Piano World Home Page Forums Fun Stuff! - Parties, Tours, Projects & More... Just For The Fun of It Tell a joke...(stupid one preferrably) Come on guys - hit it!

I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps coming back!

Guy goes to see the doctor.

"I've got some bad news and some horrible news."

"What's the bad news?"

"You have a horrible form of cancer, there's no treatment and you have only one day to live."

"Oh my God! What's the horrible news?"

"I tried to call you yesterday...."

2:00 AM, Mr. Lebowitz is woken up by a loud knock at his front door.

"It's the mailman!"

So Lebowitz climbs out of bed, opens the door, and finds two Russian KGB agents with their guns pointed at his face.

"Are you Samuel Lebowitz?" one of them demands.

"Yes."

"Did you just file a request to leave Russia?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, Lebowitz: do you make a decent living?"

"Yes."

"Do your children get a good communist education?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me, Lebowitz: why do you want to leave Russia?"

...
...

"Because," he replies, "I don't like to live in a place where they deliver the mail at 2:00 in the morning!"

"I've got to go marry my daughter, so please give me a weeks leave."
-indian guy w/ bad english

"I was so ugly when I was a kid that my parents tied a porkchop around my neck to get the dog to play with me."

Did you hear about the old maid that chased the priest around the church? She caught him by the organ.

Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

(My favourite joke when I was little)

God, i must be sooo stupid. I don't get it?

You need to sing the song (!)

"Somewhere over the rainbow,
weigh a pie"

Poor, I know. One of those things I found hilarious as a child and I still hear it through the same ears. Same often happens with pieces of music. Gosh, almost worthy of its own thread.

I'm out on the toon tonight woo; it's a big event when Durham is your usual haunt.

Thanks for that! Now everytime i hear the song i'm gonna think of that and be in stitches. I'm singing it to myself now and when i listen to what im singing i can't tell whether i'm singing 'way up high' or weigh a pie'. Damn it!

A word of warning. Watch out for weirdo drunken people. There's alot of them in town on a Friday night. Very scary.



x

Glad I'm not the only one with an under-developed sense of humour ;-)

Thanks for the warning, I do find the centre of town a bit grim on a Saturday but some colleagues from my new job are getting together prior to the start of the scheme.It's central, and my head is swimming with calculations so I may have a beer or two myself ;-)

And when I say my head's swimming, I mean it - I can't tell Fri from Sat!

Lol! Oh well, whatever night you're going out, have fun! And don't get too drunk - you don't want to turn into one of those weirdo drunks.



x

I'm coming to my senses, it's Friday, I can go home in a minute.

Tommy Cooper:

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

You have to give people warning when you tell a joke that funny. I was drinking a cup of tea and when i got to the last line i spat it out everwhere. It went all over and inside the keyboard. I've had to hover it to get it all out. And i'm really not being sarcastic, i found that hilarious - probably shouldn't given how politically incorrect it's content is but i did. Seems like we have a similar sense of humour Richard.

x

Oops, bad luck - with the tea and the sense of humour. I've never heard of anyone hoovering tea from the inside of a keyboard - well done you, you are obviously very special ;-)

There are lots of hilarious Tommy Cooper gags on the web. I'll send you a link to some of them when I get around to it.

Seriously: sorry about the tea.

Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"
"No," explained the second fisherman, "It's just a little wave."


First Man: I bet I can make you speak like a Red Indian?
Second Man: How?
First Man: Told you I could


(ok, this one is pretty harsh but i found it funny)
A guy goes in a bar and gets really drunk and starts to walk home. Every 2 steps he falls.
So he is 2 steps away from his doorway and he falls in. Then he tries to walk up the stairs quietly and get in bed.

In the morning his wife gets up before him and says "Were you drinking lastnight?"

He asks, "how did you know?"

She says "you left your wheelchair at the bar"


x (yeah, the hoovering thing was something i discovered a while back when i was hoovering around the computer and knocked over a glass of water onto the keyboard. I couldn't be bothered to get a cloth to wipe the table so i tried to hoover it up and it worked so then i tried it on the keyboard and it worked a treat.)

Hmm, hoovering liquid...

Have you looked insode the hoover yet, or emptied the bag?!

When I was doing my finals I spilled a bottle of belgian beer over my keyboard and removed each key manually to wash the entire thing in the sink. It worked. The things you do to avoid revision...

Good thing it was the computer and not the piano keyboard.

'I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs.... but she's good with the kids...'

'I found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins. '

Yeah, i do it all the time. It's weird, you would think it would mess the hoover up but it doesn't. It works really well. Shame you didn't know that nugget of advice when you were doing your finals. Could have saved you alot of time. I hope you put the keys back in their right places (that would be hilarious trying to type something and the wrong letters kept coming off - sorry, sideline thought - ignore me).

And my thoughts exactly regarding the keyboard of the piano - it would have been alot harder to forgive you if i got tea all over my brand new ivories.

x

A man ran into an old friend in a bar. The old friend looked down and seedy.
"What's wrong?"
"I've gotten old. Thing just don't work right for me and the missus."
"Maybe you should see a doctor."
A week later the man meets his old friend again. His friend is well dressed, shoes are polished, he's wearing a new suit with a carnation.
"Wow! That doctor must've really fixed you up!"
"Naw, he couldn't help me. But he told me I was impotent. And I figured if I was impotent I was gonna look impotent!"