyes: ;\)
_________________________
regards,
Chris

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#871997 - 01/10/05 02:12 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
NAK Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 2561
Loc: Canada

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#871998 - 01/10/05 02:24 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Siddhartha Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 12/08/04
Posts: 1244
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
What's worked for me on occasion:

she: do I look fat?
me: oh my gawd, you're enormous! what the hell happened?

in a tone to indicate playfulness, and refusal to get engaged in a realistic dialogue on the silly matter. The delivery is crucial to its effectiveness.

(warning: doesnt always work)
_________________________
I was born the year Glenn Gould stop playing concerts. Coincidence?

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#871999 - 01/10/05 02:25 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
EHpianist Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 1703
Loc: NY-Madrid-Newfoundland (rhymes...
Luke's Dad, you are a wise man indeed!

Oh I know the phrase is just a way for him to get out of answering, but I like to hear it anyway.

I'm easy to please. \:\)

Elena
http://www.pianofourhands.com
_________________________
Schnabel's advie to Horowitz: "When a piece gets difficult, make faces."

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#872000 - 01/10/05 02:28 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
markjpcs Offline


Registered: 08/31/04
Posts: 3170
Loc: Wisconsin
Sid!

_________________________
Visit us at:
The Piano World Practice Club

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#872001 - 01/10/05 02:39 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Luke's Dad Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/28/03
Posts: 1426
Loc: Mid Atlantic
Reminds me of the old joke:

She: "Do these pants make me look fat?"

He: "No, it's your a** that makes you look fat!"
_________________________
Purveyor of Yamaha, Petrof, Pearl River, and Kohler & Campbell pianos.

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#872002 - 01/10/05 03:00 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
markallen Offline
Full Member

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 460
Loc: Stanwood, WA
Typical at my house:

Honey, do I look fat?

No dearest, you look great for someone your age!! \:D
_________________________
Mark

New sig line in the works....

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#872003 - 01/10/05 03:25 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
NAK Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 2561
Loc: Canada

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#872004 - 01/10/05 03:35 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
markallen Offline
Full Member

Registered: 12/28/04
Posts: 460
Loc: Stanwood, WA
\:D \:D \:D \:D
_________________________
Mark

New sig line in the works....

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#872005 - 01/10/05 03:39 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Kreisler Offline


Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 13817
Loc: Iowa City, IA
Misdirection:

"Hmm...I dunno, take your clothes off and let's have a look..."
_________________________
"If we continually try to force a child to do what he is afraid to do, he will become more timid, and will use his brains and energy, not to explore the unknown, but to find ways to avoid the pressures we put on him." (John Holt)

www.pianoped.com
www.youtube.com/user/UIPianoPed

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#872006 - 01/10/05 03:42 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
kenny Offline
7000 Post Club Member

Registered: 05/29/01
Posts: 7051
Answer:
"Honey, of course you look fat.
You ARE fat!"

Now where's my dinner?

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#872007 - 01/10/05 04:54 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
LifeWithoutLuigi Offline
Full Member

Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 74
Loc: Kah-Lee-For-Neeah
Kinda reminds me of that old line...

"You, sir, are drunk."

"Yes, madam, I am. And, you are ugly. But, in the morning, I will be sober."

I find it interesting that what a lot of women would consider their ideal weight, a lot of men would consider too skinny. I read that somewhere a few years ago, but I don't know if it's true or just a bunch of baloney.

Me, I prefer a huggable, shapely lady over a bag of sticks. Mass media, kiss my ***!

(hunkers down and waits for the arrows)
_________________________
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than, "I told you so."

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#872008 - 01/10/05 05:33 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
katie_dup1 Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 1838
Loc: Canada
...fascinating thread \:\)

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#872009 - 01/10/05 05:50 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Improviso Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 1484
 Quote:
Originally posted by kenny:
Answer:
"Honey, of course you look fat.
You ARE fat!"

Now where's my dinner? [/b]
I'd get a live-in taste tester, if I were you. ;\)
_________________________
www.coffee-room.com

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#872010 - 01/10/05 07:56 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
kenny Offline
7000 Post Club Member

Registered: 05/29/01
Posts: 7051
Actually he made me dinner tonight.
It was delicious. \:\)

But it's only been an hour.
Don't poisons take a while? \:\(

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#872011 - 01/10/05 08:22 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
apple* Offline


Registered: 01/01/03
Posts: 19862
Loc: Kansas
 Quote:
Originally posted by LifeWithoutLuigi:

Me, I prefer a huggable, shapely lady over a bag of sticks. Mass media, kiss my ***!

[/b]
from what I've heard, many men do.... \:\)
_________________________
accompanist/organist.. a non-MTNA teacher to a few

love and peace, Õun (apple in Estonian)

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#872012 - 01/10/05 08:30 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Keith D Kerman Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/12/03
Posts: 3347
Loc: Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...
" Am I fat?"

" If I answer you honestly, do you promise not to sit on me?"
_________________________
Keith D Kerman
PianoCraft
Rebuilding & Sales of vintage and pre-owned Steinway and Mason & Hamlin
New Steingraeber, Estonia, Charles R. Walter, Brodmann, Feurich
www.pianocraft.net
http://www.youtube.com/user/pianocraftchannel/videos

keith@pianocraft.net 888-840-5460

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#872013 - 01/10/05 08:33 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Bernard Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 3857
Loc: North Groton, NH
 Quote:
If so, how do you feel and react to this?
Sincerely:
"Darling, your happiness is my happiness. ... Is there anything you want me help you with? ... Really, if you want to loose, I'll do whatever you want me to do to help. I'll be there for you. ... I love you, sweetie."
_________________________
"Hunger for growth will come to you in the form of a problem." -- unknown

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#872014 - 01/10/05 08:40 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
jasper_garcia Offline
Full Member

Registered: 10/15/04
Posts: 172
Loc: New York
 Quote:
Originally posted by Siddhartha:

Her: do I look fat?
Him: oh my gawd, you're enormous! what the hell happened?[/b]
 Quote:
Originally posted by Chris Aher:

Her: "Do I look fat?"

Him: "Do I look Stupid?"

;\) :rolleyes: ;\) [/b]
LOL. I'm gonna keep these in my bag of phrases. They're hilarious, I'm willing to take the risk...
_________________________
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. [Salvador Dalí]
--------------------------------------------------------------

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#872015 - 01/10/05 08:51 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
Keith D Kerman Offline
3000 Post Club Member

Registered: 03/12/03
Posts: 3347
Loc: Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...
_________________________
Keith D Kerman
PianoCraft
Rebuilding & Sales of vintage and pre-owned Steinway and Mason & Hamlin
New Steingraeber, Estonia, Charles R. Walter, Brodmann, Feurich
www.pianocraft.net
http://www.youtube.com/user/pianocraftchannel/videos

keith@pianocraft.net 888-840-5460

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#872016 - 01/11/05 09:00 AM Re: " I'm Fat"
Jeffrey Offline
2000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/18/04
Posts: 2948
Loc: New York
"She: "Do these pants make me look fat?"

He: "No, it's your a** that makes you look fat!"


LOL. \:\)

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#872017 - 01/11/05 12:15 PM Re: " I'm Fat"
virtuoso418 Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 645
 Quote:
Originally posted by Bernard:
 Quote:
If so, how do you feel and react to this?
Sincerely:
"Darling, your happiness is my happiness. ... Is there anything you want me help you with? ... Really, if you want to loose, I'll do whatever you want me to do to help. I'll be there for you. ... I love you, sweetie." [/b]
Very nice.

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